BRIAN

Deb invited practically half of Liberty Avenue to the party for Justin and me. Justin’s mom sat in the corner of the backyard talking to Ted, Wes, and Daphne. It was hard to see that she and Ted were close to each other, and not feel a little jealous of him. She and I had our moments, but in the end we both only wanted Justin to be happy. I respected her for facing me when she knew Justin needed help that she couldn't give him. I left her alone because with Justin gone, I figured she wanted to be away from everything that reminded her of the reason he left.

“Jen didn’t understand you and Justin. All she saw was her son leaving her behind.” Deb tells me.

“She saw that I wasn’t giving him what he wanted.” I tell her.

“She also saw that when nothing helped Justin, you didn’t turn her away. She can’t get to know you if you keep this distance from her. Do her a favor and show her the Brian I know and love.” She tells me, kissing my cheek.

I rolled my eyes when Emmett came over, likely trying to give me pep talk, ordered by Deb. Justin was busy with Gus, feeding his face, it figured they bonded over food.

“So, Deb said we needed to help get you and Jen to talk to each other. It must suck to have to see Ted has a relationship with your mother-in-law. Okay, so that isn’t helping. You know I was jealous of Justin’s relationship with Ted, but then I realized that Carl was right; that every relationship is different and it doesn’t make Jen and Ted hanging out and going on lunch dates… What I’m trying to say is that if you want to get to know her, standing here watching her and Ted talk isn’t going to change anything.” He tells me, grimacing at his non pep speech.

An hour later I was sitting with Gus and Mel, talking about them meeting me in California before we went to see Justin, when Jen made the first move.

“Can we talk?” She asks.

We walked into the house and Deb pushed everyone out to the backyard, to give us some privacy. For the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to say to someone.

“I wanted to tell you I’m happy for both of you. The last time we talked, you might have believed I was happy with Justin leaving you. I honestly thought Justin needed time to grow up and figure out what he wanted in life. I also know I asked you to leave him alone, then turned around and expected you to help me after I pushed you out of his life. I want you to know I respected you for not turning me away, when I was blaming you for what happened to Justin.” She tells me.

“You weren’t the only one who blamed me, it’s hard not to go back to that night and not try to figure out a way that Justin would have been safe.” I tell her, looking out the window in the kitchen at Justin sitting with Lindsay.

“Brian, it would have happened even if you weren’t there, Chris wanted to hurt Justin. If I had made a bigger fuss at the school about what was happening to Justin, maybe it would have changed what happened, but at the time I was too focused on other things. You know you have a champion in Ted, don’t you. He and I talked a lot while Justin was gone, and he made me see that blaming you for Justin getting hurt, meant not acknowledging that you saved my son that night. I want you to think about that night, and tell me what would have happened if you hadn’t been there. There was only you, Justin, and Chris in that garage, because everyone else was at the prom. Justin could have laid there for hours before anyone would have found him. I didn’t lose my son, and it was because you were there. I gained a new son, so all I see is the man I love for loving Justin” She tells me, hugging me.

“Thank you for being a mother I could respect, and the grandmother I want for my children.” I whisper to her.

“Thank you for letting him go, when he needed to grow. He spent a lot of time away trying to figure out everything, but always told me he still loved you. I plan on being a pain in the ass when you and Justin give me more grandchildren, and it’s time for me to get to know the one you already gave me.” She tells me, kissing my cheek.

I went out front to get away from everyone, because I needed a minute to get myself together. When Justin came back, there was a part of me that wanted to push him away, because he is the only person who could shatter me. Deb said it, he got in even when I didn’t want him to, and stayed no matter how many miles he put between us.

“Am I interrupting?” Ted asked, sitting down next to me.

“I think I’m pepped talked out.” I tell him.

“Like you need me to tell you anything. It’s the one thing about you that I envied, you didn’t need advice to know what you needed to do.” He tells me.

“Do you know how many times I wanted to find him, but didn’t?” I ask him.

“Probably as many times as Justin wanted to come home.” He tells me.

“He didn’t even want to talk about me.” I tell him, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut.

“He didn’t talk about anyone here. It wasn’t because he didn’t want to know, but likely that it would hurt him less if he found out you were with someone else. If we talked about Emmett it would have led to you. It was the same reason he never asked about Deb or Michael, because it leads back to you. It’s something he only talked to Wes about, because Wes didn’t know any of you. One thing he always admitted though, was that what he felt for you didn’t go away. He didn’t want it to. You were it for him.” Ted tells me.

“Are we done?” I ask.

Ted laughed and got up to go back in, I should have gone with him. I could have avoided Michael and Byron. I looked at the two of them, trying to figure out why Michael was still letting the guy fuck with his head. Justin was right, this was not us of the past. Justin and I might have had our problems, but he was never the back-up plan if I didn’t score.

“I’ll go in while you talk to Brian.” Michael tells him, leaning up to kiss him, only to have Byron turn his head. Michael frowned, but then acted like the guy didn’t just rebuff him. “Brian, at least hear him out, it could help me.” Michael whispered in my ear before going in.

“Just so you know, nothing you say is going to change my mind.” I tell him, leaning back on the steps watching him look me up and down.

“I thought maybe you and I could talk privately, it’s fine if you want to include Justin.” He tells me, licking his lips.

“There was a time when Justin and I would have been all for that, but you wouldn’t have been on the menu. We both have more refined taste in men.” I tell him, smirking when he lost the bravado. “Why are you fucking with Michael’s head?” I ask.

“He’s the one who keeps coming back for more, so I let him.” He tells me.

“See, you don’t know Mikey like I do, he equates sex with love. It’s something I never managed to get him to see, that sometimes it’s just fucking. I’m sure he told you about my past, but he got one thing wrong.” I tell him.

“That you were never going to love him the way he wants.” He tells me.

“He knew it, just didn’t want to believe it. What he got wrong was that when I tricked, it didn’t mean anything to me. Michael believes that it showed that nothing changed in my life, even when Justin entered it. He doesn’t see the difference between you and me, because he thinks you love him because you still take him home some nights.” I tell him.

“Like you took Justin home some nights.” He smirked.

“Justin didn’t need me to take him home, since he knew where he lived. We might not have been living together the whole time, but he knew if given the choice, the trick was out.” I tell him.

“Good God, you actually fell in love. How very ordinary of you.” He tells me.

“I’m sure you think that, but then you don’t get it yet. What Justin gives me makes everything else look shallow in comparison. I thinks it’s extraordinary that he loves me, and has since I found him standing under a streetlight. As for Michael, keep fucking with his head and you’ll be dealing with Mama Bear. She might be sitting on the sidelines now, but eventually she’ll slap some sense into his head.” I tell him.

“You mean I’m not going to have you at my throat for hurting your precious Mikey?” He says rolling his eyes.

“In the past, yeah I would have, but after watching Justin handle his own problems, I see where Mikey needs to face up to his own. So have fun when Deb gets involved, because she isn’t someone even I’m willing to take on. One last thing, my answer is still no to you getting back in Babylon, because for Justin, you will have me at your throat. Not because he wants anything to do with you, but because he thinks you’re a sorry piece of shit. It says a lot that he could feel sorry for Michael because of you, since he doesn’t like Michael either.” I tell him, getting up and leaving him on the sidewalk.

CARL

Deb shook her head when Michael walked in the house, I kissed her, telling her to go outside. She’d been good about staying out of Michael’s mess and I wanted to keep it that way. He tried to pass me to go outside, but I stopped him because he had the look he gets when he’s going to cause trouble.

“I just wanted to tell Justin how happy I am for him.” He tells me, sarcastically.

“I don’t think he cares what you think, I know I wouldn’t if you’d said the shit you did about him, about me. Justin didn’t do anything to you for you to say Brian should have left him that night.” I tell him.

“I didn’t mean he should have died. I was just angry at everyone still acting like he didn’t shit on all of us.” He tells me, as we hear a gasp behind us.

I stopped Deb when she tried to reach Michael. I could see the hurt in her eyes. “Justin didn’t want you to know.” I tell her.

“Why would you say that?” Deb asks Michael, with tears in her eyes.

“He fucking cheated on Brian and all of you acted like Brian was at fault. I was angry for my best friend.” He tells her.

“What happened between Justin and I didn’t have anything to do with you. Like I told you, cheating is more than sex.” Brian tells him, coming into the house.

“He’s right, what you did to Ben wasn’t fair to him.” Deb tells him, walking out of the house.

We watched as Deb went to Justin and hugged him, whispering to him. Justin said something to her and held on to her as she listened to him. We might not have heard what he was saying but it was obvious he was calming her down. I really wanted to let her go at Michael, but in the end it was something Justin didn’t want. Why, was only something Justin knew, and looking at Michael I could tell he still didn’t get what kind of person Justin was, that he didn’t walk in here and beat the shit out of Michael.

“You see what he did for you? He could have let you deal with your shit, but he doesn’t want you and Deb to face the shit he did when he lost his family. He was here helping Deb and Vic when you asked. He was there when Deb needed someone because you embarrassed her. Yet you act like nothing he did was enough for you. You need to understand that Justin didn’t take anything from you that you belonged to you. I wasn’t going to one day see you as more than my best friend, and I want that to be enough for you.” Brian tells him, going outside.

“He’s willing to throw away years of friendship for Justin.” Michael tells me.

“You weren’t hearing him. He was telling you what you can have with him, which is friendship. He loves Justin and won’t let a best friend eclipse what Justin is to him.” I tell him.

“Why does Justin get what he wants, when I can’t?” He asks me.

“You really want that guy Byron?” I ask, because I couldn’t see any reason why.

“I don’t know, at first I thought it would help me figure out why Justin stuck around no matter what Brian did.” He tells me.

“What do you think now?” Justin asks, coming in.

I walked out because this was something the two of them needed to do. One thing about Justin I liked was that even though he didn’t like Michael, he didn’t like seeing anyone hurt either.

JUSTIN

Deb came up and swallowed me in a hug, in tears. I didn’t want her to ever know what Michael said, because I knew it would hurt her.

“Why didn’t you tell me what he said?” She whispers.

“It wasn’t something I wanted repeated, and I didn’t want you upset when it wasn’t something that surprised me.” I tell her.

“What made him even say it?” She asks.

“It was right after I left. I don’t really know what made him say it. I left it alone, because truthfully, you and Vic were more important to me. If you want to be angry than I can’t stop you, but we’re celebrating the future, not the past, be angry later.” I tell her, hugging her.

“It would have broken Vic’s heart if he heard it. He loved you and never doubted that you still loved us.” She tells me.

“You’re the mother of my heart, just be happy today.” I whisper to her.

Deb nodded, understanding that I didn’t want today to be about anything but Brian and me. Brian came out and told Deb they needed a drink, since he had to deal with Byron today. I told him I needed to use the bathroom, but he could tell it wasn’t why I was going inside. He kissed me, then took Deb, trusting me to do what I needed to do. Carl was asking Michael about Byron and Michael’s answer wasn’t what I expected. I guess I expected him to declare his love or something like that, instead it was like he was still trying to figure out how Brian and I worked.

“I get why you left.” He tells me.

“I didn’t leave because he was tricking. It was something we agreed to, whether you believe it or not.” I tell him.

“You left with Ethan when you saw him fucking Rage.” He argues.

“I left because it was time to end it with Ethan. I couldn’t love Ethan the way he deserved, because I loved Brian more than anything in my life. I left because I didn’t like who I was anymore. I needed to know if I could take care of myself, which even you know, Brian tends to think he needs to do for us.” I tell him.

“What was it like when you left?” He asked, really wanting to know.

“At first it was hard, I missed Brian and Gus, but knew I needed time to figure out what I wanted. I kept feeling like everyone expected me to do what they wanted, and that what I wanted didn’t matter anymore.” I tell him.

“You felt like that with Brian?” He asks.

“No, in Brian’s case, it was different. He wanted me to have all the things I wanted. He didn’t push me to leave him, but I think he was willing to let me go if it’s what would make me happy. You need to see that Byron doesn’t do that for you.” I tell him.

“Why do you care? I would think that you would be happy to see me miserable.” He tells me.

“Michael, we will never be friends. It’s just not in me to forgive you. I wish I could for Brian’s sake, but other than Rage, you and I had nothing in common. I care because even when you disappoint Brian, he still sees the friend who was there when he needed him. What Byron is doing to you is miles apart from what Brian and I were doing. You’ve always hated sharing anything, so why are you sharing?” I ask.

“It was nice to feel wanted.” He tells me.

“How do you see wanted, when he skips out on you, and got pissed because he got kicked out of Babylon, but didn’t care what happened to you? If you and I had been fighting, Brian would have stepped in to defuse it, not enjoyed that you and Jeff were jealous of each other.” I tell him.

“Was I like Jeff?” He asks.

“You weren’t a picnic, but I could handle you. I understood your jealousy, because I love Brian too.” I tell him.

“Everyone thinks I’m jealous because Brian loves you, but I’m not, because I know it wasn’t going to be me.” He tells me.

“When did you come to that revelation?” I ask.

“When you came back, for him it was like you never left. It’s like he spent years waiting for you to come back. No one got him to break his one time only rule the entire time you were gone. When I came back, it was like everything moved on and no one noticed that I was gone. With you, it’s like time stood still until you returned.” He tells me.

“Michael, do yourself a favor, figure out what you want and don’t compromise yourself for it.” I tell him.

“Wes sort of told me the same thing. I still don’t get why he bothered with me, since I can tell he doesn’t like me.” He tells me.

“He doesn’t like to see people screw up their lives. He can’t help wanting to help people.” I tell him.

“He sounds like Brian.” He tells me.

“Sometimes he does, but he didn’t have a childhood like Brian’s. His parents weren’t assholes until he wouldn’t live the life they expected him to. I think Wes is what Brian would have been if he hadn’t had the parents he did.” I tell him.

“He’s interesting.” Michael tells me.

“He’s not interested, so don’t try to go down that road with him.” I tell him.

“How do you know?” He asks, crossing his arms.

“Because he never makes it a secret of it when he wants something. Michael, there’s a difference when you really love someone, it makes settling for less seem empty.” I tell him.

“You don’t see us ever being friends?” He asks.

“I can be nice to you, but no I don’t see friends as something I could be with you. I don’t want Brian to have to feel like he has to chose between us, because even after all your crap, he still wants you in his life. I want Brian to have everything he wants, just like he always wanted for me.” I tell him.

“Even if it’s a best friend who doesn’t respect boundaries?” He asks.

“Even if, because I know who he comes home to.” I tell Brian, who was standing in the doorway.

“Twat.” He tells me, and yeah I kissed him, because he’s right, I am a twat, but I’m his.