MICHAEL 

When I called Ma to tell her I'd be over, she started in on me about not being around, and then it was what the hell was I thinking, not calling David. It should have set alarm bells off when she calmed down and told me to be over for lunch, but I'd forgotten this version of her. 

As my aunt, she was different, in that she no longer thought she had to run my life, and I stupidly forgot who she was this time. I barely got to the door before she opened it, and great, there was David. I'd been avoiding his calls because the one thing I remember the most about us was he wanted me to be someone I wasn't. As much as he hated Brian in this life, Brian would have fit in with the people David hung around. Only David didn’t want an equal but someone to treat like a prize and show off, which I played into until I realized all he really wanted a wife with a dick.

Ma was just about to start in on me, but lucky for me the world froze, which meant I needed to find Justin. Just for old time sake I kissed David’s still lips, and it was reassuring knowing that he was a mistake in my life when the kiss was just like all his kisses. 

I dialed the phone to find out where Justin was, only to realize nothing worked when everything stopped. Which meant my car was stuck where it was too. I started the trek that I’d made thousands of times in this timeline, only since I didn’t chase after Brian in our other life, I decided my ass was going to the gym again. Justin should have mentioned how creepy it was to walk around people who were stopped in the middle of what they were doing. By the time I got to the loft, I almost got hit by a car, since I walked right by one that was obviously speeding when it was frozen. I found Brian and Justin in a conversation that likely just made mincemeat of the rules. Of course, my phone started blowing up at that moment, which meant Brian noticing that I was standing there.

JUSTIN

My favorite part of this life never really changes, my mother wanted to believe that it was just a phase. My father on the other hand pretty much told my mother that if I wanted to live my life as a faggot, then I lived it outside his home. He didn’t even try to hide it from my mother. I’d made a point of calling him at work and telling him to make it easier by kicking me out, and he could have my trust fund without a fight. He couldn’t use Brian and paint him as a pervert to my Mom, because this time around Brian stayed a secret between him and me. I left with my mom handing me money and telling me she’d do what she could for me. 

Michael was over with Deb and Vic, explaining Hunter, so we agreed to meet at his place when I got done. Only I needed information, because my son wasn’t a pawn in anything. Gus’s life was the one thing Brian and I both would protect against Heaven or Hell.

One thing that pisses me off in all of this is finding out there were players on the board that stayed comfortable in their closets while Brian and I were fighting shit we were guessing at. While I was sitting there listening to my parents fight, all I could think about was Gus and free will. Here's the thing that bothered me, Brian as he was when Lindsay approached him to have a child, had no reason to give in, yet he did. It didn’t make sense to me, because Brian, if nothing else, was a possessive bastard and wouldn’t just walk away the way his father did to him. Brian knew that about himself, so he wouldn’t have said yes to a child.  Brian for all his self awareness was blind to the fact that he wouldn’t eventually become Jack and that alone would have made him say no to a having a child. 

It was in all he said to me after his father died. He told me he never wanted to see the look his mother’s eyes had for Jack, in mine looking at him. It’s why I know he believed he'd be the man Jack was. It was in the life he led; drinking, tricking, and partying like a death wish, but what Brian didn’t seem to get in this life was that he never laid a hand on anyone, something his father did even without the excess for an excuse. Brian didn’t seem to see that, no matter what he showed everyone, in the end he gave a shit, unlike his useless father. 

Here's the thing about knowing what I went through with him in this life; he never gave up on anyone, even when it hurt him. He just waited until we came back to him, not making them apologize or even explain why he should still be friends with them. It wasn’t how he was when I came back after leaving him, and I appreciated the fact that he didn’t just forgive me the way he did with everyone else. It wasn’t like he did anything different, just gave me a little of what I did, only he didn’t hide it the way I did. It made me different from everyone else. 

Lindsay might be hoping for eternity in hell with Brian, but she never saw Brian for who he was, so she missed that Jack was the one she should have wanted. Granted he was old enough to be her father, but they were two of a kind. They always wanted the things they couldn't have, because they both gave up so easily. They both thought they were better than they were.

Jack married Joan, not because he had to, but because he felt superior to her. She might have carried the bible and held her christianity up like a shield but underneath he knew she carried his bruises as a reminder of who controlled everything, which wasn’t the God she prayed to. He wasn’t anything but the black sheep in the family that disowned him. In Joan he got what he wanted, a way to blame anyone but himself for his failures in life.

Lindsay was just like her family. She never let Mel forget where she came from. The wedding arrangements were the big clue. I understand wanting to have your dream wedding, but making Mel go with her to get Mommy and Daddy, who didn’t approve of the spouse, to foot the bill didn’t make a lot of sense. Unless it was to show Mel that once again Lindsay gave up her place in life for someone like Mel. Then Lindsay’s use of Brian to show Mel that she couldn’t give her what Brian could. I really don’t get why she bothered with Mel, until I realized she was a way to get Gus, because Brian wouldn’t have wanted to have a child if it was only Lindsay raising it. Strange as it is, he trusted Mel to love Gus, likely because he saw Lindsay as his female counterpart. Underneath it all he knew Lindsay only wore her prude as a cover for the real person underneath. 

Which is why I need to talk to Todd, who after talking to me and distracting me with Kira, disappeared. Todd has been elusive, he’s around Michael but for some reason hides when I’m around. I could have wandered all over trying to find him, but I knew exactly what to do to get him to come to me. 

“For all the blond sweet angelic looks, you’re really a little shit.” Todd tells me, appearing in the loft as I walked in.

Brian was sitting in front of his computer frozen, but I didn’t think Todd would have let me have this conversation in front of Brian.

“You can’t tell him anything, he has to make his own decisions without the answers provided.” Todd tells me.

“I didn’t plan to tell him anything, just get you to finally show up.” I tell him.

“There are days the angels weep at how wrong we are about you,  you were never the nice one.” He says, shaking his head as if upset.

I rolled my eyes at his dramatic flair, but didn’t let it distract me. “Understand something, my son will not be a pawn in whatever you and your pals have come up with. Now since you’re here, you need to tell me why we’re still dealing with Lindsay when hell was supposed to be a one way ticket for her. If you try to use free will, you better keep this world frozen because nothing will stop me from telling Brian everything, damn the consequences.” I tell him.

“Free will means the choices he makes keeps the game fair.” He tells me.

“So his life and mine are some kind of game to you?” I ask, not hiding my anger.

“I said it wrong, there is more to this than the love story. Brian was born with the potential to go in either direction. He was given people in his life to keep the odds even. You didn’t like it the first time, not that you remember it.” He tells me.

“Is that why I don’t always remember everything?” I ask.

“Yes, because it was the only way you could be with him. I didn’t want you involved, but then you’ve never understood the word no, especially when it came to Brian. We didn’t realize you were soulmates when you took off to help him.” He tells me.

“What are you talking about?” I ask.

“The first time you and Brian met wasn’t in this timeline or any that you can remember. We made a mistake, which is the reason Lindsay got to come back and play.” He tells me.

“Why didn’t you mention that?” I ask.

“We screwed up, it’s not something we like to admit. When you refused to leave Brian to his fate, we brought you back. The timeline went in a direction it wouldn’t have if we had left it alone. Deb isn’t the only one who believed she knew it all.” He mumbles.

“Did we have to redo it then too?” I ask, sarcastically.

“No, but we broke a lot of rules changing it back. Like Deb, even we were shown the error in our ways. Our brother was allowed to introduce his minions to the game. Until this timeline, it was more of a nuisance than anything else, because Lindsay and Michael were just casual friends in Brian’s life. In this one, they became people who influenced Brian. Then you were born twelve years later than Brian, which just screwed with Brian’s head. We couldn’t interfere, but we were allowed to watch and guide things.” He tells me.

“Free will, or at least free will until you want something, that is what you should really call it. Is that why he said yes to Gus, because you guided him in that direction?” I ask.

“If we had our way Mel would have been the mother, but we had you, so the other side got to pick Lindsay.” He tells me.

“I don’t get why Lindsay was even willing to have Gus. She lost any chance to mold him into what she wanted when Gus was born.” I tell him.

“It wasn’t her choice, she’s Satan’s bitch to do with as he pleases. I’m sure she thinks she can change Gus’s future the way she wants to change Brian’s.” He tells me.

“How did she not see that Gus was the one thing that would ruin anything she tried? I know everyone thinks Brian changed because of me, but even though I didn’t know him the night Gus was born, Brian gave up his heart to Gus that night.” I tell him.

“Like everyone else, she only saw Gus as powerless, you don’t because people always underestimated you. You also really saw Brian’s love for Gus, the others didn’t because Brian didn’t want anyone to see that Gus was important to him.” He tells me.

“He spent time with Lindsay and Gus, so she had to see it too.” I tell him.

“She saw it as him wanting to see her and please her by paying attention to the child they created. She doesn’t love the way you or Brian do, so she couldn’t see anything but what she believed was the reason he spent time with Gus.” He tells me.

“He wants me to stay out of the way.” I tell him.

“Justin, when have you ever listened to what Brian says to you?” He asks.

“I listen, but I also know he doesn’t always know what’s the best for him. Just thinks he knows what I need, even when it takes me away from him. The only problem is right now I’m dealing with the bullshit that he did to prove to me that he wouldn’t ever be what I wanted.” I tell him.

“Then break down the wall, because it’s the only way he won’t push you away.” He tells me, disappearing.

“Justin?” Brian says a couple minutes later, looking confused that I was standing in front of him.

“I love you.” I tell him.

“Sure, now how about you explain how you’re here when I told you to stay away?” He asks, getting up and grabbing a glass.

“Why are you at home, don’t you have important deals to make?” I ask him.

“Mel and I needed to meet, today was a good day. Lindsay’s mother wanted the family to meet Lynette’s latest victim. So why not take off and play while I deal with the shit that is none of your business.” He tells me.

“It must be hard to lie to yourself.” I tell him.

“Tell me, is it? Since you’ve been doing that since we met.” He tells me.

“Actually I probably was mistaking lust and hormones for love at first. I can admit it, but it’s not why I won’t go away. It’s not why, even when I can see you wish you didn’t say it. I stopped listening to what you said but what you did. If you didn’t feel something then why let me come back over and over? How did I rate seconds and thirds?” I ask.

“You were there, willing to do anything, why not?” He shrugs off.

“Don’t. There isn’t anyone here to see this and really it’s getting to the point you sound like a broken record. I’m going to give you some advice that someone I love more than my own life gave me; grow some balls. For once admit to yourself that you deserve to be loved the way I want to love you. Stop the bullshit and fucking love me.” I tell him, grabbing the glass and putting it down.

“Because if I do, you’ll never be able to run far enough that I won’t chase you to bring you back. I don’t want to be the fucking stalker everyone thinks you are, do you get that? I won’t love you because if I did…” He trailed off.

“You already do.” I tell him.

“I need to fix my life.” He tells me.

“No, you need to let Michael and I help you. We can’t if you don’t tell us what’s going on. Lindsay will use it to her advantage.” I tell him.

The loft door opened and Michael came in, causing Brian to scowl and grab his glass only to pour it down the sink. 

“I thought we needed to be careful.” Michael tells me.

“Apparently the twat wasn’t paying attention.” Brian tells him.

“My fault. I told him to meet me here. I was going to come see if you were okay, since Cynthia told me you called out today.” Michael tells him.

“Mikey, do me a favor and don’t call Cynthia a hundred times a day.” Brian tell him.

“Sorry, I just wanted to warn you that Ma would likely yell at you because I skipped out on lunch with her and David. Which hopefully they forgive me for, when I bring Sunshine to see her.” Michael tells him, dragging me out the door as Mel walked past us.