Prom Night

Chris sat at his table glumly, not paying attention to the dull conversation his friends were all engaged in. His attention was captured by one particularly beautiful looking Justin Taylor. He was dressed in a nice black suit and his hair was slicked stylishly with gel. Chris watched longingly as the boy laughed joyfully and danced with Daphne. How Chris longed to hold the boy in his arms again. To have one last kiss.

It had been two months since Justin broke off their arrangement. But Chris didn’t like to think of it as that anymore. Now he preferred to think of it as a relationship. They hadn’t been boyfriends but they were good friends. At least they used to be. Chris swallowed the sadness he felt thinking about all he had lost. At first, he’d tried not to think about any of it, but it had been eating away at him every day. He could hardly think about anything else. He’d had many sleepless nights due to the mess he’d made. How he regretted that night on Liberty Avenue. If he hadn’t acted the way he had, if he’d just relaxed and accepted Justin’s help, he would not have had to spend all this time apart from the boy he’d come to care for.

In time, Chris decided he could not ignore his feelings anymore. He decided to think about what Justin had said to him, about being truthful with himself and admitting who he really is. Taking the words to heart, Chris knew that Justin was right. He had never enjoyed himself so much fooling around with any girl, than he had during his secret meetings with Justin. And he missed the boy so much that it hurt sometimes. But he was too afraid to go and talk to Justin, as he did not know what to say. He did know, however, that Justin was right. That he need to learn how to be honest with himself and Justin deserved better. So he concluded that he would give it a try; deciding what he wanted and accepting himself. ‘Sorting out his shit’, as Justin had put it.

He started with letting homoerotic thoughts into his mind freely. Things he would usually try to push away or brush off, he would accept into his thought process and imagination. He let himself miss Justin. He let himself fantasize about him. He even began letting himself search up gay porn, and check out other guys when he was sure no one was looking. The boy wasn’t really interested in becoming involved with other guys at that time, but he tried to let himself notice when he thought someone was attractive. He was taking baby steps, making a start.

And it had made a difference. Chris was also able to begin to acknowledge that he did have feelings for Justin. Feelings that extended beyond friendship or fondness. Giddy feelings. The kind of feelings that gave him butterflies in his stomach, the way he should have felt about Marlissa when he was with her. Chris was beginning to accept that it was never her that made him feel those things; it was Justin. And althought he now knew that he had deep feelings for the boy, he knew that he was not good enough for Justin. He truly believed Justin deserved to be with someone better than him. So sadly, he thought he would never be granted the luxury of telling Justin how he felt. Because even though he’d come a long way from the beginning of the year, he wasn’t any where near ready to come out, or even say that he was…gay out loud. He just couldn’t do it yet. The very thought made him so scared, he felt sick.

Instead, he would just watch Justin from afar, still pining for something he knew he could never have. that’s when something completely unexpected happened. Justin’s boyfriend, Brian, Chris remembered, walked in. Chris spotted him immediately standing at the entrance, searching the room for Justin. Chris felt his heart in his throat. It was true that he still experienced feelings of jealousy when thinking about Justin being with this Brian, but Chris believed that Justin deserved someone as seemingly great as Brian Kinney. The man was obviously totally confident in himself, and he was hotter than hot. Chris was also beginning to understand why Justin was so taken with the man.

Said man walked right up to a very surprised and pleased looking Justin Taylor. Chris watched as they briefly chatted, a sinking feeling in his stomach. He couldn’t help but feel jealous of their flirtatious exchange. How Chris wished he could converse with Justin that way! The pair proceeded to shock everyone in the hall as the older man took the younger one’s hand, lead him to the middle of the dance floor and began to slow dance with him. An old romantic song was playing. The pair performed some pretty fancy moves, Chris decided. They both looked so incredibly happy. Chris found himself blinking tears out of his eyes as he wished he was free to know that kind of happiness.

Meanwhile, every other student of St James Academy gaped in shock at the pair. Most of the kids looked on with disgust. It got worse when the dancing couple engaged in a passionate lip lock. “FAGGOTS!” Jonah yelled out. He and the other footballers all laughed and rewarded Jonah with high fives and pats on the back. Chris barely managed to muster a smile of fake amusement for his friends. As much as Chris had progressed, he was most definitely not ready for his friends to know about the real him. Another thing that had changed was that their taunts annoyed Chris to the extreme. Idiots, he thought.

The kiss finally ended after what seemed like an eternity. Some people were yelling insults, while other people were cheering. Taking Justin’s hand, Brian led the boy out of the hall. They walked right by Chris without giving him any notice. Although Chris didn’t really expect them to, he couldn’t help but feel a little wounded by that.

“Can you believe those fucking faggots?” Mark said to his friends, the absolute disgust clearly evidenced on his face and in his tone of voice. “Who do they think they are ruining prom like that!”

“Yeah”, Nick piped up. “That was so gross. Sick.”

Marlissa huffed from her place on Anthony’s lap. “Oh my God, who the hell cares?!” she exclaimed. “Let them do whatever they want. I couldn’t give a shit.” Chris looked over at his ex girlfriend and gave her a small smile and nod. He had never been more impressed with her than he was right in this moment.

“Yeah, who cares if they’re fags”, Anthony agreed. “Forget about them. We’re here to partay!” The couple, along with the other dates of Chris’ friends all cheered. Mark, however, still wore a look of repulsion on his chubby face. Jackass, Chris thought.

He looked over to his own date. Although he had remained single after breaking up with Marlissa, the boy’s ego wouldn’t stand for going to prom without a date. He was too popular for that. So naturally, he invited his next door neighbour Kareena. She was a nice girl, and very, very pretty. All of the girls at the dance wouldn’t stop telling her so. And although Chris was fond of her, she was no Justin Taylor. The boy sighed sadly and looked back up at his friends, who were busy talking and joking. That was when he noticed that someone was missing. Mark. Chris looked around, spotting his idiot friend walking towards the exit from the other side of the hall. It looked like he was holding something in his hand…something that looked very much like a bat. This can’t be good, he thought with dread. Excusing himself to his date and friends, Chris stood and dashed off to follow the redhead.

Chris took the elevator down to the car park, figuring that’s where Mark had gone when he couldn’t find him in the lobby. The sound of laughter and singing filled the air. They were familiar voices. Justin and Brian. Chris watched the pair dance together playfully at the other end of the car park, his heart heavy. That was when he spotted a red head behind a car. Mark, Chris thought uneasily. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but he knew it couldn’t be good. He walked behind several parked cars, hiding among them as he got closer to Mark. Where the fuck did he get a bat from, anyway? Chris wondered.

Brian and Justin were blissfully unaware they were being watched as they kissed against Brian’s Jeep. They pulled away from each other and Justin began to back away. Brian got in his car as Justin turned around to walk away, a dreamy look on his face. By this point, Chris was right behind his team mate. The larger teenager walked out behind Justin, holding the bat. His heart thumping hard in his chest, Chris jumped out and lunged for Mark, tackling him to the ground as Brian worriedly yelled Justin’s name in warning. The two football players fell to the ground with a loud thump. Justin turned around to look at the boys in shock. “What the?” Brian bolted over to Justin, reaching his side in record speed. He put a protective arm around Justin’s shoulders as he too stared at the two groaning boys on the parking lot cement.

“Hobbs? Fatty?” Justin said in a mixture of confusion and annoyance.

Chris sat up and glared at his team mate as he struggled to sit up himself. Chris stood and straightened his suit jacket out. He made eye contact with Justin. “What the fuck is going on? The blond asked. Brian tightened his grip on Justin as a gesture of comfort.

“Get up, moron”, Chris hissed at the boy on the ground, kicking him lightly. He wanted to hurt him, but that would delay him in standing up. Chris was so angry, he was fuming. Slowly, Mark rose to his feet while the three other men watched him, their eyes like fire on him. “What the fuck were you trying to do?!” Chris yelled at him.

Mark frowned, his face as red as his hair. “I…he…they…they’re fucking faggots, man!” he blubbered.

“So the fuck what!” Chris yelled back at him angrily as both Brian and Justin fumed.

“So they had no right to ruin prom like that! They’re fucking sick! I had to get him! Teach this little shit a lesson once and for all!” Mark yelled passionately as Brian and Justin fumed.

“Hey, fuck you, you little creep”, Brian hissed, shoving the redhead.

Before the aggravated boy could strike back, Chris held him off. “Stop it, you dickhead!” he ordered his ‘friend’. “Lots of people in there thought these guys’ little show was shit. But do you see any of them out here trying anything stupid?! How could you be so fucking dumb?!”

Flustered, Mark tried to defend himself. He didn’t understand why Chris wasn’t on his side. Why he didn’t see that the little blond freak deserved to get hurt. “But…dude! He’s-he’s a freak! He has been asking for a real beating this whole year!”

Chris shook his head. “So what were you gonna do? Hit him with that?” Chris demanded, pointing to the wooden bat on the ground with disgust.

“I-“, Mark begun, before Chris promptly cut him off.

“What if you had of killed him, huh? What then? He would be dead, Mark, you fucking shit head. You would have taken someone’s life and you would have gone to jail forever”, Chris told him angrily. He shook his head at the boy standing beside him.

Mark looked down guiltily. “I wasn’t gonna kill him, man. Just…I dunno, hurt him. It’s not like he doesn’t deserve it.”

Brian huffed and pulled Justin closer to him, who wrapped his arms around the older man. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” Chris yelled. “Please tell me you’re not really that fucking stupid! It’s a damn hard wood bat, Mark. It could have easily killed him. And then you would not have only taken away his life, and ruined his family’s lives, but you would have ruined yours. What would your mother think of you if you became a murderer?!”

Justin watched Chris with admiration. He was touched that the boy had saved his life, and that he was now sticking up for him. The pair hadn’t spoken in two whole months, so he wasn’t sure if Chris still cared for him or not. Judging by their last interaction, Justin would have guessed not, but he supposed he was wrong. He leaned back into Brian’s embrace, revelling in the comforting touch.

“I guess…I didn’t think of that”, Mark admitted as Justin rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, well you obviously didn’t think this through at all!” Chris shouted at him. “Where the fuck did you get this darn bat anyway?”

“It was in the janitorial closet in the ballroom”, Mark explained.

Chris raised his eyebrows and furrowed his brow. “The...why the fuck would there be a bat in there?” he asked, confused. Justin was equally as confused.

Mark shrugged. “I dunno, man. I found it in there when I was in there with Jackie…” he told his friend, red faced.

Brian and Justin shuddered at the image of Mark getting it on hetero style. They both wondered what kind of crazy girl would go for an asshole like this. “Gross, man”, Chris said, matching their thoughts. “Dude, just…just go get your stupid ass back inside and go back to your girlfriend, okay”, Chris ordered him.

“But-“, the boy began before Chris interrupted him again.

“Go! I am not going to let you ruin a whole bunch of people’s lives tonight, so get your fat butt back at the prom!”

Mark nodded. “Okay…” He dared not to meet the eyes of Justin or Brian as he walked past them. Even still, he could feel the heat of their glares on his back. He didn’t care what they thought of him. In his eyesl, they were the freaks.

“And don’t do anything else that’s fucking stupid, alright!” Chris called as Mark waved back in acknowledgement.

He turned. “Hey, aren’t you coming too?” Mark called back to his friend.

Chris made a gesture to wave him off. “Yeah, yeah, in a sec”, he told him. “Just go.” Mark shrugged and made his way back inside. He was secretly hoping that Chris would let those fags have it; give them a piece of his mind. He smirked at the thought.

Once they were all alone, Justin looked at Chris with surprise. “Chris, I…” he began as Chris looked at him a little shyly. “Thank you. You saved my fucking life.” Brian gave the boy a grateful look as he still held on to Justin.

“It was nothing, really”, Chris said as he blushed. “I saw Mark following you guys out with that bat and thought I should stop him from doing what ever stupid fucking thing he was going to do with it”, he explained. Justin nodded. “But also, uh…I couldn’t let him hurt you…” Chris admitted, avoiding the boy’s eyes.

Justin turned in Brian’s arms to face him. “Go wait by the car? Please?” he asked Brian, who still looked doubtful. “I’ll be fine. I just want to talk to Chris, okay?” Brian nodded and pressed a kiss to Justin’s lips before releasing him from his arms and walking back over to stand near his Jeep. He stayed out of the car, watching the boys intently. He was displaying his protective side very well that night.

“Chris, seriously, what you did just then was really fucking incredible. That idiot really could have killed me with that”, he said, pointing at the bat on the ground. “Thank you.”

Chris smiled bashfully at the blond beauty before him. “I said it was nothing. I mean, you’re my friend, right. I wouldn’t ever want anything bad to happen to you…” Chris told him genuinely.

Justin smiled appreciatively at his friend. “I didn’t know you still considered us friends after the last time we talked…two entire months ago”, he admitted.

“I guess…I’ll always consider you a friend, Justin”, Chris admitted shyly.

Justin smiled at the boy warmly and put his hand on his shoulder, rubbing it lightly. “Yeah. I guess, me too”, he told him.

Chris smiled before turning serious. “Justin, I-uh…You were right. I am a coward. And pathetic. I shouldn’t have yelled at you the way I did, or hit you. I was such a jerk and I’ve felt like such shit this whole time. I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you”, Justin said kindly. “And you’re not pathetic.”

“I am”, Chris said. “Well, at least I was. You were right about all that, too. I was scared of who I really am. I still am scared, I suppose. But I’ve been trying. I thought about all you said. And I really have been trying to admit to myself who I am. That I actually…like guys.”

Justin nodded, listening to his friend intently. “That’s great, Chris. I’m really glad for you”, he told him honestly.

Chris gave him a grateful smile. “And I’m getting there…slowly. I’m not scared of my thoughts anymore, at least. But, uh…I’m not quite there just yet. You know…I still can’t quite say it out loud.”

“That’s okay”, Justin assured him. “As long as you’re making progress. Keep going the way you are and eventually you’ll feel totally free to be yourself.”

“Thanks for saying that”, Chris said. “It’s…it’s really great to hear you say that.”

Justin nodded at him with a smile. “I believe in you, Hobbs. I really hope that one day you have the courage to be your complete self so you can really be happy”, he told him encouragingly.

Again, Chris smiled gratefully. “You know, I…I’ve missed you. These past couple of months have really sucked without being about to hang out with you.”

“Yeah”, Justin agreed. “I was really angry at first, but you know, I missed you too.”

“The real reason I freaked out that night is because I saw you and your boyfriend making out and I just lost it. I got so jealous I almost threw up”, Chris admitted honestly.

Justin looked like he’d been caught off guard by Chris’ confession. “Chris, I-“ he began, not quite knowing what to say.

“You know…I really do like you”, Chris confessed hesitantly. “I tried to deny it at first, but…I sorta fell for you.”

“I…I know”, Justin responded. “I’m sorry that I-“ he began.

Chris cut him off. “Don’t be sorry for anything”, he told the blond. “You were the one who showed me who I really am. Without you, I don’t know if I ever would have had the balls or the brains to figure out who I am.”

Justin looked touched and Chris went on. “I don’t expect you to tell me you feel the same. I know you don’t”, Chris said, glancing back at Brian. “I just wanted to tell you, just once. I know I’m not for you, anyway. You deserve someone who’s already out; a person who’s not afraid to be with you. Someone who can walk into a room full of teenagers and dance with you in front of all 500 of them.”

Justin smiled over at Brian, who caught the look and returned it. He looked back to Chris and told him, “I didn’t feel nothing for you. I want you to know that.” Chris raised his eyebrows in surprise. “I do love Brian, but…I did have feelings for you, too. That’s why I will always care about you”, he confessed.

Chris smiled at him, a little sadly, knowing that he was never going to be with Justin in the way he wished he could be right now. Justin stepped forth and wrapped Chris into a hug. The jock tightly held the young artist in his arms. After a moment, they released each other. Chris still held Justin’s eyes and stepped closer to him again. Placing a hand on Justin’s cheek, Chris moved forward and gave Justin one last loving kiss. If one thing was for sure, Chris was definitely going to get his goodbye kiss. Justin kissed the boy back, his hands on Chris’ arm and back. They pulled away a moment later and shared a fond smile. Chris gently stroked Justin’s cheek with his thumb before stepping back, breaking their physical contact.

“You should go with your boyfriend”, Chris told him, nodding over to Brian. “In case any of my buddies try any more stupid tricks”, he explained.

Justin nodded and smiled gratefully at Chris again. “Thank you Chris. For everything.”

His voice choked up, Chris responded, “No…thank you. Really, thank you.”

The blond artist turned and walked over to Brian. They shared a brief hug before Justin hopped into the passenger side of the Jeep. Brian gave Chris a nod which Chris returned, before getting into his Jeep and driving off. Chris watched them leave sadly, but with the feeling of a great weight being lifted off his shoulders. He was going to miss being close to Justin the way he had been, but he was glad that they’d made up. He knew that even though they were no longer going to be ‘fuck buddies’, they were still going to be friends. The boy even let himself hope that they’d be very good friends for a long time.

TO BE CONTINUED…