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CHAPTER 42 - ALWAYS CHECK BEHIND YOU

 

LINDSAY

 

I take a deep breath and take a sizeable draught of my beer. The food in my mouth finally goes down. Cassia is a fucking lesbian...how did I miss that?!

 

“Lindsay? Lindsay?!” Michael hisses digging me in the side. “Come outside!”

 

I manage to get up of my seat and follow him out.

 

Of course, nobody pays us a blind bit of notice!

 

BACK GARDEN

 

“Can you believe that?!” He grumbles.

 

“Which that are you referring to?!” I gripe back. “Mel being on a date or…”

 

“Them killing off Zephyr, of course! Why the fuck would I care about Mel going on some snatch date?!” He blasts and I am taken aback by his harsh tone.

 

“Michael, at the risk of stating the obvious, Zephyr isn’t real! Them crowing about Mel being on a date with his mentor, which he no doubt arranged, is hurtful to me!”

 

“Why are you worrying about that? You are the best thing that ever happened to Mel! I’ve not met this Cassia woman, but she must be desperate if she’s working with Boy Ass and going out with Mel. Sorry Lindsay, but I have never understood the pairing of you two. To be honest when you split up, I secretly hoped that you would stay split.”

 

“Why?” I can’t believe he’s just said that about Cassia. She is one of the best artists in her field.

 

“Because you two just seem so ill matched, especially after Gus arrived. She’s this power dyke that is competing against Brian, a fight she will never win! Although when you fought back over the custody, I was pissed. Don’t get me wrong, but I was proud of you for doing so. And besides, who the hell would want to have sex with that hard-faced cow? How did you anyway?”

 

I can’t help the giggle. “I didn’t. She always made love to me. Oh, I did a few things but she worshipped me like, as you said, she should and she was good at it. Though that being said if I had known that Cassia was on our side, I would’ve made a move myself.”

 

“Ugh TMI!” He cringes. “So, why the guy?” He sits on the stoop and I join him.

 

“Because I wanted to. It was the thrill of him wanting me...a lesbian. Truth be told, he was excellent. It felt so good to have the real thing, even if it was just for a passing moment in my life. Naturally, I said what Mel needed to hear and the make-up sex was great. He asked me to go with him to Rome....”

 

“Why didn’t you?”

 

I take a deep breath and sigh. “Because I didn’t want to leave Gus and she would’ve made sure I lost my rights to him and G...JR.”

 

“She came to the store and asked me to back off and I was like no fucking way. Although, I was really pissed when Brian got you that lawyer. He was suddenly wanting to play daddy! I mean seriously, did he do anything at all during Gus’s formative years? Anything? I still can’t believe you caved over Canada.”

 

“Mel didn’t think it through properly and he did bits and pieces. Like the wedding and stuff but no, not really. Why did you marry Ben?” He look surprised by the question. “I mean he looks the way he does but weren’t you bored out of your mind when he got his sanctimonious head on?!” I giggle.

 

“Oh fuck yeah. He could bore for England sometimes. I just tuned him out occasionally. But the real reason I married Ben was to piss Brian and my mom off.” He laughs as I gape at him. “I know Brian better than he thinks and I know he didn’t want me to get married to Ben. And deep down neither did Ma. So that’s why I did it. But then along came fucking Hunter and out came his inner Zen with a vengeance. Between you and me, I cheated on him. Well it was just a fuck when he was moping around about Hunter and not interested in me, so I got relief elsewhere.”

 

“Michael!” I giggle. “Who was it?”

 

“You remember the Brandon guy that Brian had the fuck bet with?” I nod. “It was one of his friends. He said that...I was la peor cogida de todos. There were times I had to resist saying that to Ben.”

 

“Why?” I frown.

 

“I don’t know Spanish; the guy was from Mexico. So he’d wonder where it came from.” He sighs heavily. “And another thing that has really fucked me off is how Ma has allowed that donut-chomping shit, Carl to speak to me. Did you hear him earlier?”

 

“Yes. What will you do if they get eventually married?”

 

“He’s an old fashioned guy so I suppose he’s going to ask for my permission again…”

 

“...and you will say no.” I chortle.

 

“But of course! I have no problem with them doing what they are doing now. But they are not married! No fucking way!”

 

“Let’s go back in, shall we?” I stand up dusting off the back of my skirt and then hold out my hand to help him up.

 

“Yeah. Why not?” He rolls his eyes and I can’t help but snicker.

 

As we head indoors, everyone is in the lounge and Mel and Cassia are there!

 

LOUNGE

 

ARNO

 

I don’t think I have ever met anybody as repugnant as those two. When they started to talk, I was by myself in the kitchen and the window was open. I got Ruth’s attention and soon, everyone was crowded round. They were so busy ranting and bitching that they didn’t hear the door open.

 

We had to get Ted to drag Blake to their car to work off some of his annoyance. He was ready to go out there and start punching, but like I said to him this is much, much better.

 

“Come on guys, we are waiting for you so we can have dessert.” I call out and they take their seats as I lock the back door.

 

Blake and Ted come back in and immediately, Carl makes Blake sit down next to him. But Ted remains close to the front door.

 

“Mel, Cassia, did you have a nice time on your date?” Lindsay asks coolly.

 

“Yes.” Mel replies and reaches for her wine and takes a sip. Lindsay frowns at the shortness of her answer. “What’s for pudding? We missed out and I could just eat something.”

 

“Rocky Road Sundaes.” Emmy states and Lucas quickly takes the dish off him as he can tell Em’s itching to dump it over their heads.

 

“This is lovely Ems.” Debs replies as we eat in silence.

 

“Oh, do you know who I saw at the weekend?” Emmy asks. “You will never guess!”

 

“Just tell us Honeycutt as you’re clearly dying to.” Brian drawls.

 

“Don’t call me Honeycutt! Do you remember your fuckathon man? Oh, what was his name?” Emmy frowns. “Oh I have it! Brandon!”

 

“What about him?” Justin asks giving Brian a spoonful of sundae. “And I have always wanted to know two things: one is why you didn’t claim his ass and two, why wasn’t I on the list?”

 

“Because I had the best, even though I wouldn’t admit that at the time, and still do. As for the second question, I made it clear that I would have him murdered if he even looked in your direction.”

 

“You did?” Justin looks surprised and then gives him a sundae filled kiss, much to their annoyance.

 

“Was there a point to bringing Brandon up?” Lindsay asks testily.

 

“Oh yes! He is, like you Big Bad, settling down but he was reminiscing about his past and so were his friends. One of them mentioned a guy who he had a one nighter with and he called him la peor cogida de todos and the look on his face when he said it…”

 

I look at Michael and he looks so fucking smug, it is nauseating!

 

“Did he tell you what that meant?” Ben asks.

 

“Yes it’s Spanish, as he’s Mexican, for the worst fuck ever!”

 

Emmy had timed that perfectly! Michael had just taken a drink and the resulting spluttering caused his eyes to stream and he’s going red.

 

“Are you okay, Michael? Let me get you some water.” Ben gets up and quickly returns. “So, how you feeling?”

 

“Fine, thank you.” Michael replies, wiping his eyes after swallowing half the glass.

 

“No. I mean, how do you feel knowing the guy you cheated on me with thought you were the worst fuck he ever had?”

 

“Wha…” He stammers, looking around the room in horror.

 

“And Lindsay, for the record, you would never have a chance with me.” Cassia retorts. “I like my women with more intellect, less pretension and a fighting spirit. I don’t like a dead fish, who just lies there. Mel, how did you describe her towards the end like a dead haddock? I assume you meant corpse like only and not the smell too?”

 

The resultant spray of sundae from Ruth hits Lindsay square in the face.

 

“Oh, for goodness sake!” Lindsay screams as the room reverberates with laughter. “That is disgusting!” She dashes upstairs to clean her face. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take her long to return.

 

“Speaking of disgusting... why would you do that, Lindsay? I hope you don’t say that in public to him. There’s the internet and children are on it earlier these days than they use to be. I mean it used to be something strictly for ages 13 and up...” I tell her.

 

“What are you talking about?” Lindsay demands, starting to sit down and staring at me. I keep my face blank as Blake places a plate of sundae on her seat but then she stands up again to reach for some more wine.

 

I can hear everyone groaning with disappointment!

 

She remains standing and, of course, Michael is glaring at Brian and Justin’s make-out session. If only he knew why they were being so intense!

 

“You call Gus Lambskin…”

 

“What of it?” She helps herself to more wine.

 

“You are calling your son a condom. That is hardly nice, now is it?”

 

She sits down in shock and then leaps up in surprise as the coldness hits her. “Oh, for fuck sake! Who put that there?!” She yells.

 

“I’m surprised you could feel it... I mean, with your snatch being the same temperature and all.” Mel retorts and Ruth and Emmy have to leave the room.

 

“Will you two cut that shit out?!”Michael bellows. “Now look what you’ve done!” He yells as the dish crashes to the floor. “You’ve broken one of Ma’s favourite dishes!”

 

“Holy fuck, have they always kissed like that?” Lucas asks in wonderment. “How are they breathing?”

 

Although Michael had been watching them kiss, I don’t think he had taken on board how they kiss. Brian spreads his legs so that Justin is actually on the chair and not his lap and once he’s situated, he brings his leg over both of Justin’s to pin him there. Not that he’s actually going anywhere, of course. It’s all in the illusion the presentation gives us, I guess. One hand is under Justin’s shirt and just stroking him all over his chest and stomach, meaning that Justin is arching and squirming. The other hand is buried in Justin’s hair, holding him still while he drinks from him like he’s the elixir of life. Brian is in total control of the kiss. He is relentless in his possession of Justin’s mouth and Justin is plucking at his shirt as he plunders him. The thing is nobody can see how Brian’s mouth is claiming Justin’s as his hair is covering most of Justin’s face. All we can see is how Justin reacting.

 

“Kiddos! Come on!” Debs laughs. “Enough already!”

 

“Do I need to get the hose?!” Ruth shouts out, her voice full of laughter.

 

It takes a good five minutes for them to slow down and stop.

 

“Sorry about your dish.” Justin mumbles through kiss bruised lips.

 

“Oh that’s fine honey. It’s only a dish but thank you for the floor show!”

 

Lindsay has returned from cleaning up her skirt and is still radiating humiliation and anger.

 

“Come on Michael, let’s go home! I’ve had enough!”

 

“Wait. There is one thing I want to ask your son, Debs?” Carl calls out.

 

“Oh and what’s that?” Michael asks.

 

“Not you. Her other son.” Carl turns to Brian. “Will you give me permission to marry your mother?”

 

“WHAT?!” Michael screams. “No, abso…”

 

“Shut up, Michael!” Emmy has tears streaming down his face.

 

“Brian Taylor-Kinney, will you give me permission to marry Deborah Jane Novotny?”

 

“A-are you serious?” Brian is blinking rapidly. “You’re not…”

 

“No son, I’m not. I’m absolutely serious. So do I have it?” Carl looks worried.

 

“Yes, of course you do!” Brian gets up so quickly that he and Justin ended up on the floor in a heap, but everyone notices how Brian gets his hand between Justin’s head and the floor. And I mean everyone. The twin scowls on their faces tells just how much they would have wished for a different outcome right at that moment. Ruth filled me in on Brian and Justin’s history. And as they think no one is paying attention, I watch them.

 

“Brian!” Justin laughs as they untangle themselves, and sit back on the chair happily entwined again.

 

“You can’t marry my mother!” Michael shouts. “You’re only doing this because you somehow overheard what we said outside!”

 

“Your anger over us knowing what you both said but lack of remorse for actually saying it, is duly noted.” Ted comments dryly earning a wink from Brian.

 

“Actually, I have had this ring for a few months and have been trying to work up the courage to ask…” Carl twirls the box between his fingers. “I’ve kept it with me since the day I bought it.”

 

“Y-you have?” Debs is looking incredulous.

 

“Yeah. I was waiting for the right time, too. And that right time was when you stepped back and let Michael deal with his own shit. So will you marry me?”

 

“Yes, absolutely yes!” Debs cries and flings herself into his arms. Everyone is clapping and cheering, except for the dead haddock and overgrown midget.

 

“NO! ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT!” Michael tries again.

 

“Oh wait! How about you get married between the blessing and the christenings? Oh and please, can I tell mom?!” Justin demands.

 

“Yes and no...I’m the bride, I get to tell her first.” Debs sniffs as he pouts but nods.

 

Ruth clears her throat and that silences the room. “Speaking of weddings, I’ve been thinking and it can’t be me. It’s not fair. It has to be him and deep down, you knew that.”

 

“Ruth…” Brian begins.

 

“Come on sweetheart, it has to be him. Like I said, not fair. He’s been there for you all the time. It has to be him. I’m keeping the shoes though.”

 

“And the jacket?” Justin asks smiling in understanding.

 

“Oh hell yeah. I’ll just swap places. Good enough?”

 

“Good enough.” Brian replies and turns to Ted. “So Teddy, will you be my best man?”

 

Carl manages to get to Ted before he hits the floor.

 

 

Chapter End Notes:

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