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Gus and I have been sitting anxiously, fidgeting in the ER waiting room for two hours. I’m pretty sure Gus has no fingernails left after chewing on them for so long and I feel like I’m going to have an anxiety attack at any moment. What the fuck is taking so long? Shit, I hope nothing’s wrong. I don’t know what I’d do if – no, I can even think about it. He’s going to be fine; he has to be, right?


When Gus finally sees the doctor walk down the hall towards us, he immediately jumps out of his seat into a standing position and I follow suit. “Doctor, what’s going on?” Gus asks worriedly.


The doctor, holding what I assume to be Brian’s chart in his hands, glances from Gus to me and then back to Gus. “Your dad was severely dehydrated, causing his blood pressure to drop and that’s what most likely led to him losing consciousness. That, in addition to exhaustion from the radiation treatment, I suspect. Also – how well has he been eating while in treatment?”


I shake my head. “Not as much as he should be,” I answer. “He’s never been a big eater, but he’s been vomiting too, so –“ I trail off when the doctor nods.


“Well, he needs to eat better. In order for the treatment to work at its optimal level, he needs to consume a sufficient amount of calories each day. I’m going to go ahead and prescribe a stronger anti-emetic for nausea so he can keep something on his stomach. We’re administering IV fluids into him right now and we’ll need to keep him overnight to monitor his condition, but he’ll be discharged early in the morning if everything goes as expected. I’ve also sent off some blood work. But as for the future, he needs to take better care of himself. If he doesn’t keep hydrated and start eating better, he’ll end up right back here again– or worse,” he warns.


Gus and I nod in agreement. “Can we see him?” Gus and I ask simultaneously.


“Sure. Room 361, down the hall on the left. He’s awake now, but he needs his rest. I understand he has another treatment scheduled for tomorrow morning – he can leave straight from here for that, so let him get a few good hours of sleep tonight,” he urges us. We promise we will and thank him for his help before he walks away to tend to other patients.


I follow Gus to Brian’s room. When we walk through the door, we see a nurse leaning over his bed checking his blood pressure. She removes the cuff when she’s done and smiles at Brian. “Are you in any pain right now?”


Brian shrugs. “Just a headache,” he tells her and she nods.


“That’s pretty normal after a syncope episode. Rate the pain on a scale of 0 to 10 for me,” she replies.


Brian grins at her request. “What number gets me drugs?” he asks playfully.


I scoff and the nurse laughs. “You know it doesn’t work that way,” she says.


Brian sighs dramatically. “Damn. Well, in that case, it’s a four,” he answers with what I assume to be the honest response.


She nods again. “Want me to get you something for it?” she asks him.


He shakes his head. “I think I’ll live,” he tells her. She nods and smiles at him, then at Gus and me, before exiting the room, promising to return in a couple of hours to recheck his vitals.


Once the nurse is out the door, Gus walks over to the bed Brian’s sitting in and points a finger in his face. “You scared the hell out of us. If you ever do that again, I’ll kill you,” he rants dramatically.


Brian laughs. “My son, the drama queen,” he muses. “And he’s not even gay, imagine that.”


“We’re going to have to put you on 24-hour watch so nothing like this happens again,” I tell him from where I’m still standing near the door.


He shrugs. “I thought I was already on that – with you always around, bugging the hell out of me.”


“You complaining?” I ask him with a smile.


“Never,” he drawls sarcastically, but gives me a small grin back.


“Do you need anything or --?” Gus asks.


Brian nods. “Yeah, I need for you two to go home and go to sleep. I’m fucking fine. I already have the nurses at my beck and call, hovering over me at all times, there’s no point in either of you being here.”


Gus shakes his head. “Forget it, I’m not leaving,” he insists.


“Oh yes you are,” Brian replies.


“Why?”


“Because I said so, that’s why,” his voice is stern but gentle.


Gus throws his hands up. “Oh, now you start getting all ‘daddy’ on me?” he asks. Brian huffs a laugh and looks to me for help.


I nod slightly to him. “Come on, Gus. We’ll come back in the morning.” Gus knows as well as I do that there’s no arguing it; Brian had made up his mind; he finally nods begrudgingly. He hugs his dad tightly around the neck for a couple long minutes before saying goodbye for now and starting towards the door. When he notices I’m not following, he looks at me questioningly. “Wait in the car for me. I’ll be right out,” I tell him. He nods and leaves the room, leaving me alone with Brian.


I walk up to the bed, sit on the edge, and grab Brian by the arm in a faux – or not-so-faux – threat. “You scared the hell out of us. If you do that again, I’ll kill you,” I repeat Gus’ words to him and he laughs and shakes his head. I lean in to hug him and he returns the gesture. “I’m glad you’re okay,” I whisper to him. He just tightens his grip around my back.


I eventually pull back from the hug so I can look at his face. His eyes are tired. Seeing Brian in a hospital bed, even though I know he’s alright, is making me emotional, but I fight the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. I glance down to his lips and my body yearns to lean forward and kiss him – just so I know for sure he’s okay. I avert my gaze back to his eyes and I see his eyebrows are knitted together in confusion and curiosity. I take a deep breath and prepare to stand up and leave, but my body has other ideas; I feel myself lean forward and gently brush my lips against Brian’s in a chaste kiss. My face lingers close to his for a moment before I reluctantly pull away. He still looks a bit confused, but a smirk is now playing on his lips.


“Later,” he tells me quietly.


I nod and stand up, running my hand over his arm before finally moving toward the door. “Later,” I return before I close the door behind me.


______________


Not even twenty-four hours after what I’d consider a near-death experience, Brian is sitting up – instead of resting like he should be doing – at his desk, deeply immersed with something on his computer. I first assumed it was something with work, but his demeanor suggests otherwise.


“Brian, what are you doing over there?” I finally ask him from my spot on the couch.


“Hm? Oh, nothing,” he mumbles, still not looking up from his activity.


I stand up and walk over to him. He quickly shifts the laptop so I can’t see the screen. “What?” I ask.


He sighs. “Nothing. I’m just – working on my will.”


I immediately turn and walk away. “So – Gus is kind of late, isn’t he?” I quickly change the subject.


“Oh so now you don’t want to talk about it?” he laughs.


I turn back around to face him. “It’s not funny,” I tell him incredulously. I really don’t want to talk about this. I was hoping we’d never talk about this; discussing Brian’s will just makes it so – real.


“I know. But it’s necessary.” I sigh and shake my head, trying to find something in the kitchen to keep my hands busy. “You’re in it – you know,” he tells me, hesitantly.


I turn toward him again. “What? Why?” I ask, a bit shocked.


He shrugs. “Because, you’re kind of – important to me,” he shrugs.


I can’t help but smile slightly for a moment at his words. “Brian, I don’t want anything from you. The only thing I want is something you can’t give me,” I inform him.


He raises an eyebrow and smirks. “One last goodbye fuck?” he asks sarcastically.


I shake my head. “I said something you can’t give me, not something you won’t,” I tell him pointedly and sigh. “I want – more time, a lot more time. I want the last ten years back.”


He nods a little. We look at each other in silence for a few minutes before he turns back to the computer screen and clears his throat. “So – I’m pretty sure Gus would have a fit if he didn’t get the Vette,” I groan but he continues. “And of course he’s getting a shit load of money. I’m thinking of giving him the loft too – what do you think?”


“I think I don’t want to discuss this with you,” I say again.


He ignores me. “I suppose Theodore can take over Kinnetik; he’s been running things for over two months and the building is still standing, so I’ll assume he’s capable of controlling it without my assistance.”


I sigh heavily. “Well I hope I’m getting money because that’s the only reason I’m here--“ I start, my voice dripping with sarcasm.


“Of course,” he says, oblivious.


“I wasn’t being serious,” I tell him, raising my voice.


He laughs. “Whatever. And you get the house – you can do whatever you want with it,” he goes on, typing something else into the computer.


My eyebrows furrow together. “You just said Gus was getting the loft,” I say.


“He is,” Brian answers simply.


I shake my head. When realization finally dawns on me, I can’t seem to form a complete sentence. “But – wait, you mean – t-the house? You kept the fucking house?” I ask, approaching him again.


“Well yeah, what the hell was I supposed to do with it?” he asks dismissively as if it’s no big deal. No big deal my ass!


Suddenly I feel like I’m the one who’s going to pass out. “I just – I guess I thought you would’ve sold it a long time ago.”


He looks up at me. “Yeah, well – I didn’t. It’s yours, remember?” he reminds me.


I’m dumbstruck. He kept the house; our house, in West Virginia. After ten years, he still hasn’t sold it. My mind is racing and I don’t know what to say.  I need to work this out in my head before I try to talk to Brian about it. I drop the subject and ask him something I’ve been wondering for over a month.


“I’ve been meaning to ask you – what happened with Michael?” I ask softly.


Brian flinches and averts his gaze so he’s no longer making eye contact with me. “He’s – Mikey will be okay. He’s just having a hard time with this,” he says finally.


“With what? Being here for his best friend when he needs him?” I ask, incredulous.


“It just scares him, you know? I mean – I get it, I do. The last time I saw him I told him he didn’t have to be here if he didn’t want to be, or if he couldn’t,” he pauses for a moment. “I haven’t seen him in over a month.”


I shake my head. “You may get it, but I don’t. You’re his friend – you’ve always been there for each other, and now shouldn’t be any different. Hell, now is when he should want to be here more. He should –“


“Justin,” he cuts me off, his eyes sharp. “Don’t.”


I sigh but then nod. It doesn’t involve me; I should stay out of it. It just pisses me off that Michael could actually stay away because he’s scared of what could possibly happen to Ben and Hunter one day. It’s not happening to them – it’s happening to Brian. Maybe that’s the part he’s scared of. I can see how much it hurts Brian, though, to have lost his best friend over this. I want so badly to help, but what could I do?


Just then, the loft door slides open and Gus storms in with his head down, hair covering his eyes. He slams the door behind him, throws his bag to the floor and stomps toward the bathroom, breathing heavily in anger, without saying a word to either of us.


“Gus –“ Brian starts, but he’s cut off by the bathroom door slamming shut. He looks at me and I shrug. I hear the water running before I hear Gus hiss in what sounds like pain and start cussing to himself.


“Gus, you okay?” I call out to him. There’s no answer. I walk to the bathroom door and knock lightly. “Gus –“


“I’m fine,” he snaps. Brian and I wait for a couple of minutes before Gus finally emerges from the bathroom. When I get a look at his face, I gasp.


Suddenly Brian is up out of his chair and standing in front of Gus. “What the fuck happened to your face?” he demands.


Gus flinches in pain when Brian reaches up and touches his cheek, which has a large distinctive black and blue bruise forming. His left eye looks swollen and his lip is split and still bleeding slightly. He shakes Brian off and walks past us into the kitchen to get a bottle of water from the refrigerator. “Nothing, I’m fine,” he tells us again.


“You don’t look fine,” I speak up.


Gus laughs once. “You should see the other guy.”


“Did you get into a fight at school or something?” I ask him.


He shrugs. “Some asshole said some stupid shit, so I shut him up,” he offers. I can tell he’s still pissed off because his hands are shaking.


“What asshole? And what shit?” Brian asks.


Gus sighs. “Remember Angela?” Brian nods. “Remember her being over here that one day and seeing -- ” Brian nods again before Gus can finish. “Well, it seems she couldn’t keep her fucking mouth shut about it. Thanks to her, the whole fucking school knows and Jason Hall felt the need to comment on it.”


“Wait – did I miss something?” I ask them.


Brian shakes his head. “Gus had this girlfriend –“


Gus cuts him off. “She wasn’t my girlfriend. She just wanted to be. It was over six months ago, and she wanted to come over and hang out. I was in the bathroom and she decided she was going to snoop around and read shit that didn’t belong to her.”


“There was something on my desk that implied I was positive, and she saw it,” Brian explains and suddenly I see where all of this is going.


“I was pissed, but she said she wasn’t going to tell anyone and that it was no big deal. Well, apparently she’s not too happy with me hanging out with Ashley so much, so she told someone, and they told someone, and they told someone, and – you get it.”


Brian sighs and shakes his head, then walks into the bedroom, probably to grab his cigarettes. “So what did this guy say to you?” I ask.


Gus lowers his voice like he didn’t want Brian to hear, though we both know he hears every word. Brian always had ears like a hawk. “He said – he said something along the lines of my faggot dad deserves to die of AIDS, and that I probably have it too, with a few queer jabs thrown in.”


I nod. I definitely remember the assholes from high school and the stupid shit they say. “So what did you do?” I ask.


“I fucking beat his ass, what do you think?” Gus tells me emphatically.


I smile slightly at him, proud of him standing up for his dad. He sighs heavily and runs his hands through his hair. “You didn’t get suspended, did you?” Brian’s voice sounds again as he returns to the middle of the room, a few feet from me.


Gus shakes his head. “No, this happened after we were dismissed. It was in the parking lot, but none of the teachers saw it happen,” Gus explains. There’s a sudden knock on the door. Gus starts moving first and goes to see who’s there.


“Hey,” I hear him greet someone, but I can’t see them from my spot in the kitchen.


“Shit, are you okay?” I hear Ashley’s soft, concerned voice respond.


“Yeah, I’m fine,” Gus tells her and backs into the loft so she can come in.


Ashley takes a few steps forward and reaches up to gently caresses Gus’ swollen bruised cheek. “No, you’re not. You look like hell,” she tells him.


“Wow, thanks,” he says sarcastically.


She smiles slightly. “You know what I mean,” she shakes her head. “They said Jason’s nose is broken,” she tells him.


“Good,” comes Gus’ unconcerned reply.


“I can’t believe that bitch did that to you. I should beat her ass.” She then glances toward Brian and me, finally noticing our presence. “Oh, hey!” she says, smiling suddenly. “Wow, you look like you feel a lot better than the last time I was here, Mr. Kinney.”


Brian smirks his thanks. “It’s Brian,” he corrects her. “And you look particularly beautiful today.”


“Thank you – Brian,” she says with a laugh and her cheeks turn rosy pink. Brian’s charm never fails.


Gus notices this and rolls his eyes. “Anyways –“ he says loudly.


Ashley returns her attention to Gus. “So, I came by because I was wondering if we could talk for a minute – outside?” she asks him. Gus nods, looking more than a little curious, and follows her out into the hall before shutting the loft door behind them.


I meet Brian’s eyes again. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “What?” I ask him. “Are you mad at him because he got in a fight?”


“More like mad at me because he got in a fight. He shouldn’t have to deal with that shit at school,” Brian tells me, finally lighting up the cigarette he retrieved from the bedroom.


“He can handle it,” I assure him.


“It shouldn’t be like that. Imagine what those fuckers are going to say about him, to him, now – because of me.”


I shake my head. “Brian, all kids go through trouble in high school. I did, remember?”


He nods. “Yeah, I had something to do with that, too.”


I laugh. “Sorry to break it to you babe, but I was gay before you came along,” I try to lighten the mood but to no avail.


“You know what I’m talking about,” he says and walks back into the bedroom.


I sigh. Yeah, I know. “You know damn well it wasn’t your fault I got bashed,” I tell him as I follow him. “And this isn’t your fault either. Shit happens.”


He waves his hand, dismissing my comment. “Whether that’s true or not, that’s not the point. The point is – this could lead to something worse.”


“It won’t,” I tell him. He turns to look at me questioningly and raises an eyebrow. I smile at him. “If he’s anything like you, and he is, he’ll come out of this a better person because of it. Kids are assholes; you know that as well as I do. He’ll be fine. He knows what he’s doing.”


Brian just sighs and shakes his head again. “I don’t know.” He pauses for a moment before he gestures toward the door, “I bet they’re making out.”


I laugh once. “You think?” I ask, thankful for the change of subject.


“Why else would she come over here after what happened? ‘Oh Gus, you’re so strong, so brave, so – take me right now’,” he says in his best girl voice and I shake my head at his antics.


Gus finally opens the door and walks in. His face gives nothing away until he looks up at us; the huge smile that slowly graces his features confirms Brian’s guess. Brian and I laugh again as Gus performs a victory dance in the middle of the loft.

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