BRIAN

After we got home Justin went upstairs, saying he needed to hold Gus and Jenny. It’s something he started needing whenever he dealt with Craig. I remembered the feeling when either my father or Craig showed up at my loft in the last life. Justin tried to hide the hurt, but in the end needed Gus and me to help him. I didn’t want him dealing with Craig again in any life, but I doubted this would be his only trip back, although hopefully Craig took him seriously enough to bow out of this. What bothered me was Justin saying that Michael needed to go back with me. Why Mikey and not Justin?

I checked on Justin, who had moved the kids to our bedroom. Jenny was sleeping between pillows with Justin on one side and Gus on the other. I watched them, thinking this was what I wanted... us. It didn’t matter the life we lived, just that it included our children. And I wanted Kira here, because she completed us. Kira would have to wait though, until we ended the bullshit. I’ve never been patient about getting what I want, and knew it was time to find the beginning of Mikey and me and finish our part.

Of course finding Mikey was incredibly easy, he never seemed to stray from what he knew. For the first time in this life he didn’t look at me like I was shit on the bottom of his shoe, he actually looked happy to see me. I sat in the usual booth with him, seeing Deb crinkle her forehead when Mikey was happy to see me. She didn’t say anything though, just delivered my coffee and went back to talking to her other tables. She really didn’t interfere in this Mikey’s life as much as the other lives, but then, she didn’t have the guilt she had being an unwed mother raising Mikey while lying about who his father was.

“I figured out something.” Mikey tells me.

“What’s that?” I ask, grimacing after taking a slip of the sludged they call coffee here, adding half the sugar in the container before it tasted drinkable.

“How did you never get diabetes?” Mikey joked.

“My daughter monitored everything I ate and drank after my last cancer scare.” I tell him.

“It’s weird to remember that life, but feel like I don’t even know the person I was in that life. Maybe it’s because in this life you weren’t the hero I had made you out to be in my head.” He tells me.

“I was never a hero, Mikey.” I tell him.

“Did it work?” He asks, about Justin and me trying to find a way back.

“Justin went back but I didn’t. From what Justin told me, you and I have to go back this time. I just don’t know why it’s you and me.” I tell him.

“What do any of the villains have in common with us?” He asks.

“Really, villains?” I ask, thinking classic Mikey.

“Hey, for once my comic knowledge might help. Villains only join together to fight when they have a common goal.” He tells me.

“We have Gardner, Rita, and Rickert. Rickert and Rita are the only two that might have anything in common... Hunter. In the first life you and Ben got Hunter away from Rita, but only because she showed who she really was in court. When the second life happened, there was no way a Judge wouldn’t have given Jen custody.” I tell him.

“Hunter must hate me.” Mikey tells me, looking down at the table.

“The kid doesn’t hate anyone. He knows that he got a good thing when Jen became his mother. He couldn’t help wanting to keep her in his life, because like me, he knew Jen for the special woman she is.” I tell him.

“What about Ma?” He whispers.

“When you think about it, their relationship wasn’t as close because you always came first to Deb. She loved Hunter in her own way, but then Jenny was born. At that point her focus was on Jenny, not that she meant to hurt Hunter, but in a way, you all did.” I tell him.

“It’s weird now, you know. I can remember the Brian I once thought I loved, but by actually looking back at it, can also see how unhealthy my dependence on you looked to everyone else in my life. It also made me see that I didn’t love Ben as much as I wanted to, because if I had, he wouldn’t have been competing with you all my life. ” He tells me.

“The point to this?” I ask.

“I think I know where we began.” He tells me.

“Where was that?” I ask.

“When I stopped you from taking it any further in the comic shop. For once I didn’t want you, even if you thought I did.” He tells me.

“Why did you stop me?” I ask.

“Justin.” He tells me.

“You didn’t give a shit about Justin.” I tell him.

“You’re right, I didn’t. I won’t lie and say I didn’t want to hurt Justin. What I meant was, with Justin, you were different. You respected him in a way you never did anyone else. When you kissed Justin it was like you found the secret that all of us wanted to find. When you kissed me that night, there was nothing there, it was like I was one of the many on Brian’s trick list. It wasn’t what I always wished would happen when you kissed me. That night I understood. I finally realized that you couldn’t love me like that, because for you, Justin was and always would be everything.” He tells me.

“It’s part of being half of a whole. Without Justin, I was only living half a life.” I tell him.

“Maybe that’s why I couldn’t love anyone the way I was suppose to, because I was always waiting for something that would never happen.” He tells me.

“Ben thought you’d be pissed that I never told you who your soulmate was.” I tell him.

“I’m jealous that I’ve lived all these lives and never met someone who makes me feel what you and Justin do for each other, but that’s my fault, for being too scared to fight for what I want. I thought back to that time and realized that I sent a nineteen year old to take on Hollywood, while I pretended it was because they wanted Justin there. It was just as much my vision, but it was outside of my comfort zone to fight for it. Instead, I stayed behind, and hurt Ben when I wouldn’t say yes. In a way, I was hoping that you would give me a reason to say no to Ben. I can’t even say I like who I was, because Justin fought for me at every turn and I was still willing to shit on him, for being something for you that you wouldn’t ever want from me.” He tells me.

“When you meet Conner you’ll understand, it’s different than anything you’ve ever felt.” I tell him.

“Then we need to go and see if I’m right, because I want to meet him without the possibility of losing him, because Lindsay can’t figure out you were never going to want what she did.” He tells me, getting up.

We walked toward the store that was once comic shop, but was just an empty building now. It was weird because the businesses around it thrived, but the ones that opened in the shop that Michael once ran failed every time someone rented it. I remember going by it and seeing the going out of business signs, practically a month after the new owners opened the doors.

“I wonder if buildings remember what they were in past lives.” Mikey asks.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because the only one that didn’t go out of business here was Buzzy’s. It only closed because he retired, after that the other owners could never make a go of it.” He tells me.

“Red Cape didn’t really take off either. You stayed in business, but only because Rage kept you in business.” I tell him.

“Keep reminding me of Saint Justin.” He jokes.

“If you'd believed in yourself, you could have done it without Justin.” I tell him.

“That’s the reason I loved you, you know. You always believed in me more than I did in myself. Now I can see it as what a brother would have wanted for me.” He tells me as we stand in front of the shop.

“Do you feel it?” I ask.

“Brian, I honestly don’t feel the way I use to feel.” He tells me.

“Not that you moron, I’m talking about feeling like we found the right place.” I tell him, rolling my eyes.

“I thought it was just because this place was sort of my home, but yeah it’s like it’s pulling at me to go in.” He tells me, blushing from embarrassment.

“Now, how to get in.” I said, wishing that lockpicking had made it into my skill set.

“For once I had a plan. I got the key, telling the guy I wanted my business partner to look at the space.” He tells me, holding up the key with a smirk.

“Can we just go in and see if we can get this over with. Then we need to find Marilyn, because even though she’s relatively useless most of the time, she’s there to help.” I tell him.

We walked in but then didn’t really know what to do. I wasn’t going to repeat the last time. We stood where we did before I left him that night, but nothing really happened.

“We could, you know, try what we did.” He tells me, not looking like he wanted to.

I leaned in, but we both busted out laughing, because neither of us wanted to kiss the other. We ended up holding each other up because we were practically hysterical. I pulled back when someone bumped into me, and saw Buzzy staring at us like he was about to call the cops.

“Michael, I know you like comics, but really, until the door says ‘open’ I prefer the customers to wait outside.” He tells him.

“Sorry, Brian and I saw some kids picking your lock. We ran them off and waited for you, so they wouldn’t come back and rob you blind.” Mikey tells him.

“Next time call the cops and then let them, the insurance would pay for anything they took.” He tells us.

“Okay. Well now that you're here we’ll be going.” Mikey tells him.

We left, but then where to go was a problem, because we would run into ourselves if we went anywhere. I figured out one place we wouldn’t, but wanted to curse that we would have to go there. I stopped to see what the date was and wanted to yell. Why today of all days? This was the night Justin and Gus came into my life, and seeing my mother was not something I wanted to have change the greatest night of my life.

“We’re seriously going in?” Mikey asked, in distaste for the house of my nightmares.

“We just need a place where we won’t run into us. It’s the one place I never came unless I had to.” I tell him, knocking on the door.

My mother opened the door but looked uncomfortable, most likely because she never liked company. “I was expecting you.” She tells me, surprising me.

“Why?” I ask.

“Some person told me you’d be here. I’d really appreciate you not sending someone like that to my church. It wasn’t funny.” She tells me.

“I didn’t send anyone.” I tell her.

“Well you should tell them I didn’t need a crossdresser accosting me in God’s house. I understood what the others wanted, but it wasn’t something I wanted to be involved in.” She tells me.

“They came to you?” Mikey asks her.

“I might not like what Lindsay said, but it’s up to God how Brian should live his life. I can only pray for his soul, not risk mine.” She tells me.

“Pray all you want mother, but in the end it won’t change that I marry Justin and live the life I want. One that didn’t include you.” I tell her.

“Come in. You’re supposed to wait here until ten when everyone goes to work. Then you can go to the diner.” She tells me, leaving us to follow her in.

“Why are you helping us?” Mikey asks her.

“Because I might not like what I was told about Brian’s life, but he’s my son and I love him. I know he doesn’t believe that, but it’s the truth.” She tells Mikey.

I wanted to say so many things about the love she professed and realized it wouldn’t change anything. It’s why I left it alone, because she wasn’t going to wake up one day and change her beliefs, it was all she had in this life that never let her down. I could tell her one thing, but only because it’s something I couldn’t say to her in this life.

“As much as I hated you for putting everything before me, I loved you the only way I knew how.” I tell her.

“Lindsay told me that if I help, my grandson wouldn’t be raised in a house of sin.” She tells me. “It’s just talking to that person and hearing about your life with Justin, changed my mind about being involved.” She tells me.

“Even without Justin I wouldn’t have wanted a wife. I’m gay and nothing will change that.” I tell her.

“What’s your life like now?” She asks, looking at me strangely.

“I have two parents who love me, it didn’t matter to them when they found out. My father and mother gave me the childhood I dreamed of, when I was being beaten by Jack. With them as parents I no longer saw love as the prison you and Jack did. In the life I lived with you I didn’t want anyone to get close to me. I put the man I love through shit to avoid letting anyone tie themselves to me, because I never wanted to see the look you got when you saw Jack.” I tell her.

She didn’t ask any more questions, just grabbed the glass of sherry she had on the counter and drank it. We waited until it was time to go. I looked at her one last time and really didn’t see my mother, because Beth and Jen showed me what a mother really was. She hugged me, not the way she used to, barely touching me, but as if she was trying.

“I hope you get everything you want.” She whispers kissing my cheek.

“I do, but it’s not here, and I won’t let this life take it away from me.” I tell her, walking out the door.

“I guess it’s time to see Ma.” Mikey tells me, as we walk to the bus stop.

“I hate the bus.” I tell him.

“I hated the corvette.” He tells me.

“Why? You didn’t mind riding in it.” I tell him.

“You only bought it when you couldn’t have Justin. You can say what you want, but we all knew it was boyfriend replacement.” He tells me.

“Shit, even Justin hated that car.”  I admit.

“Probably because you two couldn’t fuck in it. At least the Jeep had room, which you proved the night you met Boy Wonder.” He tells me.

“He hated that nickname.”  I tell him.

“He really should have paid better attention to the comics, because you know, Boy Wonder was Batman’s only partner.” He tells me.

“That’s not why you called him that.” I argue, as we sit down.

“Of course not, it was the only thing I ever said to him that got on his nerves. Shit, do you know what it’s like to have a teenager make you feel like you were a child compared to him?” He asks.

“Since he was the grown up in our relationship, yeah, I think I do.” I joke.

We got off the bus and I dragged Mikey into the alley, because the Mikey here was standing outside the diner on the phone talking. “Shit, you know that I was actually talking to Ma who was inside the diner calling me.” He whispers, as the other Mikey walked by us.

“Yes Ma, we’ll stop by tonight before we go out... I know, but Brian wants to go out tonight... I’ll try to get him to understand that I need to sleep before work... Bye Ma.” Mikey hangs up, rolling his eyes. “Jesus Christ, I’m a grown man…” He mumbles going past us.

“Please tell me I wasn’t this pathetic?” Mikey groans, as I nod smirking.

Deb looked confused at Mikey and me when we walked in the door. “Why aren’t you two at work?” She asks, coming over to the booth.

“My boss changed my schedule and Brian called saying he wanted something to eat.” Mikey tells her, making me see Mikey learned the art of lying to Deb, something we never accomplished in any life.

“Are you feeling alright, eating again only an hour later?” Deb asks, feeling my head.

“He plans to work of the carbs later. Which I’m sure the boys at Babylon will appreciate.” Kiki jokes.

Marty comes in, which had everyone looking at him; since we were used to Marilyn, not him. He sat down without being asked and waited until Deb served us to say anything.

“I’ve been told to tell you to stay away from Babylon tonight.” He tells us.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because everything that should happen tonight will. They lost Craig, who was the only thing that would prevent Justin from being there tonight. You two need to get to Lindsay, Rita, and Gardner, who are planning to make sure Rickert get’s the future they want.” He tell me.

“I can strangle it out of you.” I tell him.

“Lindsay knows about Jason Kemp, and in order for Rita to become the mayor’s wife they figured out a way for Rickert to have what he wants at home.” He tells us.

“She really would… never mind, after dealing with her, yeah she’d do that to Hunter.” Mikey says, looking ready to murder the woman.

“It’s the reason Brian needed you here. You know exactly what kind of person Rita is, and Brian knows Gardner’s the kind of bastard who would help promote anyone with enough backing.” He tells us.

“Why not Stockwell?” Mikey asks.

“Because Lindsay couldn’t convince Stockwell to leave his family, no matter what she promised him. He might have been a homophobic prick, but he loved his family and believed in what he was saying. Someone like Rita went against everything he believed in. It’s like my mother; they both believe the shit they preach, and marrying a woman who could sell her son to pay for her drug habit wasn’t it.” I tell him.

“He protected Rickert.” Mikey tells me.

“He protected his own ass. He wanted to distance himself from Rickert, not protect him.” I tell him.

“Rickert still works for him.” Mikey tells me.

“Which means Stockwell should know what’s in his closet.” I tell them.

“He’d do what he did in the past, and make Rickert retire. How does that help us?” Mikey asks.

“Mikey, what was one of the things Stockwell did when I was on his campaign?” I ask.

“He closed down any establishment that promoted our lifestyle.” He guesses.

“And what would he do if he found out that men frequented a bar and that bar had a bunch of minor rent boys that perverts could buy for the evening? He’d make sure to arrest them and parade them for the masses. It would prove to everyone he was trying to clean up the streets and that being gay also meant being a pedofile. Now we just have to make sure Rickert is there and that he does what we know he will. Then we make sure Rita is stupid enough to be there too.” I tell him.

“We are not using Hunter.” Mikey grits though his teeth.

“No, that isn’t even something I wanted when Hunter did it. We need to pay a few of the boys outside to be there, but also get Hunter to help by convincing Rita that the kids are looking for a pimp. It’s something she would see as better than marrying Rickert.” I tell him.

“One problem; Hunter doesn’t know us.” He tells me.

“It’s why I’m here, not that you two seem to remember.” Marty tells us.

“And?” I really hate Marty some days.

“I only get a few pleasures in life and irritating you is one of them. I made friends with the littlest Hustler last night. He’s willing to meet with you two, since I told him it would keep Rita from finding him. He’s at my loft waiting for you two, so can we go before you and Michael show up here in an hour?” He tells us.

“What about Ma? You know she’s going to be asking why we keep coming back.” Mikey whispers.

“Since you’re off, walk me home. I have to come back later because the new waitress called off.” Deb yells as she puts on her coat.

“Just go, and meet us at my place.” Marty tells him, when Mikey was about to tell her he couldn’t.

Mikey nodded and got up to help Deb put on her coat. She smiled at Mikey and looped her arm through his, walking out the door. Marty and I went out and got in his car to go to his place.

“Just be prepared, Hunter is skittish as hell. I had to let him lock the bedroom door last night, because he really thought I wanted his skinny ass.” Marty tells me, as he unlocks his door.

“Great, you think you can pimp me out because you let me sleep here.” Hunter says, looking resigned to paying the only way he knew in this life.

“Sorry kid, but your ass really doesn’t compare to the one I want.” I tell him.

“You don’t know what I can do.” He taunts me.

“I don’t plan on ever finding out. Can we talk or do you need to keep mouthing off to prove your not scared as hell? I get it, trust me.” I tell him.

“Really? You get what it’s like to have your mother offer you up to anyone to get her fix?” He asks.

“I get what it’s like to have the person who's supposed to protect you let a bastard beat you until your arm breaks. I get what it’s like to think there is no one who gives a damn about you. One thing you and I are going to understand about each other is that I do give a damn and want to stop what you’re life has been like. In order to do that we need to make sure your mother doesn’t have any way to convince a judge, social worker, or the police that she should have ever been a mother to any child.” I tell him.

“I don’t need you to help me stay away from her, I’ve been doing it for years without anyone’s help.” He tells me.

“She has a police officer to help her. Rickert.” I tell him.

“Fuck, that guy’s into some fucked up shit.” Hunter says, looking ready to bolt.

“We know, and it’s why we need your help.” I tell him.

“What do you need me to do?” He asks warily, as Mikey opens the door.

“We need you to talk to some of the other street hustlers and tell them to play along.” I tell him.

“But you will not join them.” Mikey tells him.

“Why should I listen to you?” He asks.

“Because I don’t want your mother selling your ass. I made the mistake once of thinking the mother of a kid who I thought of as a son had changed, and deserved a chance. I found out that she was just hoping to use him to support her drug habit. I don’t want to fail you.” Mikey tells him.

“Tell me what you want.” Hunter tells me.

“We need the you to convince your mother that the boys want someone to serve as their pimp. It’s something she did with you, so she wouldn’t have a problem with it. With Rickert on her side, he could make sure her boys didn’t get arrested. The only thing we need is for them all to be at the bar Rickert likes to frequent, offering up the minors to the guys at the bar. Make sure one of the boys hits on Rickert. We can get cops there to keep them from being hurt.” I tell him.

“When do you need me to do this?” Hunter asks.

“As soon as you can, but I also need time to convince someone to help us, give me a few days to get everything in place. Once you can, let me know that your mother is willing, then we can move ahead. After you tell us, you’re out. I don’t want you there.” I tell him.

“You really give a shit about me?” He asks in a small voice.

“We all do, more than you know.” Mikey tells him.

“Where do I go?” He asks.

“I have a friend who will help. Rita won’t find you there, she wouldn’t even know to look for you.” I tell him.

“You promise?” He asks.

“I promise no one will find you.” I tell him.

Hunter left, saying he was going to talk to the guys. Mikey wanted to go with him, but Hunter told him that an old guy tends to look strange talking to the rent boys.

“What now?” Mikey asks, not happy that Hunter was gone.

“We wait, I need to talk Daphne after we drop Justin off. She’s always been able to hide everything from her parents.” I tell him.

“She hates me.” Mikey whines.

“She didn’t hate you, just didn’t see why we were friends.” I tell him, which she mentioned a few hundred times over the years.

“Brian you can’t interfere with tonight. Justin meets the Brian he’s supposed to meet.” Marty tells me.

“I didn’t plan on interfering, just watching the night my life changed. If I have to stay here then I do it being able to see him.” I tell him.

Marty agreed we could go but only if I kept my distance. I didn’t plan on approaching Justin, he didn’t need the confusion that would cause. When it was time, Marty was dressed as Marilyn. He handed me and Mikey hoodies saying the rest of Liberty Avenue would notice if I was wandering around with Mikey. We were waiting when Daphne stopped and Justin got out of the car. He was nervous as hell walking around. I wanted to snatch the cigarette out of his hand when he lit it, but Justin was never a smoker, like I was. When he stopped to talk to that guy, Mikey had to remind me that Justin made it to me still a virgin. It didn’t help when the guy acted like a dick to Justin. I made sure to trip the asshole when he walked by me. He landed on his face and as much as I wanted to kick his ass, Justin was almost to the streetlight. Watching our first meeting, I remembered thinking this kid had trouble written all over him. When they got in the jeep and left we followed the guys, and I finally got to see the one that Mikey was with when I called him about Gus.

“Really?” I ask Mikey.

“I was horny.” Mikey whines.

“Brian, we can’t go to the hospital, don’t even think about it.” Marilyn warns me.

“I wasn’t planning to go. After Gus was born, there was nothing about that hospital that I wanted remember.” I tell him.