Queer A-Z Folk – B is for Boyfriend replacement

Brian took a long look at his new corvette; it really was a beautiful car. He got into the vehicle and started the ignition. Brian thought back to Michael’s words, they had scratched more on the surface of the truth than he would ever admit.

Michael couldn’t understand that the jeep didn’t match his persona as a successful partner in an ad-agency. The Vette had far more style.

Brian shook his head. He told himself the new car had nothing to do with boyfriend replacement therapy. Everybody knew his famous mantra, ‘I don’t do boyfriends’.

He still couldn’t understand how Michael could have come to the conclusion that Justin had been his boyfriend. He wondered if it were because they were living together or maybe because they had spent a lot of time together. But maybe it could be that Brian liked to take care of Justin and this was signs of a deeper relationship between them.

Brian knew that Justin was one of the rare people he could have a real conversation with. But he doubted that Michael understood that. Did Michael think they were boyfriends because he had liked to feel Justin close to him? And not just during sex? He couldn’t. But even if he did, Brian told himself that it had nothing to do with having a relationship or being someone’s boyfriend. He just … he had just liked the boy.

Therefore, Brian had to tell himself that he didn’t really miss the blond the way his friend thought he did. Michael was entirely wrong. He wasn’t replacing his boyfriend with a car, there had been no boyfriend to replace. And even if, if being the operative word, if Justin had been his boyfriend, he wouldn’t need to get anything, especially an expensive car to use as a form of replacement therapy.

He had no void that needed to be filled. Justin wanted something different than he was will to give and that was okay with Brian. It didn’t affect Brian the way some might thought. He didn’t need to buy himself something just to feel a little bit better. The Vette was only an appreciation for a job well done. And he was far too young for a midlife crisis.

After driving and fuming for a few minutes, he stopped at a red light. He glanced to the right and saw a small art shop he knew well on the street block’s corner. The thought crossed his mind to park the car and go inside. Justin loved the expensive paper they only sold in this store. He’d said it had a different thickness and was easier to sketch on. But the blond mostly bought the cheap ones because of his lack of money. Though Brian would often chip in or surprise Justin and buy him a pack of the paper himself.

Just when he let his eyes wander to the free parking spot beside him, he remembered that he could no longer buy Justin anything unless it was a special occasion. His thoughts wandered to the happy expression and shining smile that always adorned Justin’s face when he’d bought him something special from the art store.

The Ad-man heard a loud honk from the car behind him. He looked at the traffic light and saw that it had already switched to green. He drove on, but glanced at the art shop in his rearview mirror. He could admit to himself, that maybe he did miss Justin, but he swore that it was only a little bit…

Written March the 1, 2009