BRIAN

I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I sat in the entrance of the hospital instead of getting in my car. My life lately has been constantly standing guard over Gus, without him I couldn’t seem to make a decision. Then my phone went off, and I watched a video Justin must have just made. My son was asleep in a strange bed with someone he didn’t know. What made this man and his baby someone Gus was comfortable with? I made the call because I needed to understand what caused Gus to react this way.

“How are my favorite patients doing?” Alex asks.

“Lately things seem to be getting easier,” I admit.

“I’m glad to hear that the move did what I wanted it to,” He tells me.

“I called because of Gus,” I tell him.

“Is he doing any better about letting you out of his sight?” He asks me.

“He’s staying with Justin right now,” I tell him.

“Who’s Justin?” He asks.

“A guy we met in the park yesterday. We helped him get to the hospital when he was in labor. Then sort of stuck around because Gus was talking. Justin even let Gus name his daughter, Lily,” I tell him.

“Sounds like you had an eventful day. You said Gus talked to him?” He asks.

“Gus reached out and touched him, then when Justin sat down, slid onto his lap. I didn’t know what to do, Gus never goes to anyone,” I tell him.

“Sometimes all it takes is a person who exudes warmth, or gives him a feel of security,” Alex tells me.

“It didn’t help Gus this morning. He was asleep, and when he woke up ended up having a panic attack because I left to show Shelly the new baby. Gus completely lost it, and I felt like complete shit. I took Gus out of the room, not wanting to hear what Justin thought of what Gus did.” I tell him.

“Not everyone will react like you're a bad father. Brian, just like with special needs children, as a parent, you have to let it go when people act like jackasses because your child can’t control his emotions. You're in the same boat with Gus, because he still has emotional scars from living with the girls. How did Justin react?” He asks me.

“When I brought Gus back, Justin didn’t act like anything happened. Shelly probably told him about Gus,” I tell him.

“How’s Gus with the baby?” He asks me.

“He acts like he has to watch over her. He begged to stay with her, knowing that I was leaving for a while,” I tell him.

“Did you let him stay?” He asks.

“I did,” I tell him.

“Brian, this is a good thing for Gus. He willingly let you leave him alone,” He tells me.

“The problem now is how do I leave? I’m standing at the entrance of the hospital not sure what to do,” I tell him.

“You do what you need to do and hope Gus can deal with you being out of his sight. I’m assuming you don’t think Justin will hurt him,” He tells me.

“He just had a baby, I think Gus could take him,” I joke.

“But can you get in your car and leave?” He asks.

“Yes. No. I’m having a problem with it, why do you think I called?” I ask him.

“Tell me what’s stopping you,” He tells me.

“I don’t want to have to run back and see my son the way he was,” I tell him.

“Why did Gus tell you he wanted to stay?” He asks me.

“It’s like he thinks Lily needs him there,” I tell him.

“So he doesn’t think anyone can take care of the baby. It’s something his therapist needs to know. He’s projecting what happened with him onto the baby,” He tells me.

“And making sure Justin knew it. Gus was all over Justin when Lily was being fed. Then walked out with Shelly, not seeming to worry as much when Shelly had the baby,” I tell him.

“Shelly’s shown him he can trust her, she takes care of all of you. Just make sure Justin understands it’s not personal with Gus, just his reaction to what he’s been through,” He tells me.

“Justin seemed to understand without me telling him. I keep getting texts with video and pictures of Gus from him,” I tell him.

“Is it helping to control your fears for Gus?” He tells me.

“The last one was Gus asleep next to Justin,” I tell him.

“Which means you can go do what you need to do. So get in the car, get what you need done and then after a few hours I want you to call and check on Gus. Don’t call until a few hours go by, if they don’t call you. Brian, you need to have time where you can do normal things too. How is Ted doing?” He asks.

“Shelly said he was laughing and seemed happier after he left the hospital. He’s still having days where he barely gets out of bed.” I tell him.

“He’ll have those days, but don’t let him linger, keep him busy. I’ll be there this weekend so we can all talk about anything you need to, but for now I want you to get in your car and see what a normal day will be like when Gus gets better. Hopefully I’ll meet the ray of sunshine that came into your lives,” He tells me, hanging up.

I walked slowly to my car and got in, waiting for the phone to ring. I got all the way to Kinnetik and still nothing. Cynthia was looking around me when I walked in. She looked worried when she didn’t see Gus standing next to me.

“He stayed at the hospital with Lily,” I tell her.

“Did he get hurt?” She asks, worried.

“No. The guy we met in the park had his baby yesterday. Gus named the baby and for some reason wanted to stay with them instead of coming with me,” I tell her.

“Brian, if you need to be with Gus, I’ll handle things around here,” She tells me.

“I need to do this. I got a picture of Gus sleeping with Justin,” I tell her.

“Justin?” She asks.

“The guy who painted the art on our walls,” I tell her, going in my office.

“He told me he still had a few weeks before he was due,” She tells me.

“I guess Lily wanted to meet the world sooner,” I tell her, booting up my laptop.

“Just call me if you have to leave,” Cynthia tells me.

I started going through my emails and responding to the ones from clients. I looked through a few boards and approved the ones that were ready for presentation. It was almost two hours later when I had signed off on most of the things I needed to have done. I looked over at my silent phone. I heard Cynthia grumbling and figured the idiot brigade had most likely sent the daily hate emails to Kinnetik. My lawyer is really enjoying the stupidity of a lawyer writing and emailing shit about Kinnetik to clients who know I get them the results they want. Leo offered me his lawyer, Paul, when it started. He really loves letting Mel know that the money they stole from Gus is pocket change compared to what he will do to her for trying to damage my reputation.

I kissed Cynthia for never getting pissed at me for the people I brought into her world. I went to the hospital four hours later, not calling, but trusting in a man who, as Alex said, has brought sunshine into a world that hadn’t seen it in quite a while.

Justin was watching TV with Gus when I walked in.

“Daddy, Lily smiled at me,” Gus tells me, excited.

I was dancing in my head, my son was excited, not upset that I had been gone. Somehow it sounded wrong and right at the same time.

“Where is Shelly?” I ask.

“She said something about Ted needing her,” Justin tells me.

“You should have called, I would have come to get Gus,” I tell Justin.

“Gus was perfect. He helped me change Lily’s diaper and sang her to sleep,” Justin tells me.

“When do you get to go home?” I ask Justin.

“They release us in the morning, Daphne should be here by then. She just about took my head off until she found out I had people with me,” He tells me.

“I need to get Gus home to bed and check on Ted. We can come back and help you get home in the morning,” I tell him.

“I can handle it. It was nice of you guys to help me, but I’m sure you have lives of your own to get back to,” He tells me.

“I want Lily to come wiff me,” Gus tells us.

“Sonny boy, she is going to live with Justin,” I tell him.

“Why can’t she live wiff us?” He asks, getting upset.

“Gussy, I would love for you to come over and make sure my house is okay for Lily,” Justin tells him, before I could even think of a way to answer.

“I can stay wiff you when Daddy works,” Gus offers.

“I would love that, you could help me while I work,” Justin tells him.

“Can you tell my Daddy you want me?” Gus whispers.

“I think your Daddy knows anyone would want you Gus,” Justin tells him.

“My moms didn’t,” Gus whispers.

“The rest of us do,” Justin tells him, wrapping his arm around Gus’s shoulders.

Instead of leaving, I laid on the bed next to them and listened to my son talk Justin's head off. When Lily came in, Gus was too busy telling Lily the things they were going to do together when she grew up. I felt wounds healing, knowing it was only a start for Gus, and hoping one day there wouldn’t be any scars left for Gus to remember, and promising Lily that I would make all the things Gus wanted for her come true. When Gus fell asleep I moved him to the bed I was on and sat in the chair next to him, watching his smile while dreaming.

“He only had a minor issue,” Justin whispers.

“What happened?” I ask, preparing for a lot worse.

“He was afraid to flush the toilet. He said the noise was too loud for him. I let him watch me do it, but I think it still scared him. He calmed down by telling Lily not to be scared,” Justin tells me.

“He still has problems with anything too loud. Lindsay and Mel apparently got into violent arguments around him,” I tell him.

“When I think I’ve heard the worst in Gus’s life, it’s like I’m being prepared for even worse,” Justin tells me.

“Gus didn’t escape the Kinney curse, but I’m working on changing that for him,” I tell him.

“Did you?” He asks.

“I found out Kinney wasn’t my legacy when my mother told me Jack wasn’t my father,” I tell him.

“Are you close to anyone in your family?” He asks.

“My mother and nephews, but only recently. I found out my mother wasn’t the person she wanted me to believe she was. There are days when I don’t know who feels more guilty, her or me, for how things turned out for Gus,” I tell him.

“Don’t let the people who did what THEY did, become you believing it was somehow your fault. You’ll end up miserable, and in a way, they’ll get what they wanted from you,” He tells me.

“You and my shrink will love each other,” I tell him, wincing at saying I’m a head case who needs a shrink.

“If he’s telling you the same thing then I’ll love him,” Justin tells me.

“He’s trying to convince me that I’m not the selfish piece of shit everyone says I am,” I tell him.

“Why would you listen to people who most likely are what they want you to believe you are? I see a man loving his son, and only wanting that child’s life to get better everyday, no matter what you have to do to see that happen. Nothing selfish in that. I met you when the selfish asshole I dated wanted to try to hurt me, any way he could. You showed up and helped me, not knowing who I was, once again, not something that shows that anyone knows what they’re talking about. Live with the fact that so far I haven’t seen any evidence of what people who don’t matter want you to believe about yourself,” He tells me.

“Sometimes you believe what you hear all the time,” I tell him, yawning.

“Sometimes you learn that what you’re hearing is a reflection of the person saying it. I think it’s their way of trying to make you feel as shitty as they feel inside,” He tells me.

“Where did you get that idea?” I ask, trying to stay awake.

“Because I won’t believe it’s my fault my mother and sister died,” He whispers, falling asleep.

“I want to believe the way you do,” I whisper.