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BRIAN


I came home to Justin sitting in front of the fire holding Jenny, while Gus played on the floor. It brought back all the times in our past life when I'd come home after being away to find my family waiting for me. I wanted all the things we had before, without the worry I see in Justin’s eyes tonight. I waited until we put the kids to bed to find out what was going on. We’d been ignoring the outside world, too caught up in our own.


Justin had been spending time with his mother and my parents, getting Hunter a tutor, and trying to be there for his sisters and our children. Somewhere in between all that he was managing to run his publishing company. Did I worry he was taking too much on? Some days I did, but it was classic Justin to try to do more than most people could handle at one time. Only tonight, his smile was missing, and that told me something was wrong.


“Justin, what's going on in your head?” I ask, making him look at me.


“Someone tried again.” He tells me.


“What happened?” I ask.


“I was playing with Gus while Jenny was napping, and then suddenly I was sitting in the car with Daphne, going to Liberty Avenue. Brian, I stayed in the past for years, not a couple of seconds. Only, when I finally came back, Gus was handing me one of his blocks, frozen as if this time stopped while I was gone. It scared me, because it took a minute before Gus moved again. What happens to this life if we can't get back?” He asks, holding me tightly.


“What happened while you were gone?” I ask.


“I got to the streetlight, but I had missed you. Only I didn’t remember anything about you. I ended up calling Daphne to pick me up and I went home, but there was this feeling like something was wrong that I couldn’t figure out. Everything went on as if it was the life I should have led. Only there were times when I was places I remembered meeting people, only missing those opportunities by minutes. Like when Daphne and I were shopping around Liberty Avenue and ran into Lindsay and Mel, only this time I didn’t run into them. Daphne and I even went to the diner because we happened to pass it and were hungry, but coming in when Deb wasn’t there. It’s like my life if I never met anyone who was a link to you. I ended up not telling my parents I was gay and going to Dartmouth, graduating with honors in business and marketing. Daphne and I let my parents believe we were together, while we both had our own lives. I was offered a job in Gardner’s firm, which you still worked for, but were leading the New York branch. It was weird because anytime you were in Pittsburgh, I was being sent to another city to work on a campaign. It wasn’t until my team won a Cleo that you and I were in the same place at the same time. I remember thinking I wanted to meet the God of Advertising.” He tells me, smiling.


“Only every time I saw you, Gardner was whisking you off. Then when you were coming towards me, people would get between us, talking to one of us. When I left that night the feeling was back, and I saw you getting into a limo with Gardner but figured I’d meet you later, since you were a senior partner. Only anytime we should have met at work, there was a reason we didn’t.” He tells me.


“When did we meet? Because I only came back when we did.” I tell him.


“We were both at the hospital for different reasons; you were being treated for cancer and I was scheduled to meet with the hospital about a campaign they wanted. I was leaving and went to check the area where they were going to host a cocktail party for sponsors. It was a garden one of the sponsors had done for the hospital patients. You were sitting on a bench in the garden. I ended up sitting next to you and asking if you were okay.” He tells me.


“Then you came back?” I ask.


“No, but I think it was because while you and I talked we never really looked at each other. Neither of us remembered each other, until you turned to look at me. It was that moment when the feeling like something was wrong went away and I remembered us. Then suddenly I was back with Gus who looked like he’d been put on pause. Brian, what if it’s more than one person doing this?” He asks me.


“Why do you think it was more than one person?” I ask.


“I was living a life my father wanted me to, and Gardner’s firm was becoming the biggest firm in the US. I don’t know what your life was like because before we could talk about it, I was back. I want you to know, my life sucked without you. It’s time to figure this out.” He tells me, kissing me.


“We will. Nothing matters but that any life I live includes you.” I tell him.


The next morning Emmett called, sounding upset and saying we’d talk when we got to work. Justin and I dropped off the kids with my mother, before going to the gallery. Drew was sitting in Emmett’s office holding on to him.


“We can talk later.” Justin tells him.


“I have to get going. I only came to tell Emmett I have to go home and deal with what’s going to happen now that I came out. Hopefully you guys can get him to tell you what’s wrong.” Drew tells us.


“I’m going to miss you, that’s all.” Emmett tells him.


Drew looked into Emmett’s eyes. “I wish that’s all it was, but I don’t think it is.” Drew tells him, kissing him before leaving.


“Good God, you described being sent back, but forgot to mention how real it felt.” Emmett tells us.


JUSTIN


“You too. What the hell is this person doing?” I ask.


“What happened to you?” Brian asks.


“Everything was normal until the night you and Brian were supposed to meet. We all ended up leaving earlier because Lindsay got a hold of Michael to get us to the hospital.” Emmett tells us.


“Did you remember anything? Because I didn’t.” I tell Emmett.


“Nothing I didn’t know that night, only that every time there was something that happened that should have included Justin, it felt wrong, but I couldn’t say why. I was living the life I remembered, but Brian, you got a promotion and we no longer saw you. When I would have met Drew, it didn’t happen because his fiance said no when he asked her to marry him, therefore no need for a party to celebrate it. I didn’t meet him until right before I came back, which was years later.” Emmett tells us.


“But when you did meet him you were sent back?” I ask.


“Yes, and it was weird because Drew and I were sort of in the middle of something here in this life and well, he was sort of frozen in place.” He mumbles.


TED


Why was I sitting in Babylon with Michael and Emmett? It wasn’t like we hadn’t done this before, but normally Ethan was here, dominating the conversation with tales of how once his book was published, Michael would have everything he wanted. Instead we're standing here as if none of us have a life. Michael, who hates Brian, is staring at him as if he worships on Brian’s altar. It really got strange when Michael pointed out Blake, who was high as a kite, smiling at me. I looked back to say something to Michael, but he had vanished into the crowd.


Emmett came up and told me Michael’s call was to get Brian to the hospital for his son's birth. Which was strange, because Michael left his phone at home, to avoid Deb's numerous calls. Michael rounded us up and we went to the hospital. Only I didn’t recognize the woman holding the baby, even though everyone else seemed to. I kept wondering if I drank the wrong thing before going to bed tonight, because this dream felt very real. When we were leaving, Michael insisted on going to the diner to tell Deb about getting to name the baby Abraham. Brian and Emmett acted like nothing was wrong when we got to the diner and Michael called Deb ‘Ma’. Then Brian asks me to pay the hospital bill for Lindsay and Mel.


“Why would I pay the bill?” I ask.


“You're my accountant.” He says, sarcastically.


“I'm an architect.” I tell him.


“When did this career change happen? Between jacking off at your desk and dreams that Michael will suddenly see you’re the person he wants?” He asks me, sounding like someone other than the Brian I knew.


I left him sitting there, because I needed air. Something was wrong with this fucked up dream, yet everything felt real. I got to my car and sat there, waiting to wake up. Someone knocked on my window while I was praying to wake up.


“Can I come in?” Blake asks, when I roll down the window.


“Why not, I might as well enjoy my trip to crazy land.” I tell him.


“It is crazy, that I'll give you. Only because none of this happened the way it is right now.” He tells me, still looking like he’s high.


“I'll bite, what was supposed to happen?” I ask, pinching myself and not liking that it hurt.


“You and I went to your place and you had a bad reaction to the drug I gave you. Brian doesn’t make it to the birth of Gus. He shows up later.”


“Abraham.” I correct him.


“Not important right now. What is important is that Justin was supposed to meet Brian. Then go to the hospital and choose ‘Gus’ not ‘Abraham’. Then you and I spend years never meeting at the right time for both of us. Of course, that was the first life that Brian and Justin got to rewrite, because someone interfered. In the second, we didn’t do the OD part. It was still a few years before we meet again, but we didn't go through the whole drug rehab for both of us. Instead, you let me go until I cleaned up my life. What you’re seeing now is what happened when Brian didn’t meet Justin.” He tells me.


“If you expect me to believe any of that, then you're high on more than the drugs you took tonight.” I tell him.


“Yeah. I forgot that in this life crystal was my best friend. I'm how you would have seen me, but regardless of how I look, I'm not high. Right now I need you to remember everything that happens before you come back to me.” He tells me.


“Where are you going?” I ask, not liking that it sounds like we won’t be together.


“I was only a small part of your life at this point, so I don’t get to stay longer than I would have normally. It’s important that you do one thing before you come back.” He tells me.


“What do you need me to do?” I ask.


“Talk to Mysterious Marilyn, in this life she would know everything.” He tells me, pulling me in for a kiss. “I’ll be waiting when you get back.” He tells me, before leaving the car.


Emmett smiled as Blake ran past him, and jumped in the car with me. “I’m ready for bed, which I’ll barely get into before having to get out of.” Emmett yawns.


“Where would Mysterious Marilyn be?” I ask, not even sure who that was.


“She sort of seems to be everywhere when you don’t want to hear what she has to say. Why?” He asks.


“A friend asked me to find her.” I tell him.


I took Emmett home and decided to go home and look for the person later. I got to my apartment to find a six foot cross dresser standing in front of my door.


“I heard there were all sorts of things going wrong.” She tells me, pointing at her temple.


“Like?” I ask.


“Someone is trying to change the past, but didn’t play by the rules. Not to worry, they’ll wish they had. Now we need to talk, and you will need to remember everything I tell you.” He tells me as he follows me in.


I woke up to Blake sleeping soundly beside me, and breathed a sigh of relief that it was really just a dream. Only, when I wrapped my arms around Blake, he wasn’t breathing. I tried to turn him over but it was like he was superglued in the position he was in. I looked over at the clock on the bedside table and the second hand was stuck, I watched it until it moved and Blake was breathing again. What the hell was going on? What the hell were the names the cross dresser made me repeat over and over? And why am I even overthinking a dream.








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