JUSTIN

Instead of flying to Vermont, he wanted us to drive. Which gave me time to talk to him about some of the things Emmett and I had been talking about.

“I don’t get why you think the things you were doing should have had me leaving you. I agreed to an open relationship and didn’t feel slighted by the tricking when we both agreed to it. I'm not saying I wouldn’t have wanted it just to be us, but I agreed to the relationship you offered.” I tell him.

“Yet it became the reason you left.” He tells me.

“I told you why I left.” I tell him.

“In the time you were gone, I thought a lot about what it would have been like if our situations were reversed. Would I have been happy to be with you if you were offering me what I was offering you? The truth is, no. I wouldn’t have stayed with someone who kept telling me we weren’t together or wouldn’t admit that I was more than a guy who shared his bed. Having my best friend whispering in your ear constantly that I'd never change for you and that you needed to accept that what we had was the best you were going to get from me… it couldn't have made seeing me trick on a night that should have been about you, as a reason to stay.” He tells me.

“I left because you never had a choice when it came to me. I felt like you were having to compromise your life, your beliefs, in order to accommodate mine. When I left, it was so I could grow up and learn how to take care of myself, not have you and my mother do it.” I tell him.

“If I hadn’t wanted you around, you wouldn't have been. I made the choice to keep you around, when I could have walked away anytime. You got things from me that no one did, not even Michael.” He tells me.

“Being away gave me a chance to figure things out.” I tell him.

“Then why did you think I wanted Michael?” He asks.

“Because Michael was the one person you told everything to; he treats you like shit and ten minutes later everything is forgiven. All I could think was that you really loved Michael, letting him get away with the way he treated you sometimes.” I tell him.

“Then explain to me why you tell everyone that you don’t care what Michael said about you? You basically let him off. Don’t give me the ‘life lesson’ Justin answer you give everyone else, I won’t buy it.” He tells me.

“It would have upset Deb, and I didn’t want to spend my life letting anything he said affect my life. He isn’t important enough for me to let what he said matter to me.” I tell him.

“But Deb is really why you’ve kept your silence, you don’t want to hurt her.” He tells me.

“And it’s also why you let Michael get away with everything.” I tell him.

“She can be a pain in the ass, but she loves us. There is something I want to ask you. Why, after telling me you wanted our door closed, were you saying I could trick?” He asks me.

“Monogamy is what I want. When I told you, you didn’t say it was what you wanted.” I tell him.

“Everything means EVERYTHING.” He tells me.

TED

Blake and I spent the day doing normal things that we hadn’t done in the past. We wandered around shops, grabbed groceries, and tonight he wanted us to cook dinner together. He’d really cleaned up his life and was sad to hear that I went down that road later. But said he was happy I had real friends to help me get my life back together.  

“At the time, Justin and I weren’t more than acquaintances. Emmett had a hard time with my friendship with Justin at first.” I tell him.

“Why? You and Emmett still are as close as you were when I knew you before.” He tells me.

“I never once mentioned Justin in the six years after Justin and I became friends. In fact, the only reason Emmett found out was because he answered my phone.” I tell him.

“Is there a reason you hid that you and Justin were friends? I mean I know Michael didn’t really like Justin, or really me either, but that couldn’t be it, because you didn’t hide that we were together when all your friends didn’t like it.” He tells me.

“Justin asked me not to tell anyone where he was. I respected his wishes, liking that we were friends, even though we weren’t when he lived here.” I tell him.

“Why weren’t you, I mean he was around you and your friends all the time.” He asks.

“Brian monopolized Justin’s time, and I never thought Justin and I had anything in common. We never really talked to each other, except when he was leaving. Justin showed up at my door and asked me to make sure no one blamed Brian for him leaving. It's just, Brian blames himself too.” I tell him.

“It's most likely somewhere in the middle. They both did things and hid things, which is where all relationships get in trouble.” He tells me.

“Is that why you left rehab?” I ask.

“No. It was because as much as I was starting to love you, I loved crystal more. I wasn’t ready when I agreed, and left because I didn’t want to believe I had a problem. It was months later when I finally couldn’t hide it from myself anymore. I didn’t want to be another dead hustler who overdosed.” He tells me.

“For me, it was realizing what I did to my two best friends, who had given me their trust. There were days that if I could have I would have walked out, and continued to screw up my life.” I tell him.

“What stopped you?” He asks.

“A persistent twink and his cousin, and the opportunity to redeem myself, and feel like I was worth everything they were doing to help me. Wes didn’t even know me, but stood by Justin’s belief I was a good person. I came back here after cleaning my ass up and found out my best friends were still my best friends, even after everything I did. It made it easy for me to want to stay clean.” I tell him.

“Why didn’t you try to get back with Emmett?” He asks.

“We made a mistake, thinking that loving friends could be more. It's something watching Michael and Brian cleared up in my head. I love Emmett, but I wasn’t in love with him, any more than he was in love with me. We were trying to force a relationship, when we were never meant to be more than friends. Wes even said it, that I talked differently about you than about Emmett, which showed that what I feel for you wasn’t what I felt for Emmett.” I tell him.

“What was different?” He asks.

“I wanted you from the first night.” I tell him.

DEB

There's just a sense of absurdity to Michael. Something that even as his mother, who can be blind to Michael causing his own problems, even I couldn't overlook. Carl kept his laughter contained through dinner, but barely. Emmett and Drew were just being entertained, since like Emmett and I discussed, Michael didn’t see the correlation.

“You won't believe how Jeff makes it sound like no one wants me around. He's always making comments about me not knowing when I'm not wanted. Then seems to announce how he's Byron’s best friend, and I'm just the trick who wouldn't leave.” Michael complains.

“It's must be hard to have that thrown in your face. I mean to have to constantly hear that he knows Byron better than anyone, that must suck for you.” I tell him.

“Jeff is always talking about how nothing comes between him and Byron. Which is bullshit, because I'm the one who goes home with Byron. Then, like Jeff thinks it's his job to get rid of me, like I wasn't invited by Byron to be there.” He tells us.

“Jeff seems to think he owns Byron.” I tell him, rolling my eyes at my idiot son.

“And making Byron treat me like crap, because of Jeff. I told Jeff it was obvious that Byron never wanted him. I mean, if he did then why isn't Byron taking HIM home?” Michael tells us.

“And still tricking with other people, are you sure Jeff isn’t right, that maybe you're just the guy Byron tricks the most with?” Emmett asks.

“He wants me, he just gets off on making me think he doesn't.” Michael protests.

“Normally it would just tell you he really doesn’t.” Drew adds.

“He let's me spend the night, which he doesn't with the other guys. I'm just tired of him needing other people.” Michael tells us.

“Already… I mean you've only just started seeing him.” Emmett tells him.

“But I shouldn't have to feel like I'm not enough for him, which Jeff tells me all the time.” He tells us.

“I can’t imagine what it must be like to have someone constantly butting in and acting like the authority on all things Brian.” Emmett tells him.

“Byron, not Brian.” Michael tells Emmett, rolling his eyes.

“Sorry. It's just, well it reminds me of what you did to Justin. Well, Drew and I wanted to go dancing, so, later.” Emmett tells us, yanking Drew out of his seat and out the door before the confusion lifted in Michael’s eyes.

“Telling Justin what Brian wanted me to tell him was different.” Michael tells us.

“I'm sure it is to you. I'm off to work, it's been educational.” Carl tells me, kissing me and trying not to laugh.

“Well Michael, you're right, it is different, Brian loved Sunshine. I just can't say the same for you and Byron.” I tell him.

“Brian doesn’t love anyone.” He tells me.

“As his best friend, you would know.” I tell him.

“It still doesn't make what Jeff is doing right.” He tells me, and really, it wasn't a surprise that he didn’t get it.