EMMETT

Drew and I showed up at Justin’s house. Drew wanted to check on how Justin was dealing with everything. Ted told me about what happened at Kinnetik, more to warn us that Deb would likely show up trying to round up support for her and Michael. Drew closed the gates to our house and silenced the intercom, saying when she and Michael showed up, he didn’t want them to get past our gates. It wasn’t an if, but a when. Of course, when they did show up they made enough noise that eventually Drew walked outside, telling me to stay in, while he explained to Deb and Michael his point of view. I really wish I could have heard what he said, because whatever it was had Michael pulling Deb away and getting in the car, speeding away. I tried everything to get him to tell me, but he jokingly, at least I hope so, said it was better for me not to know, since I couldn’t testify to anything I didn’t hear. 

When we pulled up to Justin’s house, Drew growled in a way that would scare the shit out of anyone holding a football on the field. The minute I saw Lindsay standing outside with Justin, I figured I could just tell the cops that I thought Drew was showing Lindsay how he tackles people, since the growl reminded me of a bear about to maul someone. Drew wasn’t worried that Justin couldn’t handle anyone, including Deb and Michael. Drew was really the person who opened up my eyes about Justin. He was confused at my less than normal welcome towards Justin. He didn’t say anything until Brian stood in front all of us at Deb’s, telling us that he wanted to marry Justin. I was ashamed of my resistance to get to know him. It wasn’t Michael that made me do it, even though I wanted to believe that was the reason. I even tried to excuse myself with Drew by saying Justin didn’t seem to want to know me. It was the first time Drew looked disappointed in me, and I never wanted to see that look on his face again.

“I can honestly say this is the first time you've ever made excuses like Michael for your behavior.” He told me.

“He barely says anything to us.” I told him.

“Just like you barely act like he's there. It's funny that the only time you talked to him, he protected you.” He told me.

It was really strange to remember that conversation with Justin. Really the first one we said more than two words to each other. All of us had been playing pool, Brian didn’t join us, instead he was all over Justin in a booth in the back corner. We'd dragged Michael with us, because he'd been pissed that Justin showed up. Brian got up to get drinks and I'd been busy messing with Drew’s shot, not really paying attention to Michael’s tantrums or the fact that Michael had walked off. We'd been talking when I heard Justin tell Brian he was leaving, and Brian shrugged it off like he didn’t give a shit. Which wasn’t unusual for him, but it was the smile that suddenly couldn’t be wiped off Michael’s face that made me follow Justin out of the bar. He was getting in his car when I caught up to him.

“Justin, you okay?” I asked. 

“Just tired.” He told me, in a voice that sounded more exasperated than tired.

“Is it Michael?” I asked. 

“Why would you care? It's not like any of you want to believe he's anything but sweet, innocent little Mikey. Which makes me question what kind of naive idiots people can be; but then maybe it's just something about me that pisses him off.” He says opening the car door.

“I know Michael can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but you don't have to take it. If you need me to, I'll tell him to leave you alone.” I told him. 

“Don’t bother, after tonight I won’t be here listening to his bullshit or Brian’s.” He told me.

“Honey, regardless of what Michael does, Brian really seems to want you around.” I told him.

“Really, you think so, because where is he if he wants me around? Oh wait, he’s going dancing with Michael because Michael wants him too.” He told me.

“It’s not like you can’t come too.” I told him.

“Sorry, but being there so Michael has someone to bitch at isn’t how I like spending my evenings. Trust me, you don’t want to put yourself in the position of saying anything that Michael or Deb will take as you defending me. They’re your friends, I’m not.” He told me.

“It still wouldn’t hurt for me to tell Michael to leave you alone.” I told him.

“It would hurt you, so I’d rather you didn’t. In fact, forget that I even said anything to you.” He told me, hopping in the car and speeding off.

When I told Drew about it, he saw it as Justin protecting me, from what the Mom and Son of Liberty Avenue did to anyone who didn’t kiss their feet. It wasn’t until Brian’s speech the night he proposed to Justin, that I knew I needed to apologize for not getting to know him. I didn’t go to Brian, but straight to Justin, which is when I found out he didn’t hold it against me, but was willing to accept my friendship, forgetting the past. He never once brought up anything about the way we treated him, and I found out there was nothing elitist about Justin. He befriended Hunter, who until Ben’s funeral had ignored him. He didn’t see the former street kid, just a kid. In a lot of ways, he and Brian had that in common, not caring where you came from, just the person you are. It’s why I hated what Brian did, because he was throwing away the person that made him the happiest I’d ever seen him, for Michael. 

I looked up at Justin, looking bored with what Lindsay was saying to him, when Drew growled even louder. Drew’s problem was the fact that Lindsay seemed to play at being a parent. Drew and I wanted children, because the idea of raising a child was a gift to us. It bothered him, really both of us, that they could be so careless about the gift they were given. 

Drew got out of the car when Gus opened the front door scowling. Brian pulled up beside us, and I didn’t know who to chase down when Brian slammed his car door, ready to drop kick Lindsay into traffic. Only Justin stopped him.

“Brian, I need you to go pick up something to make for dinner.” He tells Brian, shaking his head when Brian kept walking towards Lindsay.

“Justin.” Brian grated though his teeth.

“Pick up some steaks, please.” Justin asked calmly, walking to him then leaning up and whispering something in Brian’s ear. Which seemed to work, when Brian nodded.

Somehow I ended up in the car with Brian, of course it could have been the fact that he dragged me away. In the car I realized something was bothering Brian more than Lindsay showing up at his door.

“I need you to help Justin, when I start treatment. He’ll kill himself trying to do everything.” He tells me.

“You didn’t even need to ask, Drew and I already talked about it.” I tell him.

“And I need you to keep Gus and Cameron tonight, Justin and I need to talk to each other without the kids hearing us.” He tells me.

“Is everything alright?” I ask, because it didn’t sound like he thought the kids would hear anything good.

“There are things that Justin and I need to talk about, without distractions.” He tells me.

“Brian, it might be better for you and Justin to be somewhere else. Deb’s already running around with Michael, and it’s likely they’ll show up, just to cause trouble. Which Lindsay showing up should tell you.” I tell him. 

“We can’t just take off. The kids don't need that from me again.” He tells me.

“I think it’s more healthy for them to know that you and Justin need time to talk. Maybe being somewhere no one can bother you would make whatever you seem to think could upset Justin, easier to say.” I tell him. 

“How do I tell him that my anger is at him for walking out on me? Which makes me sound like a fucking hypocrite for saying that, after what I did.” He tells me. 

I honestly didn’t expect him to tell me, and looking at him, I don't think he meant to. I sat next to him, a little shocked but also honored he told me.

“Drew and I will stay at the house with the kids, you and Justin leave as soon as we all have dinner. In fact, if you want you can go to our house, since Drew scared Deb and Michael away.” I tell him. 

“Why help me, you weren't exactly happy with me?” He asks. 

“Because even if I'm pissed at the shit you did, I still want you to be happy.” I tell him. 

JUSTIN 

Gus came slamming into the house, not his usual ‘thrilled it was Friday’ attitude. Which is normally him thrilled at the prospect of two days to laze around, playing games with friends all weekend. I wanted him to go back to being a teenager, not spending all his free time with Cameron. Which we talked about this morning before he went to school. I wanted him to make time for the friends he kept skipping out on to be with Cameron. Gus had become an adult practically overnight, and I felt like shit that he was making up excuses for not going out with his friends almost every weekend. It made me feel better when he left, looking forward to going out tonight. So when he came in slamming the door and throwing his keys across the hall, my first thought was his friends made plans that didn’t include him. Only instead, it was Lindsay once again screwing with my son.

“She showed up at school.” He growls.

“For what?” I ask.

“To cry about how no one is there for her. She stood in front of everyone at school making it sound like you and Dad wouldn’t let her see me. She made it sound like I was being held hostage.” He tells me. 

“I'll deal with it, just go have fun tonight.” I tell him, going to grab my phone. 

“You don’t need to call her, she's outside. Did I forget to mention she also followed me home? I think she plans to stand out there waiting for me to go with her.” He tells me. 

“Gussy, you can have my pop.” Cameron says, looking upset, holding out his popsicle.

“How about Gus gets his own and plays with you while Daddy handles something outside.” I tell them both.

“Jus, maybe I should just go with her.” He tells me, once again compromising his wants to keep everyone happy. 

“I’ll deal with it, and please don’t let this cancel your plans tonight.” I tell him, opening the front door before he says anything else that makes me want to kick Lindsay’s ass today.

Lindsay was leaning against Gus’s jeep, as if she was making sure if he figured out how to get out with her car blocking his way, she could jump in with him.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“I want to spend time with my son. I was hoping he could convince Jenny to come home tonight and we could have a family night. With everything else going on I wanted to make sure they knew I was still there for them. Mel might have forgotten them while she’s off being selfish again, but it made me realize what it was like for you when Brian took off with Michael over and over. I honestly hoped you two could work it out, but now I see why you finally filed for divorce. They just forget us don’t they?” She tells me, adding a few tears.

I stood there wondering where she was going with this, comparing my marriage to hers? There was nothing alike when comparing them. Brian might have been reliving his youth with Michael, but he never once left me high and dry the way Mel and Lindsay seemed to do when they fought with each other. I remembered Brian telling me about the pre-Canada days. Which seemed to be one of them moving out then deciding they loved each other and moving back in together again. 

Which, thinking about what I did this last time, sounds like the way their entire marriage was. I didn’t like the idea that I did anything that Lindsay could use as a comparison to her and Mel. It was something Brian told me he got tired of with the two of them, the way they never bothered to think about anything but themselves. It’s the only real thing he would say that criticized them, and only because he didn’t like Gus being dragged around, never knowing where home was going to be with them. When I met them they seemed to be doing well, so I’d never seen the things Brian told me about. I didn’t like the way Mel seemed to have nothing good to say about Brian, but at the time I didn’t know Brian and didn’t feel it was my place to tell them anything. As time went on, I just got Gus and Jenny out of the house when the fathers did something that pissed Mel off. Lindsay was staring at me, as if waiting for me to agree with her or offer her a shoulder to cry on. I saw Emmett and Drew show up, and really just wanted to get Lindsay to go home.

“Lindsay, what happened with Brian and me really isn’t your business. Right now, you need to leave Gus alone, he was really upset about what you did at school today. Staying here isn’t going to make him do what you want him to do.” I tell her.

“Why is he angry at me when I’m not the one who skipped out on things like his games, birthday, and anything else you and I had to do when his father and Mel were busy.” She tells me.

“Lindsay, give him time to deal with everything. He’s worried about Brian and I want him to have this weekend to relax.” I tell her.

“Why would he worry about Brian? He’s home now.” She asks.

“Because even though the doctors told us Brian should be okay, it’s still scary as shit to know that there’s always a chance something could go wrong with the chemo. No matter what anyone tells you, it doesn’t change that his father had cancer. So instead of being expected to rally around you, Gus needs a chance to go out with his friends. In essence, be the kid he’s been avoiding because he was too busy being there for his brother and sister. If you want to see Jenny, then call Hunter, and trust me, he’ll figure out a way to get Jenny to agree. Just don’t expect her to be any more thrilled with you than Gus is right now. Or how about you do what you and Mel suggested, figure out your shit while the kids aren’t there to see it! ” I tell her, starting to get pissed.

“I’m not the one who left, Mel is. I don’t think it’s fair the kids are treating me like I’m the one who took off on them. He forgave Brian for everything, but he can’t forgive me for doing nothing but wanting to spend time with him and show him and Jenny that they’re still important to me.” She tells me.

“You only want me to get Jenny to come home so you can make it Mama’s fault.” Gus says from the door glaring at her.

This was getting out of hand, and of course Drew looked ready pick Lindsay up and remove her from the planet. Then Brian pulled up, not looking any happier. I didn’t want Brian to have to deal with this when he was likely raw from talking to Alex. When he said my name, my only thought was to get him away from Lindsay, who would try to guilt Brian, who already had enough guilt hanging over him. My first thought was to get Brian to do something because I wanted it. It was something he did anytime I asked. He told me once that he did it because I barely ever asked him for anything. The please was all I had to say, but I couldn’t help whispering ‘I love you’, because he needed to hear that without the qualifiers that he’d heard since he came home. 

Drew was practically breathing down Lindsay neck, when Brian and Emmett took off. Emmett was confused at why Brian took him, but went anyway. 

“What do you want me to do?” Drew asked, glaring at Lindsay.

“Check on Cameron, and make sure Gus doesn’t make an excuse to stay in all night.” I tell him, which was exactly what Drew would do. It was something I learned about Drew, tell him what you wanted, and he did it without question. It’s why I understood Emmett’s worship of all things Drew.

“Where is Gus going?” Lindsay questions.

“Out with friends.” I tell her.

“Which ones?” She asks like it was a test of some kind.

“Luke and Terry.” I tell her.

“Where exactly is he going?” She asks.

“Is there some reason you need to know? He’s been going out with them since he moved in with me and Brian, and you’ve never seemed to want the details before. Before we get to the ‘it’s your right to know where your child is’, Gus earned the trust we give him because he’s never once given us a reason to doubt where he is. In fact, it’s likely they’ll end up playing games all night either here or at one of the other’s houses. Which does not mean you run over to the houses and embarrass him the way you did today at school. He doesn’t need more reasons to stay mad at you.” I tell her.

“I just wanted to spend time with kids, hell I wanted to spend time with my friend Justin too. I know everything's been tense since Brian remembered he had a family. I thought you might need a friend too.” She tells me.

“I’m not exactly feeling too friendly after what you and Mel pulled. In fact I’m having a hard time understanding what I need you for. Brian needs me to talk to him, not about him to you. It’s the mistake I made, forgetting that Brian was who I should be talking to. I’m sure if you want to resolve anything with Mel, it would be better to talk to her, not cry on everyone else. My days of letting everyone tell me what they think about how I run my life are over. Brian and the kids are my only priority. Go home and let Gus call you when he’s ready to talk to you.” I tell her.

“What about your career? You’ve put everything on hold for Brian. The art world can’t be expected to wait around for you, you need to concentrate on your career. I heard you turned down the London trip. Which isn’t the smartest thing you could do, when you canceled three shows this year. You're giving up everything for Brian, keeping Kinnetik running is not your job.” She tells me, as if she’s my manager.

“Brian and I own it together, so yes it was and is my job when Brian couldn’t be there.” I tell her.

“He gave you half of Kinnetik?” She asks, not happy to hear it. It wasn’t a secret we were keeping, we just never talked much about it.

“He didn’t give it to me, we combined everything when we got married.” I tell her.

“I need to go, tell Gus to call me.” She tells me, running to her car.

She almost hit the mailbox when she backed out, I got worried when she sped away, but didn’t really get what caused her to take off the way she did. I went in to see Drew and Gus feeding Cameron cookies and milk, which at first had me thinking Cameron was going to be spinning like a top with all the sugar in his system. Only snickering when Brian and Emmett returned, as Brian announced that Emmett and Drew were staying with Cameron tonight, while he and I spent the night away. It worried me because he wasn’t smiling at the idea of spending time alone together. 

We put Cameron to bed and made sure Gus knew how to reach us if he needed us tonight. Then were in the car, and arrived at Drew and Emmett's house. I didn’t get why we were there, but instead of going in the house, Brian lead me to the gazebo in the back of the house. 

“Alex made me realized why I was lashing out on you.” Brian tells me, pacing around.

“What did you figure out?” I ask.

“That I wasn’t directing my anger at Deb and Michael at you. I was directing the anger I felt toward you because you left me, without even bothering to tell me.” He tells me, trying to hold in his anger, which didn’t help mine.

“You would have had to be there for me to tell you. Which, guess what, you weren’t.” I tell him, lasing back out at him. 

“This isn’t working is it?” He asks, since all it seemed to do was have us at each other’s throat in seconds.

“What the hell do you expect? For everything you're angry about, I can be just as angry at you for. Do you think I enjoyed sitting in a lawyer's office, about to end our marriage? Do you think I like knowing that I’ll never marry anyone again, because you own my heart? Only, I couldn’t stay with you when I knew Michael was going to be part of the package for the rest of our lives. I dealt with his snide comments, his constant showing everyone he would always have you dancing to his tune, and his mother treating me like shit because I dared to marry the man who she expected to be there for no one but Michael.” I tell him, actually feeling better.

“I can’t defend myself as far as the way I did nothing when Michael said shit to you, I own that. I can defend myself in that I never would have moved the fuck out with our children without at least facing you and telling you. We can sit here and blame Deb and Michael for whatever you want, and I’ll agree with you. But it won’t change that we stopped talking to each other, choosing silence over telling each other anything.” He tells me.

“I got my head bitten off too many times for saying anything against the Holy Novotnys, so I saved myself the fucking pain and your asshole behavior. Do you want to know the most fucked up part of everything for me? My relief that even if you cheated on me, it wasn’t going to be Michael sucking your dick.” I tell him.

 “I never cheated on you!” He shouted.

“I didn’t say you did, just that I for me I could have dealt with anyone else if you had, but not Michael.” I tell him.

“I can deal with anything, including you treating me like shit, but if you ever walk out on me again, at least fucking face me. I spent my life scared to let someone in because they would know exactly the best place to hit to bleed me. You were the first person who had the power to ruin me, because you’re the only one I’ve ever loved enough to be willing to open myself up to. It’s something I didn’t want to give anyone, but you got past every safeguard I placed around my heart. You were the one who I couldn’t deny owned me. Only you have the power to rip my heart into shreds, by giving up on me.” He tells me, breathing heavy as if it was the hardest thing he’d ever had to say to me.

“I won’t ever leave again.” I whispered to him, overwhelmed by what he said..

“You can’t promise that.” He tells me.

“It’s my promise to give, and you have it. If I’m gone, it’s not because I choose to leave you.” I tell him.

“How do we get back to before?” He asks, almost pleading.

“We don’t. We start from here. We learn to talk to each other. I’m about to do something I didn’t want to have to do. I need you to make a choice, it’s us or them.” I tell him.

“It was never a choice for me.” He tells me, wrapping his arms around me.

I needed to feel him, through it all I missed the feel of him next to me. I missed the way he would end up wrapped around me in the morning. Only, when I started trying to take off his shirt he backed off.

“What?” I ask.

“It’s not about you. It’s me… which sounds wrong, it’s just, since the operation I haven’t really…”

“I just want to feel your skin next to mine. We’ll figure out everything else later.” I tell him, opening his shirt while he took off mine. I ended up putting my head on his chest to hear his heart beating. We ended up on one of the larger lounge chairs by the pool, sleeping under the stars together, and for the first time in a year, I slept through the night. When I woke up, I knew we still had things to deal with, but I could see a path that led towards him, not away from him.