Life As We Remember by starlight



Brian took off when Mel called him. Which left me wanting to know more about me. Seeing what Justin could do scared me into worrying about what I was capable of doing. I’d been avoiding Ben, since what we had in this life was a trainwreck. Because I wanted Brian, even when Ben tried to be everything I wanted. Ma was still after me to call David and I did, just to blow off his suggestion that we go out to some exclusive restaurant he took me to before, one I didn’t like but pretended to like for him.


I sat in the back, watching Ben debate with his students, remembering when I stood up there, trying to talk about comics. Ben, if nothing else, never made me feel like he was just patting me on the head, patronizing me the way David did in front of his friends.


“Why would he? You were the best he expected to get.” Lucifer said, appearing next to me.


I hated how I wanted to touch him, but resisted when I thought about how in essence the angels were our parents.


“Trust me, what you got from me, doesn’t make you anything to me.” He says, reading my thoughts.


“Why are you here?” I ask.


“Bored. Can you imagine? I mean, normally corrupting souls entertains me, but somehow even that isn’t working right now.” He tells me.


“Since you’re willing to spill, what can I do?” Michael asks.


“Worried that Justin was the only one with all the cool tricks?” He jokes.


“No, I’m more worried that what I can do would be more like a nuclear bomb in comparison.” I tell him.


“Not really. Apparently Father wasn’t too happy when I helped the guy create one, so no, nothing so delightfully deadly for you.” He says, looking disappointed by it. “By the way, Ben wouldn’t be able to give you answers either.” 


“Why?” I ask.


“Everything had to be fair, and the same when you guys help Brian this time. So Ben, Vic, or anyone else who could tell you the history of you was left to forget where they knew anything, after giving you the basics.” He tells me.


“Take this any way you want, but why help?” I ask.


“Because regardless of the way the Bible tells the story of me, the end of the world wouldn’t benefit me. The Bible got it close, but not right, since Father would allow all souls to ascend to him, not descend down to me. I’d lose the chance to fill Hell, while Father filled Heaven and would likely have made it so his next creation wasn’t one I could play in. Something my selfish little soul couldn’t take, if I had a soul.” He tells me.


“So are you going to give me a clue about what I can do?” I ask.


“I really wouldn’t have to, just let you near someone who sins all in the name of their faith. While you like sin, your house hates sin mislabeled as anything but what it is. It’s why the ball of sunshine planning to deal with Joan would be better without you. Even if he doesn’t realize it’s why he really wanted to keep you out of it.” He tells me.


“Stalling, or just can’t tell me what I can do?” I ask again.


“He knows better.” The guy in front of us turns to look at us.


“You know, I hate the day you showed up.” Lucifer tells Metatron.


“I’m sure you did, but anything that took attention from you, you hated.” Metatron argues.


“No. You were always so self righteous, thinking you were something special because Father used you to talk to the Pets.” Lucifer tells him, crossing his arms and acting like a petulant child. It really wasn't fun to see something we shared in common.


“Should you guys be talking like this in front of everyone?” I ask. Although, taking a look around, no one even seems to notice us.


“I don’t see any reason Darkness can't know.” Lucifer tells him, ignoring me.


“Neither do I. But like Justin, Michael has to figure it out himself. Once he does the secrets no longer matter, because they will both remember who they once were.” Metatron says, disappearing, while Lucifer smiled.


“There you have the answer as to why they’ve been stingy with the details. Now you asked what would happen when you power up? Easy, he’s the sun, you’re the moon, the world would go dark and the person you target can’t get away from seeing the truth of their sin. And as for what happens, they get to see their sins through the eyes of the person they sin against. Do yourself a favor, stay away from serial killers, those are my domain.” He tells me, vanishing.


Lovely, I was like a theater that played ‘this is your life’. Everyone was packing up when I looked around. Ben was smiling at me. I smiled back, wishing him a good life, something he found away from me. There was a part of me that wondered if he had left for Tibet when he planned to, would he have found happiness sooner?




As much as we all thought Joan lived in the church, it took a few days before she showed up. I watched as she stumbled slightly trying to get in a pew. Then she bent her head, praying away.


“If only she knew she would have done better loving Brian than praying for his soul. The one who decided where hers went.” Uriel tells me.


“In the book she lives by, Brian’s life was condemned.” I tell him, not liking that I was defending anything Joan did.


“Not everything was wrong, just up to the interpretation of man.” He tells me.


Joan got up and went to confession when she was done. Uriel waited until Joan was behind the curtain to encourage Tom to leave, making it easier for me to replace him.


“My children are straying from the path. My guidance falls on deaf ears.” Joan was saying as I sat down.


“Why do you feel you know what your children should do when you did nothing to protect them? Your guidance was flawed when you left them to whatever fate awaited them behind your door.” Justin asks.


“I can’t control what my husband does.” Joan says, as if what she did wasn’t worse.


“No. But you can control your ignorance to the sins committed against your children by you. Not honoring you could be excused, since you didn’t honor them as the gifts God gave you to protect. Your faith won’t save you or get you to Heaven, since every sin you commit must be forgiven, not justified or ignored.” I tell her.


“I didn’t do anything to them.” She excuses herself.


“Other than judge them as if it was your place. Or did you skip that part of the Bible?” I ask.


I heard nothing on the other side, other than Joan leaving. Hoping when Brian’s father died, she did what this Brian would need for him to be able to forgive her. 


Uriel wasn’t there when I came out, not that I wanted him to be. I left going to Michael’s place, only to find Brian standing there with Gus in his arms.


“I need you to keep Gus. If Lindsay calls, you don’t have him.” Brian tells me.


“What’s going on?” I ask.


“Mel and I managed to get a judge to look over the paperwork. If he signs, we can keep her away from Gus.” Brian tells me.


“You’re trusting me with Gus?” I ask.


“Of course.” He says, like I should have known better than to ask.


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