It was a bit of a lonely Christmas for Brian. Taylor was spending the holiday with Daphne at the Chanders'. It was the first time in three years he didn't have a child with him on Christmas Day, and the first time he'd ever allowed his home to be decorated for the season. Now, all those decorations he'd given in to putting up around the house seemed to simply mock him.

He was worried about his firefly, although he knew Daphne was more than capable of taking care of her. It was that it wasn't him doing it that gave him worries. And it bothered him that there would be no little girl jumping on him to get up way to fucking early because Santa came. So he continued to linger in bed longing for that damned domesticity of his life.

"I'm pathetic," he said, and Teo laughed.

Fucking laughed at him, in all his patheticness.

"First thing Christmas morning and that's what you come up with? 'I'm pathetic'?" Teo pressed his lips to Brian's, making little fish lip motions, with a little added tongue, until he felt Brian begin to smirk.

"Not a 'Merry Christmas'?" Teo rolled over and kissed Brian's chest, running his tongue slowly from left to right, nipple to nipple.

"Not that you have a very horny, and might I add, incredibly sexy, man willing to do your bidding laying next to you?" Teo began kissing his way down Brian's stomach, slowly teasing him. Slowly finding his goal. The second most talented mouth Brian had ever felt around his cock.

"Jesus, Teo..."

"Still feeling pathetic?"

Brian huffed out a little laugh. "Uh, not so much... But I'd feel even better if you'd just...ugh... shut up and blow me, Santa."

"Blow, blow, blow."

Pathetic took a back seat to Merry Christmas right about then.

 ::

By the time Taylor Chanders Kinney turned three, her verbal skills and hand-eye coordination were on par with most five year-olds, according to her doctors. To Brian, she was simply a genius child, but Daphne freaked out from time to time about it all. Although she talked to her daughter on the phone several times a week, and had just spent time with her over the holiday, Taylor's skills were so quickly advancing that the changes were more than obvious to someone who wasn't with her on a daily basis.

"She had to be exposed to some alien enzyme or high levels of nuclear energy or something."

Brian cocked an eyebrow and gave a 'what the fuck?' face. "And you are representative of our nation's brightest and best. I fear for the future."

"Oh, come on, Brian! It just isn't normal for a child her age to be so..."

"Adanced? Intelligent? Smart?"

"Yeah! She's just too smart."

"Daphne, your IQ is off the fucking charts and Justin's was nearly as high. Add to that the fact that Taylor is being raised primarily by yours truly, and your conspiracy theories about alien abductions should be put to rest."

Secretly Brian was a bit daunted by their child's intellect and level of development. She was undoubtedly ready for more advanced mental stimulation than he alone could provide, but of course no school would accept a three year old. He was quietly looking into some kind of private tutoring.

"What worries me more is that she's so damned easy to raise," he said. "I hear Lindsay and every other parent complaining about the difficulties of raising kids, particularly two and three year-olds, and I wonder when the ax will fall. It's the waiting for some childhood rebellion that's scaring the shit out of me."

He walked over and ruffled his daughter's hair on his way to the bathroom. Taylor just grinned and continued coloring in the book she'd picked up from the children's museum yesterday. Advanced as she was, she was still three and loved coloring the cartoons. And today was her birthday! She'd been excited this year because she had an idea that it was supposed to be a fun day. Her Tin had told her, that even if they didn't go anywhere special this year, she would get a surprise. She was still waiting for that part.

"Mommy? Do I get a surprise today?"

Daphne laughed at the precociousness of her little girl. "And just why do you think you get a surprise today?"

"'Cause it's my birthday and Tin said so."

The comment was so off-handed and unexpected that Daphne was taken a little by surprise. She was pretty sure, by his lack of comment, that Brian hadn't heard Taylor's words. It was the first time in a few months that Taylor had mentioned Tin to her, but the name hadn't been far from her mind during that time. It was crazy, yes, and she was certain that everyone would declare her insane, but she had grown fairly certain of who her daughter was talking about.

"Sweetie, can you do mommy a favor? Can you tell me about Tin?"

"Will I still get my surprise?" Taylor's little forehead had crinkled up with worry. She wasn't supposed to talk about Tin so much.

"I promise."

Taylor thought quietly for a few moments, nodding her head as if in agreement with something, and told her mother about her friend.

"Tin is my best friend. He says I'm the only one who sees him." She smiled and climbed on her mother's lap. "He's so pretty, mommy, like the prince in my book! And he talks to me when I get the giggles 'cause I get scared and you don't know I get scared."

Daphne had closed her eyes, seeing 'Tin' dancing and smiling, thinking about him keeping their daughter safe when she didn't even know there was a problem. Tears welled and she sniffed out a little laugh as Taylor patted her arm. "I'm okay, sweetie. Tell me more about your Tin."

Brian stood in the doorway. He hadn't meant to overhear, but he did and his whole body was reeling with Taylor's every word. Tin helps me with my colors 'cause he an ardist. Tin helps me with words 'cause he's really smart. Tin loves it at the beach when the sky is pink. Tin has hair like grandma and eyes like my blue princess dress and likes pizza and broccoli a lot. Tin is happy that daddy has so many pictures of him.

He leaned into the door jamb, needing something to hold him up. His eyes were wide and bright and his jaw was tight. He pointed to a picture on the credenza behind the sofa. "Taylor..." His voice was raspy and broken and he had to clear his throat. "Taylor," he repeated, "can you tell me who these people are?"

Taylor nodded and chirped, "That's you, daddy, and mommy and silly Tin!"

It was a photo Emmett had taken of Daphne, Brian and Justin dancing with abandon late one afternoon in the loft. The guys had stopped over and they'd all had a bit too much weed and beer when Daphne had stopped by.

Jesus...

"I told you," Daphne sobbed quietly to Brian, "that when she could, she'd tell us all about Tin."

Brian had no idea what to say to that. No idea whatsoever.

 ::

Taylor got her surprise. At precisely 3:00 that afternoon she stood next to her daddy at the front door as a delivery man presented her with a wiggly and cumbersome boxer puppy, which she promptly dubbed Cookie. The happy squeals and delighted whimpers of the two sounded throughout the house. It wasn't a gift Brian had ever thought he would give anyone, but, then again, Taylor wasn't just anyone, was she?

As he stood that night looking out at the stars, the tears that had been just below the surface most of the day trickled down his face.

"You really are a twat, you know that?" he asked of the brightest star he could find. He'd been off-kilter since hearing Taylor talk about Tin earlier in the day. Justin had found a way to know his daughter and that both elated Brian and broke his heart just a little more. "Jesus, Justin, what do I say to all this? Thank you for watching our girl? I promise I'll do my best down here?" Brian turned and laughed softly when he heard Cookie noisily lapping water from his bowl. "Now I know where that irresistible urge to get a dog came from," he said as he turned back toward the night sky. "Happy birthday, Sunshine. Miss you."

 ::

Cookie crouched in the middle of the family room, his head twisting from side to side, his oversized paws splayed out before him, watching. Simply watching. He groaned and sat straight up as Taylor clapped her hands.

Brian had been watching the display for a full five minutes as the big, red puppy performed the same routine over and over. Taylor and the dog had formed an instant bond, as Brian knew they would. His daughter's seeming ability to communicate with the animal was a bit of a surprise, however. He knew, intellectually, that they were not communicating on any psychic level, but the way they read each other's body language, small signals and tells, it was pretty damned close. Although, with the discovery about Tin, Brian was a little less skeptical these days about psychic anything.

At forty pounds, the six month old Cookie far outweighed the petite Taylor. But the breeder and all the research had been right - boxers were great with kids. And this particular boxer was great with this particular kid. It was a good match. There was no question as to who the boss was in the house was these day, either. The damned dog obeyed the little firefly to the letter, even though it wouldn't listen to a single thing Brian said. Brian groaned as he watched his daughter commanding the boxer, realizing just who the real alpha in the family actually was.

It had been a strange three months since Taylor and Justin's birthday. Since the revelation that Justin had, in fact, been a very large part of his daughter's life from birth. Taylor's now open talk about Tin left no doubt that it was Justin.

"Why do you call him Tin?" Brian had asked his daughter that question a week or two after her birthday.

"That's his name, daddy," she'd answered with a shrug. "Just Tin."

Brian had actually laughed. Jus-tin. The little fucker. He could almost hear Justin snorting in the background somewhere, snickering like he'd gotten away with some big prank. I'm on to you. And yeah, he really had been.

Teo had appeared to be a lot more skeptical, questioning if this wasn't some kind of weird manifestation of Taylor's epilepsy. But honestly, it had affected his relationship with Brian. For the first time in his life, Teo had performance issues in the bedroom. As much as he claimed that he was skeptical about the identity of Tin, there was always the nagging wonder if Justin was there in their intimate moments. He would see a photo on the wall or a framed sketch on the dresser and any hope for an erection was gone. That he really didn't know how to discuss his fears with Brian stressed their relationship even further.

"Not 'in the mood' again?" Brian voiced his frustration. "Do we need to see a specialist about something, Teo? 'Cause, I have to tell you, this is beginning to be a problem here."

Their relationship wasn't based on sex, as much as Brian would be loathe to admit that publicly, but of course sex was a fundamental part of it. He'd grown to love Teo. A lot. He respected him and liked him. But going weeks without fucking him, with him right there, all swarthy hard bodied and fucking sexy as hell, was more frustration than Brian had dealt with in a very long time. Once he'd lowered his resistance to being with Teo, the man had never failed to get him hard just by being in his presence. Now, being together was torture because Brian knew it was going to end with him, his own hand and a lonely shower. Fuck.

It was this very kind of shit that made him sometimes rue the day he'd developed whatever fucking conscience he'd developed. Sure, he could go out and fuck a dozen men and not feel guilty about 'cheating' on Teo. Monogamy wasn't necessarily part of the deal between them. No, the problem was that he could go out and fuck a dozen men and then feel guilty about cheating on himself. Christ, what a fucked up mess someone's life became when they recalibrated that fucking moral compass.

Now, they went days without seeing each other, without talking or visiting, and Taylor was beginning to feel the impact of their problems. She missed her Misser T. She'd come to see him as a vital part of their family over the past several months, the past year. She was less happy. Not sad, exactly, but just less happy.

Taylor was in one of those moods when Teo next visited. He'd missed Brian and Taylor and, armed with pizza, decided to stop in unannounced. Brian had just stepped out of the shower and was still damp, dressed in only jeans, top button undone. Neither one could hide the loneliness and need on their face.

"Misser T! I missed you!" Taylor grabbed Teo around the knees, nearly toppling the pizza to the floor.

"Careful, kiddo," Brian cautioned. "Looks like Teo brought dinner." He cupped the back of Teo's neck, bringing their foreheads together. "She's not the only one who missed you, Dr. Marten."

Teo placed the pizza on the counter and turned and kissed Brian. "Me, too."

"Don't stay away again, Misser T. It makes my daddy sad."

He leaned down and picked up the excited little girl, hugging her closely. "Makes me sad, too, Miss T. I'll try not to do that again, okay?"

"'K," Taylor said with a kiss. "Can I have pizza now?"

Brian observed the two of them and realized that, whatever messed up shit happened, he wanted them both here, in his home. They'd have to find some way to work this out.

 ::

"I'm intimidated by him, Brian." Brian and Teo watched from the patio as Taylor and her friend, Stacey, ran around the yard, Cookie right at their heels.

"Because I still love him? I can't help that, Teo. It's probably always going to be that way."

"No. Really, no." Teo understood that, especially under the circumstances surrounding Justin's death. "I feel like I'm intruding, I think. With Taylor's connection to him..."

"Thought you didn't buy into that much."

Teo laughed. "Yeah, didn't think I did, either. But, I guess I do... and I feel like I'm stealing the family he should've had, Brian." He nodded his head toward Taylor. "His daughter and his lover." Teo threaded his fingers through Brian's. "You remember that kid I treated on one of my ER rounds? The one who was beaten by his dad when he found out he was gay?"

Brian nodded. He did remember that. Teo's compassion for the kid was one of the things that made him think about a relationship with the man.

"I've thought about him a lot the last couple of days. He's about the same age as Justin was... His whole life ahead of him... Maybe a family some day. I think it helped me figure out that I don't want to be some imposter taking Justin's place and trying to live his life..." He felt Brian's fingers tighten on his. "I feel like I'm taking even more away from him than he's already lost, you know?"

They sat quietly for several minutes. Teo was a good man, Brian knew, but until this moment he really had no idea just how compassionate the man was. Justin was still, and probably always would be, the best man Brian had ever known. God knows he hung on through all the shit Brian piled on him. What they'd had between them had been the stuff of romance novels, passionate and combustible. What he felt for Teo, what they had between them, was different. A simmering pot compared to a roiling boil. His moment with Justin had been that - a moment. Could it have been more? Maybe. Hopefully. But... the choice had been taken from them. This choice... some kind of future with Teo... it was still open.

And if Brian knew anything about Justin at all, anything about his heart and his immense ability to love and forgive, he knew that Justin would not want Hobbs to win again. To win by killing off yet another chance.

"One night I sat up all night, agonizing about whether or not I should let my son go. Whether or not I should hang on to my rights as his father, knowing that in all likelihood, I'd be a shitty one - and at the time I would have been, no question about that. Or should I let Mel adopt him, be his other parent." Brian lost himself for a moment in that memory, a pensive little smile on his lips. "Justin sat with me most of that night, just holding me, kissing me." His smile widened. "Killing me with kindness, he said... But he reminded me to keep thinking about what was best for Gus, that Gus, not me, was the one who was important in my decision. My issues with Lindsay and Melanie aside, Justin helped me realize that, given the option, two parents who love each other would be best for Gus." He leaned over and cupped Teo's face, kissing him softly. "Do you think for a minute that the boy who helped me understand that would be the kind of man to say his daughter should have less?"

Teo pulled Brian to him, kissed him with everything he had. How had he been so fucking lucky as to meet this man? To fall into this crazy world Brian lived in? "I love you, Brian Kinney... And I really, really want to spend the night with you tonight."

Brian huffed out a small laugh. "Thank god, because after saying all that, I really, really need to fuck the shit out of you tonight."

"And this is the softer, gentler Brian Kinney? How the hell did Justin put up with the original?"

Brian shook his head a little sadly. "I honestly have no idea. Just glad he did."