Entering the loft, Brian saw his suitcase sitting by the door.  "Fuck!!! ," he said as he was hit again with the enormity of the events from the weekend, trying not to hit the stupid suitcase. The old Brian would have picked it up and thrown in as hard as possible across the room, but the new Brian could deal with emotions better. At least that's what he was telling himself, not to mention it was a Prada suitcase.  Picking up the suitcase, he dropped it on the bed and quickly hung up his suit and put the clothes in the drawer.  Taking his toiletry bag to the bathroom, he put it in its place as well, thankful that he had a separate kit for travel and didn't have to unload the entire bag each time he traveled.  He'd been going to New York to meet up with Justin every 3-4 weeks and had decided packing and repacking a kit each time was too much trouble.  Justin would tease him that he was such a beauty queen and had to have "his products" all the time.

Exhaustion hit as the adrenaline dissipated from his body.  He took a quick shower and got ready for bed.  Laying there for hour with no sign of his mind shutting down, he got up, found an Ambien and hoped that it would work quickly.

The jarring ring from his cell phone woke him the next morning. 

"Kinney."

"Too much partying while in New York?  It's nice to see you visiting Justin.  I called your office and Cynthia said you weren't in yet."

"What the fuck do you want, Lindsey?"  he squinted at the clock, seeing that it was going on 8:15.

"Mel and I have a last minute meeting at the GLC tonight and I was hoping you could watch Gus," Lindsay said with ease, knowing that he rarely turned them down when it came to seeing his son.

"I bet Justin would like to see Gus.  What time should I pick him up?"

"I didn't know Justin came back with you."

Brian sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes at the bright sunlight intrusion.  "He was in a car accident over the weekend."

"Oh my god, Brian.  I'm so sorry.  How's he doing? Is he okay?"

Brian got out of bed, moving to the curtains and closing them to block the bright light.  "No.  He got banged up a little, but the reason he's here is he has fucking amnesia."

"Amnesia... how awful.  What does he remember?"

"Not a lot.  His last apparent memory is the Prom and immediately after."

"Oh, wow, that's..." Lindsay wasn't sure what to say at that point. A number of emotions appeared, some expected and sympathetic, and some maybe not so much. "We can find other arrangements for Gus.  Don't worry about it." Lindsay said quickly.

"No.  I think bringing Gus with me to see Justin is perfect.  He saw the picture in the guest bedroom at Jennifer's and figured out that the little boy was Gus.  Seeing him might trigger some memories."

Lindsay blew some hair out of her eyes as she listened to Brian.  "Bring him to see Justin?  He's not at the Loft?"

Brian was already tiring of the conversation and not looking forward to having it numerous times today as word passed through the family.  "No.  He doesn't remember that we're together.  He's staying with Mother Taylor's at the moment."  Brian got out of bed and pulled the duvet toward his pillow.  He carried the phone toward the bathroom. "Looks, Linds, unless you want to hear me take a piss I suggest we end this conversation.  I'll pick him up at 5:00 and if plans change, I'll let you know."

"Briannnnn..."

"Good bye Lindsay."  Brian said as he hung up the phone. There was no way he was willing to talk about where she probably would go, especially with her.  She may be Lesbian but still the thought of me pissing is not a vision she wants to have. 

He had to meet Leo Brown in an hour and then head toward Jennifer's.  Thankfully Leo was meeting him at the office.

After the meeting he called Ted and Cynthia into his office.  "Ted, you and Cynthia will have to hold down the fort for a while.  I'm sure you know about Justin and he's got to be my priority.  Call me if you absolutely need something; otherwise I'm on vacation.  Any questions?"

Both looked at each other and then at Brian, but Ted spoke first, "Do you think he'll be okay?"

"How the hell should I know?  I'm not a fucking doctor!"

"Would it be okay to come visit?  I haven't see Justin in several months," Cynthia asked. She was always fond of Justin and appreciated that Brian was a more pleasant person when he was around.  She knew this latest development would leave her boss in a surly mood.

Brian thought about his conversation with the doctor and his suggestion about letting Justin be around familiar things/people.  "Good idea.  I'm bringing Gus tonight to visit him, why don't you plan on coming by tomorrow."

"Sure thing, boss."  Cynthia leaned toward Brian and gave him a peck on the cheek.  In the past, he would have been annoyed at the sign of affection but he ignored the sentiment.  Cynthia and Ted were his most trusted friends and business associates and he accepted their place in his life. "We've got things covered here.  Go, say hi to Justin for us."

Brian drove home and changed into jeans and a button down shirt before leaving for Jennifer's.  As he drove he silently hoped that maybe Justin's memory would have miraculously returned while he slept, but he knew that in Brian Kinney's fucked up world, nothing would be that easy.

Brian knocked on Jennifer Taylor's door and Justin answered.  "Brian..."

"Morning Sunshine.  May I come in?"  Brian asked when Justin just stood there not waving him in.

Justin smiled sheepishly, "Oh sure.  Sorry." 

"Hi Brian.  I wasn't expecting you till later.  I thought you had a meeting this morning," Jennifer said as she wiped her hands on a dishtowel.  "I was just making Justin some scrambled eggs.  Can I get you anything?"

"No, I ate at the diner."

"Okay."

Brian sat down at the kitchen table and picked up the newspaper.  He picked out the business section and begun reading the first news article.  Justin watched him for a few moments and started to question him but was interrupted by Jennifer bringing his plate to the table. 

"I've got to leave in a few minutes.  Do you need anything?  I should be home by 4:00."

Justin glared at his mom.  "I don't need a fucking babysitter.  I'm fine!"

"Stop queening, Justin.  It's too fucking early for that and I've already got a headache.  Go, Jennifer.  We'll be just fine."

Justin ate his food in silence as he watched his mom leave and Brian read the newspaper. "Since I do not appear to have a say so in my guardians for the day, what are we going to do all day long?" 

It was going to be a long day. "What do you want to do?" Brian tried to keep his slight irritation from becoming a major headache.

"I don't know what I want to do but I don't want to stay here."

"Okay. We'll go for a drive."

Justin smiled at Brian, surprised at his willingness to go somewhere.  He locked the door behind them and then walked to Brian's Audi. "Where we going?"

"Where do you want to go?"  Brian hated this back and forth question and answer, feeling like he was dealing with Gus rather than his partner, but he didn't want to give Justin too much information and overwhelm him.  He remembered Gus' birthday party when Justin remembered the Prom the first time.  He'd almost collapsed in Brian's arms when the memories hit.  He figured nice and slow was the best solution; albeit not the one his body longed for. He wanted Justin in his arms sooner rather than later, but he would wait.

"Let's go see Michael.  Does he still have the comic book store?"  Justin hoped his memory of Michael was correct.

"Yeah.  He still owns the comic book store.  That's a great idea.  We can go see Mikey."

They drove in silence for a short while, but Justin wanted more.  "Brian, why are you here?  I mean I kinda figured out that things are different.  We were talking last night about the hospital and why you didn't come.  You said yesterday something like ‘I'm here now.'"

Brian saw a Big Q in the next block and pulled his car into the lot.

"Did Michael move the comic store?"  Justin asked as he looked around the unfamiliar area.

"No, twat.  Michael did not move the comic store.  It's on Liberty Avenue where it's always been.  I'm just not going to have this conversation while I'm driving."

Justin watched as Brian turned off the car, but did not immediately turn toward him.  Brian took several deep breaths and remembered the conversation he and Daphne had last night.  This time I'm going to do it right.  "Justin, what do you remember about that time?"

"Chris Hobbes hit me with a bat and then I was in the hospital for a long time.  I kept wishing you would come see me, but you never did and then I remember getting out of the hospital, and getting Daphne to take me to your place."

Ripping the band-aid off worked last night; therefore he decided he should try the method again.  "Justin...."

"Shit Brian!  I may have amnesia but I'm not stupid.  Obviously you and I are friends in the future- or now or whatever the fuck you call this."  Justin waved his hand between them.  "Just fucking tell me why you never came to see me when I was in the hospital.  It's really not rocket science.  It's a simple question."

"If you'd stop asking fucking questions that would help." He took a deep breath. Brian looked at Justin and saw the hurt and trepidation in his face and knew he screwed up yet again. "Sorry...  I know this is hard."

Hearing the words,  ‘I'm sorry' from Brian made Justin look at Brian, ensuring that he hadn't entered into an alternate universe.  "Did you... did you just apologize?"

Frowning at the question, Brian remembered how he was toward Justin, actually the whole gang six years ago and his remorse was real. "Yes I apologized, now can I say what I was going to say?"

Nodding slightly, Justin looked at Brian and hoped the conversation would provide a little more clarity to his current situation.  Regardless, Brian was sharing events from the past and that could fill in some holes in his memory.

"Things were different back then; I was different, Justin. It's complicated."

"Brian, my memories may be a little fuzzy about the last six years, but evidently you and I are still friends or maybe more - since you are here.  So just - Shit!  Please tell me." Clearly he could only hold his tongue for so long, especially when Brian still hadn't technically explained anything.

"I was a jerk back then- probably still am-  but yeah- you're right I'm still here."

"Briannnn...." Justin tried not to whine, or beg, or something to get Brian to just say whatever he clearly wanted to say. His lips were tight and he could feel his hand cramping at the strain of his emotions.

"I was there- every night-." Brian winced at the words.  Remembering that dark time in his life was something he avoided at all costs, but it was important now to remember and be truthful.  Brian Kinney was always truthful, even when it cost him things he cherished.  He hoped this conversation as well as future ones in the coming weeks wouldn't cost him Justin as he could not imagine his life without him.

Justin racked his damaged brain hoping to push a forgotten memory to the forefront, but failed to see any visions of Brian there. "You were there?  I don't remember."

"You don't remember because you didn't find out till a few years ago and by then it didn't matter, water under the bridge. By the way, you were furious then too."  Brian picked up Justin's cramping hand and began his usual gentle massage. 

"Since my current memories stop at the prom, I don't remember -even though it happened- but I do remember later and that is why I don't know it now?"

Brian laughed at the convoluted conversation they were having - then and now, like there were two separate time lines - a bad science fiction movie if there ever was one.  Unfortunately, this was not science fiction; this was as real as it could get and he had dangerous waters to tread, now and in the future.

"Yeah, something like that.  As I said, Justin, I was a jerk back then - I needed to know you were okay, but I thought you were better off without me and I couldn't do a damn thing to help you.  Plus..." this was the hard part to say, "I cared, but I didn't want anyone knowing I cared. Staying away was the only option in my book." Brian felt the cramp dissipate, but he continued to hold Justin's hand.  He missed feeling his partner's body and while this was not the feel he longed for, he relished what he could get.  "I still care for you, but now everybody knows; it's no secret."

"You have changed."

"Yeah."

"Okay.  Answer me one more thing, then.  Are you here because you want to be or because you think you should be?"

"I want to be here, Justin."

Justin nodded his head and smiled a tentative smile.  He was still trying to piece together the new version of Brian Kinney, but he seemed to find this one a little more to his liking than the one he appeared to remember from 6 years ago. "Okay.  Let's go see Michael."

TBC