Justin gazed out the window but he really didn't see anything; his mind whirled around with the latest information that Brian had shared.  They were together but he lived in New York.  Attempting to wrap his mind around any scenario where he would be with Brian but not "with" him was just inconceivable.  Asking Brian to explain was obviously not on the table, so yet again he would have to wait and see if he remembered things. 

His stomach took that moment to growl, letting both men know that while they might be involved in other drama, it needed to be fed.  Laughing at the loud noise, Justin said, "I guess it's a good thing you have a fully stocked kitchen. Let's go find some lunch."

"Sure.  Sounds like a plan."  Brian walked down the stairs and heard Justin's footsteps behind him.  "There's probably nothing fresh in the fridge, but we could make some tuna salad."

"Okay."

They fixed the salad, working in tandem.  When the salad was made, Justin found some chips in the pantry and put some on both their plates.  Brian grabbed two cold bottles of water from the fridge and they sat down to eat their lunch.

"Thank you," Justin said as he swallowed the first few bites of his tuna.

Brian looked at him with a puzzled look.

"For telling me the truth, for not hiding stuff from me, for taking me here...."

"Ah that," Brian smiled but shrugged as if it was no big deal.

"What now?" Justin asked, hoping Brian would have some great ideas regarding memory restoration.

"We need to swing by your mom's and pick you up some clothes.  Do you want to visit her and Molly or come back with me?"

"Seeing mom would be good.  I can share with her all that I've learned in the last few days.  And I'd love to get some clean clothes."

"Sounds like a plan.  Do you want to walk around the grounds here or see anything else before we head back into town?"

"Sure.  Maybe something will spark my memories."

"Justin...."

"What?"

Brian sighed and gathered his thoughts before he continued.  "Just live in the moment.  Pushing isn't going to get you anywhere but disappointed."  Brian leaned over and gave Justin a soft kiss on his cheek.

"It's my life we're talking about here.  I have six fucking years of memories that need filling in." Justin slammed his hand down on the table, startling both men. "While I remember bits and pieces, there are huge gaping holes.  I don't know if I can live like that." Justin's anger quickly turned to sadness as a tear trickled down his cheek.  "Brian..."

Brian stood up and held his hand out for Justin's as he led him to the couch.  Brian lay down on the couch and urged Justin to lay on top of him.  He caressed Justin's back, moving his hand up and down hoping to calm his partner. 

"I'm here and that isn't going to change.  We will get through this.  You remembered a helluva lot more than anyone thought you would in just a few short days.  Give it time, Sunshine."  Brian continued to caress Justin's back and kiss his neck gently.

"I'm glad you're here.  You make things better." Justin kissed Brian's lips and then laid his head back down on his chest, enjoying the soothing touch.  Justin closed his eyes and was lulled into a light slumber.

Brian continued to move his hand until he was certain Justin was asleep and then he closed his eyes and allowed his mind to wander where it wanted.  He saw Justin at his Prom, his smile so bright it would have won anyone over.  Visions of Justin and him at several show openings; one as recent as a few months ago flashed through as well.  He saw the two of them making love in front of the fireplace, three years ago and then a few hours ago; both memories made his dick hard.  He saw Justin and him arguing over his trip to "Ibizia" and a feeling of regret came over him.  He saw the Rage party at Babylon and him fucking "Rage".  He saw him taking Justin to the Loft after Gus' first birthday party and how they made love for the first time.  He saw them making love in the loft before Justin moved to New York.  He saw Justin working as a damn birthday stripper.  There are so many memories, not just the ones we share.  Damn!!! I can't imagine not having those; it must be hard to know that you have holes in your life. I told him I'm here and I will be by his side.  No more hiding at the doorway, afraid that I'm not good for him.

Brian's mind was tired after reliving all those memories and he too allowed the warmth and comfort of his partner to fill his senses as he fell into a restful sleep. They stayed that way for well over an hour and Brian woke when Justin started moving, signaling his body's return to consciousness. 

Justin woke and felt Brian's body beneath him and smiled when he felt his arms wrapped around him preventing him from falling.  Gently he pushed up and got off Brian and then stretched.  Brian sat up on the couch as he moved his legs to the floor and then patted the space beside him signaling for Justin to sit next to him.  Leaning over he kissed him softly on the forehead and then turned his body towards Justin. 

"I know this is incredibly frustrating for you.  I'm here and I won't be going anywhere.  Now let's head back to the Pitts.  We can stop at your mom's and then we'll see."

"Okay.  I love you,"  Justin said quietly, waiting for Brian to frown at the words, but he was pleased when Brian responded.

"I love you too."

As they drove back to Pittsburgh, Justin watched the countryside and the highway trying to see if any of it seemed familiar.  The passed the exit for Park Avenue and Justin said, "We're close to Kinnetik."

Brian smiled.  "Right.  Let's stop and make sure that Cynthia and Ted have not sold all my assets," Brian said tongue in cheek, happy to check in to his work and to possibly spark some additional memories for Justin.

"Okay.  I don't think my mom was expecting us at any time."

Brian parked the car in his executive parking space, but they went in the front door.

"Mr. Kinney," the blonde woman greeted him. 

"Afternoon, Sarah."  Brian smiled at the young woman and proceeded to his office suite, his hand on Justin's lower back.  On the way back he knocked on Ted's door.

"Come in," Ted said.  He looked up from his paperwork to see who was at the door and smiled when he saw it was Brian and Justin.  "Justin.  Good to see you."  Ted held out his hand to shake Justin's hand and Justin returned the handshake.

"Hi Ted."

Ted smiled, happy that Justin recognized him. 

Understanding Ted's smile Justin added, "I know who you are, but I don't remember a lot about our history.  So don't start reminiscing about ‘remember that time...' because I probably don't," Justin said, a tinge of sadness in his voice, but also said with a little flippancy.

"Sure thing."  Turning to Brian, he said, "Things are fine here, Bri.  I did the presentation for Targus this morning and they signed on the dotted line.  Legal is reviewing the contract now.  Cynthia and I are reviewing the Eyeconics account this afternoon."

"Carry on."  Brian led Justin out of the office and down toward Cynthia's office.  She'd long ago left her desk in front of Brian's office but she still was the person he relied on for information and to do the really important tasks.  Knocking on her door, Brian waited for an ‘enter' and was rewarded with the door being opened instead. 

"Justin.  So good to see you," she said as she moved to hug him. He allowed the hug and returned it.

"Hey Cynthia."

"How are you?"

Justin had always liked Cynthia as she was usually in his corner.  She kept him up to date on Brian's moods and watched out for him.  She recognized his place in Brian's life even before Brian did and she became an ally.  Seeing Cynthia resulted in a warm feeling in Justin.  While he didn't remember everything and all their encounters, he knew she was on his side. 

"I'm better.  Not 100%, but good.  Thanks for asking," Justin said, his country club manners still intact. 

"Everything's under control, Brian. We haven't robbed you blind yet and I haven't had to threaten anyone with dismissal," she said tongue in cheek as she knew that Brian wouldn't fire anyone unless their performance was subpar. "There are some papers that you could sign while you're here.  They're in your out box."

Brian smiled.  "Let's go to my office, Justin.  It appears that while everyone is assuring me that all is well, my presence is still needed, or at least my signature." Brian led Justin down another corridor to his office.

They walked in and Brian walked behind the desk and Justin stopped cold and gasped.

"Ibizia.  You told me you were going to Ibizia.  But you... you had cancer.  You fucking had cancer.  Oh my god."  Justin sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands.  "I was in the Loft and you were in the shower. I listened to the answering machine take the doctor's call.  You didn't tell me and you, you threw me out...."  Justin looked up to see the pain in Brian's eyes, again his eyes being the window to his feelings.  He couldn't hide from Justin nor did he try. 

Brian didn't say a word, waiting for the memory to fill in. He hoped that the entire memory would come, where Justin would realize that Brian let him in after all and that they were stronger after that incident, but he remained silent, waiting for Justin's mind to connect the dots.

"But then Michael talked to me and I came back.  Chicken soup.  I made you Debbie's chicken soup and made you eat it.  I took care of you.  Just like you are taking care of me.  We do that... care for each other.  We're partners." Justin looked at Brian for affirmation and was pleased to see a small smile on Brian's lips.

It was Justin's turn to pat the couch for Brian to join him and he did.  "Is that one of your regrets, Brian?  Kicking me out when you had cancer.  Because, it appears that it didn't work."  Justin reached out and held Brian's hand, feeling the connection between them grow as each memory surfaced.

"You're still here," Brian said.

"I am, but that's because I'm a stubborn shit... you said so yourself."

"Actually, it's not a regret.  I almost didn't have the surgery, but then I wanted to be around for Gus."

"You almost didn't have the surgery.  What the fuck?  Brian... What were you thinking?" Justin's righteous indignation was palpable in the room.

"I always thought I would die young, 30 or so.  I lived a fast and furious life.  Lots of drugs and booze.  I didn't want or expect to grow old.  So when I got the diagnosis I figured that was it, but then Lindsay came to see me with Gus.  I didn't tell her what was going on, but decided that I wanted to be around for him."  Brian found it hard to share these thoughts with Justin and pushed his body away from Justin, but remained on the couch.

Justin listened, still finding it difficult to believe that Brian would just give up like that, not fight the cancer, but then he realized Brian had fought and he smiled a small smile.

Brian was not looking at Justin, but rather stared at the floor as he continued his story; therefore he missed the small smile of acceptance that his partner had bestowed on him.  "Guess you're wondering where you come into the picture?  I didn't tell you or anyone because I didn't want your pity.  I didn't want to burden you with my troubles and I didn't want you here because you felt sorry for me."

"What changed?  After all, you let me in," Justin asked softly. His heart went out to Brian.  He recognized the pain the cancer had on his psyche but he pushed Brian.  These were memories and he doubted Brian had ever talked about them with him or anyone

 "You came back.  Even after you knew.  You yelled at me.  Didn't treat me with fucking kid gloves.  That took balls and I knew then you were telling the truth that it didn't really matter if I had only one ball.  Me, Brian fucking Kinney, with one ball and the trick that never went away didn't give a shit about that."  It felt good to talk, but Brian wished that it hadn't taken a fucking car wreck to come to this place.  On the other hand, he doubted that he would have ever broached the subject with Justin or anyone for that matter.  He admitted that there were some benefits to this amnesia thing.

Each man sat and digested the information.  Brian, saying the words out loud for the first time enabled him to feel a weight off his chest.  He'd told Justin how he felt and why he did something and the world didn't come to an end. Justin was still here and he didn't appear to be leaving or making any signs of giving up on him.  Of course, that was partially because Justin didn't remember everything but Brian didn't believe that was the reason Justin stayed.  Justin stayed because he wanted to, just like all the other times.  While Justin did tend to leave when things got difficult, Justin always came back.

Justin listened to Brian's story; his heart going out to his partner.  Justin remembered his feelings at the time.  He was scared of losing Brian, his partner, even if Brian didn't call him that.  Justin always saw them together, even when there were disagreements.  He was there for Brian when he needed him and Brian was here for him now. 

"You're here."

Brian looked at Justin and heard all the things said in those few words.  They were a familiar refrain between the two men in the last few days and this discussion was no different. 

"I am here and I will always be here for you, Justin."

"I know.  I'm glad you decided to be treated."

"Me too."

"Let's go to my mom's.  Maybe she'll have cooked dinner.  I'm hungry for her cooking."

"Your stomach is a bottomless pit, Justin.  Let's go see your mom and Molly."

"And afterwards?"

"Who knows?"

"Can we go to Babylon?"

Brian was taken aback by Justin's request.  They hadn't gone to Babylon in a long time, but he was up for anything that would bring back memories.

"If you want.  I think that can be arranged."

"Okay."

"I'll call the girls and see if they want to join us.  Emmett is always up for a good dance."

Justin smiled at the mention of Emmett and dancing. "Sounds like fun."

They left Kinnetik and drove to Jennifer's condo.  Jennifer wasn't home yet so Brian and Justin watched some TV on the couch.  Brian enjoyed sitting next to Justin and he started playing with Justin's hair.  Turning toward Brian, Justin kissed Brian and soon they were kissing deeply and starting to undress each other.

Oblivious to the door being unlocked, Jennifer found them in a state of half undress while they were giving each other handjobs.

She gasped, "Ohhh,  um,  I'll just go put my....."

Brian and Justin looked at each other, each laughing gently.

"Guess we don't have to tell your mom some things, huh Sunshine?"

"I think she saw way more than she wanted.  Think I should go find her?" Justin started to get up from the couch, tucking his shirt into his pants.

"Nah.  She's even more of a country club woman than you.  She will come out when she thinks we're done, but will not say anything."

"You think?" Justin asked, uncertain about Brian's statement and uncomfortable thinking that his mom just saw him and Brian making out, and then some, on the couch.

"I know."  Brian's eyes twinkled as he looked between Justin and the kitchen area where Jennifer had disappeared.  "Now how about we finish up what we started?"  Brian teased as he put his hand down Justin's pants.

"Let's go to my room," Justin said as he grabbed Brian's hand and helped him off the couch.

"Sounds like a plan."

Jennifer heard them go up the stairs and when she was certain that they had vacated the living room she went out to her car to bring in the groceries she had purchased.  Bringing them into the kitchen, she unloaded them and started to prepare dinner.  She mulled over the scene that she walked in on and was both pleased and uncomfortable.  She was thrilled that Justin had apparently remembered who Brian was or what he was to him and that made her very happy. 

On the other hand, no mother wanted to walk in on their child having sex in their living room or any other room for that matter.  However, she realized that where Brian Kinney was concerned, when the urge hit him, he acted and he didn't care who saw him.  She smiled when she realized that she knew Brian so well, but still she felt that she would remind him that this was her home.

She heard Justin and Brian walking down the stairs and settle in the living room.  She washed her hands after she finished prepping the chicken and putting it in the oven and went to talk to them.

"I see you have remembered some things, Justin, but I see your lack of decorum still hasn't improved."  She frowned slightly as she was reprimanding him.

"Uh sorry, mom.  The heat of the moment and ..."

"Please keep your makeout sessions to the confines of your bedroom or at least where I don't see them." She crossed her arms trying to appear stern.

"Yes, Mother Taylor."

"How was your day?" Jennifer quickly tired of the reprimand and was eager to hear of Justin's progress.

"Six years is a long time to forget and there are a ton of memories."

"Yes, it is," she said, waiting for him to continue.

"But Brian and I have made a lot of progress.  I'm remembering more every time I go somewhere."

"That's wonderful, sweetheart.  I know you'll be fine."  Turning toward Brian, she asked, "Are you staying for dinner?"

"Sure.  We just came for a short visit and some home cooked meals. Evidently, Justin's memory is not lacking in the food department.  Justin mentioned Babylon, so I think we'll head there later tonight."

"Ok.  Whatever you think is best."  Standing up, she moved toward the kitchen.  "I better go finish dinner.  Molly will be home soon and she is always ravenous."

"I guess I could go upstairs and get my stuff together.  Want to help?" Justin eyed Brian again, even though it had only been a short time since they had each other. 

"I like the way you think."

Jennifer came out to the living room a short time later to visit with Justin and learn more about his day only to find it empty again.  I guess they are upstairs.  At least they listened.  She smiled as she knew that Brian's touch was just as healing for her son as any medicine the doctor's could give him.  She flipped on the news and waited for her family to arrive and join her for dinner.

TBC