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CHAPTER 16  Changes in Life

 

I envy children's inherent belief in good. I, myself, don't have that belief anymore. I'm not sure when I lost it - or if I ever actually had that belief - but considering my own childhood, it's not really much of a surprise that I lost my faith at a very young age.

Maybe it's just my nature to be the 'Glass half empty' kind of guy? I've never been much of an optimist. I consider myself to be more of a realist. The world is the way it is. If you're always going around hoping for something better, you'll waste a lot of time and probably still not be satisfied with what you've got. That's why I prefer to just roll with the punches. Take what you are given and make due. If you need something more, you have to either go after whatever it is, or, if that's impossible, move on. But just expecting that good things will come your way, was never my style.

It's the same with people. I watch Debbie or Lindsay and see that way they are - always believing the best of people until proven wrong - and I just don't get it. I personally approach everyone I meet with caution. I don't believe someone will be a good person. Most people I've met are not either good nor bad. They're just people struggling to get by, same as me, and like me, more often than not they will do whatever it takes to protect themselves. Which is why you have to be wary. You shouldn't trust people without cause because most can't be trusted. I even look at my friends that way a lot of the time.

Which is why I look at children and I'm constantly amazed. Children believe in good. They believe that adults are good people who will protect them. They know how to trust.

They believe in their right to be happy . . .

.:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:.

Brian decided to catch up on some paperwork while he waited for the inevitable visit from his oldest friend. He was happy that Michael had someone in his life - even though he didn't much like Dr. David himself - and couldn't understand how Michael could not want the same for him. Brian had tried several times in recent months to explain to Michael that they were both growing up and it was probably time to find out what else they could do to enhance their lives; something other than going to a bar or club almost every night of the week. He had even commented to Michael several times how the guys that were coming to Babylon seemed younger and younger. Unfortunately, Michael seemed to live so much in the past, that it was hard for him to grasp that the future would be any different. At least as far as Brian's future was concerned.

Lately, when Brian thought of his future, all he saw was a certain bubble-butted blond that he was developing serious feelings for. Which was remarkable, since, up until very recently, he'd never allowed himself to even wonder about his future or dare to think there'd be someone besides himself in it. These days, Brian wanted that future more than he'd ever have let himself imagine. It seemed that, just maybe, he was finally growing up.

Just then, he was brought out of his musings on the blond in his life by a loud commotion outside of his office.

"I don't care what you say, Cynthia, I need to see him right now. I just got back into the country after being gone a month. I'm sure Brian will want to take the time to welcome back his best friend," Michael was demanding very loudly, practically screaming at Brian's assistant, who was only doing her job and didn't deserve this treatment.

Getting up out of his chair Brian walked over and angrily threw open his door. He'd meant to tell Michael to back off Cynthia. But, before Brian could say anything, Michael was barreling past Cynthia and shouldering his way into Brian's office. He was so intent on his goal, he almost knocked Brian over in the process.

"Hey, Brian. Look who's back from Europe," Michael boasted, holding out his arms to the side as if putting himself on display. "David and I had such a great time. We took pictures of everything - we plan to have the whole gang over later for a slideshow, but I couldn't wait to come see you and catch up."

"I'm glad you had fun, Mikey," Brian replied, trying not to vent his exasperation. "You could have waited till after business hours, though. I don't have time in the middle of a work day to look at fucking vacation pics."  

"I didn't bring them with me right now, Brian. Sheesh. We haven't even got them all downloaded yet. We only got in last night," Mikey explained as he flopped down on Brian's couch, putting his feet up on the coffee table as if he was getting comfortable and planning to stay a while, before he moved on to the meat of his visit. "So, I was at the Diner for breakfast this morning and we saw you and some blond kid leaving just as we drove up. Ma said that you've been spending a lot of time with this gold-digger and maybe some other guy too? So, what the fuck is going on, huh? I can't believe I was only gone for a month and you got into this much trouble." Michael laughed as if the whole situation was just another one of Brian's usual fuckups. "But if these two are giving you trouble, I can help you get rid of them. It wouldn't be the first time I've had to kick one of your tricks out for you. Although, it's usually because you're too drunk or stoned to do it yourself." Again, more laughter, making it seem like he enjoyed playing enforcer for Brian. "I'm not surprised that some sponger has latched onto you, Brian. Now that you've got Kinnetik, you'd be a real catch for one of the losers who's been panting after you for years. But don't worry, I'll make sure these overblown tricks understand what's what and leave you alone. Just tell me where the fuck they live and I'll take care of it for you so you can get back to work."

"That's okay, Mikey. Justin and Gus aren't tricks and even if they were, I wouldn't need your help. I'm a big boy and I can take care of myself," Brian asserted, trying to dissuade Michael without sounding too harsh.

"He sure looked like a trick to me, although, I never knew you to be into chicken before. That blond barely looked legal. And who the hell is this Gus? Ma mentioned him too. How the fuck did you let this happen?" Michael reiterated, already sounding more insistent.

"Michael, would you shut up and listen to me for a fucking second? Are you listening?" Brian asked, waiting for Michael's nod before he continued. "Number one, Justin is not some gold-digging trick - and I'm very sure that's not the way Deb described him. He's . . . well, for lack of a better term, he's my boyfriend." Brian held up his hand as Michael opened his mouth, most definitely to dispute Brian's ‘boyfriend' comment. "You're supposed to be LISTENING!" When Michael shut his trap, Brian went on. "As I was saying, he's my boyfriend - and before you say anything, I realize just how ridiculous that sounds coming from me, but it is what it is - so I'd appreciate it if you'd quit calling him names and threatening to get rid of him. And, as for who Gus is, well, he may be my son." Again Brian had to hold up his hand to forestall an interruption from Michael. "It's a long fucking story. Trust me, I was just as surprised as you are. We're in the process of finding out exactly what's what on that front as we speak."

"Shit, Brian. I wasn't gone that long . . ." Michael seemed overwhelmed by all this news. "Damn! I can't believe YOU of all people have a fucking kid? How the hell did THAT happen?"

"Please don't make me explain the joys of hetero sex to you, Mikey. I don't need to be nauseated for the rest of the day," Brian joked, hoping to head off the rest of his friend's almost inevitable tirade.

"I know HOW," Michael insisted. "I meant when, where, who?"

"Like I said, it's complicated and I'm not really sure, but it looks like it might be tied to a wild night I had about six years ago at a college reunion dinner . . . which I don't remember, of course," Brian answered, hoping not to have to get into the nitty gritty with Michael, who would inevitably question everything. "But it doesn't matter. All that does matter is that Gus is staying with me for the foreseeable future - at least until we figure out where the fuck his mother disappeared to."

"So, let me get this straight," Michael went on. "You're taking care of some kid and you don't even know if he's yours? That's bogus, Brian. It sounds to me like this kid's mother is just taking advantage of you. And you're falling for it. Can't you just dump the brat at the police station or something? This shouldn't be your problem, Brian."

"I'm not going to just dump the kid off somewhere, Mikey," Brian replied, disgusted that his friend would even suggest that. "No kid deserves to be treated like that. I won't just walk away and abandon him like his mother did. I wouldn't do that to any kid, especially not one that might turn out be my son."

"So, you're just going to change your entire life so you can take care of a kid that - even if he does turn out to be yours - you didn't want or plan for? What the fuck, Brian? I can't believe YOU of all people would let someone turn your whole world upside down like this," Michael complained vociferously. However Brian was scowling at his old friend so intently at that point that the incensed man tried to rein in his outrage. "But, hey, whatever. If you want to play babysitter, I guess it's your call. What does that have to do with this trick that's outstayed his welcome, though? Or did you just rope him into taking care of the kid for you? That's not a bad idea, I guess. Although, I still think he'll try and take advantage of you when the kid's finally gone and you want to get back to normal. From what I saw this morning as you guys were leaving, he looked like he was getting way too attached already. I'm serious about my offer to get rid of him for you."

"I don't need you or anyone else to get rid of anyone for me, Mikey. Apparently you didn't hear what I just told you, either. Justin is my fucking BOYFRIEND." Brian realized he was almost yelling and tried to modulate his voice. "You know what, Mikey, I understand that you think you're just looking out for me, but I don't want or need you messing in my life anymore. Okay? It's MY LIFE. I'm fine with Gus and Justin being in my life. To be honest, I like the way things have been going lately. And I don't really WANT to get back to ‘normal', whatever the fuck that was."

Michael put his feet down and leaned forward on the couch, obviously intent on getting his friend to listen to him. "Brian, you're my best friend and I've known you for more more than half my life, so listen to me when I say, this isn't YOU. The Brian Kinney I know and love isn't some dowdy hausfrau with a kid and a boyfriend. You're the King of Liberty Avenue and you always will be. So, why are you letting all this crazy shit complicate your life all of the sudden, huh? I just don't understand it."

Trying to control his temper, Brian got up from his chair and moved so he was standing in front of his ‘best friend'. "Michael, do I tell you how to run your life? Who you can be with, and what you can do? NO! I most certainly don't. You are with David and, even though I don't much care for the guy, I've tried not to interfere. Why can't you do the same? Why shouldn't I have someone in my life? Why shouldn't I be allowed to have a partner - like all the rest of you - or even start a family? Why would you think I would WANT to be alone for the rest of my life?"

"You won't be ALONE, Brian. You'll always have me."

"Really? So, you and David are into poly now? ‘Cause, as far as I can tell, you're with DAVID, Michael," Brian accused.

"I'm with David now, but that doesn't mean you and I won't still be friends. We promised we'd always be there for each other, right? You used to say we'd end up a couple of old queens living in Palm Springs when we were old and grey. I thought that was still the plan," Michael answered with that wheedling tone that always grated on Brian's nerves so badly.

"Mikey," Brian sighed and slumped into the chair next to the couch. "That plan was made when I was only fourteen or fifteen years old. I've grown up since then. We both have. What I said then isn't realistic now. You have a life with David and I think I want to have a life with Justin. It's time to shelve those old fantasies and get a real life," Brian told Michael, trying to sound reasonable.

"So, what? That's it? You found a hot assed blond and now our twenty years of friendship are shot to hell?" Michael bawled, the hurt clearly evident in his tone. "That's not fair, Brian. I would never just abandon our friendship for some guy. I mean, David has been trying to get me to move to Portland with him so he can be closer to Hank, but I've stayed here because of you. Because I cared about our friendship." Michael paused to look at his oldest friend, but Brian was refusing to meet his eye, which only ramped up his anger. "But, apparently, you don't care at all? Fine. Whatever. You know what, I should just leave. Go to Portland like David wants. It would serve you right," Michael accused.

"Yes, you SHOULD leave, Mikey. David's your boyfriend and, if you care about him, you should do whatever it takes to support him. He should be your first priority. Our friendship shouldn't come before your partner. That's not the way a relationship is supposed to work, Mikey. Even I know that," Brian stated baldly, hoping that maybe this time it would get through to Michael.

"Fine," Michael said, his mouth pinched up in an angry frown. "If that's how you feel, then I guess it's pretty clear where you stand now. I thought our friendship meant more to you than some trumped up trick, but I must have been wrong." Michael strode to the office door and then turned back to Brian so he could have the final word. "I'm going to tell David that I'll move to Portland with him since there's nothing holding me here anymore. Have a nice life, Brian." Michael flung open the office door and stormed out, leaving a stunned and defeated Brian in his wake.

Before he could even retreat back to his desk, Cynthia walked into Brian's office, shutting the door. "Are you okay, Brian?"

"Fuck if I know, Cynthia," Brian answered as he flopped down into his desk chair. He sat there staring blankly at his computer for a minute or two while his assistant looked on, lost as to how to help her boss. "To hell with it," he finally stated and began packing up several files and other items into his briefcase. "I'm not going to get anything more done here today. I need to get out of here. Close up for me will you, Cynthia?" He asked, squeezing her hand as he left.

Cynthia watched his retreating back as it disappeared down the hallway and then turned back to her own desk. She hated seeing her boss, who was also a good friend, looking so defeated. Hoping she wasn't overstepping her bounds, Cynthia picked up the handset to the phone and began dialing a number that she hadn't called before.

"Hello, Justin?" Cynthia said as soon as the voice answered on the other end. "We haven't really spoken before, except when I've answered your calls, but my name is Cynthia Morgan. I'm Brian Kinney's assistant. And based on the conversation I've just inadvertently overheard, I'm assuming that you're the one putting a smile on Brian's face so frequently for the past few weeks?"

"Um . . . Yeah," Justin replied, unsure of how much he should be saying to this stranger who'd called him out of the blue.

"Good. Glad I got the right Justin," Cynthia asserted, pleased that she'd rightly assumed the number she'd seen come up so frequently of late belonged to the man Brian had been bragging on to Michael. "I'm not sure if I should butt in here or not, but I just wanted to give you a head's up. Brian's on his way home. He and his friend Michael had a bit of a falling out this morning and it wasn't pretty. I think he might need some extra TLC today."

Justin had heard Brian talking about his assistant before, and had suspected how much Cynthia and Brian cared about each other. If she was calling now, Brian must be in bad shape. "Thanks for letting me know, Cynthia. I guess I wasn't wrong when I got worried about how the meeting with Michael would go. I'd better cut my errands short and go find him."

"That's what I was hoping you'd say," Cynthia enthused, already liking this Justin. "One favor, though. Please don't tell him I was interfering. He hates it when anyone acts like they care about him."

Justin laughed, acknowledging that Cynthia had Brian pegged so perfectly. "Don't worry. I won't tell him you called. And thanks again for the head's up."

"No problem. Just take good care of our man," Cynthia told him, appreciating the fact that Brian now seemed to have another protector.

.:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:.

Justin rounded up Sunshine from the dog park and headed back to his condo. He tried to call Brian once on the way, and again when he got home, but the stubborn fool wasn't answering. Justin paced around futilely for a while, noting how late it was getting, and then made a decision.

Thinking quickly, Justin made a call, "Hey, how would you like to play with your two favorite kids for the night? I need some time with a certain Stud."

The response he got was what he'd hoped for and his plans quickly gelled. Heading to Molly's room, Justin packed the ‘Pooh' suitcase for her and added in some of the clothing Gus had left there. Then he put together some things for Sunshine too. Once that was done, he got back into the car, drove to the GLC, picked up Gus and then headed off to Molly's school next. When everyone was accounted for, Justin announced his plan to the kids, who were thoroughly enthusiastic about the idea. By the time they arrived back at the condo, Justin's co-conspirator was already there waiting for them.

.:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:.

Brian pulled up to Justin's in time to see Emmett walking down the sidewalk with a suitcase in hand, the two kids trailing him and Sunshine yapping at their heels.

"B'ine! We's gunna stay wif Auntie Em tonight and have a jama party. Does you wanna come? Jussin said he needed to break."

"No, Midget, I think I'll stay here with Justin. I may need a break too. You kids have fun and be good for Emmett." Brian ruffled the boy's hair affectionately while Gus hugged Brian's knees goodbye before skipping off down the block to catch up with Molly.  

"Have a good time boys," Emmett said, smiling, as he herded his charges away. "I'm off tomorrow, so whenever you want to get them is fine. Take your time. Maybe sleep in even. That's assuming you get any sleep, of course," Emmett teased with a wink and a wave to Brian.

"Why do I think you had some advanced knowledge of my mood?" Brian asked the blond when he entered the condo, closing the door behind him.

"I just wanted a night alone with my favorite Stud," Justin answered with a smile.

Brian was pretty sure Cynthia must have alerted the blond as to what had happened. His long-time assistant was known for meddling in his life when she thought it was merited, and he wouldn't put it past her to somehow ferret out Justin's phone number even though they'd never actually been introduced. She was a bulldog when it came to shit like that. It annoyed the fuck out him, but he knew she did it for him out of love, so he wouldn't push the issue.

"I have some chicken marinating, but it's still a little early for dinner. How about we take a shower and relax first," Justin suggested.

"That sounds great. It's been a little stressful today," Brian answered with characteristic understatement, already loosening his tie and starting to unbutton his shirt on the way to the bathroom.

Justin followed along, stripping as he went. He planned on giving his lover a relaxing massage after their shower. While Brian hung up his suit, Justin set the jets and temperature for the shower. Once they were naked, they both stepped inside. Then, with the warm water pelting down on them, Justin looked up into the hazel eyes, saw the pain there, and silently opened his arms to offer his strength to the older man. Brian walked into the embrace, wrapped his arms around Justin and just held on, burying his face in the soft blond locks. After a couple of minutes Justin realized from the slight shaking of the body in his arms that Brian was silently crying. Justin tightened his arms around the wounded brunet.

"Thank you, BB. You always seem to know what I need," Brian whispered hoarsely a few minutes later, having finally pulled himself together.

"I just want to be there for my Stud."

After that, Justin picked up the bar of soap and began to lather Brian, who stood there placidly, letting himself be ministered to. Once Justin was through with that task, he rinsed them both off, turned off the water, towelled them both dry, and then directed his now-relaxed Stud towards the bed. Instructing Brian to lie on his stomach, Justin reached into the nightstand drawer and pulled out a bottle of vanilla massage oil, then kneeled on the bed so that he was straddling the brunet's thighs. Brian pulled the pillows under him until he was comfortable, gladly giving himself over to the younger man's attentions. He wasn't used to being taken care of like this, but he was too emotionally worn out to put up much of a fight.

Justin, meanwhile, warmed some of the oil in his hands before leaning over and starting to massage the knots out of his lover's shoulders and back. Brian rolled his head back and forth as Justin worked the kinks out of his neck. Smoothing the oil down his back, Justin continued to work out the tense knots of tension. He hadn't asked anything about Michael, knowing that Brian would talk about it if he wanted to. What Brian needed right then, more than anything, was just to relax and forget for a minute or two.

At first the massage had the expected effect, turning Brian into a relaxed lump of jelly. However, when Justin started moving lower, massaging Brian's lower back and buttocks, he seemed to get a little more animated again. Instead of simply lying there, the older man seemed to be trying to push his ass up toward the blond. As Justin started pressing near Brian's spine just above his ass Brian started to mewl. When it seemed like Justin would stop there, Brian quietly moaned.

"More . . . please, lower," he asked, raising his ass up.

Justin scooted down, massaging Brian's smooth ass, his fingers digging deeper into the firm muscles.

"Oh, yes. Feels so good," Brian moaned.

Justin leaned down, placing a kiss on each cheek. "Is that all you want? Tell me, Stud."

"I want you . . . inside me." The words were muffled by the pillows and so quiet they were almost inaudible, but Justin heard them clear as day. "Please."

"My pleasure, Stud. Always." Justin kissed his way back up the long, supple spine. "I'm going to make you feel so good . . . Show you how special you really are . . . Take good care of you, Stud."

Brian reached over to the nightstand and handed Justin the necessary supplies while the blond took his time preparing his lover, knowing just how to make him completely relax. Warming the lube, Justin gently traced his finger around his Stud's opening before softly pressing on the center and seeing Brian open for him. Brian pressed back, trying to capture Justin's finger and hurry him up. Justin refused to be hurried, though, and pulled his finger back.

"Please, BB. I need you now," Brian whimpered.

Justin took pity on him and sped up his ministrations, stretching Brian a little more quickly and tapping his prostate a couple of times before slipping into a condom and slowly working his cock into him. They both knew that due to Justin's girth, if he didn't go slowly, Brian would be very sore the next day. They had learned that one day when Brian was in a hurry and had just slammed back on the huge cock because he was getting impatient. Brian had spent the next day trying not to sit unless he absolutely had to. Now they made sure to take their time, giving Brian a chance to adjust.

Once Justin was all the way in, they started rocking together, something that stimulated both of them. When Brian was fully stretched and ready, Justin pulled back and they started fucking in earnest. It had only been a few minutes, though, before Brian stopped Justin, turning part way around to look him in the face.

"Wait, I want to look into your beautiful blue eyes. I need to see . . ." Brian faltered, knowing what he needed to see, what he always saw, even if he wasn't ready to say it out loud.

Justin didn't need to hear the words. Pulling out slowly, he moved away so Brian could roll onto his back. Then, settling on his haunches between Brian's legs, Justin scooted himself up so Brian's ass was canted upwards and he could slip smoothly back inside. It was too smooth for Brian, though. He pinched Justin's nipples, causing the blond to jerk his hips and shove his cock deeply into the brunet's ass. Both of them groaned loudly. It was what they both needed. The pace sped up accordingly.

When both men were getting close, Justin reached out and cupped Brian's face with his hand, forcing his gaze to focus. They stared into each other's eyes, sharing the final crescendos of their growing passion while communicating something profound and primal. Telling each other without words what both knew to be true. And when Justin leaned down to kiss his lover, the added stimulation caused both of them to moan and explode at the same time.

Justin pulled back when he heard Brian taking a gasping, shuddering breath.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked, immediately starting to pull out.

Brian wrapped his legs tighter around the blond as he answered, "No. Stay. You didn't hurt me . . ."

"Then what is it?" he asked, concerned for his lover.

"I'm just . . . I've never felt like . . . Fuck it. It's hard to explain." Brian gave up trying to express the emotions he was still halfway fighting against.

"Then don't . . . until you're ready," Justin answered as he wrapped his arms tighter around the large, warm body, prepared to wait as long as Brian needed.

"I just . . . I think I'm happy . . . Here. With you," Brian finally admitted.

 

Chapter End Notes:

 

We both have a bunch of real life stuff going on right now. We will update as quickly as possible though.

~Tagsit and Lorie~

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