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DEB


Michael wasn’t answering me after he took off. I was worried, even if no one else was. Why couldn't they understand what Michael was going through? I hated the way Michael depended on Brian, and that he couldn’t see Brian wasn’t the one for him. At first I feared Brian would return Michael’s feelings, but found ways to make sure Brian knew Michael was off limits. I hated doing it, but Michael would have pushed me away if he got what he wanted from Brian. So I continued what Brian’s parents already started, and let Brian believe he wasn’t good enough to be more than someone we allowed into our house. Over the years, Brian built the walls that kept everyone out, I only said the things that guaranteed that the walls stayed erected. At first Vic didn’t realize what I was doing, but when he finally did, he left the house, saying he really didn’t understand me anymore. He loved Brian as if he was his own son, more than he did Michael. Which pissed me off, that he would choose Brian over his blood. We ended up fighting over what he saw as my abuse of a man who did nothing but take care of everyone.


“He doesn’t want Michael that way, so why do you say the shit you do to him?” Vic asked me.


“So he knows that if he wants to be welcome in my home, he’ll never be welcome as anything but a friend. One who doesn’t deserve the love my son wants to give him.” I told him.


“I can agree that Brian doesn’t deserve Michael, but it’s because he’s better than Michael. I hope one day Brian finds someone who will open his eyes enough to realize that you and Michael were the worst thing that could have happened to him. You can say you think Michael is better than Brian, but the truth is, you know that if Brian was ever stupid enough to fall in love with Michael, the apron strings would be cut and you’d be alone in the way you fear. Brian had enough shit in his life, but instead of seeing that he needed to know that he had unconditional support and love from you, you did the opposite. You made sure he knew that if he stepped the wrong way, you’d pull the family away from him. The same way our family did to you. Does it feel good to know you’re no better than our parents, who doled out love only when we did what they wanted? I thought when we got away from them it was because neither of us ever wanted to be like them. I guess you just wanted to rule the house the way our mother did. I left home to get away from the shit our parents did to us, wanting to be a better person. You just became them, hurting a kid for needing a place to go. One day Brian will fall in love with someone, and everything you did will slap you in the face. Because one thing Brian won’t do is ignore the way you treat someone he loves.” Vic told me, slamming his front door in my face.


Vic and I never spoke to each other again. When he died he left it up to Brian to arrange everything. Vic made sure I felt the sting in his rejection, by making Brian promise to be the one to make all his arrangements. Vic left me a letter telling me that he didn’t miss me after we stopped talking, but missed the girl he once thought had a heart big enough for anyone who needed her. He hoped that one day I’d find the girl I was, not the selfish woman I became. I put my son first, how could he call me selfish? Everything I do is so that Michael has all the things I didn’t. How the fuck could Vic think that was selfish?


When the front door opened, Michael came in, still acting angry at me. He walked past me, sitting at the table glaring. I went in and got food out for him, trying to figure out a way to talk to him about why he said the things he did about Ben.


“I know it’s hard to be alone after Ben, but Honey, you can’t say the things you said and expect people to understand that you're still hurting for Ben.” I tell him.


“Sorry. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Without Ben I don’t know how to go on.” Is what I hoped to hear from him.


“It’s been a fucking year Ma, and it’s time for me to move on with my life. Which I plan to do, with the person I’ve always wanted. If you can’t support it, then shut up.” He tells me.


“I’m still your mother and you will treat me with the respect that I deserve for giving up everything when my family kicked me out for getting knocked up with you.” I scold him.


“Save the speech. You fucked up your own life. I don’t plan to keep fucking up mine by following your dictates to me.” He tells me, grabbing the plate out of my hands and going up to his room.


I was going to follow him, but someone was at the door, and I wasn’t in the mood for another one of his tantrums. The knock on my door surprised me, more because now-a-days there is barely ever anyone at my door. It use to drive me insane the way everyone showed up at my house all hours of the day and night. The gang making a mess in my kitchen by hanging out with Michael. Now it’s rare anyone ever comes over. I opened the door to some guy I didn’t know standing on my steps.


“Can I help you?” I ask, when he stares at me.


“Why yes you can, by signing for this, and if your son is here I have one for him too.” The guy tells me.


“Who is it?” Michael asks, coming down, likely thinking it was Brian.


“I have something for you and Ms Novotny... from Brian Kinney.” The guy tell us.


Michael didn’t even ask what it was, just signed the clipboard the guy gave him. He handed us two envelopes, standing there waiting for us to open them. When we did, Michael looked at me, confused.


“I was told to explain that not only do the restraining orders cover Pittsburgh, but the whole United States. If you come within five hundred feet of either of the Mr Kinney-Taylor’s, there won’t be a warning, but a cell waiting for you.” The guy tells us, turning and walking down the steps.


“He really thinks a piece of fucking paper scares me.” Michael says, throwing it in the garbage.


“Michael, we need to talk to Mel again. I think we both know who sent these, and it’s time to get Brian to see what he married.” I tell him.



BRIAN


Carl was standing in the waiting room of Alex’s office when we arrived. He’d called, asking to talk to us. Alex let Gus go with him while we talked to Carl. We’d talked to Alex about the things that Gus told us, and set Gus up with another therapist in his practice. We were going to meet with Gus and the therapist after our appointment. Carl wasn’t smiling when he looked at Justin.


“I need to know why I have the military questioning me.” Carl asks.


“It’s just part of my life. Anything with my name flags when a report is filed about me. Just let them have what they want, because they’ll get it anyway.” Justin tell him.


“I figured that out when I refused to hand over the files. Which I ended up doing when the mayor called to tell the Captain they had full access to anything on you. I did enjoy watching the Captain being ordered to immediately deliver the new restraining orders that they brought with them. Why the hell is the FBI involved in this? ” Carl asks him.


“They like to keep me safe.” Justin jokes.


Carl stared straight at Justin as if he could somehow intimidate him into telling him what was going on. Justin didn’t look away just waited for Carl to give up, which took a few minutes.


“I’ll ask them to refrain from taking over, it’s the best I can do.” Justin tells him.


Carl left, not happy, but seeming to get that he wasn’t going to get more from Justin. Alex waited until he left to talk to us.


“I did try to warn him.” Alex tells us.


“Is that what the call was about?” I ask Justin.


“They just needed to know exactly what was going on. When I agreed to go to London, my name flags in the system again. Why they showed up at the police station is beyond me, they could have just gotten what they wanted without going through Carl.” Justin tell me.


“Have you two been able to talk about last night?” Alex asks us.


“Not really. I don’t know how to feel about him being angry at me. I agree that he had a right to know where I was taking our children, but I also couldn’t sit back any longer.” Justin tells us.


“I also didn’t explain it well. I was angry, yes, but it was wasn’t just at you, but at myself, for pushing you to the point where you felt you had to leave.” I tell him.


“I couldn’t stay and continue the way we were. I let Michael get away with saying things, but part of it was not wanting to fight with you and having you make me feel like it was my fault.” He tells me.


“There aren’t many relationships that could survive a third entity in the marriage.” Alex tells us.


“We didn’t start out conventional in the first place. I can’t change that I didn’t support you when it came to Michael. I can only promise you that our life together with our sons is now my only priority. Right now I know I’m lucky that Cameron wasn’t hurt the way you and Gus were. I do want you to know that not once did I ever consider cheating on you.” I tell him.


“You don’t have to keep telling me. I know I let myself believe the wrong thing, but I trust you to know you wouldn’t have lied about it if it happened.” Justin tells me.


“Would you have told Justin?” Alex asks.


“Yes. It was something I worried about when we agreed to monogamy, that I might slip.” I tell him.


“Or that I might.” Justin adds.


“What would happen if you did?” Alex asks.


“We talk about why it happened, and as long as it didn’t progress into a relationship we could find a way to work through it. It’s what we agreed to when we first got together and were still in an open relationship.” Justin tells him.

 

“How would you feel if Justin slipped?” Alex asks me.


“I would love to say I wouldn’t care as long as the person didn’t mean anything but I can’t. It’s why I won’t do that to him.” I tell him.


“Even though there wasn’t a physical relationship with Michael, what you did to Justin was likely worse than cheating. In that you were defending Michael and Justin’s feelings of being censored in favor of Michael.” Alex tells me.


“I also could have opened my mouth damn the consequences. Brian might have defended Michael, it didn’t mean I had to take it.” Justin tells him.


“But you did because you didn’t want to fight with me.” I tell him.


“It also felt like I was giving Michael too much power, by reacting to the shit he did. All of you thought Michael did things not really meaning too. I knew he did them waiting to see if he could find a weakness to exploit.” Justin tells me.


“You give him more credit for intelligence then I do.” I tell him.


“I think Justin was able to see through the innocence to the person Michael really is.” Alex tells me.


“He isn’t a mensa candidate but he learned how to manipulate you and the guys by watching Deb. The only reason I don’t really worry about anything Michael threatens is that he needs people to do it for him.” Justin tells me.


“We can’t depend on Michael’s inability to anything without someone else doing it for him.” I tell Justin.


“I have to agree with Brian on this, Michael might not have ever really worked to get anything in life, there’s a difference in this case. Michael has never wanted anything the way he wanted Brian. It’s better to be wary then underestimate him.” Alex tells him.


“I’m not wary, just waiting.” Justin tells him.


“We need to talk about Gus. How do you feel about Gus referring to your past?” Alex asks me, changing the subject.


“It bothers me that Gus had to hear about Brian’s past in a way that made it sound like something it wasn’t. I’m sure there are reasons anyone could come up with for why he tricked the way he did, but there was no reason for Gus to hear him described that way. I don’t like the way Brian feels guilty for the way he lived his life. I’m sorry for answering for you, but I don’t see why you need to feel guilty when you were single. I think Mel cheating and leaving her family doesn’t give her any room to judge you or anyone else.” Justin tells us.


“It wasn’t just Mel. There are guys who knew me, saying things to him too.” I tell him.


“Which he could ignore, since he doesn’t know the person. I agree with Justin, having a parent say those things is different. Why would Gus need to know about that part of your life? It has nothing to do with your parenting of Gus, but it does bring into question Mel’s.” Alex tells me.




Chapter End Notes:

Real life has been busy, but I have plans to get all my stories updated. Thank you for being patient.

 

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