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CHAPTER 58 - BURGATORY...THEN PURGATORY... AND MORE SCHEMING

 

BURGATORY, WEST BRIDGE STREET - AN HOUR LATER

 

LINDSAY

 

JR has woken up and is sucking on Gulliver’s ear. I am trying to get Michael to stop pouting and interact with her. But as usual, he’s concentrating on the wrong thing! Daphne is here and there is no way she won’t report back on his behaviour!

 

“We’re here, ma’am.” The driver calls out.

 

“Great! Come on everyone. This is going to be wonderful!”

 

“Yeah, great!” Michael grumbles, getting out of the car and leaning against it. “If I had known I was going to eat here, I would’ve worn my shirt from yesterday. Actually, the whole…”

 

“Michael, take Gummy…”

 

“Her name is JR, Daphne! I don’t remember Gummy being mentioned during the ceremony.”

 

He's getting better at these potshots! Take that Daphne!

 

“Uncle Michael, Papa isn't called Boy Wonder but sometimes you call him that, don’t you? So why can't you call her Gummy? It’s a nice name, just like yours is for papa. Is Wonder short for Wonderful because that's how he makes daddy feel?

 

Michael quickly closes his dropped jaw!

 

“Aren’t you going to reply?” Daphne taunts him.

 

“Yes Gus, that’s why.” I tell him when Michael, yet again, stays silent. Amazing that just as Michael has gotten better at taking potshots, so apparently, has Gus. I must speak to Mel about what she’s teaching him. Intentionally or not, he really is getting too smart for Michael’s own good and sad as it is to admit, possibly my own. Oh, but that can never happen! “Let's get inside, it looks...interesting to say the least!”

 

“Oh mommy, the table is booked in my name! I feel like such a big boy!”

 

MICHAEL

 

I'm trussed up like a fucking chicken in my idea of hell, with bitchy Daphne for unwanted company and what would be eight on the headache richter scale! I am not in the mood for bullshit today!

 

“Party for Gus Marcus-Peterson.” Lindsay tells the hostess, who smiles then frowns and goes through the list again.

 

“Sorry ma’am, I don’t have that name down. Are you sure it’s in this branch?”

 

“Yes this is the one, isn’t it Gus?”

 

“Yes mommy.” Gus is looking around incredulously. “Wow the food is really big, isn’t it Daph?”

 

“Yes it is Gus. It all looks great, and I’m so hungry!”

 

“Can you check again, please? I didn’t book it. It might perhaps be under Gus Marcus.”

 

“We don’t have that either, ma’am. The only Gus we have is listed under Gus Taylor-Kinney. Is that the same one?”

 

“Yes, that’s me!” Gus pipes up, grinning. “My Nana Nancy said since it was my treat, I had to have the table booked in my name. Can we go to it now, please?”

 

Daphne stares back at Lindsay after she laughed at what Gus said.

 

“Yes of course, young sir. Right this way!” She leads us to our table and after a bit of a fuss, we get JR into the high chair. “Okay, shall I get some waters and…”

 

“Can you hurry with the water, please? I have a splitting headache.” I almost beg, and once more, have to pick up Gulliver.

 

The hostess stares at me for a few seconds. “Of course, but let me see if I can move you. There's a party of eight coming in and 4 of them are children under 10…”

 

“Can you please move us?” Now I’m begging much to Daphne’s amusement!

 

“I’ll see what I can do.” She walks away, shaking her head. I glare at Lindsay, but she’s fussing with Gus all of a sudden!

 

Five minutes later, the water finally arrives but we can't be moved. So I take 2 Advil and pray that we aren't here long!

 

“JR, why not give Gulliver to daddy so he can hold him for you?” I wheedle. Every time I bend down to get him, I feel nauseous!

 

“No!” JR declares and throws him on the floor again.

 

“JR.” I state firmly. “Do not throw him on the floor.”

 

“Peas!” She looks at me with my eyes.

 

“They don’t do peas here, honeybun.”

 

Gus starts to laugh. “No Uncle Michael, she’s asking you to say please. She learned that last night. Gummy is very clever!” He sounds so proud.

 

“Oh I see.” I smile for the first time today, but I could swear I heard Daphne say something about her other side. “Please stop throwing Gulliver on the floor, okay?”

 

In response, she starts to suck on Gulliver’s ear. Well at least that keeps her quiet. “Michael, stop her from doing that for heaven sake. It’s been on the floor!” Lindsay demands, through gritted teeth.

 

I know! I’ve had to pick the fucking thing up five times! “I know that Lindsay! What do you suggest I do? I don’t want her to scream when I take it away from her.”

 

“Just do a simple bait and switch.” Daphne says and once again, Lindsay freezes briefly. She’s doing that more and more lately. Why?

 

“What exactly do you mean?” Lindsay frowns.

 

“Give her something else so she doesn’t mind Gulliver being taken away. Obviously.” She drawls and then signals our hostess. “Can I have an Espresso Love, please? A strawberry ice cream shake for the MC and a chocolate one for Gummy, please?”

 

I exchange looks with Lindsay. “Excuse me Daphne, but I would prefer it if you didn’t presume to order for our children.” She tells her, firmly. “Now Gus, what would you like to drink?”

 

“What Daphne said please and the same for Gummy. Momma looked at the menu last night and said we should have these instead of the sodas.” He turns to Daphne. “Why did you call me MC?”

 

“Because that’s who you are. MC stands for Master of Ceremonies. An MC is the person in charge of the event we are at. So you are in charge of this lunch…”

 

“So you’d all have to do as I say?”

 

“Not completely, no.” I interject, hurriedly.

 

“So you’d have to do some things I say?”

 

“Like what?” I ask warily.

 

“Can I order your lunch please? I’ve never ordered lunch before.” He looks at us hopefully.

 

“Okay, that you can do. Carry on, Mr MC!” Lindsay trills.

 

“Wait... what are you and JR having to eat?”

 

Gus frowns and sighs. “I am having the Smashed Ham and Cheese and Gummy is having the Lucky Dog and we’re sharing some fries. Now what to order for you? Hmm, shall we start with something to drink, mommy?”

 

“Yes, can I check the menu please?”

 

“Aww, can’t I surprise you?”

 

“Oh why not... But can we order our own drinks?”

 

“Okay, mommy you can. Uncle Michael, she’s dropped Gulliver again.”

 

“JR, I’m sorry but you are not having Gulliver anymore. Is the car still here, Lindz? If so, I’m going to put him in there.”

 

“No, I sent him away. Just put him out of sight.” She orders and I could’ve sworn that Daphne muttered something about ass, but I’m not sure.

 

“Okay, I have decided…” Gus begins.

 

“Wait Gus, we need to order our drink first. I will have the Southern Charm, what about you Michael?”

 

“I’ll just have a coke please.”

 

JR doesn’t seem to mind me taking Gulliver away and I sigh in relief, thinking this isn’t going to be too bad after all!

 

HEAVENLY RETREATS - THREE HOURS LATER

 

DAPHNE’S SUITE

 

JUSTIN

 

Ginny is nodding and so is Malia. “S-say that again?” I reach for the chair before I fall down.

 

“We were at the Auerbach Show and bumped into the Head of Film at Cite du Cinema, who happens to be a major fan of Rage and he wants to talk to you about the possibility of resurrecting the movie!”

 

I look across at an equally astonished Brian, but then his business head kicks in. “Okay, get him on the phone now; strike while the iron is hot!”

 

“But Brian we need…”

 

“To see if he’s serious and not blowing smoke up your ass. Come on twat, get dialling!”

 

BRIAN AND JUSTIN’S SUITE

 

BRIAN

 

Yep, he’s pissed at me! But the twat, as usual, has not thought this through!

 

“Okay, want to tell me what’s wrong?” I ask nonchalantly, knowing that this tone will piss him off further.

 

“What’s wrong?” He predictably growls. “Is that you took that over and…”

 

“Got you a film deal? Yes I know, I was there.” I reply in the same, he calls, condescending, tone and he starts to ball his fists...queen out in five, four, three, two…

 

“But I could’ve done that myself!” He yells, flinging his hands up in annoyance.

 

“Where would you have filmed it?”

 

“Los Angeles, of course!”

 

I sigh as he’s working himself into a major tantrum. “Justin…”

 

“No Brian, this is mine! Yes you are the inspiration, but this is mine and I could’ve done it!”

 

“So you’re now filming in Paris...you like Paris.” I need him within grabbing distance.

 

“Don’t. Patronise. Me.” He clips out taking that much wanted step forward.

 

“I’ve not begun to patronise you yet. You are behaving like M…”

 

“Don’t you fucking dare!” He shouts, flying at me. Gotcha!

 

I grab his arm and force it behind his back, then get one leg between his, while taking a handful of hair in my free hand. I pull his head back and try to hold him still. But he continues to struggle so I walk us to the bed and pin him down.

 

“Were you going to call me that?!” He yells.

 

“No! But I am sorely tempted to give you a spanking until you start to calm down and fucking think clearly!” I holler back.

 

“What’s there to think about?!” He screams.

 

“How far is Italy from Paris?!” I bellow, clearly he needs this spelling out!

 

“I don’t fucking…” He pauses and blinks at me before he goes bright red. “I see.” All his fight and anger leaves him and he closes his eyes. “I’ve been a superbrat fucking twat again, haven’t I?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“So. Um. Can you explain it to me just so I’ve got it?”

 

“As much as we will try and keep the filming of Rage quiet, it will get out. So, if is in the States, Michael, will make it his life’s mission to be disruptive. If Lindsay thinks you are doing Rathman in San Francisco, she will make it her mission to make sure she’s there. You explain to the Rage opportunity to Rathman, deferring the residency until its completion. Also make it clear that they will have to sign a NDA for obvious reasons…”

 

“Obviously.” He parrots and I glare at him. “Sorry continue...my oh so clever husband.”

 

“I will keep up appearances here for a week or so before I am out of the country on business on a Roadshow...will work on that...but I will be in Italy by the second week of pre-production...”

 

“But what about BTK?”

 

“BTK’s not due for six months, remember? Now can I let go of your arm?”

 

“Hmmm.” I do so and lift up a bit so he can get the blood flowing back into it. “You’re sure it’s going to work?”

 

“Yes, I’m sure and I think you should hire Malia to work for you as well.”

 

“Brian…?!” He starts to queen out again and I pull on his hair. “Stop it. I wasn’t going to queen; I was going to tell you that you should get out of my head! I was going to ask her anyway. And another person we need to get involved in this is Sam. As in Auerbach.”

 

“Why Sam? That I don’t understand.”

 

“Because he really and I mean really doesn’t like Lindsay now, especially after her pontificating in LA!”

 

“And…”

 

“We could say we’re doing a collaboration show and her trying to find out about that will keep her nice and busy!” He chuckles evilly.

 

I give him a kiss and get up. “Shall we go feed the beast?”

 

“Yeah.” He stands up and stretches. “But after you’ve given your superbrat twat of a husband that spanking he so richly deserves.” He purrs and starts to unbutton his pants.

 

“No argument from me.” I sit back down on the bed and pat my lap...

 

MEL’S HOUSE - SUNDAY EVENING

 

HALLWAY

 

CASSIA

 

I open the door, pause and then close my mouth. “Uh Mel, could you…”

 

“Can you let us in please, Cassia?” Lindsay demands with as much dignity as she can.

 

“You ca…” The rest of Mel’s sentence dies and she snorts. “Um, so, uh... did you have a nice lunch?”

 

“Yes momma, it was really good! Though I don’t know what happened to mommy and Uncle Michael, but they were like that when we got back…”

 

“Back?” Mel is struggling to control the giggles and Daphne is shaking with silent laughter.

 

“Daph, can you…” Again I pause as Michael comes in with Gummy, who is in her booster seat and what looks like her lunch all down her front, on the booster seat and that seems to be broken.

 

“What happened?” I ask.

 

“As you can see, there was a small accident on the way home. Now come on Gus, come and say goodbye so that we can get home and get cleaned up.” Lindsay replies tersely.

 

Gus backs away. “Sorry mommy, but you two don’t smell nice and you look horrible with all of that stuff on you. Do you know it’s in your hair?”

 

“Yes, Gus I do. Just say good…”

 

“Okay bye mommy! Bye Uncle Michael! Momma, can I see my watch now?”

 

“Yes sweetheart, it’s in your room on your table.”

 

“Okay!” He dashes upstairs to check on his most prized possession.

 

“Okay, we’re just going to go home now.”

 

“How are you going to do that?” Daphne asks, having finally gotten herself together. “Car’s gone to get cleaned up after Gummy’s projectile vomiting. It was like The Exorcist, only with more grace than Linda Blair. You’re going to have to replace Gus’s seat as well; it got caught in the blast.”

 

“Project...but how come you two are so clean?”

 

“I took Gus to the bathroom at a garage. Neither of those two would take him. When we came back, there was an upset driver telling Michael that he told him not to jiggle her like that. Lucky for him, the driver I mean, he had the partition up, so it was somewhat contained to just the three of them…”

 

“Thank you for the recap, Daphne!” Lindsay snarls.

 

“You’re so very welcome, Lindsay. The pleasure was all mine, I assure you.” Daphne responds just as sardonically. After a brief stare off, Lindsay lowers her eyes briefly before turning back to Mel. It’s always nice to see the haughty bitch being smacked down a peg or two, especially since she always starts the contretemps.

 

“So Mel, may we use the bathroom and can I borrow some clothes? I will return them.”

 

“How many times was she sick?” I ask, wrinkling up my nose at the congealing mess on Gummy’s dress and on them.

 

“Three times.” Daphne clears her throat hard. “The last one was about a block away. Gus and I were in the front seats.”

 

“But how did she get you so good?” Mel asks, looking pointedly at Mr Father of the Minute.

 

“I was just holding her…” Michael explains, while taking her out of her seat when she makes a face and barfs. “JR! That’s disgusting! Lindsay, you take her!” He yells and hands her to her quickly. Apparently it’s too quickly for Gummy’s liking as it sets her off to crying but she stops when she fills her nappy...I mean over fills it and it leaks onto Lindsay. If there was ever a day not to wear white… I stifle my chuckle at my wayward thoughts.

 

“Upstairs with her! Quickly for heaven sake!” Mel shouts. Lindsay is almost in tears and is followed by an equally distraught Michael.

 

“I suppose we should help, shouldn’t we?” I ask Mel.

 

“Hell the fuck no! Leave them to it, I say.” She grimaces as she looks at Gummy’s seat.

 

“Oh for heaven sake, JR!” Lindsay wails from upstairs. “Michael! Stop picking off bits of sick out of your hair and reset the damn bath!”

 

At the sound of the muffled guffaw, we turn to Daphne who is sliding down the wall with tears running down her face.

 

“So what happened?”

 

“Exactly what I said!” She gasps. “But Gulliver may have had a little hand in the first place.”

 

“Gulliver?” We echo.

 

“Yes, she kept throwing him on the floor and Michael kept having to pick him up. Anyway, eventually he took it off her but in between dropping it, she was sucking on his ears as she normally does and...well the floor, the food and the jiggling about equals the exorcist!”

 

“Justin would love to have seen that. Shame there wasn’t any pictures.” I chuckle.

 

Daphne starts of laughing again, this time clutching her sides.

 

“What? Daph, what is it?!” Mel demands.

 

“There’s vi-video and ev-even bet-better...the car company will be adding cleaning and replacement charges to their final bill!”

 

“Ouch!” I wince and then laugh. “That was one expensive lunch they had!”

 

Half an hour later, Lindsay calls down for Mel and after giving herself a talking to, she heads upstairs.

 

BATHROOM

 

LINDSAY

 

Mel has a smile playing at the corner of her mouth, but because I want clothes more than I want to score points at this moment, I let it go!

 

“Gummy is in bed now. But Michael and I need to borrow some clothes to go home in. We clearly can’t go like this.”

 

“Clearly. Let me see what I can do.”

 

Ten minutes later, I am feeling much better and call Michael to use the shower.

 

LOUNGE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER

 

“Mel?!” Michael calls from the top of the stairs.

 

“Yes Michael, what is it?!” She calls back sweetly from the doorway.

 

“Haven’t you got anything other than this?!” He bleats.

 

“No Michael. That is the only approximation of a manly outfit I have, unless you want to go home in your clothes…”

 

“How long till the cab comes?”

 

“We haven’t called a cab. Have you Lindsay?” She turns to me smiling sweetly.

 

“I’m doing it now Michael!” I shout back.

 

“Call me when it’s here!”

 

“Michael, I am not your servant; come down here and wait!” I snap, finally losing my patience.

 

“No!” He shouts back, sounding remarkably like Gu--JR!

 

“Either come down or I shall take this taxi home alone and you can call one for yourself!” I snipe.

 

Daphne and Cassia haven’t said a word since I came in the room. They are just staring at me in awe. These jeans always did look good on me. I have to wonder why Mel kept them.

 

Finally Michael comes into the lounge. “Holy crap! Michael you need to go upstairs right now and put your drawers back on! Those leggings are completely see through! Oh Merciful God, my eyes!! My eyes! Kill the visual, Jesus! God please, my eyes!” Daphne gasps and he dashes back up the stairs.

 

“I do not want those back!” Mel shudders.

 

“Mel…” I glance briefly at Cassia, who is still staring at me. “Why did you keep my favourite jeans?”

 

“I didn’t keep them intentionally. I simply found them at the back of the wardrobe. I was going to throw them away and just never got around to it.” She replies, settling back down next to Cassia.

 

“I’m glad you didn’t. I have been looking for these for ages! I always loved wearing them!”

 

“I could never understand why. Because...” She begins dryly.

 

“They do enhance my shape.” I preen.

 

Daphne shakes her head.” I think Mel is referring to the stain on the crotch. It looks like you have your period! Man those jeans must be what they call an investment piece because you must have stopped being on the rag years ago. Just how old are you anyway? Spring chicken thy name is not Lindsay! Anyway, I can’t believe you just went out like that in them for all those years. Didn’t you wash them?”

 

“I…”

 

“Lindsay! Sounds like the cab is here! Let’s go!” Michael shouts, rushing down the stairs and I follow him quickly trying to block out their laughter. Bitches all of them!

 

 

Chapter End Notes:

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