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JUSTIN


One of the things Wes talked a lot about was the way I treated my mom. He wanted me to look at it from her side, and asked me if once in all that time did I not see that she did the best she could when I was throwing so many changes at her. He said I should give her credit for being torn in two because it wasn't just about me but Molly too. Wes cuts through bullshit and leaves you no longer able to only see your side. He'd always liked my mom and told me that instead of treating her like she should have pushed Molly aside for me, I should try to understand she was the one who stood by me. It's why I'm not upset or angry that she didn’t tell me, because the one thing I always remember is that she made sure I knew she loved me.


When she answered the door, she drowned me in a hug. “Why didn’t you tell me you were here?” She asked, pulling me in the door and straight to the kitchen.


“I brought breakfast.” I tell her putting the bag on the counter.


“How long are you staying?” She asks.


“Long enough to see everyone, after that I’m not really sure. Another director wants me to work on his film, since my boss told him he wanted me as his assistant for it. I'm getting the chance to go to Australia if it comes together. I was going to see if you wanted to visit.” I tell her.


“I'm happy for you, but I'm hoping by coming here you're planning to start visiting.” She tells me.


“I think it will be easier after this visit. I saw Brian and we talked.” I tell her.


“Maybe it's time for you to hear something that I never told you.” She tells me.


“Like that he visited the hospital every night?” I ask. “He sort of told me without realizing it.” I tell her.


“There was more. Just understand I wasn’t in a place where I could see anything but that you were hurt. He only stopped coming over because I asked him to. It didn’t matter that he told me he cared about you, I just wanted him away from you. Even when Deb tried to tell me that Brian was most likely the only person you'd let help you.” She tells me.


“Both you and Brian did what you could, but at the time there was a lot I couldn’t say to help either of you. I guess I was just curious why no one told me.” I tell her.


“I got the feeling Brian didn’t want you to know, it made it easy for me not to tell you.” She tells me.


“I think it kept me from giving up, so it's not something I needed to know then.” I tell her.


“Does it change anything about why you left?” She asks.


“It was a way for me to know that life didn’t end because Brian wasn’t part of my life. It didn’t change that I still love him, but it also taught me what I want in relationship. Which Brian and I didn’t have in ours... “


“Justin? “ She asks, when I stopped talking.


“I just realized Brian implied we broke up.” I tell her.


“Okay, and what does that mean, you left with ended your relationship with him.” She tells me.


“It's something he never would admit it was.” I tell her.


“Justin you lived together, went out together and did things I don't ever need to know about, TOGETHER. Brian could deny it all he wanted but, that's a relationship.” She tells me.


“DUH, but it seems Brian finally figured it out.” I tell her, laughing.


“Smartass.” She tells me, kissing my head.


“I was always more self aware than Brian wanted me to be.” I tell her.


“Are you going to tell him about leaving for work?” She asks me.


“I’m not really sure there’s any reason. We aren’t back together.” I tell her.


“If you are even thinking about it, you need to tell him.” She tells me.


“Which reminds me, I need to go see Deb.” I tell her, changing the subject.


“She missed you, and understood when I told her why you couldn't come when Vic died.” She tells me.


“It's the only time I did. I just didn’t tell anyone. Vic deserved the respect he gave me.” I tell her.


“Why didn't you call me, I would have gone with you.” She tells me.


“I waited until that night to go to Vic’s grave and then left town. I wanted to do it on my own.” I tell her.


“At least tell Deb, she'd be happy to know.” She tells me.


“Do you still talk to her?” I ask.


“When we have time, she and I usually see each other at PFLAG meetings and get a drink.” She tells me.


I stayed and had breakfast with her, waiting until Deb would be home to go over. Like Vic, my relationship with Deb was ours and not about anyone else.


BRIAN


When I walked into the Diner Michael was in his usual booth with Emmett. Emmett seemed preoccupied as Deb and Michael argued with each other. I got there in time for the usual slap in the head before Deb stomped off.


“What did you say to Deb?” I ask Michael, sitting next to Emmett.


“Fucking Justin appears and she tells me I better not treat him like shit.” Michael complains.


“Where’s Teddy?” Emmett asks, ignoring Michael.


“He didn’t want to face the Spanish Inquisition for knowing where Justin was all this time.” I tell Emmett as Deb puts coffee down in front of me.


“At least Ted cared enough to take care of Sunshine.” Deb glares at me and Michael.


“Why should I care, he fucked over both Brian and me when he left.” Michael tells her, causing Deb to lose any patience she had with him.


“He didn’t do anything but give you the rights to the comic. You fucked it up yourself by thinking it was funny what you did to JT. It wasn’t enough that Justin almost got killed by that piece of garbage, you had to kill him in a fucking comic. You want to know to why it failed? Because no one wanted to read that piece of crap. Vic and I agreed, you deserved to have no one want to read it. If you want food ask Kiki, because I’m too mad to feed you right now.” She tells him and me walking off.


“She always takes his side.” Michael whines.


“Why wouldn’t she? Justin never made Deb feel like she wasn’t good enough for him.” Emmett tells him. “But then as usual, we all let it go that you insulted your mother in front of everyone. Maybe it’s why she defends Justin, because he took care of her when you were too busy being an asshole.” Emmett tells him.


“What’s with you? You’ve barely said two words about him and when you do your crawling all over my ass like Ma.” Michael tells him.


“Since you woke us all up bitching all night, you’ll have to excuse me for wanting to bitch at you.” Emmett tells him.


Deb shows up, slamming my plate I didn’t order on the table and handing Emmett’s food nicely to him, leaving Michael with water. “Carl wasn’t happy when he couldn’t get any sleep after working a double yesterday, either.” Deb tells Michael. “YOU tell Sunshine I expect him at dinner tonight, which Michael isn’t invited to unless he can keep his mouth shut.” She tells me, leaving, just expecting her command to be obeyed.


“Screw it, we can just go out.” Michael tells us, trying to wave down Kiki.


I drank my coffee, no longer wondering why Michael never made it past friend. I got up, leaving Deb a big tip. Emmett got up somehow thinking I needed someone to walk me to my car.


“I saw Justin this morning. He actually wasn’t pissed about what Michael said about him, and wasn’t even upset that everyone let it go.” Emmett tells me.


“Why would you even bring it up, Ted already told you that.” I tell him, as he gets in my car, without an invitation.


“I don’t know, he brought up the hospital thing and I started running my mouth saying how I once called him a defective toy… Shit Brian, why did you slam on the breaks?” He asked, as I glared at him.


“Is there some reason that ever came out of your mouth?” I grit, ready to kick him out.


“I guess I didn’t want him to hear it from Michael. It bothered me when Justin said he never saw anything to like about Michael and all I could come up with was that Michael let me live with him when my place burned down. I could see Michael saying it to him and I at least wanted Justin to know I didn't mean it the way it sounds.” Emmett tells me.


“I'm starting to see why he's friends with Ted.” I grumble.


“Why does that bother you? It's not like Teddy and Justin are together. Not that that should bother you either, I mean, other than the girls party, you barely acted like you remembered Justin existed.” Emmett tells me.


I didn’t answer but got out of the car and went into Kinnetik, leaving Emmett to do what he wanted. Cynthia handed me my messages but ignored my foul mood. He's back for one day and all hell breaks loose, how could I not miss the twat.


LINDSAY


Gus came down for breakfast, holding a teddy bear I've never seen. Even he seemed to be confused about it.


“Did Dad leave this?” He asks.


“No, he was here but I didn’t see it with him.” I tell him.


“It had a note saying it's name was Gus too.” He tells me.


Mel picked it up noticing it wasn’t new, then smiled at me. “Remember when we first met Jen?” She asks.


“You don’t think Justin left it do you?” I ask.


“Dad’s Justin?” Gus asks.


“How do you know about your Dad and Justin?” Mel asks.


“I was looking through his box, it had pictures of Justin. Dad told me that Justin named me and used to spend a lot of time with me. He said Justin had to go because he wanted things Dad wouldn’t give him. Only, Dad says he would've, but Justin didn’t know.” Gus tells us, eating his cereal.


“Apparently your Dad could get a chance if he plays this right.” Mel tells us.


DEB


Carl kissed me at the door, when he could tell my mood wasn’t any better. I was angry that Michael still couldn't figure out how much Sunshine brought to our lives. Don't get me wrong,  I wasn’t happy Sunshine didn’t keep in touch, but understood he hadn't been happy when he left. Vic told me Justin needed to get away from everything and we just needed to be happy we knew he was okay. I just missed the smiling face who cheered me up when Michael upset me.


I went straight to the kitchen to cook because I didn’t need to take my mood out on Carl. Carl got up to answer the door, I started making pasta, the one Sunshine loved.


“Deb can you come here, I think this will make you feel better.” He tells me.


I put down the pan thinking about doubling the amount to make for dinner, because Justin was going to get fed. When I got to the living room, I probably squeezed the life out of Sunshine. “You took long enough to come home.” I tell him.


“I wanted to come back when I was ready.” He tells me.


“I'm Carl by the way.” Carl says with his arm around me when I wouldn’t let Justin go.




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