Brian turned off the shower, grabbed a towel for himself and Justin. He dried off his body but continued his silence.

"Brian... why the silence?"

Brian walked over to the closet, grabbing a pair of jeans and a wife beater while Justin put on sweats and a t-shirt.  Justin watched as Brian walked back to the living area and poured himself a drink.  Sitting on the couch, he motioned for Justin to join him.  Before Justin joined him, he also poured himself a drink.  

"So I take it that I did dance at Babylon and in a restaurant?  Or is this where you quote me twenty questions and leave me hanging?"  He motioned quote signs in the air with a frown on his face.

Brian swallowed his drink and played with his glass before answering.   This is probably the most important question he's asked besides asking if we're together.  I need to be careful.

"You danced at Babylon.  I loved the angel wings.  They were kind of cute, but I don't think you would really qualify as an angel," he said as he placed his empty glass on the coffee table.  

"It's a pretty short memory -  I didn't do it for a long time,"  Justin said as the memory was filling in. He drank the tumbler of Beam as well and grabbed both glasses taking them to the liquor cart to refill them.

Brian watched as Justin poured the amber liquor, placing the bottle towards the front of the cart, in just the right place.  Funny how some things are so deeply embedded in your memory that you don't even think about them. "No, only a few days and then you decided to take my money to pay for school."  Brian didn't want to revisit the entire fiasco and hoped that Justin would just leave it alone.

"I ran away from Sap's party," Justin said, the statement leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.  "Why'd I think that he would just let me dance because I asked?"  Justin walked back to the couch, handing the glass to Brian and he sat down on the couch.

"You were stubborn.  Some things don't change."  Brian thought of the many instances that Justin's stubbornness had been exhibited through their time together, realizing that this trait had ultimately gotten them in this situation.

"You have to know when to ask for help.  You said that to me once.  It's worked for us in the past; although you're as stubborn as I am."  Justin took a drink from the tumbler as he waited for Brian to continue.

"And that leads us to the second part of your question.  Yes, Justin, you were dancing in the restaurant and that was me you saw.  In fact, we talked for a few minutes after your dance."  Brian finished his whiskey and got up to refill his glass for a third shot, glad that he could legitimately turn his back on Justin, hoping to hide his distaste.

 "What aren't you telling me?"  Justin watched Brian pouring the liquor, seeing the pain in his eyes. 

"Well, there's the million dollar question.  You dancing at the restaurant is somewhat of a mystery to me." Brian put his thumb to his mouth and bit at the nail as he stood next to the liquor cabinet, physically distancing himself.

"Brian.  I don't like playing twenty questions. Is this another one of those memories where you're holding back for fear of what information you might share?"  Justin waved for Brian to join him on the couch and Brian reluctantly did.

"That would assume that I have the information," Brian said as he sat down, his shoulders slumping slightly and he leaned back against the couch, as he looked forward, his eyes avoiding Justin.

"What are you saying, Brian?"  Justin's eyes scrunched, mulling over the words.

"I'm saying that yes it's a memory but it happened right before your accident and I don't really have the information you want, only you do." Brian quickly darted his eyes to look at the window.  This isn't how I imagined the conversation, but then again, I guess I really didn't imagine this conversation.

"So ... I was dancing in a restaurant- well stripping sounds more like it-  you saw me and that's all you know."  Justin touched Brian's hand, trying to pull him back to the conversation.

 "You were getting paid for it," Brian said the words flatly, but the effort it took to get them out let Justin know how much they hurt.

"Paid?" Justin's face turned ashen white.  "I was getting paid to be a stripper, but that doesn't make sense.  I mean if we're together, then why am I in New York?  And you said I painted- when do I do that? .... And why am I stripping for a living?  I really think twenty questions has turned into the mystery of the week." 

"Touché"

"Brian... Will you please just tell me what you know?"  Justin looked at Brian, the pleading evident in his eyes.

"Okay." Brian fought all the conflicting thoughts in his head, not sure which one he should let dictate.  He looked at his partner, seeing the anguish in his eyes and made his decision.    

"Okay?  REALLY?  You're going to fill in all the blanks?"  Justin almost bounced in his seat.

"Not exactly."  Brian regretted his word as soon as he agreed.

"Briannnnnnn,"

"You were stripping in a restaurant-  as an entertainment stripper -  you were supposed to meet me after your gig but you never showed up- instead you were in a god damned car accident where you hit your head again, losing fucking six years of your life. " He winced as he said the words, making them real. While he had told Justin he was in an accident and Justin had been putting the pieces of his life together, Brian had avoided stating the cause and effect of the accident.

"I woke up in the hospital.  I didn't know how I got there and the doctor gave me my clothes-  I had a tuxedo shirt, I was dreaming...." Justin listened, frowning at the reality of the situation. 

Brian watched Justin, looking at his face, recognizing the slightly faraway look in his eyes that meant he was remembering something.  Looking at the clock on the DVD player, he noted they were supposed to be up in a few hours.  For once he was glad that he didn't have to get up in the morning.

Justin stood up, walking to the window where he looked out at the street, wishing his mind would mirror the eerie quiet of the street.  A lone sheet of paper blew slightly in the wind, but the streetlights illuminated an empty street.  Closing his eyes to see the dream more clearly he watched the vision as if he were an observer in the room.

I'm in a tuxedo and I'm dancing with Daphne.  We're in a hotel ballroom and lots of our classmates from St. James are here.  Brian walked in and told Daphne she was beautiful and asked to steal her date.  We danced on the dance floor, him twirling me as everybody watched.  He dipped me and kissed me on the dance floor.  It was so wonderful and then I walked him to his car so I could return to the dance.  I hear him yelling at me and I turn catching Chris and his bat in the corner of my eye.

Justin opened his eyes, glistening with unshed tears. He took a deep breath and turned around to look at Brian, but remained by the window. "I saw a vision of us dancing at my Prom.  You looked amazing in your suit and I was wearing a Tux.  I remember coming down the stairs at Debbie's house where Mom, Debbie, Lindsay, Mel, Debbie, and Vic were all sitting in the living room looking up at me as I descended the stairs.  It felt like I was on display.  Emmett was clapping on the stairs; he helped me dress.  I couldn't get the tie right.  Then I was at the Prom, dancing with Daphne and you walked in.  We danced and you kissed me, right there on the dance floor."  Justin paused as he mentally looked at all the faces and their smiles. 

"We went to the garage.  I was going to join you at the Loft after I took Daphne home.  He hit me.  Chris hit me with a bat.  Oh my god."  Justin let the tears fall and he looked at Brian who also had tears in his eyes. His heart went out to Brian, realizing that he had been hurt at the Prom, not physically, but emotionally.  He was silent for a few minutes and recomposed himself.  He needed to continue, remember whatever his brain would allow.   

"That's not the only time I've worn a tux?"

Brian had wiped the tears away from his face.  He didn't want this discussion to be about the Prom. Brian sat on the couch, silently listening to Justin recounting prom, their dance... the dance that Justin had forgotten. He never thought he would remember. Brian was having a hard time controlling his own emotions, but having a lot more practice than Justin was able to keep them under control. After all this time, he had to lose 6 fucking years of memories just to remember one, although if I'm honest with myself, it's not the most important one.  Remembering us is more important.  When did I become a fucking lesbian?. 

"That's a pretty vivid memory.  I'm glad you remembered," Brian said as he smiled, trying to keep the mood light, for Justin had never remembered the prom until now and Brian found it ironic that his memory of one of the most traumatic events in his life could now be recounted with exquisite detail while he couldn't remember that he worked as a god damn stripper.  Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.  His memories are returning and all those details are pretty damn significant.

Brian wanted to reach out and touch him, run his hand down his back, hold him between his legs, anything to make these memories easier to handle, but he wanted to see where Justin's mind was headed, hoping for a return of more significant ones, specifically the ones involved in his passion, his painting.  He sat forward on the couch and let Justin remember, but he was ready in case his partner needed him. 

Brian watched Justin for any sign of discomfort or pain.  Knowing how many times Justin had really worn a tuxedo in the last six years, he knew that there could be at least a dozen memories, not including the times he wore that damn shirt to ‘strip'. 

"Depends on what you consider a lot.  But, yeah you do have occasion to wear one frequently."


Justin leaned back against the window, closing his eyes hoping to push another memory to the surface.  


I'm in a tuxedo and Brian is helping me tie the tie.  I hate those things.  He's in a gorgeous suit, Armani I think.  But why am I in a tuxedo?  I ask him if I look okay and he tells me I look hot, but that I better get out of the room before he takes me out of my tuxedo. I smile at him and he kisses me softly on the lips.

As he opened his eyes, he turned around again, staring out the window this time, unsure of the exact nature of the memory. "I never have gotten that tie thing down.  You like me in a tuxedo," Justin said as he remembered the gentle kiss.

"You look hot," Brian said, wondering where this was going. "I take it you had another memory.  Care to share or do I get to play twenty questions?"  Brian noted that Justin failed to turn toward him and wondered exactly what he was remembering.

"I'm in a tuxedo and you're tying my tie.  You tell me to get out there, but I'm not sure what out there is.  And .... I guess you aren't going to tell me what "out there" is?  Right, Brian?"

"Let's deal with the memories you do have.  You seem to be remembering a lot of information," Brian said as he smiled a reassuring smile.

Frowning at Brian's answer, but not surprised by the response, Justin said, "Okay."

Brian waited for Justin to continue.  He knew his partner had remembered the "birthday party gig" and knew that memory would be coming soon.  Hopefully, Justin would remember enough of the information and wouldn't ask Brian to fill in the blanks. 

"Any more memories?"

Justin turned around and leaned against the window, closing his eyes again, pushing the memories to the forefront.

I'm in a tuxedo at an awards banquet.  Brian is standing on the podium. I look around and Cynthia and Ted are at the table, but I don't know anyone else.

He looked at Brian and said, "Yeah.  We're at an awards banquet and you're accepting some award.  I'm sitting with Ted and Cynthia.  Is there any significance to that one?"

Brian shrugged.  He'd long since finished his third shot but wasn't willing to refill his drink again. Back in the day, I would have continued to drink, but in the past, I wouldn't have encouraged a discussion with Justin. Things have truly changed.

"We go to a lot of banquets and Kinnetik as well as I have won many awards.  So who knows.  Are we done yet?  This trip down memory lane is..."

Justin held up his hand, signaling to Brian to stop talking. "No, we're not done.   What about the vision I had in Babylon?  The one where I was stripping and you were in the audience."

The moment of truth.  "What about it?"

Justin thought back to earlier that night when he watched the Go-Go dancers on the platform and closed his eyes to see the vision clearer.


I'm in a tuxedo and I'm dancing, well almost stripping in front of a group of men.  They're placing tips in my thong, lots of tips. I'm talking to a man who is trying to pick me up and then I see Brian.

"Shit!!!" Justin said as he turned toward Brian again.  "I remember that night. You were supposed to be at the hotel and I was going to meet you.  You weren't going to talk to me at the party.  You were mad."

Brian felt chills going down his body.  Justin was remembering the events leading up to the accident.  Maybe I'll get answers to my questions. Looking at Justin, he recognized the knowing look in his eyes, the look he got when he did something that he knew Brian wouldn't like.  

"How did you think I would respond?  My partner was out there dancing for a group of strangers," he said, trying to tamper the anger down, but failing.  

"It was just a job," Justin said as he walked around the Loft, unable to stand Brian's obvious anger seething beneath the surface.

"You had a job.  You told me you were waiting tables.  What the fuck happened to that?" 

Brian watched Justin walking around the Loft, recognizing his unease, but unwilling to address it at that moment.  In the back of his mind, he knew he shouldn't be asking Justin questions and having this conversation.  Justin was remembering the events prior to his accident and they should be focusing on that rather than having an argument about the dancing, but Brian didn't always do what he should do and this time was no exception.

Stopping in his tracks, Justin turned toward Brian and said quietly, "It wasn't working.  I was either working or sleeping and I didn't have time to paint and I didn't have enough money to pay the bills.  So Jake...."  

Justin stopped when he thought of Jake.  Jake's picture came to his mind easily, he could see them sitting in his apartment and laughing. 

"Brian, does Jake know where I am?  He must be worried sick.  I need to call him."  

Justin moved to get his phone that was lying on the kitchen island, but Brian moved toward him and stopped his hand from picking up the phone.

Laying his hand on Justin's hand, he said, "Jake knows about the accident and he knows where you are."

Justin nodded slightly. "Okay.  Thanks, I guess."

"You were saying...."Brian said, the mix of impatience and anger thinly veiled in his voice.  They stood next to each other but Brian stepped back to give Justin room to tell his story.  He didn't think this was a time to be face to face.

Justin walked around the room again, sensing Brian's anger and wanting to avoid being close.  He knew that Brian would never hurt him, but sometimes his words could be just as strong as a physical blow. 

"Jake's been doing this gig for a long time.  He turned me on to the company.  I could make a lot of money and not work a lot of hours.  It was a great solution."  Justin's voice was animated as he told this part of the story.  Justin was surprised that he had the information so readily at his fingertips, but as he explained the situation to Brian he wasn't sure if the explanation was satisfactory.

Brian pinched his forehead between his eyes, the strain of the conversation and the revelation finally taking its toll and he could feel a headache forming behind his eyes.  

"And you weren't going to tell me about the new job?  I had to find out by seeing you in person.  Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was to see you up there?  One of my customers took me to the party... Said I would enjoy the show.  By the way, I distinctly DID NOT enjoy the show."  Brian's voice was a mixture of anger and anguish, an interesting combination.

"I'm sorry, Brian.  I didn't think it would be a big deal.  It was a win-win situation.  I would earn money so I could continue to paint and pay my bills."

"Sorry is bullshit, Justin.  Why didn't you just ask me for the money?"

Justin stopped short, realizing what he'd just said.  He slapped his hand against his forehead. 

"Oh my god. I'm an artist.  I paint.  That's why I'm in New York and you're here. Jesus Brian.  Why didn't you tell me?"  He grabbed the bar stool by the island and hoisted himself into the seat, no longer having the emotional strength to stand. "No wonder the painting looked familiar. I painted it."  

Justin looked around the Loft as if it was his first visit and saw many paintings on the walls that were his.  Looking at Brian standing in the middle of the room, Justin's heart melted. 

Brian felt the tears forming in his eyes.  Justin had all the pieces to his life.  Well, at least the important ones.  Unaware, he raised his eyes upward and quietly said, "thank you." 

Justin walked over to Brian where he stood in the middle of the room and hugged him while gently kissing him.  

"It all makes sense.  We're together but we live in separate cities." Justin continued to kiss Brian and Brian opened his mouth to return the familiar kiss.  

"Twat," Brian said as he kissed his partner back, thankful that he had all the important parts of Justin, not just a select few.
  
"I'm an artist, a fucking artist, not a stripper.  Oh my god. Brian....  I'm so, so...." Justin yawned as well and put his head down on Brian's shoulder.

Brian ran his hands up and down Justin's back in a calming manner. He no longer stifled the yawn that had been fighting to come forward for the last two hours. The adrenaline he'd been living off of for the last week was slowly ebbing from his body and he felt like he would have been pushed over by Gus due to his extreme fatigue. 

Recognizing the need for sleep before they continued their discussion, he said,   "Don't, just don't, Justin.  We'll talk tomorrow.  Right now we both need some sleep.  Let's go to bed.  We can continue this discussion later.  However, we are far from done walking down memory lane." 

Yawning he said, "Okay. We can talk some more after we've slept."  Justin felt the adrenaline coursing through his body start to dissipate.

"I never thought I would willingly agree to talk to you, but yeah, we need to talk.  Now that you have your memory back, there are a lot of things we need to discuss."

"I can't wait," Justin said the sarcasm evident in his voice.

"And an appropriate punishment will be rendered for your irresponsible behavior."

"Brian...."  Justin whined.

Brian walked to the bed, stripping his clothing off.  Pulling back the blankets he got into bed.  Justin followed suit and scooted up to Brian where Brian draped his arm around Justin's torso before both men fell fast asleep.


TBC