JUSTIN

I thought Brian was gonna like have an aneurysm when the Guru’s minions took away all the phones the minute we arrived at the lounge in the airport. Brian and his phone are really more married than we are sometimes. He walked away from the hand trying to get his phone, made a call and then wandered off for almost an hour, saying that he needed to make sure his business partner didn’t call out the coast guard when he didn’t answer. He reluctantly gave up his phone, which I didn’t comment wasn’t the phone he walked off with, because we might need it if Vern keeps looking at Brian like that. Emmett isn’t the only one who gets homicidal about people coveting his man.

 I reminded him we could have been on the beach laughing at the idiots who seem to think Vern, which is his real name, not the Rupert he goes by in the pamphlet, is the expert on love’s eternal flame. When we arrived at the resort, Vern led us away from the people getting to have fun at the bar, to discuss why marriages run into trouble. 

“In every marriage, what was once thought to be cute or quirky becomes harder to see as cute or quirky, but will eventually have you questioning why you found it endearing. There is also unfortunately, in most unions, an inequality in looks, careers, and education. Which is why you find your relationship experiencing problems… yes, Justin?” He asks when I raised my hand. I really just wanted him to stop describing the things that sounded like they were directed at me, while he seemed to stare at Brian the whole time he was talking.

“Was that why you haven’t like managed to stay married?” I ask. Really, if he’s going to preach, he needs to realize we’re on to him.

“Now we need to talk about the rules for this weekend. Hopefully everyone read the information they were given and will participate. Yes Emmett?” He asks.  

“Are there going to be cocktails soon?” Emmett asks, looking at the beach bar we were steered away from.

“In order to make strides in your relationship, this weekend is alcohol free.” He announces, as we look at him in horror.

“Remember, you got us into this.” I whisper to Brian.

“You really think I give a shit what he says?” Brian whispers in my ear, biting it.

“Why are we here if you didn’t like, want to be here?” I ask, crawling into his lap.

“Also, because we want to build a healthy relationship, everyone needs to pay attention. Justin sit in your seat please. One of the activities you will refrain from until we solve the problems in your relationship is sexual congress.” Vern tells me, or really everyone. But he seems to be directing it at me. 

Brian was mid feel up when he like stopped and gave the glare of doom. “Could you repeat that?” Brian asks, in the way he asks someone when he expects a different answer. Which normally works, but I guess Vern didn’t understand that.

“Brian, one of the things that helps to mask problems in a relationship is the bedroom. It only gives a couple a way to believe the real issues aren’t important. We take sex out of the equation. Which allows couples to focus on the issues.” He tells him, almost smirking at me. Like Brian will ever willingly give up my ass because Mr Love Guru say so.

“One weekend isn’t going to kill you.” Mel tells him. 

“It explains why you and Lindsay have issues.” He tells her. 

“I agree with Mel. And truthfully, sex doesn’t solve anything.” Ben tells us. 

“I’m glad some people are serious about getting help.” Vern praises Ben, eyeing the body, too bad boring comes with it. Michael wasn’t happy when Vern looked at Michael like he didn’t get how he landed Ben.

“So eye fucking is okay?” Blake says, causing Vern to stop leering at the wall of muscle around us.

“As I said, this weekend will require each of you to concentrate on solving your issues. We've divided each couple up, your room assignments pair you with someone other than your spouse. Take advantage of the time, find out about the problems the other person experiences and share yours. It could help you to hear problems that aren’t exclusive to you.” He tells us, as his minions start handing out room assignments.

“No one sleeps in the room with Drew, but me.” Emmett grits out when he reads who Drew was assigned to stay with.

“We’ll be working on trust issues too.” Vern tells him.

“Trust isn't my problem, my problem stems from the fact that Michael once hit on my man.” Emmett tells him. 

“Also I'd like to add, if Michael stays with me, I'm not responsible for anything I do to him.” Drew tells Vern.

“Seriously, I wasn’t really hitting on Drew because I wanted him, but maybe it would be better if I room with Brian.” Michael suggests, looking scared.

“I think that's a great idea.” I tell everyone, because Brian deserves to have to deal with Michael for this.

“I'm good with Ted.” Brian tells him. 

“Um, I really don’t think it's a good idea who you’ve chosen for me.” Ben tells him. Brian growled when he saw why Ben seemed uncomfortable.

“To repeat Drew, I'm not responsible for Ben going missing.” I tell him, because I won't be, Brian will do it.

“Who wants to volunteer to trade with Justin and Ben?” Vern asks, apparently understanding Brian’s glare this time.

Blake, Emmett, and Michael were willing. I wasn’t going to pick anyone because really I didn’t want to hurt either Blake or Emmett since they're part of my gang. “Not Michael.” I blurted out, because I can deal with Michael, but only in small doses.

Emmett won because Blake could deal with Ben. Mel ended up with Drew, which left Michael with Lindsay. He really didn’t have to look like he got stuck with Satan. I mean that would be worse than the potential for possibly seeing girl parts. Brian wasn’t happy to find out Ben had apparently told Vern, if someone wasn’t watching us, that we'd be cheating. 

“How is it cheating when you know I'm like, married to Brian?” I ask, when Vern let us know his room was between ours.

“Make sure Brian doesn’t threaten Ted’s job too.” Michael adds, making me itch to get him back.

“Blake, meet us at our room when you’re unpacked. We'll talk about issues.” Emmett tells him. 

“See, your already seeing the benefits of this.” Vern tells us. 

“I'm definitely going to show everyone how beneficial all this is.” Emmett says sweetly.

“I need to get some things from the store, is that allowed?” I ask, as if I really care what Vern thinks.

“Of course. We aren’t taking away your freedom, just trying to get each couple to see there are better ways to resolve your problems.” He tells me. “Brian, he really needs to stick with Emmett. That is one of the rules, that they stay with who they are assigned to when we aren’t in the sessions.” He tells Brian when he started to follow me.

“Ted, we need to go.” Brian tell him, giving Vern the look that says be afraid.

I went to the shop looking for something that will make Michael and Ben wish they’d kept their mouths shut. Brian and Ted went to the front desk, telling Emmett and I to wait on them. The store was lacking in revenge stuff, but Emmett is the king when it comes to this shit. He picked up a bottle of shampoo and then nair, I shrugged, because you do the best you can with what you have. I kept looking around for something, and snagged the superglue, figuring we could do something with it. Emmett smiled when we got to the medicines, but I had to say no to the ex-lax because I already did that one. Then we agreed to the sleep aids because there was no way Brian could go without for two days. Hey, if Vern is sleeping the sleep of the dead then Brian won’t be trying to find a way to nail his door shut.

“Is there a hardware section?” I ask the sales clerk who started following us around.

“Depends on what you need.” She tells me, looking at our odd assortment.

“We sort of got stuck at the ‘Love Guru’s’ thing and he’s been looking at our guys like they were lunch while saying we have problems. I want you to look at the front desk. See the guy the front desk clerk is most likely going to give anything he wants?” I ask her.

She nodded, not being able to look away. “That’s mine, and for some reason the ‘Love Guru’ thinks it’s a problem for me to see him naked. Which is like a real problem, since I count it as a major pro in this marriage thing.” I tell her.

“Any chance he’d lounge by the pool, for the rest of us?” She asks.

“Only if we can escape from Alcatraz.” Emmett tells her.

“Make a list.” She tells us.

“What are you two doing?” Brian asks, when we were busy trying to think of ways to thwart this weekend.

“I’m working on making sure you get sexual congress.” I tell him, haughtily.

“Crazy Glue isn’t sold by the gallon. After the last time you dosed Jasper, I told you no more things that could end up with a hospital stay. Here, give me that and take this.” Brian hands me a room key, and throws the list in the garbage. Dragging me out of the store, the clerk held up the real list and nodded at me and Emmett. See, Brian isn’t as on to me as he wants to believe.

“Why do you have my room key?” I ask.

“I have the key to the room you and I will be in. You really think I’m spending the weekend staring at Ted’s ass?” He asks me.