Justin
Justin rolled over on the silken sheets, luxuriating in their soft feel against his skin. He reached out to his left, feeling for the warm body he knew to be there. Connecting with an arm, he softly caressed it, but his mind was registering something wrong. The arm was bigger than he expected and as he followed the skin down to the hand, he sought the familiar circle of gold around the ring finger. The finger was empty, no ring and as he retraced his movements, he felt an unfamiliar ring around the wrist. Brian doesn't wear a watch and he never takes off his wedding ring.
Sitting up in bed, he opened his eyes in horror. Looking under the sheet, he realized he was naked. Looking down he saw his clothing by the bed, piled in a heap. His eyes darted around the room, trying to get his bearings, but unfortunately nothing looked familiar. Finally he looked at his bed companion, hoping it would be someone familiar and that his predicament could be easily explained.
The man was a stranger, a complete and utter stranger. He'd fucking gone home with a stranger and ended up sleeping in his bed. Brian would kill him. "Shit, Brian," he said out loud not thinking about the sleeping man next to him.
The man rolled over and opened his eyes slowly. "I'm not Brian, but if you want to call me Brian, I'm game. Anyone ever tell you you're a tiger in bed? Haven't had so many orgasms since I was a horny teenager. You've got to share your secret."
He lifted the sheet to look at his morning wood and grinned. "Looks like I'm up for another round if you are?"
Justin looked at the man in horror. Leaping out of bed, he grabbed his clothes and dashed to the bathroom. Splashing water on his face, he looked in the mirror and somewhat hoped he would find some tell-tale sign of a struggle or fight, but alas his face was its normal pale white with no blemishes or signs of struggle. He quickly put on his clothes, relieved to find his wallet and phone still in the pocket of his jeans. After tying his shoes and using the facilities he left the bathroom, took a last glance at the bedroom and quickly left.
The door opened into a short hallway and a set of stairs. The interior of the hallway was brightly lit and was painted a medium shade of gray and the floors were tiled with ceramic gray tile. At least I'm not in a dump
Justin ran down the stairs and found himself in the lobby of the building. Just like the hallway, it was tastefully decorated and there was an attendant on duty. The man wore a button down white shirt and was sitting at a desk, perusing papers and smiled at Justin as he heard him walk across the lobby. Justin nodded but didn't acknowledge him otherwise.
Walking outside the building, he walked toward the street trying to discern his location. Going to the end of the street he saw the street signs and realized he was on Liberty Avenue. The building was not close to the diner and the loft, but he recognized it.
It was spring and the day was mild, but Justin still shivered when a light breeze blew. He thought the shiver was due more to his predicament rather than a need for a jacket.
He didn't want any of the "gang" to see him in front of this building. None of them had any discretion and couldn't keep their gossipy mouths shut. There was a bench for the local bus line a block up the street so he crossed it and sat down. He placed his hands in his pockets, feeling for his car keys and they weren't there. Panicking for a moment, thinking he had left them in the place he woke up, he took several deep breaths as he tried to remember events from yesterday.
Finally remembering last night, he let out a huge breath of relief when he realized he'd told Brian he was going to stay at the loft and catch a late showing of an Indie film. He was meeting his friend Sean there and they were going to hit Babylon after the film. Brian had not wanted to see the film, a movie about the life of some obscure artist, and told him to enjoy himself. Brian said he was going to work on a big presentation and then hang out with Gus. Lindsay had been on to him to spend some time with him and this seemed the perfect opportunity.
Taking out his phone, he scrolled down to find Sean's contact information and texted him. "Call me". A few minutes later his phone rang.
"Hey guy. Didn't expect you'd be up this early. You were pretty wasted last night."
"I don't remember much about last night. Can you fill me in?" Justin asked, wanting to know the answer but dreading the information.
"Sure. We went to the movies and the show was great. We should do that more often. I don't have a lot of friends who appreciate Indie films. They want to see the latest "Fast and Furious" movie. There is something to be said for art films."
"Sean.....About last night?" Justin said, trying to get his friend back on topic.
"Oh yeah, sorry. It was such a great time. Anyway. We went to the show and then we went to Babylon. You were dancing with everyone, having a great time. You said you wanted some E and I scored some for you. You really are fun to watch when you're wasted."
"Shit!!! You got me some E! Brian is going to kill me." Justin clapped his hand on his forehead thinking of the countless times Brian warned him about taking drugs from strangers. "So what happened after that?" Justin asked, not really wanting to, but needing to know.
"Bunch of guys were hitting on you and then my friend Josh came up to you. You guys hit it off and last I saw you were leaving with him. He's a cool guy."
"Josh. What's he look like?" Justin took a little comfort, realizing the guy was not a complete stranger.
"Tall, dirty blond, built. He works out at the Liberty gym." Sean got a dreamy look in his eyes.
"Is he a player?"
"Not really. Probably hooked up with you since you were hanging with me. He doesn't trick much. Been in a long term relationship for a while but I think the guy is working out of town right now." Sean paused for a few minutes realizing what he'd said. "You and your guy have an open relationship too?"
"No. I'm in such trouble. Thanks for the info. I gotta go." Justin didn't wait for Sean to say goodbye and tapped the end button.
He realized Brian wouldn't be expecting him in their bed this morning. That was a plus. Justin pulled out his phone to look at the time. It was 9:00 on Thursday April 4th. It was nice that phones provided so much information in addition to being a portable calling device. He scrolled to his calendar to see if he had any appointments and was relieved to see his first commitment wasn't until 1:30 when he had a meeting at the gallery about a new show.
He needed to shower, change and pick up his messenger bag as it had the slides of his work. He also should eat something but he was surprised his stomach hadn't even growled this morning. Eating should still be put on the list of "to do's" so he wouldn't be embarrassed in the middle of the meeting when everyone could hear its roar. The loft was just a few blocks down the street and he walked toward his second home.
*********
Brian
Brian heard the alarm ring and he blindly reached over to shut it off. Reaching over to give Justin a kiss, he felt the cold sheet and remembered that he had spent the night in the city. He rubbed his eyes and realized he was still tired, not having slept as well without his partner next to him.
They'd known each other for 10 years. The first five had been tumultuous and the next two could be called tortuous; the two men living in different cities. But when Justin returned to Pittsburgh three years ago, they had mutually agreed to live together and finally got married a year ago. He twirled the gold wedding band on his finger and smiled, still amazed that he, Brian Kinney, stud of Liberty Avenue was now a married man. He didn't regret the life he was living, but was often surprised that he was in a committed relationship with a man 12 years his junior. Justin and he made a great couple.
Glancing at the clock again, he got up and started his morning routine. Despite his hope that he would get lucky and Justin would pop in at Kinnetic this morning, he still took care of his morning wood in the shower. As he came, he called out Justin's name, his partner still utmost in his mind. He finished his shower, dressed and grabbed a cup of coffee from the automatic coffee maker in the kitchen. Grabbing his keys, he set the alarm, grabbed his briefcase and went to his car. He drove to the diner to eat breakfast with the guys.
Brian slid into the booth where Michael, Ted and Emmett were sitting enjoying their morning coffee. In Michael's case, it was his morning Coke, but they all got quiet when Brian came.
"Good morning, Ladies," Brian said as he turned his cup over signaling his desire for coffee.
"Hey Brian," Michael said.
"Bri," Ted said as he signaled the waitress for his boss.
"Sweetie," said Emmett.
"I'm not your sweetie, Honeycutt," Brian said cringing at the term.
When no one started talking again, Brian looked at the faces of his three friends and frowned. "Okay, who died or what happened that has all of you so quiet this morning. The last time the three of you were quiet was... never."
The men looked at each other, trying to determine who would speak. Finally Michael said, "We were at Babylon last night."
"And this is news how? You go to Babylon 3-4 times a week. Tell me something that I don't know."
"Justin was there..."
"And... Justin went to see some artsy fartsy film with his friend Sean last night. He said they might hit Babylon afterward. Again, tell me something I don't know."
"Sweetie," Emmett broke in. "What Michael is trying to tell you is that we saw Justin last night. He was dancing with a bunch of guys and then he left with some hunky dream boat."
"It's a free world and our doors are not locked," Brian said nonchalantly. The boys did not know that he and Justin were doing it raw these days, ever since they'd exchanged rings. He subconsciously twirled his ring on his finger. They still went to Babylon and danced with guys, but they no longer took tricks home. "I've got a meeting in half an hour and while I would love to sit and dish with you girls, I have a company to run." Turning toward Ted, he said, "I understand the boss isn't too keen on employees that are late to meetings."
Ted nodded, placed his money on the table and joined Brian on his walk to Kinnetic. "I'm sure they're making a mountain out of a mole hill, Brian. I know Justin..."
"Shut up, Theodore. I do not need relationship advice from you or anyone else. Do you want to keep your job?"
"So... I printed the projections of the third quarter yesterday and we are looking very good. There are a few areas that we might want to discuss," Ted said, leaving the volatile topic out of their conversation.
******************
Justin
After showering and eating some toast and cereal and drinking a cup of coffee, he called Daphne, hoping she was available.
"Hey. What's up? We just had lunch yesterday; I would have thought that we solved all the world's problems for at least a few days." She pulled out a ponytail from her drawer and wrapped it around her wrist.
"What are you doing? Are you free?" Justin asked in desperation.
Daphne glanced at the clock on her phone, seeing she had several hours until she was supposed to meet her girlfriend, Callie for lunch. "Sure. I've got a couple hours. I'm going to lunch; otherwise I'd invite you for brunch."
Justin exhaled a huge breath of relief. "I'll be over in about 15 minutes."
Daphne clicked off the phone and glanced around her apartment. It was a mess, but Justin didn't really count as company. Still, she picked up the dirty dishes, placed them in the dishwasher and put the dirty clothes in the hamper. At least the living room was acceptable for guests.
She stacked the old newspapers in the recycling bin and heard the familiar knock on her door. Justin always used two long knocks then three short ones to announce his arrival. Opening the door, she saw the tear tracks running down Justin's face and the unmistakable red nose signaling he'd been crying.
Grabbing him into a hug, she said, "What the hell, Justin? What did Brian do now?"
Justin walked to the sofa and flopped on it, grabbing a pillow to hug to his chest. "Brian didn't do anything. I screwed up and I... It's something ... Brian is going to kill me, if he even talks to me ever again."
Daphne sat in the big overstuffed red chair that matched the couch. She was so proud when she bought it a year ago. It made her feel like she had finally reached adulthood when she no longer had hand me down furniture in her home.
"Back up, Justin. Why don't you tell me the whole story?"
Justin proceeded to share everything he remembered and Daphne did not interrupt him. There were so many responses Daphne could provide but she wanted to tread very lightly. She had learned when you agree how terrible someone's behavior is, it can backfire. She remembered her friend Sarah crying to her about her boyfriend and she agreeing that the boyfriend was a terrible guy. Then the next week when they made up her friend was really angry with Daphne because she had said bad things about her boyfriend.
This was probably one of the most difficult conversations she'd had with Justin. Yes, he had screwed up, but Brian Kinney had screwed up so many times she couldn't even count. She wanted to be supportive of her friend, but realized he was right when he said that Brian would be angry. Brian wouldn't actually kill him, but she could see Brian feeling justified to retaliate and Brian Kinney angry was not something anyone would wish on their worst enemies.
"I have to tell him, Daph. We're doing it raw these days and I can't risk his safety because of my stupidity. How could I be so stupid?" Tears started forming in his eyes, but he wiped them away, not allowing them to fall.
"He loves you, Justin. You guys have been through hell and back. It will work out," she said and realized she actually felt the statement to be true. Brian Kinney could be a lot of things, but deliberately cruel was not one of them. "If he kicks you out, you can always come here. I still have a spare room since my roommate, Linda moved out."
"Fuck!! Every time we have sex, he'll be reminded of my stupidity. I just don't know if I can face that for the next six months. We're going to have to use condoms for the next six months. I can't just start using them without him noticing. I guess I will have to tell him. How the hell am I going to do that, Daph? Oh by the way, Brian I woke up in someone else's bed this morning and I'm pretty sure we had sex." Justin hit his hand against the couch arm and then rubbed his face with both his hands. "This sucks."
Justin looked at the time on the clock above the tv, noticing that it was after noon. "I got to go. Have a meeting at the art gallery. I just hope I can concentrate. I know I won't be able to calm down until I talk to Brian and that is the last thing I really want to do. I truly understand the saying ‘you're damned if you do and damned if you don't'. I guess I'm the latest damned homosexual. Thanks, Daph. If I come knocking at your door with a bruised body, you'll know why and I won't blame Brian."
"Stop being such a drama queen. You know good and well Brian would never lay a hand on you, after all that shit with his father. Now, go to your meeting and then go talk to Brian. The more you think about it, the worse you'll make it."
Justin went to the chair, leaned down and kissed Daphne and walked to his car. Driving to his meeting at the gallery, he tested different conversations in his head.
_____________________________________________
Brian
Each morning Brian met with Cynthia and Ted to review the day's agenda and to discuss the progress on each of their current campaigns. Brian pushed Michael's words to the back of his mind, concentrating on the information presented. After the meeting, he had a conference call with Ted to talk to a prospective client on the West Coast. On several occasions he found his mind wandering and Ted had to repeat key points. When it was over Ted put his notes from the conference in front of Brian but did not say anything about Brian's lack of concentration.
Brian watched Ted leave, accepting his friend's reticence and inwardly thanking his friend for not pushing him. Brian picked up the papers and looked at the notes, but his eyes glazed over the information. He wondered if Justin had gone home with the unknown trick or just left at the same time, and the guys were exaggerating. If Justin had gone home with him, he wondered what he would do. Different scenarios ran through his mind, but in the end, he decided he would have to wait and see what happened. There were just too many unknowns and Brian Kinney did not play guessing games.
________________________________________________________
Justin
Justin attended his meeting, his mind a quarter on the gallery owner and three quarters on the upcoming confession. He couldn't believe how stupid he'd been to accept drugs from a stranger. Brian had warned him countless times against just this action but he was with a friend, a friend he trusted and he let his guard down. Not only did he let his guard down, he was going to disappoint his husband and had damaged their union.
Luckily his agent, Carol, had been there and she listened to all the specifics of the gallery owner. She recognized that Justin was not fully paying attention, only giving occasional nods to random sentences. She knew these meetings could get tedious, but usually Justin was very attentive, asking questions about dates, how many pieces, themes of the show and size of the exhibit. Today, all that information was sought by her and Justin added little to the conversation. She hoped everything was okay with her favorite artist, but now was not the time nor the place to inquire to the health and well-eing of the man. When the meeting was over, Justin shook the hand of the gallery owner.
"I'm looking forward to exhibiting here in the Winter Show. I have some ideas about pieces that will be perfect for the exhibit. Thank you for inviting me to showcase my work at your prestigious gallery."
Carol was impressed with his statement, even if she had heard similar statements at each meeting like today's. As they left the gallery, she walked with Justin toward his car.
"Everything okay? You seemed really distracted today. I don't think I remember you ever being so zoned out."
Justin pasted a fake smile on his face and stopped by his Silver Toyota RAV 4. "I'm good, just some personal issues. Nothing to worry about. In fact I'm headed to talk to Brian now. I'll say hi for you." Justin didn't wait for her to respond, but opened the car door and closed it quickly.
Carol wasn't fooled with his fake smile or his explanation, but she knew she couldn't really demand an answer as long as he completed his part of the contract and produced the paintings as requested and on time. She turned and walked toward her own car and to a late lunch with her daughter, Samantha.
Justin pulled out of the parking lot, trying to decide where to go. He debated if he should go to Kinnetic but decided against it; Brian was working and this was definitely not a conversation for work. He couldn't go to the diner; too many people, including Debbie, might see him. He was fearful if he saw any of their family he would share his secret and this was not really something he wanted to do. If he was lucky, the only person who would ever know would be Daphne and of course, Brian.
He didn't want to be presumptuous, but he knew he had to go buy condoms. He hoped he would get to use them with Brian, if Brian forgave him. But regardless, he would need them for the next 6 months at least and longer if Brian kicked him out. He was not a fan of celibacy and he knew if Brian let him stay, they would need them. He drove to the Walgreens by the house, deciding to go toward what he hoped was still his home. After buying two boxes of condoms, he drove home and went to his studio.
Strong emotions were great motivators to paint. It was often the only way he could process the emotions and putting them on canvas was cathartic. Putting on his painting clothes, he walked into his studio, turned on the music and put a fresh canvas on the easel. He stared at the canvas for at least half an hour, unable to reach for his paints. For the first time in his life, he found he was afraid to paint. He didn't want to immortalize his current emotions for all time. He was filled with guilt and fear and knew if Brian walked into his studio, he would know something was wrong. The canvas would be a reminder of the biggest mistake in his life and he just couldn't put that on canvas. Walking to the stereo, he turned it off, shut off the light and left the room.
It was time to start cooking so he went to the kitchen to see if he could find something to make for dinner. He saw their housekeeper had left a plate of chicken defrosting in the fridge. Opening the package, he washed off the breasts and laid them on a plate. Taking out a pan, he sprayed it to keep it from sticking.
He placed the chicken breasts in the pan and stared at them, trying to decide what seasoning to use. After spooning a layer of specialty mustard they had picked up at the new Fresh Thyme grocery last week on the chicken; he added a drizzle of honey on the breasts and placed them in the preheated oven. He opened a package of couscous and followed the instructions on the box. He set the timer for an hour.
The mail arrived while he was in the studio so he went out to get it. Glancing through the letters, he wondered how much longer mail would actually be delivered. It seemed that all they got these days was offers for credit cards and solicitations for charity. Brian and he had several high end credit cards and didn't need solicitations for more. They both supported several charitable organizations, especially the Vic Grassi house and the Youth Shelter for GLBT teens. If it hadn't been for Brian and Debbie's generosity, he would have ended up in a shelter. Unfortunately, not everyone has a Brian or a Debbie.
He wondered how long he would have Brian after he confessed. He imagined Debbie would still take him in, offer him Michael's old room, but having to explain why he needed it would make him think twice before he sought shelter there. Again, he realized how far reaching his indiscretion could impact his life and that of his family. All because, he didn't heed Brian's warning and took drugs from a stranger. Fresh tears threatened to fall down his cheeks, but he wiped the moisture away. He needed to make sense when Brian came home.
Returning to the kitchen, he sat at the table playing with the box of condoms, losing track of time as he rehearsed his ‘talk' with Brian. When Brian walked in the kitchen about half an hour later, he found Justin playing with a box of condoms and the beeping of the oven. He turned the timer off, took the pan out of the oven, glancing at the overly browned chicken.
"Justin, you okay? That chicken has been cooking for a long time, it's pretty brown," Brian asked not mentioning the box that he was turning over and over.
Hearing Brian's voice broke him out of his trance. "Uh, Brian, you're home."
"Yes, Captain Obvious and from the looks of what used to be our dinner, you may be home, but you are definitely not present. I'm going to change. Order us some dinner from the Indian place up the street. I liked their Chicken Tikka Masala." He ventured up the stairs, leaving Justin somewhat dazed in the kitchen.
Carefully he undid his tie and took off his coat. Hanging his coat and trousers up, he sighed heavily. Justin was playing with a box of condoms; it wouldn't be a coincidence after what the boys told him this morning. He was obviously distraught, if the burnt dinner was any indication of his state of mind. Something had happened last night. Now all he had to do was figure out what to do with Justin. He unbuttoned his shirt, throwing it in the hamper and pulled on a black Henley since it was still chilly at night. He threw on a pair of worn jeans and went to the kitchen.
"Hey," he said as he walked over to Justin to give him a welcome home kiss.
Justin responded to the kiss, but mid-way through, he pulled back when he remembered the conversation he needed to have.
"Uh, Brian... We need to talk."
"I think that is what we're doing, Justin. The last time I remember, talking means two people saying things to each other." Brian tried to provide levity with a snarky comment, not letting on he knew the topic of the conversation.
"Last night I went to Babylon after the show."
"I figured you would. You and Sean love to dance."
"I was having a great time and Sean... Sean thought he'd add to the fun."
Brian's hairs on the back of his neck went higher when he realized where this conversation was headed. He knew Justin went home with another man, but he hoped what he was thinking didn't happen.
"What did Sean do?"
"Uh.... He scored some E for me."
"You fucking idiot!!! Justin, how many times have I told you not to take drugs from strangers? Who knows where the E came from or who sold it to him. You could have had a reaction and I wouldn't have been there." Brian was so angry; he was yelling. Looking at Justin as he physically cowered into the corner, he remembered too late that there was more to this story.
"You're okay, right. You didn't end up in the fucking hospital or wake up in the middle of the street? Right?" He asked as his tone was more concerned than angry.
Justin couldn't look at his partner when he answered. He knew Brian would be angry and then he would be solicitous. Unfortunately his vision of this conversation was playing out just as he suspected. The last part was the unknown piece. How would he react when he told him he slept with someone else? Justin took a deep breath and picked up the box of condoms from the table.
"Not exactly. I didn't end up in the hospital or in the street, but I did end up in someone's bed. We had sex. I saw the condom wrappers in the trash when I woke up so at least there is that."
Justin couldn't hold it together any longer and he allowed the tears to fall down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Brian, so very sorry. I know you've told me 100 times, do not take drugs from a stranger." He stopped to blow his nose and walked to the trash to throw the Kleenex away.
"You're okay? No bruises or tears? He didn't hurt you did he?"
Justin looked at Brian, his partner with awe. I just told him that I slept with another man and his response was ‘are you okay'. Maybe things would be okay.
"No, he didn't hurt me. Evidently he's a friend of Sean's and his partner is out of town. Sean was surprised that I went with him, but figured we had an open relationship." Justin gulped a few mouthfuls of air as he further explained the night's events.
Brian picked up the box of condoms and frowned. "I guess we'll need to use these. Better put in an order on line; the ones at the drug store aren't nearly as good."
"You're not going to lecture me or throw me out?"
"No. I ran into Emmett and Ted this morning and they told me you left with a guy so I've had all day to think about it."
"You knew and you let me..."
"All I knew was that you left with someone. I didn't know it all, but now it makes sense. I don't like it, but it is what it is."
"You're not mad?"
"Of course, I'm mad, Justin. You put yourself in danger, grave danger and no matter why you did it; it still scares me to death."
"And you're not going to punish me? I..."
"These things are punishment enough," Brian said as he held up the box of condoms. "After six months of using those bad boys again, I'm sure you will never take drugs from a stranger again." Brian opened his arms signaling for Justin to come to him.
Justin wiped his eyes on another tissue and blew his nose again before walking into Brian's arms.
"Thank you. I thought for sure you...."
"No apologies, No regrets, Justin. Yes, I'm sure you're sorry and you definitely have regrets, but we are both here to talk about it and that's what's important. You're my partner. You made a mistake and thankfully it didn't land you in the fucking hospital." Brian lifted his face and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. "Not another fucking word. Go put these bad boys in all the regular places and let's eat. I've had a hell of a day."
The end.