JUSTIN

It’s like every answer just leaves more questions. The first life was one where even Angels didn’t know what I was to Brian? Michael and I got on the bus so we could get Deb to quit blowing up Michael’s phone. We needed to get the Hunter thing settled, even if Daphne’s parents didn’t care. Daphne and Brian running into each other, and her mentioning anything about Hunter wouldn’t be a good thing. 

“What stopped everything?” Michael asks, after turning his phone off.

“I wanted answers. You knew Brian before I did. Did it make sense to you he would say yes to having Gus? Even when everything was wrong with this timeline, he didn’t always do something because Lindsay wanted it.” I tell him.

“I wasn’t really sure why he did it. I know I tried to talk him out of it.” He tells me.

“He’s the football.” I tell Michael, thinking over everything past and present.

“What do you mean? Remember, I don’t do that thing you and Brian could do later.” He tells me.

“What thing?” I ask.

“You know, say something but not, and both of you got it, while everyone else didn’t.” He tells me.

“From what little Todd would really say, I wasn’t originally brought into Brian’s life to do anything but help him. Todd claims none of them knew we were soul mates, and something they did screwed up the first timeline Brian and I were in. What I don’t get is why this timeline has to be the one we get sucked back into.” I tell him.

“I’m still not getting it. What does him being the football have to do with anything?” He asks.

“You have two sides who want control of the ball, why does it matter though? Unless there’s a reason that having Brian on one side or the other means more than we know. Todd did say something about Brian could go either way.” I tell him.

“Hell, with the fucked up family he got that’s definitely true.” He tells me.

“Yet when I picked to have a life different from my own, there wasn’t a fight over it. Like no one saw the possibility for it to do the kind of damage to my life like it did to Brian’s life.” I tell him.

“Maybe in your case they knew you couldn’t become... well, evil or whatever.” He tells me.

“I’ve never been an angel.” I told him.

“You’ve also never hated, disliked, or barely tolerated anyone. You just don’t have it in you.” He tells me.

“I wanted to kill Hobbs, even pointed a loaded gun at his head.” I tell him.

“In the end you walked away, which proves my point. Why did you?” I ask.

“In that moment, by pulling the trigger I would have become him. My life would have ended, the person I am would have been left behind. Living in darkness… Light, why shine the light on me?” I said, thinking about what Uriel/Todd said in the street when he was stopping people from the wrong fate.

“Hello, remember me? Not Brian.” Michael says.

“Standing under the streetlight, dancing on the stage, even the protest at school. It’s like my life was living under a spotlight of some kind. Brian weaved in and out of it, between light and darkness. Like he couldn’t be one or the other. Why did Todd say you were on the other side though?” I ask him, suddenly confused if Michael was on the other side.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Michael asks.

“You’re supposed to be on Lindsay’s side, yet your not.” I tell him.

“Justin, I’m not on her side.” He assures me.

“But you’re supposed to be, only your not. Do you want to tell me why you’re not?” I ask, puzzled by it.

“This is my last chance.” He tells me.

“What do you mean by that? What haven’t you told me?” I ask.

“I was shown my life in rewind, every outcome. In every one I end up alone, barely remembered by my children. Never having what you and Brian had, because I couldn’t give up on wanting Brian. See, I don’t get to Heaven or Hell. My life gets erased, because I left my soulmate without me. It’s why I don’t want to repeat it anymore. I want a chance to live a full life. After you guys left to come here, I wanted a life where Brian didn’t play the role we kept playing. What Lindsay told me; how to change things, I didn’t want to remember, so I came back without it. My trigger was a conversation that Brian and I had in this life, about Ben’s book. Ben wasn’t even supposed to be in this life.” He tells me.

“You ended up practically playing the same role with Ethan.” I remind him. 

“I had to prove I could change, without anyone doing it for me. Only Brian brought it all back, and even if I become nothing in the end, at least for once I was trying to do the right thing.” He tells me.

“And boys and boys, that’s proof Michael did change.” Todd says, appearing next to us, dressed like Sheba.

“Here to play Mysterious Marilyn's role for us?” I snark.

“Give her a break, she’s bound by more rules than anyone. I just didn’t want something I said to have you suspecting this Mikey. Mikey played on the other side, yes, but in the end even Hell has standards, and Mikey just couldn’t reach them.” Todd tells us.

“I could have been evil.” Michael pouts.

“It’s not the time for you to get upset that Hell didn’t want you, remember the goal is staying out of Hell.” I tell him.

“Fine, but I wasn’t all good. I did once say you should have died.” He mutters, like the idea of roasting in hell sounded fun.

“It’s better than being nothing to some people.” Todd tells me.

“Why light?” I ask Todd.

“God likes football. And in every game it’s two people fighting to win the game through the portal of a ball, if we use your analogy. Like good, we have evil, and something that stands in between the two so one doesn’t overpower the other.” Todd tells me.

“He’s light to Lindsay’s darkness, not Brian’s.” Michael says, looking at Todd.

“She wanted it to seem like that, but no, it’s a mirror image to light and darkness. Lindsay isn’t part of what I’m talking about. She worked hard to be everything Justin was, in her head the only thing missing was the one part Brian would require. You asked why she had Gus; it was something you couldn’t beat her at.” Todd tells us.

“Fuck you, I’m nothing like her.” I tell him.

“She needed to keep you and Michael fighting, wanting to finally win the game. Lindsay wants an end to the balance, because Hell would win. Prince of Light meet the Prince of Darkness. God’s balance sheet has always been you two, only there has to be someone who could be both... Brian.” He tells me.

“Look, cryptic shit isn’t helping right now.” I tell him.

“Think hard Justin, in this life you did things in order to help other people. The only time you came close to something that would have changed you, you walked away. Because there had to be balance, something you were trained from birth to do. If you hadn’t, a war that’s been going on would have ended, because you would have destroyed the balance your family was responsible for. Just as Michael’s family was the keeper of the Darkness. Think of it like government, both wanting what their party wants, but also willing to work together for the good of all.” Todd tells me.

“Wouldn’t that make me evil?” Michael asks. 

“It gave you both a way to help Brian stay in between. When Lindsay got a hold of you, you tilted, because darkness craves the sins of the world, but you weren’t created evil. Brian has both sides in him, so he can walk between the two. When you guys went to the new timeline, Brian was shifting closer to light. It’s about balance; they can’t have the referee taking a side, even with Justin at his side for eternity.” He tell me, vanishing.

“Did any of that clear up anything?” Michael asks.

I sat there thinking, trying to understand what Todd was describing. “Before God created man, there was no sin, envy, greed, or jealousy. Nothing, because there was only Heaven, a place where none of that is. Lucifer fell, because God gave people free will, something Angels didn’t have. Their lives were lived to serve only God. The Garden of Eden was created, only, what happened?” I ask him.

“Yeah, apple, snake, woman…” He adds, confused if there was anything else.

“So we go from everything good and perfect, nothing that could be done better or worse… When Brian and I went away after the restart of this timeline, I remember watching the sunrise every morning. Every morning was different and new. Nothing was perfect, the way it was in Heaven. I could no longer see a way to make it better, so I stopped creating, even in my head, until I came back. Lucifer fell when his father loved his newest creations more.” I tell him.

“Okay, but what does it have to do with the whole light and darkness thing?” He asks.

“I’m only guessing now, because none of this is something I’ve ever read in theology. At a guess, light and darkness are the result of free will, beyond that, I’m really not sure. It could be Todd paying me back for making him come to me, and threatening him.” I tell him.

“You threatened an Angel, are you nuts?” Michael asks.

“No. Just determined to get some answers, so we can get back to the life we want.” I tell him.