I sat at Deb’s, trying to make sense of what Brian just said. My wife had been lying to me, was all that seemed to get through at first. Then I got angry, that not only was Brian once again the hero, but that I came off looking like a spiteful bitch. I never wanted Michael or Brian involved in the kids lives, and used whatever ways I could to get them to go away. Only nothing worked with Brian, because my wife always found a way to involve him. She even got me to agree to Michael’s tantrums over Jenny.

I picked up the papers and started reading them again. Ben left Michael with enough money that if Michael didn’t squander it, he could live comfortably. Only, going through the paperwork, I started to notice that in the last year there wasn’t much spent. I wasn’t Ted, so just calculated some of the things that Michael should have been doing with the money. Hunter’s tuition and the money Jenny should have been receiving left more than Michael should still have. It was like Michael was living off something other than the money Ben left him. Which led me to the possibility that Brian had been supporting him too, which Justin might find interesting. Brian wants to fuck with my marriage; well let’s see how he likes it when I do it to him. I’m sure Justin would have a problem with the fact that while Justin was saving Brian’s company, Brian was supporting the fucker who treated Justin like shit.

“So what is all of this?” Deb asks.

“It’s everything Ben left to Michael. Brian is basically washing his hands of anything that links him to you and Michael.” I tell her, wanting to piss her off with the idea that Brian was done with her too.

“Ben left him in charge, and Brian will fucking keep his promises to my son.” She tells me.

It’s not like this was new, that Deb expected Brian to do what she wanted. It just made me worry, even though I’d been thinking exactly the same thing. In the end, my goal was to ruin any chance of Brian and Justin staying together. Was that really what bothered me, that Justin wouldn’t leave Brian? That sometimes I saw the way Lindsay would never leave Brian either? That all the people in my life gravitated to Brian, while I stood on the sidelines?

“Ben only put in that he wanted Brian to oversee it, he never made it mandatory. Which means Michael and I need to talk about how he wants to deal with the child support he and Ben agreed to.” I tell her, still stinging from the idea that Brian had been paying it.

“What’s there to talk about? He’ll do it the way he has since Ben died. But from now on, he is no longer going to be giving you more than you forced on him. I didn’t mind helping out, but you and Lindsay seem to think you shit the golden goose with Gus, then treated Michael like shit for not handing you a fortune the way Brian does. Do you know how many nights Michael came over, upset because you and Lindsay harassed him, wanting more and more? I gave Michael the money that Brian wouldn’t give him for you, and now you're holding out your hand for more? I wonder what a judge would say about how Jenny seems to only be a way to extort money out of Michael.” She tells me, gathering the paperwork to put it away. “In fact, I plan to tell Michael that we should be the ones raising Jenny, not you, who can’t see past the dollars signs.” Deb tells me.

“I never wanted money, I only asked for it to get Michael to give up Jenny.” I tell her.

“Yet, you and Lindsay spent it like it was the only reason you had Gus and Jenny. You didn’t like Brian, but never turned down the money that paid for everything. That says it all to me.” She tells me, holding open her front door. “Since you want Michael to live up to the custody agreement, then we’ll expect you to do the same. I expect Jenny to be here for all the arranged visits that Michael didn’t make you do.” She tells me, slamming the door.

Instead of dealing with Lindsay, I went to see Ted. Our friendship hadn’t been good in a while. I didn’t like the way he felt that I interfered in Brian and Justin’s life. When we ran into each other we were fine, until I said something about Brian or Michael. I walked into Kinnetik and saw Ted and Cynthia walking towards me.

“I can’t talk right now.” Ted tells me.

“I need you to explain some things to me.” I tell him, blocking his path.

“I’ll be out in a second Cynthia.” He tells her.

“I really need to go, so can you make it fast?” He asks, not offering to take us somewhere private.

“Brian…”

“Time’s up, if you came here to bitch about Brian.” He tells me, walking towards the door..

“Did you know he was giving us money and Michael wasn’t?” I ask, running after him.

“I can’t discuss anything without Brian’s permission, which he gave me. So yes I knew, but like you, I respect my clients by not talking about it. As for Michael, it really isn’t my business.” He tells me, reaching his car.

“Michael wasn’t helping at all.” I tell him.

“Again, that’s not my business. Do you want to know why I’ve barely talked to you lately? I’ll tell you anyway, I got tired of listening to you trying to cut down Brian to feel better about yourself. For once, figure out why you need that to be happy. Now, I have to go and do what is my business.” He tells me, driving off.

I stood there trying to figure out what Ted meant, that I need to figure out how to be happy. Is he forgetting, that unlike Brian, that I had all the things Brian couldn’t, or do I?

TED

I doubt Mel will ever get why I wasn't on the bashing Brian bandwagon. In the past I was just as guilty as everyone. It came from my own insecurities. Then, over time, I was able to see he wasn’t to blame for my problems. It's why I stayed out of anything about Brian; because I understood why he did what he was doing. It wasn’t what everyone thinks, Brian ran off, forgetting everything but Michael. It was really just about how Brian saw love. His views of love have always been screwed up. It started with his parents, who didn’t give a damn, then there’s Deb’s way, that love meant owing her forever for giving it to you. Deb never did to Emmett and me what she did to Brian. With Brian, she constantly reminded him of everything she ever did for him.

When Brian made that promise to Ben, I wanted to scream at Ben for asking it of him. We all knew, even Ben, what he was asking of Brian. He was giving Michael what he wanted, no matter who it hurt. Over the years, I could see Ben’s jealousy, not only of Michael’s never ending obsession with Brian, but also that Brian found someone that gave Brian the things Michael didn’t give Ben. It’s the reason I didn’t respect Ben much, he let Michael do the things he did, never once saying anything. Ben liked Justin, in my opinion a little too much. Something I don’t think anyone noticed. I didn’t really either, until Blake told me something after a night out when Brian and Justin had gotten back together again.

We’d been out as usual, only Justin showed up for a drink with Brian. They sat at a table away from us, talking. Brian held him for a few minutes, whispering something before Justin kissed him and whispered something back. They came over and sat with us, even though it seemed like Justin didn’t really want to. Michael pulled Brian away to play pool with him and Ben sat with Justin talking. I honestly didn’t pay attention, because Justin seemed standoffish towards all of us, so like Emmett, we didn’t really try to get to know Justin. Which is why Blake told me he watched Ben and Justin, because it didn’t make sense to him that Ben would befriend the person Michael hated the most. I almost landed my ass in hot water defending Michael, by pointing out that Justin didn’t make it easy on anyone to get to know him.

“Why would he when you and your merry gang make bets on how long his relationship with Brian will last?” Blake asked me, making me feel about an inch tall.

“We make bets on everything.” I weakly defended myself.

“Really, did the rest of them make bets on us?” He asks.

“No… well sort of, until Emmett and Brian shut him down.” I wince, because it wasn’t like Blake couldn’t figure out who I was talking about.

“And you wonder why no one outside of the group likes Michael? It’s because kissing Michael’s ass isn’t that appealing to anyone else.” He tells me.

“Why are you bringing this up?” I ask.

“Because unlike everyone else, Ben risked Michael’s wrath to talk to Justin, only it didn’t seem to bother Michael. Which, if he was paying attention to anyone but Brian, it should have. It didn’t seem right to me that he didn’t ignore Justin the way the rest of us do.” He tells me, looking ashamed of himself for doing it too.

“You know Ben, he likely just wanted to keep the peace.” I tell him.

“Not from what I saw.” He tells me.

“What did you see?” I ask.

“It could just be Ben being Ben, but he was practically hanging on every word Justin said; the way you do when you’re interested in the person for more than their opinion. I could be reading more into this, it’s just I’ve never seen Ben look at Michael in the way he looked at Justin. It’s the way Brian looks at Justin.” He tells me.

It made me start watching anytime Justin was around Ben, and yes I saw it too. Ben would make a point of talking to Justin, almost as if he and Justin were best friends, the way Michael made sure everyone knew about him and Brian. I could see where some of the ways Ben would smile or laugh seemed a bit off, but it didn’t cross any lines that I could see. It wasn’t until I asked Ben what he and Justin talked about, that I could see what Blake was saying. Ben had been watching Brian and Justin dancing at Babylon, looking as unhappy as Michael to see the two of them all over each other. Michael grabbed Emmett so they could dance next to Brian and Justin, only when Michael tried to change partners, Brian wrapped his arms around Justin and moved them away from Michael. Ben looked confused at the whole scene.

“Michael would do better to at least try to be nice to Justin. Hell, we all should at least try to get to know him. It’s just, I never know what to say to him. What do you and he talk about?” I ask, hoping it didn’t sound like a fishing expedition.

“The things he’s done. He’s been everywhere. I asked him about his travels and was impressed with the fact that he didn’t just visit the places he went, but immersed himself in the cultures. I wanted to have him talk to my students about the duality of his work. I talked to a friend who had been to some of the places while Justin was there, and found out Justin didn’t just take pictures, but stayed around and helped out where they needed him. Something he never let anyone mention. It’s hard not to admire his selflessness, when anyone else would be using it to boost their career.” He tells me.

“He really doesn’t need to use anything from what Brian and Lindsay tell us. He pretty much can pick and choose when he wants to show. People are lining up to buy his work.” I tell him.

“He really doesn’t care if they recognize him, just that they understand what he’s trying to convey to the viewer. It’s why I’m confused at why he and Brian are together, Brian craves the attention in a way Justin doesn’t. Justin’s not into the bullshit Brian and Michael think is important, but for some reason stays with Brian. They have nothing in common, I just think Justin could do better than Brian.” He says, almost looking pissed about it.

“Even if he could, he wants Brian.” I tell him, just to see how he’d react.

“We all want people that end up being the wrong person.” He tells me.

“We can also walk away if they are the wrong person.” I tell him.

“Not always. Sometimes you compromise because you love the wrong person. Even when you meet the right one.” Ben tells me, walking away to dance with Michael.

After that conversation, I didn’t bring it up again, because I was never sure if he meant him and Michael or Brian and Justin. Instead, I stopped ignoring Justin, not that we became more than friendly, until the night Brian proposed and lashed out at us for the way we treated Justin. It made me realize that while we didn’t exactly freeze Justin out, we also didn’t do anything to make him think we wanted him around. In the end I started to see Justin wasn’t ‘putting on airs’ as Deb wanted us to believe, he just didn’t force himself on us. He didn’t give us shit if we were friends with both him and Michael, just asked us all not to get involved. And that was to save us from the shit he got from Michael and Deb.

When Justin got fed up with the shit, I didn’t say anything, because Brian needed to wake up and see for himself what he was doing. Until he did, nothing I could say or do would help, like any drug addict, you have to admit to yourself that you have a problem. It’s something no one gets about Brian, he couldn’t see what Deb and Michael were doing as anything but what they had always done. He wasn’t running off with Michael to piss off Justin, even if he can’t see it himself. He was running because everything with Justin contradicted what Deb taught him. Justin didn’t demand anything for the love he gave unconditionally. And Brian, as self aware as he is, didn’t understand that love didn’t mean a check and balance sheet. In a way, I think Brian was trying to get Justin to make him choose, the way that Michael did. Only Brian wasn’t dealing with someone who was going to put ultimatums on him the way Michael did.

Until Brian landed in the hospital. Then he could no longer keep the blinders on. Justin didn’t help by not telling him the shit Michael was doing to him. I understand why Justin didn’t, only by not saying anything, he also gave Michael a way to twist everything into being Justin’s fault. In a way, we didn’t help either, because we never opened our own mouths and called Michael on his bullshit. Hell, there’s enough blame to go all around. Mel and her never ending bullshit about Brian; Lindsay for never telling the fucking truth about anything; Emmett and me, because we kept silent about what we knew. Only now, it seems Brian’s eyes are wide open and he’s no longer siding with anyone but Justin and his children. Which is why I’m driving to the old house, because I’m on his side in this, and want to help him get his life back to the place he was happiest.

Lindsay really pissed Gus off and why she went to Gus was a bit obvious. She didn’t want to face the shit she caused, and was willing to let Gus do it for her. Only she doesn’t realize that it was the wrong way to go with Brian. Although at this point, I doubt it would have mattered what she did, but using Gus only guaranteed she would no longer be under Brian’s umbrella of safety. It wasn’t the smartest thing she’s ever done, especially for someone who normally could come out of everything looking innocent.

When I got out of my car the police were waiting for me. Brian and I talked about it and decided it was better for him not to be here. Not because he wasn’t willing to let Michael go on this, but because he wanted nothing to do with Michael. The police officers followed me as I unlocked the door, and even I couldn’t believe the mess Michael made in the week since Brian got out of the hospital. We found Michael in the master bedroom, apparently redecorating it with his shit. He didn’t even notice us until the police officer cleared his throat.

“What are you doing here?” Michael asks, scowling.

“We’ve been asked to remove you from the premises.” The officer told him.

“Is this HIS idea? Well we’ll see what Brian has to say about this.” Michael tells us going to the phone.

“If you mean Brian’s idea, yes it was.” I tell Michael.

“I’m sure HE told you that, because he knows Brian is done with his ass. Brian already agreed with Ma and me, that I could live here. So you all wasted your time, because it’s Brian’s house, not the gold digging whore’s.” Michael tells us, hanging up and dialing again.

“Mr Novotny-Bruckner, according to the report it was Mr. Brian Kinney who asked you be removed and cited for breaking and entering.” The officer tells him.

“I’m not leaving until Brian tells me himself that he called you, since I doubt he did.” Michael tells him.

“Then you can call him after I arrest you, but either way you're leaving.” The officer tells him, handcuffing Michael.

“Ted, tell them Brian wouldn’t do this, he wants to be with me. He promised me that one day it would be me and him. Then that gold-digging fucking whore got in the way and wants me to pay because Brian loves me more than him. Ted, I’m warning you, if you don’t help me, then when Brian finds out you're going to be out on your ass for this.” Michael tells me, as they drag him out of the house.

I stood in the mess Michael has left in his wake, and I don’t mean just the house, wondering why I never saw how delusional Michael’s obsession was becoming. Looking around the house while waiting for Jen, it wasn’t hard to figure out that Michael really believed he and Brian were going to fulfill Michael’s fantasy.

LINDSAY

I tried to get Jenny to stay, in hopes that she could keep Mel from blowing up at me. Only, after Gus told Jenny what I did, she told me I deserved whatever I got from everyone. I tried to tell her I only did it to make sure she was taken care of.

“It’s not Uncle Brian or Uncle Justin’s job to do that, it’s yours and Mama’s.” She tells me.

“Honey, I didn’t want you to have to go without the things we couldn’t give you. I hated the way you had to watch Gus get things from Brian, and feel left out.” I tell her.

“I never felt left out, because they made sure I didn’t. They never made me feel like I wasn’t part of the family. I never once heard them say anything bad about you and Mama, or about my dad. That was only something you and Mama did.” She tells me.

“Mama just wanted you to know the truth.” I tell her, since Mel was the one saying everything.

“She didn’t know the truth about anything. Which doesn’t make you any better for sitting there letting her go on and on about Uncle Brian. It was bad enough I had to hear what a disappointment my own father was, but for you to sit there letting Mama put down the man who always helped, well it makes me wonder what kind of friend you are. So you can deal with Mama, since you both are being the assholes that Mama calls everyone else.” She tells me, leaving the house.

Mel came in a couple hours later, sitting across from me. When I tried to sit next to her, she shook her head.

“I need you to tell me that you did not take money from Brian and lie to me.” She tells me.

“Mel, we needed the money. You wanted Jenny to get a new car, which we couldn’t afford.” I tell her.

“So it’s my fault?” She asks, glaring.

“I was tired of you getting pissed at me because you chose Michael. I told you we should have gone with Brian again, but no, you wanted to believe that Michael was the better choice. You said that Michael wouldn’t give us the shit Brian did. It didn’t matter to you that Brian loved Gus, all that mattered was what you wanted. Yes, I asked Brian to help us out, but if I didn’t Jenny wouldn’t have gotten things that Michael couldn’t be bothered to do to help his daughter. I don’t get why it bothers you now, when it never bothered you before. If we needed something in the past, you expected Brian to help. Now it bothers you that he did and has all this time? I took care of us, while you sat here bitching about how you were so superior to Brian, but willingly used the money he provided us. I only asked so that Jenny wouldn’t see how little you supported the house.” I tell her.

“That would be you, since the only support you provided was from Brian. I work my ass off helping people…

“Then you bitch because those people can’t pay for your services, the way people pay for Brian’s.” I add, pissed that she treated me like I do nothing.

“I want to know why you lied to me about it. Don’t try to sidetrack us, why did you go to him, and then tell me it was Michael helping out?” She asks.

“It was easier, because you treat anything Brian does as a strike against you.” I tell her.

“How much was Brian giving you, since what Ben was giving isn’t anywhere close to what Brian did for Gus?” She asks.

“It wasn’t anything close to what Brian was doing for Gus.” I tell her, lying, but I had to make sure she didn’t know.

“You just can’t tell the truth to save your life, can you? I’m going to stay with my cousin. When you can tell the truth then we’ll talk about where we go from here. And be sure to let your best friend know, he can kiss my ass for helping you deceive me. I hope he enjoys the truth I have to throw at him.” She tells me.

“I just did.” I tell her.

“Why not read through the fax that contradicts your bullshit.” She tells me, throwing papers between us, before leaving the house.

What the hell was she talking about, Brian having the truth thrown at him? It’s funny, because once again she left me with nothing, and once again Brian’s money was going to keep a roof over my head. It’s why I kept the money a secret, because once again Mel walked out, not caring where it left me or our family. I lied, but then our whole marriage was full of them. Mel got it wrong, it wasn’t Brian I wanted to tie to me. It’s why I didn’t mind that Justin and Brian got married, because it included me in Justin’s world. I got to go to the shows all over the world, because Justin liked having Gus with him. Through him I got to meet people who I couldn’t otherwise have met. I knew when I introduced Brian and Justin. I really did it because Justin started turning down invitations I extended to our house. He was willing to spend time with Gus, but starting to pull away from us. So I brought Brian along to meet him, hoping that Justin would be like all other men chasing Brian. I expected Brian to fuck him and ignore him, and hoped Justin would come to me for help in getting Brian’s interest. Only Justin said no, and Brian ended up being the one chasing Justin. It didn’t work out the way I wanted, but it also gave me an excuse for calling Justin all the time.

I picked up the papers, and blanched at the amounts of money that pretty much made a liar out of me, but it really made all the shit Mel said just as bad.

BRIAN

Ted called after they took Michael out. Justin was reading to Cameron while Gus was playing a game on the TV. After I hung up, I asked Gus to watch Cameron while I talked to Justin. We walked outside before we talked about anything.

“I had Michael arrested for breaking into the house. Ted told me after seeing what Michael did in the house, that I’m going to have to hire a cleaning crew before I can put it on the market.” I tell him.

“My mom has people who will do that for you.” He tells me.

“She told me that when I called her. She didn’t jump my shit like I expected.” I tell him.

“She told me after Nick and Drew jumped on you, that they were right.” He tells me.

“About the house; if I sell it, I can live at the loft if you want me to, but I would like to stay here.” I tell him.

“We can’t solve anything if you live somewhere else. With chemo, you're going to need help, so it makes sense all around if you stay here.” He tells me.

“We both know that when Deb finds out about Michael being arrested, she’s going to show up here. Lindsay told Michael where you live.” I tell him.

“There’s a difference now.” He tells me.

“What?” I ask.

“I no longer plan to sit in silence.” He tells me, kissing me for the first time.