Gus stared out the window, not sure if he had done the right thing. It was just hard to know what the right thing was. He understood why Justin couldn’t stay, but even as angry as he was with his father, he knew the man would be devastated when he came home to find out Justin had left with Cameron. Gus was only staying long enough for his dad to come home. After that he planned to go stay with Justin, and he hoped his dad got his shit together. 

GUS

Mama would have a field day with this if she knew, but this wasn’t something she needed to use on my dad. She always believed Dad would eventually fuck up with Justin. Apparently everyone jokingly placed bets on their relationship. It's not something Justin appreciated, and he chose to ignore it every time the gang got together. 

What made Dad take off with Michael, instead of being here for Cameron's third birthday? It's really not something I can answer and still respect my dad. Up till now Justin has dealt with the bullshit that comes with my dad and Michael being friends. The one thing Justin wouldn’t put up with was anything affecting my little brother or me.

A car pulled in the driveway and I started to wonder why I bothered explaining anything to my dad. He and Michael were laughing as they drunkenly stumbled to the door. Realizing  Dad wasn’t going to give a shit about anything, I grabbed my bags and went down the stairs, planning to go straight to my car. I didn’t care about his feelings when it was obvious that missing Cameron's birthday didn’t matter. He knew bringing Michael to our house would only piss Justin off.

Brian smiled as he saw Gus walking down the stairs. “Sonny Boy, where are you going?” 

Gus didn’t answer, just continued on to the garage. He threw his bag into the Jeep his dad had given him for his sixteenth birthday. Gus loved it, until he figured out his dad had bought it as a way to piss off his moms. Justin, as usual had to smooth things over. His mother told Gus they only agreed to let him live with his father because they trusted Justin to take care of him.

For the first two years, living with his dad and Justin was everything he wanted. Gus knew when it changed. It was the day Ben died. At first everyone understood his dad staying and helping Michael while he fell apart, but after a year of constant partying and nights of not coming home, neither he nor Justin were able to make any more excuses. It's not like Michael needed his dad there all the time. Then, when Justin called to ask if Dad  was coming home, it started a fight. Gus was surprised Justin hadn’t left when he was accused by Brian of being a selfish shit for not understanding that Michael needed his best friend. Gus didn’t understand it either. How did his Dad expect Justin to, when it didn’t make any sense to him.

“Sonny Boy, where are Justin and Cameron?” Dad asked.

“Why not call him, I'm sure he'd love to hear from you. Of course he's probably not very likely to listen right now.” I tell him. 

“I told him Michael wanted to get away for a while. It's not like he didn’t know how to call me.” He tells me. 

“He tried to call, but apparently your trick at the White Party said you were too busy getting your dick sucked to wish Cameron a happy birthday. At that point, Justin decided to take his selfish ass and file for divorce.” I tell him, noting that he seemed surprised. “I guess Michael was more important than even your kids. Don't worry though, Justin made sure to buy me a birthday present when you missed mine too. I guess you really are becoming your father.” I added, because I was pissed and wanted to hurt him. I backed up, leaving him standing there for once, not liking my father much.

_________________

Brian pulled out his phone, dialing Justin’s number, only to hear it was disconnected. He then called his mother-in-law to ask her for Justin’s number, only to get an earful on how wonderful it was to explain to Cameron that his birthday wasn’t as important as a White Party, before hanging up. Brian wasn’t going to call Daphne, because he'd been on her shit list since the night he skipped out on the birthday dinner for Justin to stay with Michael. He knew he was fucking up with his family, but he thought Justin would understand that Michael needed him right now.  

He went to look for Michael after not finding him downstairs. Walking up stairs he searched the guest rooms, stopping at the door to Justin’s office. Opening it he found it empty of all the things that made it Justin’s.  He was really starting to worry, because Justin had been angry before, but usually faced him, not packed up. He went to the bedroom deciding he needed to clean up before he faced anyone, he finally found Michael, passed out on Justin’s side of the bed. Fuck, this wasn’t what he needed after chasing after Michael.

BRIAN

I'd  lied to Justin, but only because I knew Justin's sympathy for Michael had reached its limit. If Deb hadn’t been worried that Michael was going to hurt himself, then I would never have taken off after him. Why couldn't Justin understand, the way he did with the rest of the gang? It's like the minute he and Michael were introduced they couldn't seem to be friends. While Ben was still alive Justin was cordial towards Michael, but even I knew he didn’t seem to have any use for him. If Justin were to come in and see Michael in our bed... Shit, it was time to get my life back on track...

Thinking back, there were days when I'd turn over in bed, see Justin beside me and knew it was a miracle we met each other. If Lindsay and Mel hadn’t dragged me to meet the man my son idolized, we most likely wouldn't have met.

Justin had the muncher household in love with him, so of course Lindsay expected me to be on my best behavior. I'll admit I didn’t plan to spend more than the two seconds it took to greet him around the man my son thought the sun rose and set on. Only, in that two seconds I was intrigued by him. It was the fact that he didn’t let his fame get to him. He was almost humble about the fact that he was an award winning photographer, and didn’t stop at one medium but seem to try to outdo himself in all of them. There was a time when I enjoyed photography, but for me it was just a hobby. Justin had been to war torn countries, and not only showed the world the devastation, but the renewal after. Hell, I'd seen his work and spent years wondering how anyone could find beauty in the ugliness. 

Part of the reason I couldn't dismiss him was that he wasn’t jaded by the world he documented. I didn’t know the name of the photographer who took the pictures, but what he told me when I confessed to really only knowing his body of work left me wanting to be around him.

“My name being recognized isn't important, it's that I moved you with the work. It's the biggest compliment anyone could give me. Taking the pictures doesn’t make me a hero, the hero's are the guys who rebuilt the roads in the pictures. If anyone should be recognized it's those men and women who gave all of themselves to right what went so wrong.” He tells me. 

He was different from the other artists I’d met through Lindsay. He believed his work wasn’t to get praise, but to show the viewer that we didn’t have it rough at all in comparison to children who lost their entire families just because they were at the wrong place. 

I asked him out, and got my first rejection. He told me that dating wasn’t really convenient when his job took him all over the world. I stood there being politely let down, he even said he already regretted saying no. Which only made me want to change his mind. I can't say I was proud of how low I went to get him to agree to give me a chance, and it wasn't like we were happily ever after when he agreed. 

I fucked up with him quite a bit. The first time was when he left for a month to work. We'd agreed to an open relationship, because neither of us was ready to be exclusive. He didn’t say anything when Michael would constantly mention my escapades during the time he was gone. Unfortunately, I was a bit hypocritical when we'd run into one of his tricks. I became a stark raving asshole, to call it what it really was. Justin was different than I was about tricks. I fucked and forgot, Justin became friends a with the guys. We broke up when he came home to find me screwing one of his trick-to-friends. Though he didn’t break it off until I admitted I fucked the guy only because I didn’t like the way he looked at Justin. Justin didn’t start a fight over my hypocrisy, but told me that it was obvious to him that we weren’t going to work if this was how I reacted to the men of his past.

A few months went by before I ran into him at a gala. He was there with a woman, and I could see they were close to each other. When she walked away I approached him.

“Decided to switch sides? I tried that once, it just sent me to the nearest bathhouse.” I joke.

“I'm sure Daphne’s husband wouldn't be thrilled, since he's always wondered at our relationship.” He laughs. “It's nice to see you.” He tells me.

“Glad you made it back.” I tell him, letting him know that I still kept up with him.

“It wasn’t as bad as the media hyped it.” He tells me, reassuring me.

After Justin left me, he was in a helicopter, taking shots of the the exercises they did with the Navy Seals. Only the exercises became real and the helicopter was shot down. Gus called me, hysterical because no one knew where the team and Justin were. I spent days watching every news station, waiting for anything to say if he was dead or alive. It was the day I realized he was everything to me. They were found, but no one was told. Apparently, it was agreed that no one would ever know what happened during those three weeks. I only found out when Lindsay called me before the media got wind that Justin was alive. Justin had sent Gus a message that he'd see him soon. It was hard to be on the outside of Justin’s life, and it made me realize I didn’t want to be without him. 

He didn’t answer me when I tried to reestablish contact with him. Once again I sunk to using Lindsay to find a way to see him again. She wasn't happy to help me, because she was still pissed at what my jealousy did the first time. Wendy came through, telling me to not fuck it up, which Mel snorted at. 

This time I told him I wanted us to try without tricking. It worked for the next six months. He told me he was only willing to try again because it was thoughts of me that kept him going. It was all he ever told me about that time.

Six months later Justin was gone again. Although he didn’t leave before explaining that it wasn't likely he could call me while he was gone. It was the first time I started to question what he was really doing. When he told me he couldn’t tell me, I went ballistic. 

“You know everything about me, but unless I drag it out of you. I'm in the dark about your life. What's so fucking top secret about your job?” I exploded.

“I can’t tell you. It's not because I don't want to, it's because I can't.” He said quietly.

“You mean won't.” I sneered.

“No... I can't. There are just parts of my life that I can't share, with anyone. Believe me, if I could, it would be with you. I wish… I have to go.” He said, frustrated.

“The door is wide open, just don't expect it to stay open.” I told him, angry.

“I'll have my things gone by the end of the week.” He told me. And then he was gone.

I went on a bender, with Mikey at my side. He was only too happy that Justin was history. We partied like we had a death wish, and were lucky we didn’t end up in the hospital. 

It was when Ben showed up and told Mikey to chose him or me. For a second, Mikey almost chose me, but even he knew other than as a sidekick, there wasn't going to be an us. I loved one man, and would for the rest of my life.

Mikey settled down with Ben and I no longer tried to ruin what they built together. 

Everything went back to normal, until I got a call from Daphne asking if I would come to her beach house. It wasn’t like she and I hung out before, so I knew this had something to do with Justin. She was waiting in front when I pulled in.

“It's bad, otherwise I'd have left you in the dark. I'm hoping seeing you will spark his memory. He's been in a coma for the last month and since he woke up there's a huge gap in his memory. He doesn’t remember meeting you. When he left, he was hoping when he got back to find a way to repair his relationship with you. He didn’t tell me what happened between you, just that it wasn’t going well. Brian, he wanted to come home to you.” She tells me. 

“Is he…?” I couldn’t ask.

“He took a nasty hit to his head, and they had to relieve the pressure on his brain. Broken arm and ribs, but other than the gap in his memory he's whole.” She tells me. 

“How the fuck did it happen?” I ask, starting to acknowledge that Justin wasn't hiding something, but protecting me from whatever he really does.

“You've finally caught on. No, he isn't just a photographer and artist. I can't tell you unless you're cleared to know. Which is in progress right now. Until then, can you sit with him and talk to him?” She asks me. 

“About what?” I ask.

“Start by telling him your Gus’s father. He remembers Gus.” She tells me. 

“But not the guy he lived with.” I said, angry that he forgot me when I dream about him.

“Be as angry as you want about it, but then ask yourself why he might not want to remember the guy who couldn’t trust him.” She tells me. 

“He left every time.” I tell her. 

“You weren’t exactly fighting to keep him, and one thing Justin won't do is stay where he isn't wanted. His life is full of people who should've loved him, but didn’t. All he saw was once again being told to get out because he wasn't everything someone wanted him to be. He understands rejection better than he does being loved.” She tells me. 

“Babe, let me talk to Brian. Go check on Justin, he's wincing and pretending he's okay.” Nick, her husband, tells her.

As much as I can respect any man willing to take on Daphne, I need to see Justin. I tried to walk past Nick, but was stopped by his look.

“Brian, whatever happened between you and Justin, now isn't the time to let it be front and center. If you loved him at all, help him.” He tells me. 

“Do you know what it's like to love someone and have parts of him that I don't know about?” I ask. 

“He wanted to tell you, but it wasn’t something he could do.” He tells me. 

“But you and Daphne know?” I ask, being sarcastic as hell.

“I think you knew, but didn’t want to believe it. Did you really believe the military was interested in pictures of a training exercise?” He asks, just as sarcastically.

“I need to understand.” I tell him. 

“Walk with me, and understand that what I'm telling you, you take to your grave.” He tells me, walking away from the house. “What you know about Justin is true. He is an artist and photographer. He also serves his country. Being famous opens doors to places the government can't always see. Justin's other job is to get us layouts and pictures of places when we need the intel. He fell into it by accident, he got a picture of a terrorist at a party, when the Intel we had said the guy died in a bombing. It also alerted us that the host of the party was funding the cell. When he realized who was in the pictures he went to the host the next day, offering to paint his children's portrait as a thank you for inviting him to the party. The host gave him free access to the whole house, not paying attention to Justin when he photographed every inch of the house. He had the kids playing hide and seek all over. That way, if he had to explain why if he was caught somewhere in the house, he was just chasing the children taking candid shots for his next show. He stayed in that house for a week with no one catching on. When he left, he went straight to a friend of his family with not only a perfect layout of the house, but video of the host and terrorists plotting to bomb a major city in France. He never expected to be asked to continue to help, but has never turned us down when we ask him.” He tells me. 

“Why tell me now?” I ask. 

“To give you the choice to walk away. If you can't handle that he puts himself in harm's way, it's better he doesn't remember you.” He tells me.

____________________________

“Briian, get Justin to make us breakfast.” Mikey whines, bringing me back to the present.

“Mikey it's time for you to go home.” I tell him, realizing it could be too late already.

“Only if you stay with me, it keeps me from…” He trails off.

For the first time since Ben died, I stopped caring that Mikey was grieving, because my life was falling apart. I was suddenly very sober. What the fuck was I doing to my family? Then I remembered Gus saying the word divorce. I had to get to Justin and grovel if that’s what it took.