JUSTIN 

“It was funny. I mean we could have like done so much worse. Really, it wasn't like Michael’s eyebrows didn’t need taming.” I tell Brian and Ted, who were looking at Emmett and me like we were bad children who needed spankings… I could deal with that.

“But I'm sure he would have at least liked to have eyebrows.” Ted says, while Drew and Blake laughed. “You two are not helping.” Ted says, in a naughty teacher voice, that has Blake's eyes glazing over.

“What was the purpose of putting oil in the sunscreen you gave Ben and Lindsay?” Brian does naughty teacher better, he really sounds mad.

“Hello, are you enjoying ‘Camp Everything Baby Does Is The Reason Marriage Fails’?” Emmett asks.

“This is only day two, how are we going to survive day three?” Ted asks. 

“Ted, we really need for you to get with the program, I never do anything small.” I tell him, which has him groaning.

The lecture stopped long enough for us to watch Vern trying to walk proudly by, but he really just didn’t carry off the fire engine red hair as well as Deb does. “I don’t even want to know how you two did that.” Brian tells me. 

Which was good because the cleaning lady actually likes her job. When Emmett heard her complaining about the mess Vern leaves his room in, she was only too happy to help us. 

“Mr Kinney, would you like us to rub oil on your back while you finish talking to Justin?” Three girls wait eagerly for him to let them. While I have jealous tendency when it comes to men, it's only because they have a chance with Brian. Plus, the girls were all for helping me and Emmett as long as Brian and Drew shirtless was a promise.

“I'm fine, thank you.” Brian says through gritted teeth.

The sighs of disappointment were loud, but they were only promised the view, not touching. Rocko waved at me, letting me know that he had everything ready. Brian turned and glared at the tanned, built man I was staring at that wasn’t him. “Emmett and I have to go do a trust thing. Later.” I yelled, running away before Brian killed Rocko.

Rocko was our assigned counselor, but like us, he thought Vern was an asshole. So instead of the whole falling, catching exercise Vern thought Emmett and I needed, we got Rocko to agree to kayaking in the Gulf. Rocko planned to fish while Emmett and I attempted to reach the island we could see. Which wasn’t helped by the fact that Emmett and I weren't like, sailors, and on occasion went in circles. We learned quickly though when Rocko yelled that there was a shark behind us. Emmett for some reason thought he wanted to see ‘Jaws’ but quickly changed his mind when it circled his boat. We both rowed like champions after that and ran onto the shore of the island. 

“I'm not getting in the sardine can again.” Emmett says, pointing to the kayak. 

“Jaws will find another victim, but come on, I want to make sure Vern really has a reason to hate my ass.” I tell him. 

So, like most people think Emmett and I are idiots, but that’s likely because we tend to act a bit mentally stunted. It's like, so far from the truth. We had managed to get out of Rocko that day three was going to be everyone sent to the island, using only things provided in our backpacks for a three night stay. All I could see was Brian ordering the coast guard to save him. So instead, Leo paid this boat captain to drop off supplies for the A-team which Michael, Ben, Lindsay, and Mel aren’t on for this three hour horror, or The Guru of Loves torture. I smiled that Leo included my fat inducers in the food, which I finally caught Brian eating. We were setting up the tents and generators, because I'm so not living without the devil's air. Leo’s wife managed to find air conditioners that sat on the ground, so Brian won't complain about sweating our asses off while he works my ass the way I like.

Emmett was busy making up for our alcohol free first two days. We were disappointed we only managed to rid Michael of even more unwanted hair, and leave Ben and Lindsay looking redder than Vern’s new do. Luckily, Leo got the supplies from the list we had the sales girl send him, while Brian had been making sure she didn’t help us. I was so Ramboing this island, since Vern plans to be monitoring us like children. He really believed Brian and I were abstaining because Vern commanded it, while probably thinking Brian would get blue balls enough to want Vern. They should really call Vern the Guru of wanting our men. When I bitched about it, Ben told me that if I would actually pay attention I might learn how to be the kind of partner the head of a major business needs. Lindsay couldn’t leave Ben to pay, but added that Brian knows he could come to her if he needed someone who could impress his clients. At that point I'd had more than enough of how I was everything wrong in a relationship. So, they burned.

Which is going to make it all kinds of fun when they're stuck on this island with a granola bar. Emmett and I climbed up the trees and put up the fence made out of camouflage netting. If they wanted to get to the good side of the island they’d have to swim. It was getting hot after setting traps, which is really harder to do than the movies make them look, and we were both tired, so we got in the tent and grabbed a cocktail. Which meant we forgot we needed to go back. By the time we remembered we were a bit toasted, so neither of us could find the kayaks, which was likely because they were on the other shore. It wasn’t until I heard Brian cursing the way he does when I run to work for Joe that I was happy at least he didn’t think we were lost. Emmett and I stumbled our way towards Brian’s yelling, and neither of us was too drunk to know Brian and Drew weren’t going to kill our asses.

“Where did you get the trap?” Brian asks, hanging in the net above us next to Drew.

“Leo loves me.” I tell him, running with Emmett, as Drew managed to get out.