Title: Angry Kisses
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 5067
Warnings: Love, Passion, Romance, Angst, Anti-Michael…
Beta Queen: BigJ52
Banner: Predec2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

Summary: Brian and Justin’s journey of love…

Chapter Summary: Everyone’s emotions bubble up to the surface…


Just Kiss Me…

Chapter Twenty Four ~ Defiant Kisses






A sheen of perspiration glistens on his skin, as his breathing slowly returns to normal. Most of all he’s happy, for months now he’s been on a natural high. I don’t know if it’s because we’ve committed to one another, or if he’s finally secure in our relationship. I didn’t realize how my tricking made him feel so unsure of his place in my life. I thought he understood that he’s the most important person to me, and that I truly loved him. As hard as it is for me say it, I now know that he needs to hear it just as badly. I was a fool to not understand that, and it’s been the cause of so many of our problems. But everything’s different now, and I won’t make that mistake again. I won’t risk ever losing him again.

I hate to leave him. I’d much rather pull him into my arms until he falls back asleep, but I have to get to the office. I have that damn Dandy Lube presentation, and they better fucking like it. My staff has slaved over the storyboards to meet their unrealistic deadline, but the bottom line is Kinnetik is going to make a fucking fortune. I slip out of bed, shower, shave and I’m out the door.

~~~

“Theodore.”

“Bri, I have the boards for Dandy Lube, and they look great. Everything’s ready and Cynthia is just bringing the tray of coffee and pastries into the boardroom.”

Brian’s standing in front of the mirror straightening his tie and shirt collar, even though he looks impeccable. Cynthia sticks her head in the door.

“They’ve just arrived. I’ll seat them in the conference room until you’re ready.”

“Brian? What are we waiting for?”

“Teddy, have I taught you nothing? You always make the client wait, never appear too eager or enthusiastic. Always have the upper hand and remain in control at all times.”

“Right, Boss.”

Brian saunters into the conference room exuding power, completely confident…

~~~

I lie in bed for another half an hour. I knew our private time was coming to an end, it’s been nice having the last week and a half to ourselves. Brian’s been so stressed out, first with Michael, and then with Deb going off on him. But having Gus here has really helped him relax, and to let go of all the madness.

My mind can’t help drifting back to just a few days ago…

Brian seems so lost and vulnerable right now, and I wonder what I can do to help. I realize that he needs Debbie more than he’s willing to admit. She’s the only parent he feels he has, and like all children, he needs her approval. Sure he’s disappointed her in the past, but they always got past it. But this is different, bigger than anything that’s happened before. He feels threatened by the possibility that Debbie will turn her back on him and stop loving him.

“I can’t lose her, I just can’t.”

“Just give her time. She needs to come to grips, and understand that Michael has gone too far this time. Hopefully she’ll finally be able to see that Michael’s no angel, and he’s responsible for his own actions.”

“I don’t know… She’s always blamed me. It’s like she loves me, but she doesn’t like me. “

“She loves and she likes you. But sometimes she can’t see the real you. Not like I do. You have a way of keeping people at bay, so they never see how you’re really feeling about things.”

“You know how hard it is for me to show my feelings.”

“I know, and I’m so glad you let me see the real you. I love you and so does everyone else.”

“Sure they do…”

I pull him into my arms, and just hold him. This is about love and understanding, sometimes he just needs to be held. His parents did so much damage to him when he was just a child. He didn’t know better than to believe he was worthless, knowing that he was unwanted. He’s told himself that he doesn’t need anyone for so long, I think he actually started believing it after a while. But I know it’s not true, I know he longs to be loved and accepted.

~~~

“Wow, Brian! That went really well.”

“Was there ever any doubt?”

“No. Of course not, Boss.”

“So how about we go to lunch and celebrate our new multi-million dollar contract?”

“Sounds great!”

“Cynthia, is my reservation all set?”

“Yes I’ve called Altius, and Andre is expecting you. He’s taken the liberty of preparing a special lunch that he’s sure you’ll be pleased with.”



“Altius! God, Brian, that place has a waiting list a mile long, and the entrées cost a fortune.”

“What’s the point of celebrating, if you don’t go over the top every once in a while?”

“Right. I forgot who I was having lunch with.”

Ted and Brian enjoy an amazing lunch, with a fantastic view of the city and the rivers below. Afterwards, while drinking cognac Brian smiles at Ted, asking him if he’s happy working at Kinnetik.

“Oh God, yes! I love what I’m doing. I’ve learned so much this last year.”

“So you’re not bored, or maybe in need of a change?”

“No! No! God, no!”

“Are you sure? Because I was thinking, maybe you’d be interested in expanding your responsibilities?”

“What? I mean, really?”

“Theodore. You’ve done an exceptional job this last year. You’ve helped take Kinnetik to the top of the advertising market. It’s more than I ever imagined possible in such a short amount of time.”

“Thanks, Boss! I learned from the master.”

“I was thinking about incorporating, but I’m not sure I like the idea of having to answer the stockholders.”

“Well there are advantages and disadvantages. I can put together some numbers and you can evaluate both possibilities.”

“Us.”

“What?”

“Us, Ted. You said, you. But I think it’s best that my new Vice-President has a say in how our company expands and grows in the future.”

“What! What did you say? Really?”

“Theodore. I’m not sure you should be drinking during business lunches, it seems to have an effect on your hearing.”

“Brian! I… I don’t know what to say.”

“How about yes, or I accept?”

“Yes! I accept!”

“Good boy!”

“Now I was thinking that a 30% increase in salary, with a quarterly bonus of 15% of the profits. Do you think that would be a reasonable offer?”

“Oh my God! That’s very generous, Brian.”

“Of course I’ll expect a commitment from you. I can’t afford to invest in someone who isn’t dedicated to seeing Kinnetik flourish and take over the advertising world.”

“I’m your man, Brian! I’m committed to going all the way!”



“Well, I hope you understand that’s not possible. Justin’s frowns on me tricking these days, even though I know it’s been a fantasy of yours for a long time.”

They both burst out laughing. Ted’s still somewhat in shock. He knew that Brian was pleased with his performance, but he never ever expected to be promoted to Vice-President.

“Ted. Just so we’re clear, and you know what my long-term goals are, I’d like to plan on retiring in ten or twelve years. Do you think you’ll be ready to run the company by then?”

Ted’s just staring at him, with his mouth open.

“Theodore, close your mouth. I have to intention of letting you blow me.”

“I don’t know what to say, Brian?”

“How about yes? I’m ready to learn all there is about advertising.”

“Yes! God, yes!”

“Okay, just one more thing.”

Ted looks at him, wondering what more Brian could want.

“Here’s the business card for my tailor, he’s expecting your call. It’s important to dress for success, just try not to one up me in your new designer duds.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

“Good!”

Ted’s floating on air, completely flabbergasted by his promotion and he can’t wait to call Emmett. Even though their relationship is back to just being friends, there’s no one he wants to share this news with more.

On the ride back to Kinnetik, they pass Michael’s old comic book store. There’s a sign in the window, “Coming Soon – Red Cape Café.”

“Wow! I guess Michael took your advice and sold the business to Todd.”

“For once he did the right thing. Then he lost his mind and jumped off a cliff.”

“Yeah. I heard about what happened. I mean, I don’t really know what happened. Just that he was arrested.”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“I understand, Boss.”

“So, I’ve decided that I want to sell the loft.”

“Sell the loft? Brian last time we talked, you wanted to expand. You had me contact the owner of the loft next to you and make them an offer. You said to give them whatever they wanted.”

“Well now, you don’t have to bother with that.”

“But I already did, and they accepted.”

Brian turns and looks at Ted. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I’m sorry, Brian. I never thought you’d change your mind. You seemed so adamant that you wanted to expand the loft, adding a playroom, a bedroom for Gus, and an art studio for Justin.”

“I know what I wanted! But I’ve changed my mind! I don’t want them near that place. It’s disgusting and I don’t want them to ever go there again.”

Ted’s speechless, he doesn’t know what to say. He can’t imagine what Michael could have done that would make Brian so opposed to letting Justin or Gus spend time there. Emmett’s been trying to pry information out of Carl and Mel, but neither one will say a thing about it. Something’s up with Michael, but no one’s talking about that either. He’s been staying out late, closing the bars every night. He’s been going home with strange men, and he’s yet to talk with Deb about his arrest and what led up to it.

~~~

Gus and I come into the city for some art supplies. I let him pick out some new water colors while I sort through the sable brushes. I hear Gus chattering away and I look over to see Sydney Bloom kneeling down next to him. At first I’m surprised that he’s talking to Gus, and then I realize that he probably knows Gus. After all I’m sure Lindsay’s brought him by the gallery from time to time.

He looks up and smiles at me, “Hi, Justin. I don’t know if you remember me? I’m Sydney Bloom, Lindsay works for me at the gallery.”

I can’t believe he knows who I am. “Yes, of course. I love your gallery, it’s always great to see what artists you’re featuring.”

“I do like to stay ahead of the trends, promoting new artists.”

“I just loved the photography exhibit you had at the beginning of the year. Their use of light and shadow was amazing.”

“Have you been painting lately?”

“Well yeah. For me it’s like breathing.”

He laughs. “Of course it is. I’d love to see your artwork sometime.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Justin, you’re very talented. I saw some of your sketches and painting at PIFA.”

I blush, feeling uncomfortable. I’m always a little insecure about my artwork.

“Do you have any pictures you could send me by email?”

“Sure, I’d love to. I also have a few on my phone if you have time?”

I pull up the pictures of my current painting and show them to him.

“Would you be interested in showing some of your work at the gallery?”



“I’d love to. That would be so cool.”

“Stop by the gallery sometime this next week and bring in an assortment of your paintings, and pictures of the others you have at home.”

“Wow! Thanks, Sydney. I’ll do that.”

I’m in awe as he walks away, stunned that he’s interested in my artwork. I’m wondering if he’d even know who I was, if Gus wasn’t with me. But then he did seem to know we were together, so Lindsay must have mentioned that Brian and I now share joint custody. I’m so excited, totally flattered by the attention. Of course there’s always a possibility that once he sees my artwork in person, it might not be something he wants to display.

Emmett called and suggested that we meet for coffee and croissants in the park. I look up and see him walking towards me and wave; he’s wearing one of his new outfits he bought in New York. He leans down and hugs me and kisses the top of Gus’s head. Then he turns around in a pirouette modeling for us. God, I love him, he always knows how to brighten my mood. I can tell he’s knows about Michael, but he lets me ramble on about meeting Sydney while we drink our coffee. Once Gus has finished his lemon bar he’s off playing on the swings. I’m vacillating from total excitement to compete insecurity about my paintings. But Em reassures me that there’s nothing to worry about, telling me that he wouldn’t have asked to see my artwork if he wasn’t interested. To his credit he doesn’t ask about Michael, he knows how crazy he’s been for months now, and how much it upsets both Brian and me.

~~~

As I’m driving back home my phone rings and it’s my mom, we’ve been avoiding each other for the past few days. I’m feeling uncomfortable, and I need to have a long talk with her. I’m not happy about how things are between us, and I feel like she owes me an explanation for her behavior.

I hesitate before answering it. “Mom.”

“Hi, Justin. Molly’s off for spring break this week, and I was wondering if it was okay if we stopped by this afternoon.”

I’m frustrated because Molly doesn’t really need to hear what I have to say to my mom. But thinking about it, maybe having her there would be a good thing. She can watch Gus while we clear the air, because we really do need to get our relationship back on track. It’s really weird not talking to her, and the longer I wait to confront her, the more worked up I’m getting.

“Sure, that sounds good. I’d love to see you and Molly.”

“Great, honey. I can’t wait to hear about New York and your visit to Grandma Roxy’s.”

“I’m just heading back to the house now. Gus and I did a little shopping in town this morning.”

“Why don’t I pick up some sandwiches and salads from the deli, and we can have lunch together.”

~~~

Michael slept in late today, he’s been spending all his time drinking and drugging into the wee hours, staying out all night. He’s been hanging out at some of the sleazier bars, letting older guys buy him drinks, and having indiscriminate sex. He looks at his phone to see he has a dozen messages, both from Mel and his mom. He’s surprised that his phone is still working, the bill hasn’t been paid since before Ben left him.

“Listen, you little asshole! I put up your bail with the understanding that you’d tell me why you got arrested! I expect you home tonight and ready to explain yourself!”

“Michael! Where have you been, you haven’t slept here since you were released from jail! If you live at my house, you follow my rules!”

“Michael? It’s Mel, we need to talk. Call me when you get this message.”

“Michael, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you need to come home and explain yourself!”

“You’d better get your ass home now! Or else, so help me God you’ll be sorry!”

“Hi, Michael, I haven’t heard from you and I need to know where you’re staying. If you’re not staying with your mom, I need to notify the court of your new address. Please call me.”

“Hey, Michael, it’s Em. I haven’t seen you all week, and I’m worried about you. Both Teddy and I are concerned, we haven’t seen you at Woody’s or Babylon. Call me.”

“Michael, listen Lindsay and I have been talking and like I said at the prescient, I’m not sure I’m the right person to handle your case. You know, because of JR and the whole conflict of interest thing. Call me so we can talk.”

“Michael! What the Hell is going on with you? Where have you been sleeping? Why haven’t you returned any of my phone calls? You owe me an explanation! I want answers! Now! So you better get your ass in gear, and be ready to tell me everything tonight! Oh, it’s mom, honey. I miss you and I love you!”

“Michael. Did you see that Todd is remodeling your old comic book store? He’s opening it as an internet café, he’s going to call it ‘Red Cape Café!’ Isn’t it sweet that he’s keeping the name! Let’s meet for lunch, we really need to catch up on everything! Please call me, baby, I miss you.”

“Michael, it’s Ted. You know Emmett and your mom are really starting to freak out, and I’m worried about you too. I know things have gotten a little out of control, but I’m here for you if you need me.”

Christ! Why can’t they all just leave me alone! Everyone calls except Brian, and he’s the only one I want to talk to. I need to explain, and he just has to understand that I didn’t mean to upset him. I just needed to be close to him, and staying at the loft made me feel better. I love him so much, and I know he loves me too. Now that Ben and I are no longer together, it’s time we really gave us a chance. It’s what we’ve always wanted, to be together once we were older. He promised me, and he never breaks his promises!

“Michael.”

“Jesus, Carl! You scared the hell out of me!”

“We need to talk.”

“Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Your mother’s worried about you.”

“Not now Carl. I really need a shower, and to get some coffee.”

Carl grabs Michael’s arm as he start to pass him to go down the stairs.

“Listen! And listen well! I expect you to stay here, and talk to your mother when she gets home from work. You need to come clean, and be honest with her about your arrest! I’m going to call her before I leave work tonight. If you haven’t explained everything to her by then, I’m going to bring her a copy of your arrest report, and have your bail revoked! DO YOU HEAR ME?”



“I think the whole neighborhood heard you!”

Michael pulls his arm away, and stomps off towards the bathroom to take a shower.

“I’m serious, Michael! You better be here when she gets home!”

Michael slams the bathroom door, angry and resentful. How dare he talk to him like that! Who the hell does he think he is? Fuck Him! I’m a grown man and I’ll do whatever the fuck I want!

~~~

“Mom, Molly, it’s good to see you both. Gus, do you remember my sister Molly?”

He’s acting shy as he stands behind me, straining to look around me at them.

Jennifer smiles. “I bought you a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich. I heard that was your favorite.”

He’s still debating if he wants to talk to them.

“Let’s see. I also have a bottle of chocolate milk and, look, I have chocolate chip cookies from the Liberty Bakery.”

He’s still shy, although he’s not hiding behind me anymore, but is still holding my hand.

“For me?”

“Yes, sweetheart, for you. How would you like to have lunch with us out on the patio?”

He looks up at me, unsure. I smile and nod at him.

“Okay, I guess so?”

We enjoy our lunch, and I tell Molly and Mom all about New York. How Brian took me out to eat at the most fabulous restaurants, how we visited art museums, and he took me shopping and to the theater. She’s impressed that Brian won several awards, including Advertising Executive of the Year. She asks about Grandma Roxy, and I tell her that Emmett went with me to visit her. And how she was right, I had a great time, and it was good to see her. I mention that I’m going to make a point to visit more frequently. I want her to meet Brian next time, he was too busy this time around to come with me. She’s happy. She’d like Grandma Roxy to move here to Pittsburgh to be closer to her, but my grandma’s always been very independent. I’m pretty sure they’d kill each other if she lived so close.

Now that Gus has warmed to Mom and Molly, he decides to show Molly his new trains while Mom and I go up to my studio and talk.

“Justin, before you say anything, I know you’re mad at me.”



“MOM! You violated our trust, Brian’s and mine. You promised us that you wouldn’t tell a soul where we live! No matter what?”

“I know, honey. But Deb sounded so desperate, and Michael was in jail.”

“Yeah! And guess who had him arrested?”

“She never told me that part.”

“Yeah! That’s a big surprise!”

“Justin, please.”

“I trusted you! I believed in you! You promised me!”

“I know and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You always say that after breaking promises you’ve made to me.”

“How would you feel if I out and out lied to you repeatedly?”

“Justin. That’s not the case here.”




“I think it is… Let’s see. I’ll start with when I confided in you about being gay. Do you know how hard that was to tell you? How much I worried that it would change how you felt about me? How afraid I was that Dad would stop loving me?”

“Justin I… I tried to keep my promise. I really did. But once I saw you with Brian, I couldn’t help thinking you were headed for trouble.”

“Yeah! Right, trouble in my own home. With an angry father who thought nothing of threatening me and hitting me?”

“I had hoped that he would behave rationally and remain calm, that he’d try and understand.”

“It hurt, mom! And I don’t mean dad slapping me! It hurt that I couldn’t trust you. In that single moment I knew you’d turn your back on me, justifying it with ‘I was only doing what I thought was best for you!’”

“I thought I was!”

“Bullshit! You had to know that he’d fly off the handle! That he’d kick me out of the house, and push me out of our family!”

“I wanted to believe that he was bigger than that, that he wasn’t a bigot. That his love for his son would surpass his homophobic beliefs. But I was wrong. I was so wrong and I’m so sorry!”

“You’ve said that! Besides sorry is bullshit!”

“Justin. I thought we got past this a long time ago? I thought you forgave me?”




“Christ! I’m sorry! I thought I had too! But it just came bubbling up to the surface along with everything else.”

“Please accept my apology. I can’t change the past and I do love you.”

“I know… But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still mad at you.”

“I know, sweetheart.”

“I’m still having trouble understanding why you lied to me about Brian when I was in the hospital?”

“Brian? Oh Justin, I…”

“Yes, Brian, the man that I love! The man I’ve been head over heels in love with since the day I met him.”

“Justin…”

“Don’t! Don’t tell me you did it for my own good!”

“But I thought that’s exactly what I was doing.”

“You hurt me, but moreover you hurt Brian. All he wanted to do was love me. He needed to be there with me and to know I was going to be alright.”

“I understand that now.”

“Now! But at the time, you didn’t give a fuck! All you cared about was you! Couldn’t you see how much pain he was in? How scared he was of losing me?”

“I didn’t want him hurting you anymore.”

“Couldn’t you see that he loved me? He was finally ready to admit that he loved me, and that he needed me. His whole life he’s been told he’s unlovable, and then you come along and blame him for what happened. You made him believe that the bashing was his fault, that he was no good! You sent him away when I needed him the most!”

“I’m sorry. I really am. But I was just trying to protect you!”

“That is such bullshit! You used him as a scapegoat, punishing him for what happened to me! Did it ever occur to you that it happened to him too? Can you imagine what it was like for him, holding my broken and bleeding body, praying that I didn’t die? Can you imagine how scared he was? Not just for me but for him having to live with that fact that everyone blamed him?”

“Justin. I know what I did was wrong. I really do. But…”

“Stop! Stop trying to justify what happened!”

Tears are running down Jennifer’s face. She knew coming here today she’d have to deal with an angry Justin and they needed to talk things through. But she never thought he would be dragging up the past and holding her responsible.

“You know it was bad enough that you treated him that way, but everyone else followed suit. No one was there for him. You ostracized him from his own family, and he had to deal with all his pain and fear alone. And then when he turned to alcohol, drugs, and sex you criticized him, reinforcing that he’s no good and worthless.”

“You don’t understand. I just wanted my sweet innocent son back. I wanted everything to go back to the way it was before you met him. I wanted you to have a chance at a real life.”

“What? You thought I’d just forget the last year of my life? Maybe even forget that I was gay?”

“NO! God no, Justin. I don’t have a problem with you being gay and you know that!”

“There is no going back! The damage Chris Hobbs inflIcted on me, changed me in ways that I’ll never be able to recover from.”

“I know. I wish I could do something to fix everything.”

“It’s not something you can put a Band-Aid on and kiss to make it better! I’m brain damaged!”

“Justin. Don’t say that!”

“Oh, for Christ sake! You have to accept it! I’m always going to be brain damaged! Don’t you understand? I lost so much that night. Things I’ll never be able to recapture!”

“I love you, Justin. All I wanted was what was best for you.”

“You do know that not letting Brian see me damaged us both, almost as much as the damn bashing! It took us four years to get back to that same place we were that night! For him to come to the prom, and be able to express his true feelings for me, took almost losing me once again, for him to take a chance and admit that he loved me!”




“Justin… I never… I didn’t know…”

“He never stopped loving me, but he did stop believing in us. He was convinced that he didn’t deserve to be loved, that he was no good for me. The whole Ethan fiasco never would have happened, if you hadn’t interfered. Why did you have to do that? You made me question his love for me, and doubt myself and my intuition.”

“Do you remember how I used to be? I was so headstrong and sure of myself. I was willing to go after what I wanted, no matter how unrealistic or impossible it was.”

“I’m not that person anymore. I question myself all the time. Always doubting my abilities, instead of challenging myself, and taking risks. I question everything…”

“Justin! That’s enough!

“Brian!”

“You’re home…”

“Do you know I can hear you all the way out in the driveway? If we had neighbors they would have called the police by now.”

“I didn’t realize…”




“Now look at your mother. She’s been crying so much she’s used the whole box of Kleenex, and her eyes are swollen. I understand that you needed to say some of those things, and that you needed to get it all out. But she’s not responsible for everything you’re angry and frustrated about.”

“I’m sorry, mom…”

“Now come over here and give her a hug and tell her you love her.”

Justin looks ashamed and starts crying as he walks over to Jennifer. “I’m sorry, mom. I know you love me. I’ve just been carrying all this anger around with me. Brian’s right. I just needed to vent, to get it all out.”

“I know, sweetheart, and as hard as it was to hear it, I needed to. I needed to understand how much pain you’ve been in. I love you, Justin, and we’ll get through this together.”

“Brian, please forgive me for all the pain I’ve caused you. I didn’t realize how much I’ve hurt the both of you.”

“Of course you didn’t mean to hurt us, we both know that.”

“Now come over here and join us in a group hug. It will make you feel better.”

Brian looks horrified. “Brian, come on. You need this too.”

Justin smirks, as Brian walks towards them, like he’s headed towards a firing squad.

“Now don’t you feel better?”

With raised eyebrows Justin says, “You know, dear, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you sound like you’ve been reading some self-help books. Or maybe you’ve even started seeing a shrink?”

“Justin…”

“Yes, dear…”

“Oh, by the way, Dr. Wilder called. He said he can see us for a joint appointment on Monday.”

“Brat!”

“Now let’s go see if we can find Molly and Gus. They were picking wildflowers and headed towards the woods, when I pulled into the driveway.”

TBC…