JUSTIN'S POV

You don't know what to call this place, so you'll just take Brian's word for it.  Who cares what it's called when you feel this good?  To be next to him like this, caught up in his web, you feel like the luckiest prey in the animal kingdom.  No one here lies in wait; his hands are everywhere at once as if he's determined that his touch has magical powers.  You long to be worthy of them every single day. "Can I ask you something?" he says so quietly.

"Of course."

"I was just wondering....  When we were in the bathroom and you started crying--"

"Yeah?"

"I mean, you don't have to tell me, but I felt like something else was going on there.  It was different than just a physical release.  You know?"

You knew what he was talking about and to be honest, it wasn't easy to explain to him because every time you tried, you felt like your lungs were trembling, but you pressed on because you wanted him to know.  You took a deep but fettered breath, "You know how sometimes something happens and you get deja vu?"

Brian nodded, his hand threading up through your hair and pulling your face against his chest, "You're getting upset again.  I can feel it."

"No, no...I'm not upset; it was just that I got this raw, raw feeling.  It took me back."

"To what?"

You told him while your finger traced the outline of his nipple, around and around, "To how I felt the first time we fucked...after I got hurt."

"Oh god, I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry.  I don't mean it like that.  It was a good feeling, like the connection between us had been completely cleared of obstacles. I could feel every ounce of you like I did that night.  I don't know why what we just did made that happen, but I felt like a collapsed tunnel was suddenly reopened."

Brian was quiet for several seconds before saying, "I don't know why either, but I felt something, too."

You continued, "I got this weird shiver of adrenaline when I realized that I was really pleasing you; you weren't concentrating on my experience; you were having your own.  You were with me, Brian, as yourself.  Really with me."  Brian lifted your chin and kissed you, softly at first and then with more force as he rolled you onto your back, his body falling onto yours.  Your hands crossed behind his neck.  His hand brushed over your forehead, playing with your hair, "But that night, back then, it was about pleasing you, about making you comfortable in our bed again."

You shook your head, "No.  It was about you allowing yourself to feel pleasure with me, pleasure I know you didn't think you were entitled to."

"I wasn't," he whispered.

"You're freaked out about what we did today, aren't you?"

"Kinda."

"You don't think you were entitled to that pleasure either?"

"Not really."

"And yet that's the road that leads to your satisfaction.  You convince yourself you're not entitled to it for so long that it drives you to steal it."

......
......

Your words seemed to have a revelatory affect on Brian as he confessed to you, "I don't want to be that way.  Not with you; I don't want to steal from you."

His hands had stilled in the moment, but yours were moving, smoothing down his back, tracing the curve of his hips, "Brian, you could never steal from me because you give more than you ever take away."  Brian got really quiet after that, and you began to worry that you'd said the wrong thing, that you'd collapsed the tunnel that was wide open just seconds ago.  His breathing was heavy next to your ear, heavy and warm as he bathed you with a humid whisper, "I'm gonna suck you until your pretty blue eyes roll back in your head."