BRIAN

I left Justin to sleep while I got up to get the day started. With my Justin finally being back where he belonged, I was ready to forget the last year. Understandably, the family as well as the people in Justin’s business were slightly confused at having a seventeen year old Justin here. Emmett managed to help by distracting the family with Drew and their wedding plans. While I made sure Justin didn’t screw up in business. I didn’t go ahead with marrying Justin, using the excuse that we wanted to let the children get used to us before we started making plans. 

I went to Kira’s room, since she usually was awake when I got up. Kira hardly cried or stayed up most nights, at least that was what I thought until I found Gabriel in her room one night. At first it scared the shit out of me, but learning who he was to me, made me understand him better. In the first and second lives Gabriel had to stay out of it. He lived with what was happening to me, seeing every aspect of my life but believing in his father. We’d turned our backs on everything and left them only being able to watch us. Gabriel, who hadn’t interfered, was punished along side the angels, and could only witness our lives from the outside. With our return to the fold, he could once again be in the life he could never have, and not once did he begrudge us for having what he couldn’t. 

I found him once again standing over the crib, making Kira giggle at his stern face. None of the kids found him scary, and for Gabriel it was something new. He was a soldier of God, not some benevolent creature that people changed because the reality turned them into monsters to fear. It was somewhere in between. Like me, they did God’s will and by doing it meant they weren’t the cuddly, winged creatures humans made them into.

God created Justin, Michael, and me because his creations weren’t made to follow the same rules. He wanted the chaos that came with humans. He was giving free will in order to allow for mistakes and redemption, something his angels couldn’t understand. They followed the commandments and couldn’t see another way. If you broke the rules there was no coming back. It didn’t matter that Lucifer was God’s favorite, just that he questioned their father. It was really Lucifer who caused us into being. God couldn’t back down because what Lucifer did was unforgivable in the Heaven he created. By creating us, he was able to change the rules for mankind.

At first there was only darkness and light, the balance. They were like two opposing lawyers, Justin only seeing the sins that invaded the soul, Michael allowing for any sin and finding the reasons to blame anyone but the sinner. It caused God to see he needed a judge to determine if the sinner was worthy of a place in Heaven or should be doomed to Hell. A creation that could see the truth of the whole of someone’s life.

In the beginning Justin and Michael didn’t walk the earth, but waited until the soul reached them. I was created to give man a chance before they ended up in Heaven’s courtroom. 

The series of tests weren’t to test me but my ability to not be swayed by the goodness or evil in a soul. It was like Deb said once, I could take it too far but come back from it, and it was what made me able to understand what Justin and Michael couldn’t. It was the reason Uriel interfered, because I was leading Justin further and further away from the light he lived in. They didn’t understand love in the way humans did; for them there was no greater love than the love they held for their father. Humans didn’t have to chose one over the other, but had to still love God, it was all he wanted. It was also why Purgatory existed, to hope that one day the ones who believed they were only doing God’s will didn’t end up in hell for their mistake in their beliefs. They misunderstood what God wanted and were given a chance to redeem themselves if they ever found their way back to what God wanted. Once in Hell there was nothing he could do to change it for them. 

I wasn’t just created and sent to earth, but given the choice. The life I was given was a way for me to control the darkness and light that lived inside me. When Justin and Michael were sent down, it was to teach them to see both sides, not just theirs. During that life, my biggest influences were darkness, and seeing Justin for the first time brought the light out of the darkness where I was living.

I remember the moment he appeared, surrounded by darkness, eventually reaching a light that made me look when normally I wouldn’t. Michael’s unhappiness had nothing to do with Justin, but for him I was proving darkness had a place in Heaven, with the life we were living. It was a power play to both of them and I was caught in the middle of it, not knowing what I do now. Michael had come earlier than Justin, in an effort to be swayed to his side. Justin was left waiting until it was his time to come to sway me to his side. Only God had a trick up his sleeve in that he made Justin my soul mate, and let Michael become an important part of my life. He saw the importance of both them in my life, and wanted the three of us to work the way he planned for us to. It wouldn’t have mattered to him which one of them I loved, even if I didn’t choose Justin. I told the truth. For me being soulmates wouldn’t have mattered, it was simply I loved Justin for everything he was.

Justin and I didn’t spend the first night the way we eventually did; instead we ended up arguing the whole night all the way to the hospital to meet Gus. He practically berated me for my whole life, saying I was risking everything and showing people the worst parts of humanity. At the time, I was still clueless in my role and my only thought was that I took home a nut job that night. I took Justin with me to the hospital because I was worried about letting him loose on the streets, not because I wanted him to be near my son.

It was the first time I saw what Justin was trying to explain to me. Justin didn’t walk in smiling at the scene before us. Lindsay sitting in the circle of women there to admire what she created. He saw through the innocence that Lindsay portrayed to the world. He also understood how to play the game with Lindsay by siding with her in the name, which also served another purpose for him. What Justin did by giving Gus his name wasn’t just agreeing, but making it so Gus would always have his protection from the monster Justin could see in Lindsay. It was something all of us could do, protect a soul that couldn’t protect itself from what surrounded them.

When I picked Gus up, there was a warmth that went through me into Gus. It wasn’t something I could see, but could feel coming through Justin’s hand. Every story told, only told of my love for Gus shining that night, but Justin fell equally in love. That feeling was what made me not send Justin away, but keep him in my life. I wanted to feel it. It was a drug to me. A warmth when I’d only ever felt cold inside. I now understand what that light really was, it was God’s love. And darkness was the fear of losing that love. Michael wasn’t evil, but the fears of the world that caused humans to do the things they did wanting to come home to the light. 

Being the balance between the two of them meant I shouldn’t have fallen in love with someone who could only live in the light. What the Angels didn’t understand was we were part human as well, and loving each other wasn’t going to change our roles in the world. Justin didn’t run from his role the way they thought. He was running toward love, which was something he was, and it made him be willing to see what he couldn’t before, that the sin didn’t make the sinner unredeemable. We were exploring a world the Angels only saw as wrong, and like the soldiers they are, they did what they knew and lost all of us.

What I did was my vengeance for killing the other half of me. I wanted to show them what I would have been like if I’d never met God’s light, no one was safe from me. Especially the ones who thought praying to God meant they were safe, while sinning in the name of God. It was Justin and Michael who had to do what the Angels wouldn’t, save me from what I was doing. Which came at a cost to all of us- the Angels were no longer allowed to interfere with us. We were given a chance to live without the burden of our creation. Once again, Justin and I proved our love for each other didn’t change who we were. It was what God intended, and knew when we did it the first time, wanting to show his children what they did when they interfered. It also showed them forgiveness wasn’t something he saved for humans, but for all his children. I passed every test without even knowing it was a test, which in turn showed the Angels why Justin was my soulmate, because our relationship gave Justin the ability to understand people could change, and for Michael to see some sins couldn’t be excused by one act of kindness.  

In a way, all three lives allowed us the time to understand our roles and find a way to balance the life we would live. We would be called when there wasn’t a black or white answer, but to work our way through the gray to find the truth. Which meant our lives here would be on hold until we were through, and having family to come back to was a way to thank us for what we did.

“Dada, he’s cooking.” Gus told me, making me realized I’d been zoned out.

“Who?” I asked.

“The man with wings.” Gus tells me, going down the stairs.

I ran down to the kitchen because Gabriel really didn’t get the concept of cooking any more than I did. He tended towards divine intervention when he burned everything. While the kids were babies, not a big issue, but the last thing we needed was the school calling when the kids got older because Grandpa didn’t get how people would think the kids were crazy, talking about the man with wings.

“They like the wings.” Gabriel told me, willing to do anything to hear the children’s laughter.

“I’m sure they do, but the world isn’t ready to know you walk among us.” Justin answered him, before kissing me.

Gabriel scowled at Justin, as Justin went to each child and rolled his eyes at Gabriel’s indulgence of all the kids. 

“We’ve talked about this, just because the kids want cake and cookies doesn’t mean Grandpa gives it to them for breakfast.” Justin told him, hands on hips scowling.

“No it doesn’t.” My mother said coming in the kitchen, shaking her head at the table.

Watching my mother scold Gabriel was really too much fun. Gabriel wanted to be a part of the family and was allowed to alter this timeline. Gabriel and my mother grew up together, closer than brother and sister. My mother was older and in her eyes that made Gabriel family, which meant everyone treated him as family. I didn’t ask how Gabriel managed to keep anyone from wondering why he was always at our house. Gabriel commented once he should have made himself the older one to avoid the tyrant. Justin came up behind me, smiling at the family and surrounding me with his warmth. I felt Justin jolt for a second, and turned.

“What?” I asked.

“Michael’s soul met its mate.” Justin tells me.