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DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Chapter Notes:

Most of the tags from 'The Story of Our Lives' apply to this one and some don't. This isn't cannon based except for things that they remember about before.

 

It starts with Justin not knowing anything but Brian being aware.

JUSTIN

 

 

I looked at the guy still sleeping before sneaking to the door, hoping to get out before the guy woke up. Everything was going great until he said the words I dread. Why do guys think they love you, when all you thought was ‘let's have a good time’. I did the whole relationship thing and decided I didn't need the aggravation. I didn’t like the friends he brought with him, who constantly made me sound like a loser because I didn’t think them laughing at my expense was as funny as they did.

 

I know part of it was that I get awkward in social situations. It comes from not having a family or anyone who cared if I was still alive. I grew up in a group home, feeling like the poster child for the rich people who needed an orphan to show they were helping us ‘unfortunate children’. I still never got the limo ride to nowhere. This guy tells us he wanted us to experience what it was like to be him. Which somehow meant riding around the block not touching anything in the car. We were told to thank him for basically telling us our life was a vicious cycle where even if we leave in a limo, we get dumped back by said limo. It really wasn't that bad, just something useless a person who's never been alone didn’t get wasn’t the greatest thing that could happen to us.

 

I was also a gay kid growing up in a home run by the pastor of a church. He was nice, but would constantly talk about the Bible, and that it's teachings were the laws we should live by. Not having anywhere to go meant keeping my secret, because being on the streets wasn't the future I wanted. I didn't skip school, but did everything I could to get a full ride to college. I didn’t study Art, because it wouldn’t feed me or offer a chance at becoming self reliant. I wanted a place that was mine, a place that no one could take away from me. I hated college dorms because I had to share my room, but loved it for what it gave me; the chance to beat the odds that I'd end up at a dead end job, barely supporting myself. It also provided a way to make cash and be left alone. The kids whose parents used cash as a way to keep their spoiled kids happy we're thrilled to throw it my way for term papers they were too busy partying to write themselves. It also made it easier for me, because that meant no one wanted to invite me to do things, because I had their grades in my hands. I spent my days in the library typing out papers, then my nights doing my work. It worked to keep people from trying to befriend me, even my roommate left me alone while he lived up the college experience.

 

I made it out of college and landed a job as the assistant to the owner of publishing house. He was cool with my not wanting to share about my life. He would talk about his family and I would just act like I knew anything about having a family. What I loved about my job was that he let me read manuscripts, and actually wanted to hear what I thought and if it should be published. I remember not wanting to tell him what I thought of a book one of his authors sent, because I honestly didn’t get why someone wasted paper for a book that didn’t seem to go anywhere or make much sense. Sean took one look at me and said he felt the same way. Then told me to send the rejection letter, explaining in my words why we weren’t interested in the book. He read it and asked me if I wanted to stay his assistant or become a junior editor. Like I was going to turn down the chance at securing a future. I busted my ass to make sure he knew I wanted to one day make partner, and four years later I signed on the dotted line and forked over most of the money I’d carefully saved to buy him out. Sean told me he was ready to retire but wanted to leave his business in the hands of someone he knew would keep it going. For a minute I let myself feel what having a father must feel like, then shut it away in a place where it didn’t hurt that I wasn’t his son.

 

I finally had time for a personal life, but still didn't like the idea of anyone seeing the screwed up guy I've always been. I thought I could let someone get close, but I ended up on the outside of the relationship when his friends acted like shits, but somehow he saw it as me treating them like crap. I didn’t need constant reminders that I didn’t belong. My entire life taught me that. So I trick when the walls of my house start closing in on me. Most of the time the guys get that's all it is, but every once in awhile I get one like tonight, who thinks we were destined to meet. Which has me doing the walk of ‘get the hell out and lose the number’. It helps that I don't tell them my name or give them any way to contact me. I like being alone, no one to disappoint me when they live down to what I expect from them. It's also why I don’t fuck the help at my business, I'd have to see them again.

 

I was walking by a diner near the place I left my car and figured I'd get something to eat. It was busy for one in the morning, but it made it so the person serving me wouldn’t feel the need to talk to me. I found a stool near the back and picked up a menu, I needed the large breakfast special, after draining all my reserves on the guy who wanted forever. The waitress came over after screaming at the cook to quit ringing the bell unless he wanted to wear the shit he was cooking. I prayed my waitress wasn’t her, but nope, she stood in front of me popping her gum and asking if I scored tonight since I ordered the biggest item on the menu. I asked for my order to go when she stayed, waiting for me to talk. I smiled, hoping she'd get the message, when the guy in one of the booths got loud, bitching about some jackass saying his boyfriend's book lacked anything a reader wanted to pay to read. I peeked to see, and yep, it was me who turned down the book, but Jesus, it was completely unbelievable and seemed to leap into long, almost lectures, about the meaning of life, which had nothing to do with the subject he was writing. I don’t publish something guaranteed to become a leg prop for a coffee table. I was hoping the waitress would hurry, but she needed to console the guy bitching about me. I was close to saying fuck it, when the guy yells at someone coming in. I'll admit I looked, because I was curious, and he was everything that worked for me. He was all the things I liked, sexy and confident, maybe like me he just liked the fun, without the romantic bullshit. He looked at me when he came in as if he knew me, but the other guy demanded attention and the moment passed. My food was given to me by the cook, and I handed him my money, walking out, figuring it was a waste of my time when they all seemed to be consoling the guy who should have consoled his boyfriend. I didn’t even want to deal with that bullshit again.

 

I made it to my car before the guy ran up to me.

 

“You're in a hurry.” He tells me.

 

“I'm beat, and it sounds like you're friend needed you.” I tell him, putting my food in the car.

 

“Too bad, we could've had fun.” He tells me.

 

“I already did, maybe next time.” I tell him, not really meaning it.

 

“It's only time, later might be too late.” He tells me, like I should change my mind.

 

“I guess I'll miss out.” I tell him.

 

“Brian.” He says.

 

“What?” I ask.

 

“My name, it’s Brian Kinney.” He tells me.

 

“I'll remember that when I regret not taking you up on your offer. Night.” I tell him, getting in and leaving him standing under a streetlight. I kept feeling like I was making the biggest mistake of my life by driving away from him.

 

BRIAN

 

He didn’t even tell me his name, he didn’t remember yet. I hated this part, but our lives weren’t the same as the last one. I spent years trying to find him, and once again we're strangers. It pissed me off when I started to remember and realized Michael was still in my life. Things were different though, because I ended up meeting Emmett and Ted, who were my friends. Ben isn't with Michael, but Ted. Michael’s in love with that fucker Ethan, who thinks he's a writer of the next great novel, but so far produces crap. Mel is here and instead of Lindsay, Mel was my best friend. Lindsay, as far as I know, didn’t exist. It bothered me because of Gus. I just had to believe Justin when he told me before we returned that Gus would come one day.

 

I grew up in a fairy tale home with everything a child could want, but instead of Jack and Joan Kinney being my parents, it was William and Beth Kinney who were my parents. I really wanted to ask why my name stayed the same and most of the people I knew. It really screws with your head to know the names, but they have different lives. Michael wasn’t in love with me, but practically licked his childhood crush Ethan’s ass, because unlike me, Ethan agreed to date him. I almost thanked the fucker for taking care of that issue for me. This life made me want the life I knew Justin and I would have together. So I waited for him to show up, which apparently is still when I'm twenty-nine. Only Justin isn’t seventeen this time.

 

Marilyn also isn't here to tell me anything. I looked for her, but she's doesn’t seem to be in this timeline. Vic is here and so is Deb, but they’re the aunt and uncle to Michael, whose mother died giving birth to him. We met when they attended the church where my parents went. I have parents who don't believe my being gay changes the fact that they love me. It's unreal at times, because once again, I remember everything.

 

I tried to find Justin's parents, but they don't exist. Jen had to be here somewhere, but where? I was happy to know Justin didn’t have to deal with Craig this time, but who did he have? It's questions I don't have any answers to, because I couldn’t  find him. I couldn’t believe he was just sitting in the diner, after years of not seeing him. So when Michael started expecting attention, I walked by in shock. I came out of it when I watched my life leave without a glance back.

 

I went back to see if Emmett was there, since Michael wasn’t my best friend in this life. He barely tolerated me, and it wasn't that upsetting to me. I really want to know why Michael’s life wasn’t the way Vic told me, far away. Kira told me we'd all be together, but it wasn’t going to be in as easy as before. She didn't tell me that I would be staring at me when I saw Justin. It's like he became me in a way. Just what caused it I have to find out, in order for him to fall in love with me again.

 

I looked at the time and laughed that it was late for me. The clubbing and everything just didn’t matter this time around. I had a business to run, not advertising, but art galleries all over the world. I wanted to be there when Justin showed up, but it seemed art wasn't where his life took him. I hated that the world wouldn't see what his art gave them, but like me before, I can still sell anything even if I think it's shit, it's all in the spin. I doubt Justin could live without the drive to paint, it was part of him.

 

Emmett was waiting outside, rolling his eyes at the drama Michael carries with him from life to life. Emmett came from a privileged background, with parents who loved their baby boy to the point that Emmett escaped to Pittsburgh to get away. It was also that Emmett remembered this time, and was waiting for Drew. Who wasn’t a football player, but an actor this time. When we met he practically suffocated me when I knew who he was. He thought he was crazy until we bumped into each other at my gallery. We ended up in business together when Emmett decided bridezillas were not in his future. I still make him plan events, because he's still the best at it, only now he knows wines the way I know the latest fashion trends.

 

“Where have you been?” He asks.

 

“I found him.” I tell him.

 

“Where is he?” He asks, excited.

 

“Left me standing under our light. He doesn’t remember.” I tell him.

 

 

“Fuck.” Which matches my sentiments.

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