I couldn't believe the man I've become, this pitiful excuse of a man. Drinking and smoking in a bar, I was turning just like my dad! And it wasn't because Justin left... ok, that also affected me a lot. But I've been walking this path for a long time, he just made me see it- notice what a disaster I was. I tried to go after him, stalk him outside of PIFA- but I wasn't able to catch him. Tried calling his phone, but he changed his number. Even tried to catch him at his mother's home, but it seems like Sunshine wasn't even in Pittsburgh anymore. I still remember the harsh words of Jennifer, as if it were yesterday... maybe, because it was yesterday. I don't know, with how high I am, I can't even tell where I am right now:
"What do you want?!" Jennifer had finally answered the door, after half an hour of me banging it and trying to get any of them out.
"I made a mistake, ok?! I just want to talk with Justin and try fix things up" I told her, trying to see around her- maybe I could catch a quick gaze of my favorites blond locks.
"Really? And what good will that do? Are you ready to change your way of living? Be faithful to my son and not desire another man again? Because you might have tricked him into believing he was ok with having an open relationship, but that isn't enough anymore. He needs stability, a boyfriend to come home to and know that there won't be any fucking tricks on his bed!" I took a step backwards in shock, I couldn't believe that the polish and polite Mother Taylor used crude words, such as: 'tricks' and 'fuck' "You know what's the worst?! Is that I really liked you Brian, I thought you would be a great man for my son- after all, I've never seen someone love him as much as you do... but you can't show it, can you?"
"No" I said, lowly. Looking at the floor, not liking the feeling of disappointing her.
After all, since the bashing- not counting the time she asked me to leave her son alone- I began seeing her as kind of my mother figure. Every week we had a family dinner: Justin, Jennifer, Molly and I. Just to stay in contact and know how the other were doing. I liked that. I liked being part of a family where I wasn't blamed for everything that went wrong. I love the gang, but sometimes I feel as if I was just an excuse for them to justify everything that went wrong in their lives.
"Come in dear" she sighed, smiling softly at me "We have a lot to talk about"
Then I discovered that the scholarship, he had, wasn't for PIFA, but Pratt- in New York City. It seems like Mrs. Hobbs wasn't as kind as Justin explained her to be, but also had ulterior motives. She didn't want to have a reminder of her son's mistake near by, she didn't want a constant remembering that her son isn't as good as she believed him to be. Jennifer convinced me not to follow him to New York again, that he needed his space and time, to remember who he is. She used the same exact reasons not to give me his address or a way to contact him. At least, I was still invited to family dinner with her and Molly. She also convinced me to get an appointment with Alex, that I needed to see someone, if not about my childhood, then for what I experienced during the bas... prom- I really can't decide which is a worse.
"The stud of Liberty Avenue resurfaced!" Michael's exclamation snapped me out of my thoughts. I internally groaned at the remainder of the reputation that made me lose the best thing that happened in my life, second behind Gus "Where have you been?! I am your best friend, you shouldn't have made me worry like this! Surely it was Boy Wonder, wasn't it? He was needy and selfish as always, wanting 'quality time' which made you ignore us"
"Can you shut your annoying whining mouth for a damn second?!" I growled at him, making him froze in his seat next to me. Luckily I was low enough no one else heard me, the last thing I needed was a scene. I stood up and left the bar, I couldn't handle Mikey tonight of all nights "You don't get a clue, do you? What about leaving doesn't show you that I don't want you around?!" I turned around and screamed at him angrily, I never liked the way he spoke about Justin and tonight... tonight he crossed the line.
"What's gotten into you?!" he snapped back, surprise clear on his face.
"You want to know what the hell is wrong with me?! You! You are what's wrong with me!" I barked at him, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him towards a dark alley. No one has the needs to listen to us "You treat Justin as if he is garbage and unwanted, he is neither of those things. He never was a stalker, that's you! He never calls fifty times a day to know everything about my routine, he doesn't get into my loft uninvited whenever he wants- with a key I gave him only for emergencies-, he doesn't come to my work and get me into trouble because he thinks his whining is more important than a job that's supporting my son and myself, he doesn't act like he is better than others when he hasn't achieved anything in his life but being a momma's little boy! Does that sound familiar to you, Mikey? Since day one you've been in his case because he had something you never had and always wanted, what no one ever had: my attention and respect! He's gone through so much, more than anyone in his age should have. He is so brave and beautiful, coming out to his school full of homophobia and to his bastard of a father that kicked him out. But he never bent. YOU did, you couldn't even step outside of Liberty and not being afraid of what others might think or do. You had it all: supportive friends and a loving mother who accepted you. Justin lost it all, and he still stuck with his principles- he even almost died for them. What have you done worth mentioning Mikey? Being my best friend? Let me tell you something, that's not as big as you believe it to be" he flinched at my words.
I knew it wasn't fair to take my anger on Mikey, but I couldn't stand Justin gone or how Michael treats him as shit, for no good reason. Sunshine doesn't deserve it.
"Wait a minute..." he tried to stop me, when I started walking away from him. He grabbed my arm, trying to make me stop... bad choice "Fuck!" he cursed, when I punched him in the face- making him fall on his ass.
"That's for lying! You said that the thieves had been already there when you come to the loft, but you lied. I received the images from the security service, you were the one that left the door unlocked. But you said it was Justin, because you cannot take responsibilities for anything. After all, Mikey is never wrong, is he? I got my stuff back, thanks for asking. But then again, my 'best friend' only seems to care about my well being and happiness when it benefits him. After all, why would he try to ruin the only relationship I ever had? Now I lost the best goddamn thing that ever happened to me! Justin fucking transferred to New York to finish his studies" I snapped at him "What? Gonna go to mommy and tell her that Big Bad Brian punched you like a good little boy? Why not? It seems that's all you are good at" with that said, I walked away- leaving Michael on the floor of the alley.
-The following day-
When I entered the dinner and wasn't attacked by Debbie, I was kind of surprised. But when she came to take my order complaining about an idiot that punched her dear son, and told me that Michael wasn't able to see his face when I asked her who was said 'bastard'... well, it's easy to say I was shocked.
"Good morning" came the soft greeting of Mikey, he sat in front of me and looked kind of shyly at me. I felt even a biggest idiot, but I also knew that he needed to hear that "I... I'm sorry. I was kind of an asshole"
"Kind of?" I questioned him, a slight smile on my face. Soon we were both laughing as if we were fourteen years old again, no bad blood between us "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have hit you. No matter what an asshole you were, that's is never an excuse for violence... I should know that more than anyone"
"Don't sweat it... it was a good wake up call. I talked with Alex, tried to get an appointment with him" I looked at him, not being able to conceal my surprise "He said he couldn't attend me, because he was treating you... that's great, you need it. He recommended me someone else, I have to get over this... obsession, I have with you" he admitted, making me happy to know that my best friend was growing up "It's not healthy" he continued after a while "I am happy that you got your stuff back, for all that counts"
"It counts a lot" I assured him, with a small smile. That's all I've managed, since Sunshine left.
"Here, I got you this... as a 'please forgive me' peace offering" I was about to tell him that it wasn't necessary, when I noticed what did he get me "Maybe Boy Wo... Justin, will answer your chats and will fix things up. If anyone can make a long distance relationship work, is Brian Fucking Kinney- a family man" only Michael could say that and still make me sound cool.
I smiled at my friend's back, as he left the dinner, and then returned my gaze towards the little piece of paper. Feeling for once, since my Sunshine was taken away, that twilight was over and dawn was breaking through.