BRIAN

Justin stayed silent the rest of the drive to the house. He looked anywhere but at me, and when we got to the house he didn’t even attempt to get out of the car.

“Are we going to sit here or go in?” I asked, when there was nothing coming from Justin.

“Where do you actually live? Because this house isn’t it.” He asked.

“I also own a loft in Pittsburgh.” I tell him.

“So the house you bought for us is once again far away from anything that connects you to the life you live.” He tells me.

“It’s not why I bought it.” I tell him.

“I just don’t understand why we needed to come out here. I’m assuming your loft was closer.” He tells me.

“It is, but there are reasons that taking you there wouldn’t be a place we could talk.” I tell him.

“We don’t even know how to talk. Look at what happened at the police station. Instead of talking we ended up using Carl to yell at each other.” He tells me.

“You used Carl to avoid talking to me. I used him because it seemed to be the only way to get you to listen.” I tell him.

“I just don’t know if I can do this with you again. I spent two years tiptoeing around you to avoid things that would make you shut down. I didn’t just leave because you walked out when I said I loved you. I left because I needed more than you were willing to give me. You said I stopped trying, and I did, but only because I got tired of meeting a brick wall and feeling like I stepped over the lines you set from the beginning. Why did you even call after we left Jamaica, if you didn't plan to be in a relationship?” He asks.

“If you want the answer, you come in. Otherwise, here are the keys for you to do what you did every time you met the brick wall.” I tell him, dropping the keys in his hand.

I left him in the car, and if he left this time then it was time to let him go. I left the front door wide open and was relieved to hear him close it as he came in. Even telling myself I’d let him go didn’t mean I believed it.

“Why did you call?” He asks.

“Every morning you were with me, I woke up without dreading the day ahead. I spent three years being expected to put my life aside to take care of Michael. Meeting you gave me a way to not feel guilty for wanting a life for myself. Even when you were pissed at me and tried to run, you never used guilt to get things from me.” I tell him.

“I don’t understand. You said it was an accident. How could that turn into you owing your life to someone?” He asks.

“He wouldn’t have been driving if I hadn’t been drunk. It's all I heard when everyone got to the hospital. It didn’t help that it was the thought running through my head. Then it was what the angry voices around me were screaming. The only one who didn't blame me was Michael. He kept saying it was an accident. He defended me the way he always has, and I felt like I owed it to him to take care of him. For three years I did anything he needed me to, brushing aside how my life became only doing what Michael wanted.” I tell him.

“If he didn’t blame you, why did you listen to the others?” He asks.

I could feel the walls trying to slam down. This would involve explaining my childhood, and how the only real mother I had taught me that love came with the payment of keeping Michael happy. It was a weakness I hated about myself, and I never wanted Justin to see that person.

“Brian if you can't tell me now, then don't.” He tells me.

“Now it’s okay not to tell you something?” I ask, slightly pissed at him.

“Not if by saying something it puts that look on your face. It was common everyday things that started our problems, like the fact that I couldn’t even be thrilled that the car I designed and you loved, was mine. It was things like two phones, but only being given the number to a throw away phone. It seemed to represent your ability to throw me away, and when you left it behind, it felt that way too.” He tells me.

“I forgot it, and by the time I went back to get it, it didn’t matter. My only way of reaching you was through the phone you carelessly tossed on the bed next to your keys. You made your feelings loud and clear.” I tell him.

“I left it because I knew I'd come back if it rang. When it comes to you, I don't know how to say no.” He tells me.

“This time stay, even if you have to fight for what you need from me. I can’t promise there aren’t going to be things I will have problems talking about, but I'll try if it's what you need from me.” I tell him.

“I'll make it easier. Every day, we tell each other one thing. I just want to feel like I am more than the secret you keep.” He tells me.

“My life here was the secret, not you. I think it's time for you to meet the person who is equal to you in importance in my life.” I tell him, grabbing his keys.

MEL

Lee and I sat outside, hoping Justin gave Brian the chance to explain everything. Lindsay left us alone, telling me she liked Lee and in a way got why I sometimes had problems with her and Brian, but trusted me with the same trust I gave her. Lee looked worried, but tried his best to pretend he wasn’t.

“Justin couldn’t have picked a better man to fall in love with.” I tell him.

“He's never loved anything but his cars, they were built to not disappoint him.” He tells me.

“How did you two meet? Last I saw you, you were still saying you wouldn’t become like your father.” I tell him.

“We meet through Quinn, Justin’s cousin. Justin needed someone who could build the engines in the cars he wanted. Quinn knew me from college and heard I'd been talking about wanting to create one of a kind cars. Justin could tell you what he needed, but couldn’t build the engine. He showed me the design, and I made the engine do what he wanted it to. Then stuck around instead of moving on when Justin offered to go into business.” He tells me.

“You never wanted to settle down, why do it?” I ask.

“I met someone and couldn't walk away. I stay in the hope one day it becomes more. Love sucks when they never figure it out.” He tells me.

“Or becomes twisted, when nothing you do gets you what you want. I don't think he'll give you what you want.” I tell him, worried because I've seen it first hand, watching Michael.

“She's still young and starting her life, if it's not me, I can live with it, as long as she's happy.” He tells me.

“I sort of thought we were talking about Justin.” I tell him.

“Close, but no. Justin wasn’t more than someone who led me to her. But I still worry because I saw what he was like after being with Brian, and it’s not the Justin I know. He hated guys who tried to tell his friends what they could do or say, but put up with it from Brian. The reason I worry about Brian was the way it seemed was like everything was up to Brian, when they met up, what Justin was allowed to know, and making it so Justin couldn’t contact him unless Brian texted and said he could. It all sounded like Brian’s way of controlling Justin.” He tells me.

“I won’t say Brian doesn’t like to control things, but it was likely he didn’t want Michael finding out and trying to stop him from having any relationship that didn’t include Michael. Before the car accident Brian protected Michael, but still had a life of his own. Now Michael wants to own Brian.” I tell him.

“The same way I thought Brian wanted to own Justin.” He tells me.

“If he did, why leave so many ways for Justin to walk away? People who want to own someone make it so there is no place to go when they want to leave. If you want to judge anything about Brian, then learn the facts.” Lindsay tells him from the door. “Brian’s coming, he said he wanted to kiss his sonny boy good night.” Lindsay tells me, giggling.

MICHAEL

I was kind of pissed when I saw Emmett and Ted hanging out together at Woody’s after Drew lied, saying they had to be at the stadium. I almost went to ask them when Woody’s became the stadium, but then I heard Emmett say he just dropped Brian off at the police station. I already had Emmett being able to tell Brian I was fine and figured it would just be a good idea to say it was just a spasm, because too many people could tell Brian what they saw after I texted Brian. So I didn't go over to them, but waited to hear if they could tell me where Brian was.

Blake got up to go to the bar, and I left before he saw me. I tried to make friends with Blake, but he acts like he doesn't like me. So when he's around I can't pester Ted for information, because Blake cuts me off and Ted lives to make Blake happy, which means he stopped telling me anything.

I got to the loft but Brian didn’t show up, I thought about staying until he did, but knew if he went anywhere it was to see Gus before bed. It was the one thing I didn't try to stop him from doing, because after Gus was born, Brian would leave, not listening to any reason I needed him. I figured if nothing else I could be waiting there for him to explain to me why he wasn’t out of town. I got over there and heard Lindsay tell Mel and some guy Brian was on his way. I learned to wait for Brian, because Lindsay told me unless Brian was there she didn’t feel I needed to come over. She really thinks she can lord over me that she had Brian’s kid. I waited for over an hour before a car pulled into the girl’s driveway. I wondered who the hell the car belong to, then Brian gets out and goes around to the other guy who got out.

I started towards them until I see Brian all over the guy. I couldn’t believe Lindsay lets him bring tricks to her house, but not me. They were talking, with every inch of them pressed together. Then I heard it, and waited for Brian’s usual response.

“I love you.” The trick says.

“Promise we'll say that at least once a day too?” Brian asks him.

“I promise.” The guy told him.

This wasn’t going to happen. Brian couldn't do this after everything I did to get him. I left when Brian walked away, hand in hand with the guy he obviously hid from me.