Daphne and Justin spent an enjoyable afternoon together and Justin enjoyed the company of his long time friend.  They shopped, ate and talked as if they saw each other frequently, but no one would know that just a few weeks ago, Justin had been in New York and hadn't seen his best friend for over two months. 

"I hate to do this, Jus, but I've got to take you back.  It's been wonderful seeing you and I'm sure everything will work out," She said as she gave him a hug in the car.

"I had a great time, Daph.  Thanks for taking me.  I'm so glad that I remembered so much.  I can't imagine what it's been like for Brian.  I mean I didn't even know we were together at first.  It was really weird watching him and my mom.  They were together, conspiring and all I remembered was her not liking him.  I'm so glad that they do like each other now."

"Your mom's great.  She loves Brian and she knows he makes you happy.  That's all she ever wanted; you to be happy."

"I know.  While I do remember a lot of things, there are still holes there.  I'm sure the memories will come back soon.  Well, at least I hope they do.  And if they don't, maybe now that I remembered that I'm an artist and Brian and I are together he might be willing to fill in the blanks,"  Justin said as he smiled at the memory of telling Brian they were a couple.   Justin found the CD case and flipped through it searching for a CD he might want to hear.   "Are you going to take me to the Loft or to my mom's?"

"Where do you want to go?"

Justin picked out a CD and placed it in the slot, waiting for the car to be turned on before it would load.  "I guess it's time to face Brian.  I've been thinking about our conversation at lunch.  You'll make a great therapist."

Daphne gave Justin's hand a squeeze.  "I've been doing therapy with you for years.  Difference is, you don't always listen," she said as she laughed at her own joke.

"We really are fucked up, aren't we?" 

"Who's to say what's normal?  You guys make it work.  I'm thrilled that after 7 years you're still a couple and believe me it makes it so much easier now that Brian accepts that notion."  Daphne dug in her purse for her keys and after several minutes pulled them out triumphantly.  "I really need to find a better place to keep these."

Justin laughed as he watched his best friend.  "Daphne, the only place you can keep them is in your purse unless you want to wear them around your neck and that would be a really bad fashion statement."

Daphne giggled.  "Coming from you, that is priceless."  She placed the key in the ignition and the CD loaded into the disc player where sounds of Matchbox 20 played through the speakers.

They drove toward the Loft, too short of a drive for Justin, but long enough to start the many conversations in his head.

"I see the hamster running.  What are you thinking?"

"I need to figure this thing out.  The money thing and the painting and New York.  It's a mess."

"You have some time.  Brian will help," Daphne said, sure he was making the upcoming conversation into a grand drama queen moment.

"That's part of the problem, Daph.  He will help," Justin frowned at the words, knowing they sounded whiney.

"Talk to him.  He said you guys would talk.  You've come such a long way.  There was a time that Brian would rather do anything else rather than talk."

"True.  You're the best, Daph."  Justin leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.  Justin looked out the window and saw the familiar street.  Looking around for Brian's car, he spotted it in the familiar space.  "Well, Brian's home.  I guess it's show time."

Daphne stopped the car in front of the building.  She leaned over and gave Justin a kiss and a hug.  "Call me.  Don't forget the opening is in two weeks and you are going to be there," she said, reminding him of his earlier promise.

Justin got out of the car and waved as he walked to the building, punching in the security code.  He took the stairs, not wanting to alert Brian to his arrival.  He stood in front of the sliding metal door for a few minutes and then took his key and entered the Loft.

"Brian.  I'm home." Justin looked around the now familiar Loft for his partner.  The adrenaline was running through his veins as well as a little trepidation.  Walking toward the kitchen, he saw Brian fixing a drink from the bar.  "Make me one, too.  Will you?"

Brian poured Justin a shot of Beam and brought the glasses to the island where he perched on a bar stool, half on and half off.  "So, how was your little pow wow with your fag hag?"  Brian asked, the teasing evident in his voice. 

Justin ignored the comment as he understood that Brian and Daphne had a great relationship and Daphne had been a big help to Brian during this whole fiasco.  Daphne had shared that Brian had come back the other night after their initial visit.  While she didn't tell him the specifics of the conversation, she shared with Justin, Brian's freak out over the accident. 

"We had a great time.  And I'm sure you enjoyed a break from your Justin monitoring and my ‘twenty questions'."  Justin picked up his glass and took  a small drink as he was not interested in getting drunk or even a little buzzed at this time. 

  "I did get some work done while you were away, but Kinnetik will not close its doors if I take a few days off.  Ted and Cynthia have it all under control." Brian raised his eyebrows and frowned slightly.

"Good to know that you trust them."  Justin sat on the bar stool and kicked his feet so he could swivel. 

 "You're not Gus.  Will you please not act like an 8 year old?"  Brian watched him make several rotations and then grabbed the back of the chair. 

"Did you miss me?"  Laughing at the situation, Justin quit and leaned forward to give Brian a kiss.  He moved his hand down toward Brian's crotch and palmed him.  "I think you did.  Want to show me how much?"

 "I think that can be arranged." Brian returned the kiss and ran his hand down Justin's chest, landing at his crotch and reciprocating.

They quickly moved to the bedroom and took off their clothing where they enjoyed a quick round of sex and a blow job a piece. They lay on top of the bed and Brian drew small designs on Justin's chest with one hand.  Justin allowed his mind to quit thinking and enjoyed the post coital activity. 

"As much as I love pounding your bubble butt, don't think that I've forgotten our little discussion," Brian said as he rolled over to grab a cigarette. After taking a few puffs from the cigarette, he rolled over on his side and supported himself on his elbow. 

Justin ignored Brian's comment and closed his eyes as he yawned.

"Don't think you're fooling me Taylor.  You slept really late this morning and you've only been gone for a few hours.  And I happened to know that you and Ms. Chanders walked around the mall and went to eat some disgusting food.  An afternoon with Daphne will not tire you out unless you hate the mall and one look at your clothing will attest to your love affair with that distasteful shopping experience."  Brian leaned over to tickle Justin, but Justin sensed the move before Brian could start his torture. 

"Okay.  Okay.  No tickling.  Not fair that you're immune.  And for your information, the mall is a perfectly good place to shop. "

Brian grinned at their familiar argument but didn't offer a retort.  It was sufficient Justin could banter back and forth about the topic.  Brian finished his cigarette and sat up on the bed.  Moving his legs apart, he motioned for Justin to sit between them, his back to Brian's stomach, recognizing this as a more neutral position for Justin.  Justin complied with the unspoken request and moved into place, secretly loving this position. It might sound corny but he always felt safe in Brian's arms.

"It's always been expensive to live in New York," Brian said, stating the obvious and ready to hopefully address the mystery of the change in Justin's work. "What's changed?  You've been there for almost two years."

Justin could feel the tension in Brian's body and he was glad that he couldn't see his face.  Brian had never been good with putting words to his emotions, but his body language was undeniable.  Justin had forgotten how much he could feel from just touching his partner.  He wondered what else he had forgotten. 

"I've used all of the money I made from Rage.  We haven't made a new issue in almost six months,... since Ben got sick."  Justin had thought about the changes in his financial situation and he had realized several months ago that Rage had been instrumental in his ability to stay in New York.  Without Rage and the income it generated, he was running short. 

"I see.  So before Ben got sick, you had enough money?"  Brian said, still a little skeptical that it was that straight forward.

"Well..."

"Justin.  We had an agreement.  Have you forgotten what we said?"

Justin was quiet for a few moments.  They had talked before he left for New York.  Brian would support him in any way so that he could have a chance at success.  Brian had agreed to come visit, pay for plane tickets home and support him in lean times if needed.  ‘I don't want you to worry about money.  I need you to work on your painting and you can't do that if you don't have time to paint because you are working too much.' I can hear Brian's words to me as clear as the day he said them. Shit!

"You said you'd help me with money," Justin said sheepishly, admitting that he remembered them.

"What happened?"

"I forgot?" Justin asked.

Brian decided that he really needed to see Justin's face and to hell with the gentle approach.  He pulled his legs away from Justin and moved to sit beside him.  He watched as Justin moved to mirror his position. 

"Bullshit!  Justin I felt your body tense and while I couldn't see your face, I know when you're lying by feeling your body too." Brian prided himself on his ability to read people and Justin was no exception.  Part of his success was reading people's body language; he just had an advantage with Justin, he could feel his body as well as read the unspoken words.

Justin smiled and Brian looked at him with a questioning frown.

"This is not funny," Brian said, wanting Justin to take the discussion seriously.

"No it isn't, but I was just thinking earlier that I can recognize your body language even if I can't see your face.  I find it amusing that you can do the same thing."

"Twat."  Brian smiled at Justin, despite the seriousness of the conversation.  "So back to my original question.  What happened?"

"I told you.  My Rage money ran out and I needed a solution, needed to find more money and this seemed perfect." Justin rumpled the covers and played with the pillow behind him to make it fluffier, anything to diffuse the tension in the air.

"Damn it, Justin," Brian said as he slammed his hand down on the bed, startling Justin.  "I know your Rage money ran out.  What I want to know is why you didn't ask me to help you?  Justin sighed and moved to get out of bed.

"Where the hell do you think you're going? Get back here and finish the conversation!!!"

"I have to pee.  I'll be right back."  Justin turned and moved toward the bathroom. 

Fuck, Kinney.  You better calm down.  This is not going to get you what you want. Brian took several deep breaths while wondering how he got to this place in his life, having a conversation with Justin about money and New York and painting.  The biggest eye opener being he was angry when he thought Justin was walking away.  In the past, he'd let Justin walk away, as angry as it made him, it was easier than dealing with his emotions and the situation at hand.

"I'm putting clothes on. If you want to continue the conversation, I'll be in the living room," he said after returning to the room and walking to his closet.  Quickly dressing in the clothes he had on earlier in the day.  Sitting on the couch, he picked up the remote from the TV and played with the box before putting it down when he heard Brian opening drawers in the bedroom.

"You've only been dancing since the Rage money ran out?"  Brian asked for clarification. Brian called from the kitchen as he grabbed two waters from the fridge.

"Yes.  I'd been fine, well fine is a relative term, but able to make it work until a few months ago.  When Michael called me a few months back and told me that Ben was very ill and that he couldn't work on Rage, I freaked out.  While the money isn't a lot, it made a huge difference to my budget."  Justin was calm or what he thought was calm as he explained the situation.  He looked at the tv rather than at Brian as he handed him the water.

"Why didn't you ask me for the money if it was such a little amount?" Brian asked as he shook his head in understanding.  Brian twisted off the cap as he looked at Justin, trying to look for hidden cues or nuances in his partner.

Justin got up from the couch and started pacing the Loft, finding the conversation harder than he thought it would be.  He went to the kitchen and poured a glass of milk and drank it, and then put the glass in the dishwasher.  He opened the cabinets, not sure what he was looking for, but when he found a package of Oreo's he opened it and grabbed a handful of them.  He ate a few and then put the rest on a plate on the island.  Glancing at Brian, he saw the man sitting quietly on the couch, waiting for him. Sitting at the island, he ate another cookie and then turned to face the living area.

"I'm 24 years old.  I've been living in New York for over 2 years and I finally decided that it was now or never.  I figured if the little bit of Rage money was the difference between success and  fai.... ."  Justin stopped, unable to complete the word.

"Then I better decide what I want.  I needed to give it one last push, one last opportunity to show my agent that I have what she needed and I couldn't do that if I was working all the time to pay the bills." Justin turned around and finished another cookie, allowing his words to process in Brian's head.

Brian watched Justin eating his cookies.  He thought about what Justin said, his explanation and he understood it, even though he didn't agree with the conclusion. 

"So this was really a push for success?"  Brian asked, making sure he understood Justin.

Justin finished his last cookie and walked to Brian, standing in front of him as he sat on the couch.  Leaning over he gave a gentle kiss on his lips, and then sat beside him. 

"Yes."  Justin didn't elaborate, just hoped his answer would suffice.

"But what, Justin.  I hear the catch.  But what?" Brian heard the hesitation and knew there was more to the story.

"I'm not sure if my agent liked the work.  It really doesn't matter if I have time to paint, if the work is crap."

"Your work is not crap, Justin.  If you're going to be like that, I think you need a new agent."  Brian leaned over and gave Justin a hug and a kiss.  Sweeping his hand as he motioned to the main room of the Loft, he said, "You have at least three paintings in the Loft and each one of them is exquisite.  So, I'm not hearing any of this nonsense.  Pity makes my dick soft."

Justin laughed at the familiar saying.  "Wouldn't do to have your dick soft."

"What aren't you telling me, Justin? Why wouldn't Carol like your work?"  Brian studied his partner, reviewing the conversation, but he wasn't satisfied.

"Carol likes the work."

"Justin.   Talk to me.  I can see you're avoiding the question.  We've known each other a very long time and I recognize Justin Taylor avoidance at its best."

"I gave her 8 paintings and she said they were okay, but they didn't have their normal vibe...  Whatever the hell vibe is to a painting."

"But I thought you said you had more time to paint.  I'm really not following you, Sunshine.  Why don't we start at the beginning and you can explain it again, this time with the whole truth thrown in for good measure."  Brian said as he looked at his partner seeing the hesitation in his face.

Justin didn't like the scrutiny, recognized that Brian could sense his half truths.  He couldn't sit next to Brian when he told him the whole truth; therefore, he got up and walked around the room as he spoke.

"I had it all planned out. You were going to come see me that weekend- the weekend of the party...   I was going to come to your hotel room and I was going to tell you I wanted to come home."  He glanced at Brian out of the corner of his eye and winced when he saw the restlessness and fury in his partner.

"You were going to do what?  What the fuck, Justin?  Why do you want to come home?"  Brian reeled at the statement; it was so unexpected. Brian picked up the remote and started playing with it as Justin had done earlier.  He put it down and then took a last drink from his water bottle and then started throwing it from one hand to the other.

He continued his explanation but did not return to the couch, preferring to walk from the window to the liquor cart.  He arranged the bottles just a few inches and then moved the glasses to form a pattern and then replaced them to their original set up.

"I told you that I wanted to push myself; that I started dancing so I could paint a lot of canvases and see if I could make it."

Brian nodded his affirmation.

"Well, I left out a big part.  I started painting and for the first time since I was there, I had a lot of time on my hands, more time than I ever had in two years.  For the last two years, I was so caught up in the notion of ‘ I got to find time to paint so I can make it big', that the time became more important than the actual painting. 

‘The painting was important.  Don't believe it wasn't.  But the time I spent painting was an afterthought.  I had bills to pay and work to do that my painting really took back seat. 

"When I finally had the time I wanted and needed to devote to my art, I realized that I was missing something.  Something huge.  When an artist paints, it's an expression of life, of the emotions and experiences that are occurring or have occurred in their life.  When I was in New York, I was so caught up in the process of meeting my most basic needs that my creativity wasn't there.  I was living in New York but I wasn't LIVING.  My life is here.  You are here."  Justin continued to play with the bottles and glasses on the liquor cart, appearing intent on getting the set up in an unknown fixed position.

"That doesn't make sense, Justin.  You see me at least every two weeks. And as I pointed out, these pictures in this room alone are exquisite."  Brian made a sweeping motion with his hand as he gestured to all of Justin's work in the Loft.

"You're talking in circles, maybe the knock to your head...." Brian listened to Justin and his mind quickly ran over the last year in his head.  While he couldn't remember each visit to New York, he could picture Justin in his normal frenzy and then he backtracked and pushed to remember his life before New York.  Justin had more time and was definitely more relaxed.

"Brian.  I'm fine.  The knock on my head did nothing to my brain; well it did scramble it for a few days, but that isn't it."  Justin smiled as he realized that he remembered everything so clearly. "All these paintings I painted while I lived here or when I spent extended time in the Pitts- holidays or summer break with you and Gus." 

He walked to the painting over the TV and said, "This one I painted the first Christmas I was home.  Since I didn't even have an agent and wasn't going to many places, I spent over a month here."

"That one I painted last summer when Gus was here for an extended visit.  You know when the girls went on that retreat and then Linds had the conference in Chicago."  He pointed to the painting that hung above their bed.

"When I sat down to do a series of canvases in New York I was uninspired. I had more time than I'd had in ages, but nothing that I wanted to paint.  I realized that it isn't about money or bills, but it's really about us."  Justin had stopped pacing the living area and had settled for standing by the window as he looked out the large picture window seeing the hustle and bustle of the street below. 

"My life in New York had been an internal race to get through the next task, whether that was finishing my shift or going to a gallery.  I was going through the motions, not living.  Every day I woke up thinking that I was x number of days till I went home again. My life became the in-betweens of visits home."  Justin looked at Brian, hoping that his words penetrated and more importantly hoping Brian accepted his situation.  Justin walked over to where Brian sat on the couch and grabbed his hands.

"I love you.  Don't you see, my paintings need you.  I need you."

"You're saying that you can't paint when you have lots of time because I'm not there to inspire you?"  Brian asked for clarification.

"You understand," Justin said as he smiled a big Sunshine smile for Brian.

"I'm not saying I understand anything, what I do think is that you deserve some punishment for your little shenanigans."   Brian smiled as he developed a gleam in his eye.  Brian pulled Justin over his lap and pulled down his sweats.  His hand was poised to slap his bubble butt.

 "Oh," they heard and looked up at their unexpected guest.

TBC