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Chapter 4 - Life In The Slow Lane.


I admit that, in the past, I have been a frequent and very vocal critic of gays playing family. Not that I don't support the right of everyone to love whoever they want in whatever way they want and to live in whatever way they choose. But I always saw gays - especially gay men - wanting to have a more traditional family with two point five kids, a dog and a house in the suburbs as somehow caving in to the conventionality of straight society. As if they were surrendering to the heteronormative rules that we as queers were inherently against. And who could blame me for not wanting to compromise myself and my beliefs for what I thought of as just another lie?

My own experience with ‘family' wasn't exactly one that would encourage me to WANT a family of my own. Jack and Joan were at best cold, and at worst abusive, neglectful, and the very definition of people who should not be parents or caregivers to any living thing. I grew up hating my family. Why the fuck would I ever want to impose that experience on anyone else, especially a defenseless child?

I was going to be different. I was going to be the best queer I could be. And that, in my mind, entailed living my life as differently from the failed straight families I'd known as possible. In other words, I thought that to be queer meant that I couldn't have or shouldn't want a family.

So, yeah, I've been known to give even my friends shit when they've voiced those desires. I've accused them of selling out. I might have even, when I was drunk or pissed off about something, intentionally sabotaged a budding relationship or two in my efforts to ‘save' them from themselves in this regard. I always thought what I was doing was for the best. That they wouldn't be happy with that outcome and they'd eventually thank me for not letting them get sucked into the morass of conventional pseudo-heterosexual society.

Which is why I never even once thought about myself having to deal with anything related to parenting. Not once. Brian Kinney was never going to get sucked into some wanna-be-hetero sham of a family. I was going to be an in-your-face, unrepentant, fucking and sucking queer stud forever. And when I was too old to pull in the guys the way I wanted, I planned to end it. I wasn't going to need a family. I didn't want one and even if I had, I had no idea how to go about getting one.

So, yeah, best laid plans and all . . .

 

.:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:.

Once Gus was cleaned and dressed, Brian was a little at a loss as to what to do with him next. This was totally uncharted territory. He had never spent any time with a child. Not even when HE had been a child himself. So, he was completely lost when it came to entertaining his midget guest.

Gus, happily, helped out by sorting himself without Brian's input. He sat himself down in the pillow fort and opened up his new coloring book to a fresh page. While Brian watched, the kid applied himself to coloring a two-page spread with some cartoon cars on it. He was very focused. Apparently, coloring was a serious business.

Well, at least THAT was easier than Brian had expected. Now, what did he do with himself for the evening? He certainly wasn't going to fucking color. Of course, what he wanted to do, since it was Saturday night, was head out to Woody's and then Babylon. That was his usual Saturday plan. He'd been doing that for going on ten years now. It was what Brian Kinney DID. He was the Stud of Liberty Avenue. He pretty much HAD to go out on Saturday night, right? It was expected of him.

Of course there WERE the occasional Saturdays when his usual plans got curtailed. Business meetings and trips, or even just work with a strict deadline, always took precedence over playtime. Sometimes he'd give over his trips to the bars for more intimate and private entertainments. Less frequently he might not feel physically up to a night out due to exhaustion, illness, or even a severe hangover from the prior night's escapades, and would choose to stay home for a night. But to simply stay home on a Saturday night for no real reason when he was feeling otherwise hale and didn't have anything better to do? That was just weird. Brian didn't think it had ever happened before. At least not since he'd become an adult.

Of course he'd never before hosted a renegade midget either.

So what did one do on a Saturday night when one had a visiting five year old in one's possession? Brian didn't think he could just leave the kid there on his own in the loft while he went out. His parents used to leave him and his sister alone all the time, even when they were little, but he didn't think he should use Jack and Joan as an example of good childcare practices. And, he didn't have any experience with kids, but he did have a vague idea that you couldn't leave a five year old home alone.

So, what were the alternatives? While Woody's was pretty lax, generally speaking, about letting underage twinks in as long as they were with someone the bouncer knew, Brian didn't think they would bend the rule far enough to let him bring Gus with him for the night. Not to mention that a tag-a-long midget would seriously cramp his style. All things considered, bringing the kid along for the night was definitely out.

Brian briefly contemplated finding someone - a babysitter? - to stay in with the boy for the night, but that seemed rather complicated. He'd never thought about how to go about finding a babysitter. He had vague memories of his sister, Claire, babysitting for spending money when she was a teenager. He didn't know any teenage girls, though, and in his neighborhood there weren't any real families anyway. Brian wondered if there was an app for that - like Grinder - only instead of sending over hot guys, they send you teenage girls. However, a quick search through the App Store on his phone didn't turn up anything relevant.

The Internet itself wasn't much more help. There were sitting services and nanny services, but those looked like something you'd have to set up in advance - there were applications to be filled out and discussion of home visits, etc. - he couldn't find anything that looked like it provided same night service. He didn't know anyone else that could help him either. All his friends were total reprobates, and besides, they'd all be wanting to go out on a Saturday themselves. He already knew that Debbie, the only person he knew that might have some idea what to do with a kid, was working the late shift tonight.

So the whole babysitter idea was a total bust.

Brian briefly contemplated waiting till the midget was asleep and then inviting some guy over to the loft to take care of his needs that way, but he didn't think that would work logistically. There was only the one bed and, with the open floor plan of the loft, there was really nowhere to stash the kid out of the way where he wouldn't get awakened. Besides, if the kid was as much a night owl as Brian suspected, he wouldn't get him to sleep till really late anyway. And, while Brian was naturally an exhibitionist at heart, he didn't relish a midget audience - that would throw a kink in his fucking for sure.

So, then, what the fuck was Brian supposed to do?

Brian looked at the kid who was sitting on the floor in front of his blanket fort playing with the toy cars Brian had bought him earlier and sighed. It didn't look like Brian would be getting any adult male company that night. For a second night in a row. Fucking annoying little midget.

"Come play, B'ine!" Gus implored, looking up at his host with those adorable big, hazel eyes of his and smiling.

How the fuck was anyone supposed to resist that?

Which is how Brian ended up spending the evening playing toy cars with a five year old on the floor, coloring with crayons in a baby animal coloring book, and then having snacks in the blanket fort before they both fell asleep in the big bed in the middle of Brian reading a copy of Aesop's Fables that he had downloaded for them from the internet, figuring that if he had to read to the midget, at least the kid might as well learn something at the same time.

And, strangely enough, Brian found himself having a remarkably good time.

.:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:.

Brian stretched in his sleep. He woke when he felt something cold and wet. Shaking his head he looked at the other side of the bed, which was empty. He sat up, panicking slightly at seeing the spot vacant, and went into the bathroom to look for Gus.

"Gus? Where are you?" he called out when he found the bathroom empty too.

No answer. Nothing. Not a sound. Brian started to look around. There was no sign of a wayward midget anywhere in the main room. The loft door was still locked and he was pretty sure that the boy couldn't open it on his own anyway. Finally, after five minutes of worry, he thought he heard a sound coming from the closet and trotted back up the stairs to investigate.

When he opened the door he saw nothing at first, so he flipped the light switch. Huddled in the back corner, wrapped in a towel, shaking and crying was a terrified looking Gus. Crouching down, Brian reached for him, causing the child to curl up tighter and press himself as far back as he could into the corner.

"Gus, please come out of there," Brian asked quietly. The only response he received was the boy shaking his head and whimpering.

"Please come here, Gus. I'm not mad. It's alright," Brian told the scared child holding his arms out to the scared youngster.

"Please don't hit me B'ine. I's sowwy. I din't mean to pee on da bed. I had a bad dream and gotted scared. Don't be mad," Gus begged, sobbing.

"Oh, Gus . . . I'm not going to hit you. It was an accident. I'm not angry at you."

Gus looked into Brian's face and must have seen that he was safe because suddenly the boy had his arms wrapped around the man's neck and was crying on his shoulder.

"Mommy's friend hitted me with a big belt one time when I peed at night. He said that only babies do that and I better not do it again. Mommy said I should try to be good and not be trouble," the boy confessed through his sobs.

Brian held Gus tightly, hating that someone had done that to the boy and thinking back to when he himself had been about four or five.

Brian had been very sick with the flu and had accidentally wet the bed one night. He had woken up right after it happened and tried to get to the bathroom to clean himself up. Unfortunately Jack picked that precise moment to come up the stairs and had seen the front of Brian's pajamas. Jack had instantly flown into a rage. He grabbed Brian and threw him on his wet bed then proceeded to take off his belt. He maliciously shoved Brian's face into the puddle of piss and then beat him until the boy passed out. When Brian eventually came to, Jack made him strip the bed, take the sheets into the bathroom and hand wash them in the tub. Brian was forced to sleep in the tub for the next three days as further punishment.

Brian held Gus' face in his hands and looked into his eyes. "Gus, I would never hurt you, especially not for having an accident. It happens sometimes. It's no big deal. Now, let's get you into the shower to rinse off while I change the bed, okay?" Brian said, placing a soft, reassuring kiss on the boy's forehead.

Brian was happy that he had waterproof mattress pads that he kept on the bed. At least the mattress was protected. As soon as he had Gus in the shower he stripped and changed the bed. Once Gus came out, Brian read him a short story and he fell right back to sleep.

.:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:.

For once Brian was early to something, primarily because he didn't wake up hung-over thanks to having to stayed in with Gus the night before. After he and the midget had gotten up and dressed, Brian had given Gus a small bowl of cereal, explaining to him that they were going to a barbeque at Deb's house. He told Gus there would be a lot of food all day, so he didn't want the kid to fill up before they went. Gus's eyes got bigger and bigger as Brian told him about all the food there would be at Deb's.

Deb was thrilled that Brian showed up early and sent him out to set things up with Carl while she kept Gus in the kitchen, letting him help with the food.

"So, Brian, did you decide what you're going to do about Gus?" Carl asked.

"I guess, for now, I'm going to keep him with me until I can figure out what to do. It's not like he's got anywhere else to go, right? And I know all too well what it feels like to be unwanted. So, as much as I don't need a kid, I can't just abandon him. It's bad enough that his mother already did," Brian answered honestly, although he looked pretty uncertain about his decision.

Horvath hurried to reassure him. "You're a good man, Brian. It's probably the best thing for the kid for the time being. But what'll you do if he does turn out to be yours?"

"Fuck if I know, Carl," Brian spat, looking panicked at the very suggestion.

They both looked over towards the back of the house where Debbie and her charge were just emerging with their arms loaded up with paper plates, piles of napkins and stacks of paper cups. Gus had a pre-bbq cookie in his free hand and was grinning from ear to ear. Debbie was also smiling and looking dotingly at Gus. Brian felt a strange sense of affection and . . . pride . . . welling up inside him at the sight. He liked that his surrogate mom was connecting with his temporary midget. There was just something about that scene that Brian found oddly appealing. Fuck if he knew what though.

Brian turned back to Carl, who had also been looking fondly at the pair now setting the picnic table. "You know, I've been thinking about changing some things in my life, but this isn't exactly the way I was thinking of starting off. Having a kid is certainly not something I ever planned on doing. But, well, so far the midget hasn't been too tough to take care of. I guess, if this shit turns out to be true, it wouldn't be the end of the world . . ."

Carl laughed out loud, but refrained from correcting the parenting tyro about just how difficult raising a child really was. Brian had only managed taking care of Gus for a little more than a day, which, in the veteran cop's opinion, didn't count for anything. He wasn't going to say anything though. He figured Brian would have to learn the hard way - just like every other parent out there. All said, though, he thought there were a lot worse candidates for parenthood than Brian Kinney.

Brian moved off towards the table. He grabbed a beer before helping Gus to lay out enough plates for the expected crowds. Eventually more people started showing up. Ted and Emmett came together, followed by a group of Deb's other ‘lost boys'. Deb had also invited a few of the neighbors who had kids, so at least Gus had someone to play with for a while. Altogether it was a rowdy, colorful, and festive group.

Ted and Emmett grabbed drinks from the cooler set up in a shady corner of the yard and then walked into the kitchen to find Deb with a little boy who seemed to be helping her cook.

"Hi, Deb, who's the cutie?" Emmett asked, never having seen the little boy before.

"I's Gus. B'ine and me commed to the clown lady's house for a barberque. There's gonna be LOTS of food, but B'ine said don't eat too much," Gus answered before Deb could even open her mouth.

Ted and Emmett both stared wide-eyed at the child, trying not to laugh at his description of Deb. Deb just shook her head. Ted recovered the power of speech first.

"Where's Brian?" Ted asked, trying his best not to laugh.

"He goed outside with the big growly man," Gus answered.

At Ted's confused look, Debbie clarified, "the yard, with Carl."

"That's what I jus tolded you," Gus commented, rolling his eyes.

The gesture immediately reminded Ted and Emmett of Brian.

Ted nodded and headed for the back door. Emmett stayed to help Deb and see what else he could find out.

"Deb, Honey, care to tell me where the mini-Brian came from? I thought the stork only delivered the newborn kind."

"You noticed that too huh?" Deb answered. "Don't say anything, though. Brian is still working on figuring that part out for himself." Debbie turned to her diminutive helper and took the hot pad he'd been holding for her. "Hey Gus, would you like to go out to the yard and color on the picnic bench? Emmett can help me out here for now."

"Okay. B'ine put my stuff for colorin' in my backpack. I can only color in the colorin' book, that's one of da rules."

"Good rule, baby," Debbie assured him and smiled as the boy trotted off through the kitchen door in search of his backpack. "Off you go."

While Deb and Em were gossiping in the kitchen, Brian was outside helping Carl at the grill. He was also fending off the almost endless questions from his friends and acquaintances about his plus one for the day. Brian didn't realize that showing up with the midget in tow was going to cause this much of an uproar. He should have known that a gathering of nosy queens wouldn't just let the fact that their Stud had a new pet midget go by without intense prying. Hell, even Ted was giving him shit.

I mean, what was the big deal? So, he was taking care of a homeless kid for the weekend - why was that so surprising to everyone? Did they really all think Brian was a totally heartless shit? Of course he wasn't going to toss a fucking five year old out on the street in the middle of the night. Fuckers! Why were they giving him such a hard time about letting Gus stay with him him for a few days?

Brian managed to shrug off most of the enquiries without volunteering much beyond the basic facts. At least Michael and David were still in Europe, so Brian would be spared having to explain about Gus to his best friend for the time being. Even though Michael had been dating David for quite a while, he still believed that everything Brian did should be subject to his personal approval or disapproval. Michael wouldn't let him get away with a simple statement that he was just taking care of the kid for a few days while they were looking for his missing mom. Dealing with the third degree that Michael would inevitably put him through was definitely not something that Brian was looking forward to. He was more than happy to put it off for a little bit longer.

Except for the curious looks and the teasing about his ‘guest', the BBQ passed by quickly for Brian. Gus and the other kids seemed to be getting along famously. They were all running around like feral monkeys, playing chase and laughing their heads off at every turn, before stampeding the tables of food en masse for refueling every twenty minutes or so. Brian kept an eye on how much Gus was eating. He didn't need to have a kid getting sick on him in bed later, but was glad to see the kid was enjoying the spread. As skinny as Gus was - not to mention the way he eyed all the desserts with such reverence - Brian suspected there might not have been a lot of food in the kid's home in the recent past. Brian remembered what that had been like and was glad to be able to do something about it for the midget while he could.

Once everyone was gone, Brian stayed around to talk to Deb. He asked her if she had any movies that would be good for Gus. He knew she liked to watch movies that would likely be more appropriate than anything Brian had. Brian's collection was extensive, but James Dean, Marlon Brando, and gay porn were definitely NOT considered child friendly. Luckily, Deb loved Disney movies. She had an extensive collection, so she and Gus looked through the movies and she filled up a shopping bag with movies that he could borrow. Gus was particularly thrilled that she had his favorite, Beauty and The Beast.

.:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:. .:G:.

In the car on the way back to the loft, Brian decided to take the opportunity to ask Gus about his bad dream and the bed wetting the night before. That experience, and the midget's over-the-top reaction, had been weighing on his mind all day. It also bothered him that it seemed someone had abused Gus. Whatever the reason, there was no excuse to use a belt or any other weapon on a child.

"Gus, do you remember what the bad dream you had last night was about?" he asked calmly.

"A little bit," the child responded a little hesitantly. "I dreamed Mr. Sam was yellin' at me for crying ‘cause I couldn't take my Pooh Bear and my movies with me when I was comin here. I gotted scared that he was gunna hit me again so I tried to be quiet. That's when I peed. I's real sowwy about that, B'ine."

"Don't worry about that Gus. I told you, it's really no big deal," Brian hurried to reassure the kid again. "So, do you miss your bear?"

"Yeah, he was my onlyest friend," Gus responded with such sadness in his voice that it was inescapable.

Brian's heart ached for the boy and he made a quick decision. Turning the car around he headed for the mall. As much as he despised the place, he knew that Gus needed something that they could only get there.

"B'ine, where's we goin'? This isn't the way to your house," Gus asked after several minutes had elapsed.

"How do you know that?" Brian asked, curious how the midget would know after only having been out once.

"Cause before we only taked little streets and not the real big one like this," he gestured out the car window towards the highway signs rushing past.

"Good point, Midget. It's just that I remembered somewhere that we need to go first, okay?"

"Okay, B'ine," Gus answered amicably and then went back to looking out at the passing scenery.

Pulling into the mall parking lot a few minutes later, Brian took Gus out and put him on the ground. The boy immediately put his hands on the car and waited for Brian to shut and lock the doors. Brian smiled at the obedient youngster who was so eager to please him. Taking Gus' hand, they headed into the mall, Brian leading him all the way to the ‘Build A Bear' store. His plan was to get Gus a new bear and hopefully that would help the midget feel better about everything. Maybe it would even help stave off any future nightmares.

From the way the midget's eyes lit up when they walked in, taking in the sight of all those stuffed bears, Brian thought his plan might just work, too.

"Okay, Gus, I can't do anything to get your old Pooh Bear for you, but you can make a new bear, any way you want. Will that help?"

"Oh, yes. Yes! Thank you, B'ine." Gus answered with tears in his eyes as he turned and hugged Brian's knees as tightly as his little arms could squeeze.

The selection process was arduous. It took Gus a good fifteen minutes to select just the right new friend. Then they had to go through the process of picking out a ‘heart' for it and taking it to the stuffing machine. Gus was so serious and deliberate about the entire endeavor, that Brian had to repeatedly stop himself from laughing.

Once the bear was finally stuffed and sewn up, Brian asked what clothes Gus wanted for his bear. Looking a little sheepish Gus asked if he could tell Brian in his ear. Ten minutes later, everything paid for, they walked out of the store, Brian with a lighter wallet and Gus with a largish brown bear wearing a leather hat, a harness, and assless chaps. Brian thought it was entirely appropriate for a bear who was going to be living just off Liberty Avenue, even if that home would only be temporary.

Once they got home, Brian insisted that Gus get ready for bed before he could watch the first of Debbie's movies. Then they spent the next hour and a half with Gus curled up on the couch against Brian's side, holding his new bear. Brian was surprised that Gus lasted through the whole movie and only fell asleep as the credits started rolling at the end. Brian carried him to the bed and tucked him in. Looking at Gus's smiling face the older man smiled, this was how all kids should look, he thought to himself.

It wasn't till he'd put Gus to bed and then wandered back out to the kitchen in search of something to drink that Brian realized he'd just spent a second night in a row at home, without a trick in sight, watching a fucking Disney movie, and that he'd actually enjoyed himself.

 

Chapter End Notes:

7/8/17

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