Life As We Remember by starlight



“It's too easy.” Michael mumbles as he comes into the loft.


“What?” I ask, as he paces around, stopping but shaking his head pacing again. When he seemed to figure out whatever it was, he sat in front of me.


“Think about it. Justin shows up, deals with Craig and Craig backs off. Rita and Rickert were practically begging to be caught.” He tells me.


“Okay, but I'm still not getting where this is going.” I tell him.


“Excuse the reference I'm about to make. With Rage, Justin was always drilling into my head that there had to be a reason why the Villain did something. We can say Lindsay is angry, vengeful, and any other thing we want, but even if she is… what's the point of this? Even if this timeline was allowed to play out, the end is Lindsay still being the loser. Every scenario they've tried reaches the same ending, because nothing changes that you and Justin seem to find each other. I'm starting to think the cast of villains were a distraction, keeping us busy. It's just been too easy.” He tells me.


“Why is it bothering you?” I ask.


“It's something Brian told me tonight. I get this isn't the Lindsay we know, but why change the way she operated with you and Mel? Instead of her and Mel ganging up on you for the life insurance and custody, she's all over Mel to do it. You… he… shit this is confusing. Lindsay isn’t playing you both off each other like she used to, instead she's taking a side, Brian’s. Which, why bother if she's been planning this whole thing with all these other people? The only thing I could come up with was that she was using all this other shit to keep us busy. I just can't figure out why.” He tells me.


“If we succeed, nothing she does would matter.” I tell him.


“If you don’t, then she's changing things from how they happen.” He tells me.


“Justin and I have already met, nothing she does now changes that.” I tell him.


“So like I said, why is she changing things?” He asks.


“In hopes to do better than the last time.” I tell him, and then remembered he wasn’t Justin. “When we did this again, Justin said he wanted to score better on his SATS. If he scored the same then it's like he never learned anything, and in essence was repeating what he'd already done. Using that theory, Lindsay could be trying to change things, because by not, she repeats the same life.” I tell him.


“You and Justin already met, how does alienating Mel matter?” He asks.


“As a reason for her to depend on Brian.” Marilyn says coming in.


“Okay, but why would that matter, when she and Mel broke up, Justin and Brian were still together.” Michael tells us.


“Without Mel who did she go to?” I ask.


“You.” Michael answers.


“Who isn't sure what Justin means to him, but would do anything for Gus.” Marilyn tells us.


If she convinced this Brian that keeping Justin around wasn’t the best for Gus, then it changes this timeline.” Michael tells us.


“Fuck. She's trying to make it so Justin is out of my life. In this timeline, if that happens, Justin and I won't be born in another timeline.” I tell him.


“What?” Michael asks.


“We got to try again because Justin was never supposed to get on that plane. If we aren't together, what happens to him at prom?” I ask Michael.


“Hobbs gets tried for murder, because you weren't there.” Michael says, looking horrified. “But we could stay and keep Justin safe.” Michael tells me.


“Not if Lindsay still has Craig in her pocket.” I tell him.


“I'm not following.” Michael tells me.


“Justin might be at the age of consent, but he's still a minor. With what happened at the bar, Stockwell will be happy to get another pervert off the street. Dear sweet Lindsay has the perfect weapon, that we gave her, to convince Brian to get Justin out of my life.” I tell him.


“Like I said, we can still save him.” Michael tells me.


“Not if Craig slaps a restraining order on Brian. Then he willingly leaves Justin to die, but dead to Craig was better than gay.” I tell him.


“If that's even what she's doing. Lindsay was always coming up with shit, but it never got her what she wanted. It's one of the things that drove her insane the first time, that he got everything that she never could.” Michael tells me.


“I need to see Justin, my Justin. It feels like if we stay here too long we can't get back.” I tell him.


“If we go back, and she changes something, how will we know? I want to meet Connor, but she could make it so it doesn't happen if this timeline continues.” Michael tells us, worried.


“We can't keep running around trying to avoid ourselves. It's gives Lindsay the advantage. We can deal with this in the morning, since we're stuck here.” I tell them, getting up and going to bed.


In the shower I allowed myself to show my frustration that Lindsay was possibly running us in circles. It really didn’t make sense that everything was as easy as it had been. In truth, none of this made any sense, until tonight. Even if this timeline played out the way Lindsay wanted, it didn’t change where she ended up. Justin would still end up in heaven, because Justin down to his soul was one of the greatest men I ever met. He made me want to be more than the Stud, and helped me see love wasn’t a myth people told themselves. Before the bombing, I remember Lindsay chastising me every time I did something to upset Justin, but then, she also knew how to play on my insecurities when it came to Justin. It was likely fun for her, to watch me doing exactly what she knew I would do, push Justin away instead of admitting I needed him. But what was the endgame here? It’s where I’m stumped, because even if Justin was gone, it wasn’t going to get her the house and the 2.5 kids she dreamed of with me. I wasn’t Bi anything, just straight up gay, and that wasn’t something that she could find a way around.


After getting nowhere with those thoughts, I just wanted oblivion from it all. Sleep for once came easier, because at least in my dreams he was there. Only it seems this dream wasn’t going to be me taking comfort in Justin, even though it was only in my sleep. I looked around at Babylon, it was the Babylon after the bomb.


“Hello Brian, it’s time to make sure this ends. Trust me, we aren’t any happier than you that you and Justin are still dealing with this.” A guy says, standing behind the bar.


“Who is we?” I ask.


“The ones who were ordered to intervene if Lindsay succeeds. I’m Gabriel, behind you is Michael.” He tells me, as Michael comes to the bar.


“Why not intervene now?” I ask.


“Because in this timeline we already did, by sending Michael to stop you from killing yourself. If you had succeeded it wouldn’t have mattered that you didn’t intend to kill yourself, just that you did, and Lindsay would have gladly joined you in hell. Which is what she’s planning. She can’t escape her fate, but she also knows that she can bring you with her.” Gabriel tells me.


“This is to get me into hell?” I ask.


“Where you will eternally be hers, it’s the promise Lucifer gave her.” Michael tells me.


“So she’s hoping this time I kill myself?” I ask him.


“It’s not something Lucifer will accept, since technically you didn’t actually mean to die, just well...” He says, staring at me.


“Get off. It’s not like we don’t know what I was doing.” I tell them.


“She had to get you to continue the life you were perfecting before Justin came into it.” Gabriel tells me.


“She could have done this without us knowing about it.” I tell him.


“She didn’t know when she tried to change things each time, that it would pull you back, with the knowledge you have. When it didn’t work, she tried it with Justin and Emmett, who don’t get the advantage you do.” Gabriel tells me.


“Why does Justin always come back not knowing anything?” I ask.


“You're asking the wrong question.” Michael tells me.


“Why do I get to know everything?” I ask.


“Normally no one gets to come back knowing there were other lives. In your case, it was what happened in this timeline. You didn’t use the knowledge you had for anything other than to make sure you got the life you and Justin were going to have. There was no reason to take it back from you.” He tells me.


“Why did you two bring me here?” I ask.


“The same reason Uriel went to visit Justin. So you know when this ends, there will not be another life Lindsay will be included in. We also brought you here because this separation isn’t any easier on Justin.” They tell me disappearing.


“Brian?” My Justin says, looking confused.


Babylon changed around us, instead we were standing on the dance floor lit up, glitter falling around us. Justin and I met in the middle, not surprised to hear the song that changed our life.


“I miss you.” I tell him, not dancing, just holding him.


I woke up alone, not at Marilyn's place, but home. Jenny was squirming beside me, about to wake up. I picked up one of my princesses and took her with me to figure out why I was home when I should be trying to stop Lindsay. Justin was in the kitchen, cooking with Gus, but when he turned, it wasn’t my Justin standing there.


Michael was sitting there looking just as confused, and when he started talking, it wasn’t the new improved Michael, but Mikey.


“When did you buy a house and why is adopt-a-trick here?” Mikey asks.


“Dude get over it, he wants me not you.” Justin tells him, snickering before looking at me. “Hate to sound like him, but how did Gus go from newborn to three, and who’s that?” Justin asks looking at Jenny.


I left the room looking to find my Justin, but stopped when the someone knocked on the door.


“What the hell is going on?” I ask Marty.


“They sent Justin to help Michael, they needed you here because someone has to stay with them.” Marty tells me.


“Why not freeze them here?” I ask.


“So you can start taking care of the life that’s waiting. That’s all I was told.” He tells me.


“Kira, Dada.” Gus tell me.


“Does Justin at least know what’s going on?” I ask.


“About that, we need to find a way to send Emmett back, because two of them is really not all fun and games.” He tells me, dragging in Emmett.


“Um, so like did Anita slip me some shit?” Emmett asks.


“If she did she slipped it to me and the twink too.” Mikey tells him.


“I’m in hell.” I muttered.


“This one is going back after you talk to him and figure out the beginning with Emmett.” Marty tells me.


“Use me and toss me back, in other words.” Emmett tells me.


“Emmett, you're the only one that is open minded!” Is yelled through the door.


“Why are you outside?” I yell back at apparently Emmett 2.0.


“Apparently when we accidently touched, we sort of caused a blackout.” He yells back.


“Not fun, like I said. So let's get Emmett up to speed and keep the power grid from collapsing.” Marty tells me.

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