Title: Soothing Kisses…

Story Type: AU

Word Count: 4347

Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…

Beta Queen: BigJ52

Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Justin’s stressed out after confronting his mom about her behavior after his bashing.

Just Kiss Me…

Chapter Nineteen ~ Soothing Kisses

Jennifer’s distraught as she sits at Woody’s during happy hour with Debbie.

“Oh, Debbie. Did you see him? He was so angry and so sad. I didn’t know what to say to him. I never meant for him to get hurt. I just wanted to protect him. I really thought that all of this was in the past. I never thought he’d ever bring it up. But now, after all this time he and Brian are talking about it, and now I’m the bad guy.”

“You did what you had to do. You’re his mother and it was your place to make those decisions.”

“You don’t understand. He doesn’t see it that way. I’m the one who didn’t allow Brian to stay at the hospital. I decided that I wanted him out of Justin’s life.”

“What mother wouldn’t want Brian out of their son’s life?”

“Debbie. Don’t you understand? Brian loved him. He’s always loved him. Justin needed him, and I wouldn’t allow it.”

“Jennifer, you can’t blame yourself. You did what you thought was best. It’s water under the bridge, let it go.”

“No. It’s not. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Justin is angry, he doesn’t understand why I sent Brian away. Why I lied to him. He’d ask for Brian every day and I made him believe Brian didn’t care.”

“Jen…”

“No, Debbie! We all let him believe Brian didn’t love him, while at the same time we blamed Brian for the bashing, and then again for not visiting him in the hospital.”

“As I recall Brian was a total mess. He was stoned and drunk all the time, he was in no shape to be visiting Justin.”

“Yes, but that’s because he was hurting and we wouldn’t let him see Justin.”

“Brian’s been a fall-down drunk most of his life!”

“Debbie! That’s the problem right there!”

“What do you mean?”

“You! Why do you always have to treat him like that? You hold him to impossible standards! One minute he’s a horrible person, a degenerate who’s a bad influence on your son. Then in the next breath he’s a saint, always coming to Michael, Mel or Lindsay’s rescue.”

“You don’t understand. You don’t really know him.”

“I think I do! He’s married to my son after all! He’s the only one who’s stood by Justin, through thick and thin, every single time Justin’s needed him. Even when Justin was with Ethan, he was still there for him. Did you know he continued to pay for Justin’s college tuition? He even insisted Justin keep the computer he bought him with all his graphics programs so he could continue his art work.”

“Well. He can afford it!”

“That’s not the point! The point is he loves Justin, he’s always loved him. He loved him enough to let him go, because he cared more about Justin’s happiness than his own.”

“He’s far from perfect! He has a lot of issues you don’t know about. Michael and I have always been there for him. He’s been a total fuck-up, a complete mess most his life, and now that Michael needs him he just turns his back on his best friend.”

“Oh! You want to go there? Do you?”

“What the fuck do you mean by that?”

“How long must Brian be indebted to you and Michael? I think twenty years is long enough!”

“Listen, Missy. You think you’re all high and mighty. Well you don’t know shit!”

“Oh, I’ve heard all about it, and I’m not blind. Michael is totally co-dependent on Brian, and now that Brian’s finally put his foot down, Michael is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I know all about the way your son’s treated mine for years. Michael’s jealous that Brian loves Justin, and not him. He’s carried a torch for Brian for twenty years, even while he was with David, and again when he and Ben got together. He stilled carried on pining after Brian, even after he was married to Ben. I’m surprised that it took Ben this long to leave him. He’s totally pathetic, he acts like a child, and when he doesn’t get his own way he throws a temper tantrum.”

Debbie’s shocked, no one’s ever talked to her this way, or called her on all her bullshit. She’s dumbfounded, and unsure how to react. One moment she’s standing ready to storm off, then she thinks twice about it. Jennifer’s become her best friend over the last five years. She realizes that she doesn’t want to throw their friendship away, just because Jennifer’s the first person to tell her honestly what a fool her son is. Well, except Brian of course. But she couldn’t hear it from him, she didn’t want to hear it from him. After all he owed her…

With tears in her eyes she sits down again. “Oh, Jen. I don’t know why Michael refuses to grow up. I don’t know where I went wrong?”

“Debbie. I understand that all mothers want to protect their sons. But sometimes we have to let them stumble and fall, and learn how to pick themselves up again.”

“I hate seeing him in pain.”

“Of course you do. But if he never has to take responsibility for his actions, he’ll never learn, and he’ll never grow up.”

“He’s not strong. He’s always needed Brian…”

“Face it, Deb. You’ve always blamed Brian, when you knew it was Michael’s fault. Brian’s been his scapegoat and he’s never pushed back until now. It’s time the two of you let Brian off the hook, he’s not the bad guy. He’s not Rage, here to save the day. He’s just a man.”

Crying, Debbie shakes her heading, knowing what Jen says is true.

She whispers, “He’s in love with Brian.”

“I know. Everyone knows. But Brian’s not in love with him.”

“I know. But I always thought that… Someday…”

“That day’s never going to come, and we both know it.”

“When Michael was younger, he’d come by the house late at night, after watching Brian take someone else home. He sit and cry, wishing it was him. Wondering when it was going to be him Brian wanted.”

“Deb…”

“No. No, part of this is my fault. I told him Brian was young, that he needed to feel loved and for him sex was love. I told Michael to be patient, that when Brian was ready for real love then he’d have his chance.”

“But Debbie…”

“Then Justin came along, and we all knew right from the beginning that he was different. Michael knew it too, but he refused to acknowledge it. He did everything he could to discourage Justin, and to tell him who Brian really was. But the meaner Michael was to him, the more determined Justin was.”

“I agree Michael was a real shit, he’s tried to come between them every chance he could. But, let’s be real, Michael has been jealous of Justin because he has something that Michael never will.”

“I know. But Brian always said he loved him. So what was Michael supposed to think? He believed him, hoping that time was just around the corner.”

“He needs to open his eyes, and accept that was never Brian’s dream. He’s just been kidding himself thinking Brian would ever want him as his partner.”

“I know. But he just can’t let it go.”

“He has to, Deb.”

“I know. I know he does…”

“When they announced that they’d gotten married in Hawaii, something in Michael just snapped. It didn’t matter that he was already married to Ben, his heart was breaking. He’s never given up hope that Brian would eventually love him the way he’s always desired. And now he’s hit bottom, I’m actually afraid of what might do next. He’s never had to deal with this before, and if he doesn’t stop, it’s possible that he might lose Brian’s friendship before it’s over.”

“I’m sorry, Debbie. I really am. But like I said. Sometimes we have to let them stumble and fall, and pick themselves back up again.”

“I’m afraid for him.”

“Just be there for him, but don’t coddle him. Make him stand on his own two feet. He’ll never grow up if you always bail him out of trouble.”

“I know…”

“I’m sorry that things got so heated between us, Deb, I really am. But I need to figure out how to deal with Justin, to make him understand. The thing is he’s not just angry about how I deceived him. He’s angry about how everyone treated Brian. I feel guilty that I’ve never thought about what Brian must have been going through at the time.”

“No. I don’t think any of us did. We’ve always discounted Brian’s feelings, telling ourselves that he doesn’t have any. But that’s not true, he just doesn’t show them.”

“I understand from Justin that he had a troubled childhood, but Justin won’t say anything more.”

“Troubled is putting it mildly. His parents should have been turned into family services. He would have been better off in foster care. He was abused mentally and physically. No, I don’t mean sexually, or at least I don’t think he was. His parents were alcoholics, his father beat him, and his mother neglected him.”

“Oh God…”

“He learned from an early age to close off his emotions. He’s learned to internalize all his fears and frustrations. He probably still does. He was very determined from a young age to excel in school, he set goals for himself to be the best at everything he did. He got a full scholarship to college, and played soccer, they even tried to draft him into a national soccer league. But he wanted his business degree in advertising, he even got an MBA.”

“He’s very smart, there’s no doubt about that. Look at how well Kinnetik is doing and he only started his own advertising firm two years ago.”

“I’m proud of Brian. I always knew he’d be a success. I just wish Michael had some of his enthusiasm to do something with his life.”

“Well maybe with everything that’s happened, he’ll finally start working towards his goals.”

“Yeah. Once he figures out what they are. Do you want another glass of wine?”

“No. I have to pick Molly up from her girlfriend’s house in a half hour.”

“Don’t worry about Justin, you two will be alright. You just need to talk it through, he needs to come to grips with what happened. I know it sounds bad, but this might actually be a good thing for him and Brian. It might bring them closer.”

“I think so too, but I might lose him at the same time.”

“I don’t think so. Give him time.”

~~~

Justin’s outrage is still surging through his veins when Brian pulls back the loft door, the scraping metal jolting him from his fury. Brian knows right away that something’s wrong. He’d hoped that Justin might have taken the time while he was at the office to relax and let some of the day’s revelations settle in. He slips off his suit jacket and wraps his arms around Justin, pulling him into his chest. He nuzzles his face into Justin’s blond hair and kisses the top of his head. Justin responds by tilting his head back and Brian captures his lips in a passionate kiss. When they finally come up for air Justin’s stomach growls, he’s always hungry.

“I know it’s early but how about dinner before we drive back to Britin?”

Brian smirks thinking that sounds about right, he knows Justin always eats when he’s stressed.

“How about we order Chinese?”

“That sounds good. But no sweet and sour, or anything with a sweet sauce.”

“Yes, dear. How about Pot Stickers, Kung Pao Shrimp and Moo Shu Pork?”

“Okay, and get some extra eggrolls.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really, you twat!”

“Is it too early to open a bottle of wine?”

“Pick your poison, red or white?”

“Chardonnay. No, wait Merlot.”

Brian sets the wine glasses on the cocktail table in front of Justin, waiting for him to tell him what’s wrong.

“I don’t know what I thought she’d say.”

“Oh?”

Brian just waits for him to continue, unsure who Justin’s talking about.

“I was going to wait to confront her, but then she showed up here at the loft. At first I just let her ramble, she wanted to see me before we left for New York. She asked me to go visit my grandma in New Jersey.”

“Do you and your Grandma get along?”

“Yeah, she’s great. It’s just been a few years since I’ve seen her, and that was when my grandpa died. We didn’t really have a chance to talk at the funeral. Of course she was upset, and his death was so unexpected. He wasn’t even sick at the time, he had a heart attack while working in his woodshop. He designed furniture, and sold his pieces in high-end retail stores in New York.”

“Another artist in the family. That must be where you get your creative side.”

“Yeah, him and Grandma Roxy. They’re both artists, relics from the hippy era. You would have liked him.”

“Well, at least you still have your Grandma Roxy.”

“Yes, thank goodness. So I finally agreed to go visit her, she lives in Asbury Park, New Jersey. It’s just a little over an hour’s drive from New York City.”

“Good. It will give you something to do one afternoon while I’m at the conference.”

“That’s what Mom said. I should have left it at that, but my anger was simmering just under the surface and it just sprang forward.”

“You’ve never been one to hold back on your feelings.”

“She was pretty shocked that I brought it up after all this time. But for me this is all new information.”

“I know. I’m sorry we never talked about it before today.”

“I don’t know what I expected, she just kept saying she never meant for anyone to get hurt. She thought she was doing the right thing, that she only wanted to protect me.”

“I’m sure she…”

“No! She actually said I should be grateful to have a mother who would do anything to protect me!”

“I think in her mind, she actually believed she was doing the right thing.”

“I lost it. I screamed at her saying that she ruined my life. That she didn’t have any right to be making those kind of decisions for me. That it wasn’t her place, I wasn’t even living with her at the time. That her interfering in our relationship almost cost me everything I’ve ever wanted. That it caused us years of misunderstandings that drove us further and further apart. That it’s only by some miracle that we found our way back to each other, and it took until now for us to really open up and talk to each other.”

“Justin, I know you’re upset, but please calm down.”

At this point he’s pacing, ranting, waving his arms in the air, completely outraged.

“She was lying to me! She deceived me!”

“I know.”

“You taught me that lying is bullshit. It always comes back to haunt you.”

“And it seems that she’s finding that out first hand.”

“She said she knew you were at the hospital every night, the nurses told her you were there. But she still never mentioned it to me, even when I asked for you. Why? Why couldn’t she understand how desperately I needed to know you cared?”

“I’m not trying to make excuses for her. But I think it frightened her, she saw me as a threat. She was probably afraid that she’d lose you, it was her way of trying to shelter you.”

“Stop defending her!”

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to.”

“I don’t think it ever occurred to her that she wasn’t just hurting me, but she was hurting you too. She got this shocked look on her face when I confronted her. Especially the part about how everyone blamed you, not just for the bashing, but for not visiting me in the hospital. I told her I knew all about how two-faced they all were. How they were all asking you to stay away, and then criticizing you for not visiting me.”

“You’re right, it was total bullshit! But by then, they had me believing I was no good for you. That it was all my fault.”

“Please stop saying that! It’s not true!”

“Calm down. I know that now, but at the time… I just couldn’t stop thinking they were right.”

“Brian, if they hadn’t interfered we would have healed together, we’d have been there for each other. But, as it was they callously created a roadblock between us. One that would take four years for us to deconstruct and finally get our relationship back to where we were that night!”

“I know… I’m sorry…”

“Stop saying you’re sorry! You’re not the one to blame!”

“Justin, please calm down.”

Brian goes and wraps his arms around him, but Justin’s angry, fighting him at first. Finally he quietens down and then the tears start, tears he’s held in for so long.

“Oh, Brian. We wasted so much time, time we could have been happy instead of lost, hurt and angry.”

“We can’t change the past, we can only move forward.”

Brian’s words do little to comfort him, but his kisses help greatly. He holds Justin close, and eventually they’re lying on the sofa as Brian places soft butterfly kisses all over his face, neck and shoulders. Finally Justin’s laughing and smiling his signature sunshine smile. Even the rain clouds have retreated, and the sun has come out, casting a peachy glow throughout the loft.

Brian slowly starts to pull his t-shirt over his head, as all their senses come alive and their passion takes over. They’re both now hard, Brian in his tailored suit pants, and Justin in his cotton sweatpants. Their loose fitting pants allow them the pleasure of feeling each other growing as they rub up against one another.

“Brian… I need you.”

“What’s that? Did you say feed you? The food’s on the way.”

Justin smacks Brian across his chest playfully. “You heard me.”

“I’ll feed you my cock. How’s that sound for an appetizer?”

“Perfect. I can’t wait for the entrée.”

Sitting up, Justin unzips Brian’s pants, and his dick springs forward. Soon Justin’s lips encompass him. Brian braces his hands on the arm of the sofa as he thrusts his hips forward. Justin’s warm mouth welcomes him. Moans fill the air, as Justin’s sucks him. His tongue licks and swishes around his shaft and over his slit until Brian finally erupts and cries out.

“Oh, God! Justin! Yes! Yes!”

He’s still riding out his waves of pleasure when they hear someone outside the loft door, soon it’s pulled open. They turn their heads to see Lindsay standing in the doorway. Gus pushes past her and comes rushing towards them. Brian makes quick work doing up his pants before Gus sees anything. Then Gus jumps on to the sofa with them, excited to show them the stuffed animals he made. Lindsay, of course glares at them, disapproving of their obviously interrupted sex play.

“Brian! Must you do that right there on the sofa?”

“Did it occur to you to knock, and wait for the door to be answered?”

“It’s five o’clock in the afternoon.”

“What does the time have to do with being polite and knocking first?”

“Is that what you do all day long?”

“On our good days. Of course we do take breaks to shower and eat.”

“You always have to be a snarky.”

“You asked. Maybe next time you’ll call first.”

Gus pulls on Brian’s shirt tail, that’s still unbuttoned and even though he now has his manhood under control, his chest has a slight sheen.

“Daddy. I made you stuffed animals at the Teddy Bear Factory. See.”

Gus holds them up to show him. “They’re cats. I made yours a panther. Mommy said I should choose a cougar, but I think the panther is more like you, all black and sleek.”

“And for Justy’s I picked a baby kitten with golden fur. See how soft and fluffy it is? Isn’t it perfect, Daddy? Now you can snuggle with it when you take a nap and dream of Justy.”

“How appropriate. I’m long and sleek, and you’re soft and fluffy.”

Grinning, Justin tries to push him off the sofa, but he doesn’t fall. He simply scoops Gus up in a big hug and kisses him, lifting him up onto his shoulders. Lindsay’s already sitting at the island bench, as Brian sets Gus down on the stool next to her. He gets out the graham crackers and pours Gus a glass of milk.

“Thanks, Daddy.”

“So, Brian. I’m sure when you get back from New York you’ll want some time to just relax, so why doesn’t Gus stay with us next week?”

“Lindsay! The point of taking a few extra days in New York is to relax and unwind. So no, I don’t think it will be necessary to interrupt Gus’s regular schedule. After all you’re getting him several extra days this week while were out of town.”

“Brian. I’m just trying to make things easier for you.”

“Like I said, no need. Our COURT ordered schedule is just fine.”

Lindsay cringes hearing him accentuate the word court, and she knows she’s pushing too hard.

“Alright then. I was just…”

“Trying to manipulate me?”

She stands, making a sour face as she puts on her coat.

“Come on, Gus. We need to get home, it’s been a long day.”

Gus runs over to Brian and Justin giving them hugs and kisses, telling them how much he’s going to miss them. Then he coyly asks if they’ll bring him back a present while on their trip. Brian leans down, hugging him again, whispering, “Only if you’re a good boy while I’m gone.”

“I will, Daddy! I’ll be the best!”

Irritated, Lindsay turns and walks towards the door before Brian can give her a hug, making it obvious that she’s not happy she didn’t get her own way. Just as she pulls the door open, Michael stumbles in.

“Hey, Lindsay, Brian. Listen. I thought of a perfect solution to our problem. Why doesn’t Justin watch Gus at the girl’s house in the afternoons instead of the loft? That way Gus will have all his toys and he can take a nap in his own bed. Then you won’t need the loft, and I can live here.”

“No!”

“But it’s perfect.”

“No!”

Pouting, he whines, “But Brian. Ma said I can’t stay at her house, and I need a place to live.”

“We’ve already had this conversation, Mikey!”

“But…”

“Can’t you understand? I. Don’t. Want. You. Here!”

“But it’s the perfect solution.”

“Michael! Nothing’s changed. You showed up here last night crying on my shoulder, and I let you. But you seem to have forgotten that I wasn’t even talking to you for the previous months. I’m still angry about how you’re acting towards Justin, and us getting married. I’ve had it with all your whining and manipulative behavior! I’m not buying it anymore!”

Lindsay’s shocked that Brian’s being so tough on Michael, but before Michael pulls her into their fight, she gives a little wave and shoos Gus into the elevator.

Realizing that Brian’s serious, Michael calls out for her to hold the elevator. He starts asking her if he can stay with her and Mel, but she didn’t hit the pause button and the elevator descends without her replying.

“Lindsay! Lindsay! Wait!”

Justin bursts out laughing, as Brian closes the door then asks, “Now where were we?”

He pulls Justin into his arms and kisses him passionately. Just seconds later there’s another knock on the door.

“What! Did you forget something?”

A short Chinese man says in a broken accent, “Pot Sticker, Kung Pao Shrimp, Moo Shu Pork, extra eggroll.”

Brian’s POV

Justin practically squeals, the boy’s starving of course. He completely forgets about sex, as he grabs the bags of takeout and starts spreading the food out on the dining room table. I get us plates, and beers and motion to him for us to eat in the living room. He’s making yummy noises, and licking his lips and I have to admit, Tai Pei has the best Chinese food in Pittsburgh.

We relax and have a leisurely dinner. I guess I was hungrier than I thought as I polish off the last of the Kung Pao Shrimp. He keeps trying to feed me, using chopsticks. He’s getting sauce all over my face, which of course gives him an excuse to lick my face and steal a few kisses. I’m glad his mood has improved and he seems happy. I’m starting to eat my extra eggrolls, and he can’t resist kidding me about it and my waistline.

“Wow, you’re actually going to eat all those greasy eggrolls?”

I lunge at him, but he’s too fast. He knew that would get to me, but he also knows that I love crispy eggrolls. It’s just another one of my favorite foods that I deny liking, but then I end up eating Justin’s when he’s not looking. I chase him into the bedroom, and soon we’re both laughing, spread out on the bed in each other’s arms.

I can’t help playing with his hair, loving the way it feels running through my fingers.  My hand slips back behind his neck and I pull him towards me, kissing him tenderly. Today has been an emotional roller-coaster, but he’s back to his playful self and through all the tears and kisses we seem to be closer than ever before. I’d like to stay right here and make love to him long and slow. But it’s been a long day, and we still have to drive back to Britin and pack for New York.

TBC…