BRIAN 

Getting rid of Michael ended up having to get the guys to help. Michael didn’t understand what the big deal was and why Justin was in a snit, as he viewed it. It comes from me never defending Justin to him. I didn’t want to spend nights out defending my relationship. It was one of the reasons Justin wouldn’t come out with the gang when we did our usual nights out. All Michael saw was that every time we were out everyone else brought their partners but me, and on the rare occasions Justin came, it was to listen to Michael saying shit about it being nice Justin was allowed out with me. Justin told me after one too many comments that he really didn't enjoy being out with my friends when it seemed they didn’t want him around. It's something I understood about my husband, he didn’t stay where he wasn’t wanted.

_____________________

Emmett pulled me aside one night at Woody’s, asking where Justin was. Emmett had been watching me sitting at the bar, ignoring everyone. I didn’t have the patience I normally had when Michael would talk about my past, as of tricking was all that made me someone.

“He'd rather stay home. Which is where I should've stayed.” I tell him.

“Why did he stop coming with you?” He asks. 

“He doesn’t like Michael and the shit he says.” I tell him. 

“Or the fact that you never tell Michael to shut the hell up when he says things.” He tells me, holding a hand up to stop me from saying anything. “Listen to me before you try to act like Justin should defend himself, since we know he can. He doesn’t because he can tell, just like the rest of us, exactly how shitty you'll be to him for putting Michael in his place. If Justin said the shit about Michael that Michael says to him, you'd crawl all over his ass for upsetting Michael. Yet Michael gets a free pass for saying it to Justin. Before you try to say Michael was just spouting off, none of us have missed how it's directed at Justin.” He tells me. 

“None of you jumped to Justin’s defence either.” I tell him. 

“Because he asked us to leave it alone. He didn’t want everyone fighting because Michael has a problem with him.” He tells me. 

“They both have a problem with the other.” I tell him, not understanding why.

“One day I'll tell you why, although you should have already figured it out.” He tells me, walking away.

__________________________

Michael finally left, protesting that I needed him to stay, now that Justin finally got the clue. It was the moment I knew I’d let my friendship with Michael go too far. Emmett sat across from me, not being his happy self.

“What the hell were you thinking? I stayed out of this, only because Drew and Ted told me it wouldn’t do any good. Why stay married to Justin if you didn’t want to be?” He asks. 

“Stay the fuck out of it.” I tell him. 

“No. For once I won't, because this last year doesn’t make sense to me. Until Ben died, you and Justin were one of the most together couples I knew. Yet, since he died, it's like you’re trying to be Michael’s husband instead of Justin’s. If that's what you wanted, you got it. Justin is done being the wife while you run around with your mistress.” He tells me. 

“I promised Ben I'd take care of Michael, but since Justin and Michael can't be in the same room together it was easier to stay with Michael.” I tell him. 

“Caring for someone doesn't mean ignoring your family. Brian, it's bullshit what you did, all of it. It wasn’t just Justin who felt ignored, but your children. Was Michael worth losing the respect of your children? I want to help you, but right now I'm not sure you deserve it. The tricking was one step too far for Justin. It's not something you're going to have him brush over, when it was something you told him had no place in your marriage. Or did you just mean that he shouldn’t do it? You said you promised Ben to take care of Michael, but what about the promises you made to Justin? I guess he wasn’t important, as long as Mikey was happy!” Emmett said, as Drew came in and asked Emmett to please go wait in the car. He waited for the door to close before looking at me.

“If all that's true, then hopefully you'll be happy catering to Michael’s ass. Emmett and I need to go, we promised Cameron that we'd take him to the zoo for his birthday present.” Drew says, nailing one more nail into my coffin.

“They’re still here?” I ask, because Justin knew ways to disappear if he wanted to.

“I'm afraid I'm going to have to tell you what you told Emmett. It's none of your fucking business. Do Justin a favor and sign the divorce papers. He doesn’t need any more of your bullshit excuses. Don't worry, Emmett and I will make sure Cameron and Gus know they can depend on us.” He tells me, looking disgusted with me.

Thinking back to the only time Justin needed me, I knew that was half my problem in this marriage. Once he got his memory back, he became the stronger person in this marriage. I liked being needed, and sometimes I felt like he didn’t need me. One thing if nothing else I have to clear up with Justin was that I didn’t cheat on him. Michael and I weren't at the White Party, we were trying to get him help at a clinic. Which would sound more convincing if we hadn't come home drunk today. The truth was, I drank because I was afraid to face my family after screwing up this last year. I knew Justin had been helping to keep Kinnetik from going under, with me ignoring my company.  When Michael refused to stay and get well we did what we always did and drank the problem away. I knew Justin wouldn’t deal with me drunk, so it was just my way of not having to explain anything to him. I also didn’t want to tell him what my doctor told me, so I avoided it by not coming home. How do I tell him I have cancer? I didn't want him to worry, so I used Michael as an excuse to get it taken care of, then ended up having to chase Michael down when Deb came to me in tears. I knew I needed to stop ignoring my doctors and get the treatments I’d skipped out on. It's not an excuse for most of this last year though, because it was me liking that Mikey needed me in a way Justin doesn’t. If something happened to me, Justin would still be able to stand on his own two feet. He’d do what he always does and take care of everyone's needs, only giving in when he was alone. Even when he was healing from his injuries, he didn’t want anyone coddling him. I can smile at the first moment we saw each other, because even when he didn’t remember me, his indrawn breath before he shook my hand, and his eyes practically undressing me, told me his body remembered us. 

“Daphne told me you’re Gus’s father. It's nice to meet the man who drives Mel nuts.” He jokes.

“She loves me, just doesn't like anyone to know.” I tell him.

“I'm sure she prefers you to Jenny’s father. Apparently he drives them insane.” He tells me, smiling.

“Mikey’s just making sure they remember he's Jenny’s father.” I tell him, defending Mikey.

“Sorry, I forgot that Mel told me he was your best friend. Can you tell me why Daphne thinks I should talk to you? She only told me you could help fill some gaps in my memory.” He tells me. 

“Apparently I'm the only gap in your memory. We dated on and off for years.” I tell him, because hinting at it wasn’t a way to get him to remember me.

“We're we together still? I'm only asking because no one has mentioned you.” He tells me, walking to the sofa.

“Are you still hurt?” I ask, when he sits down as if he couldn’t stand any longer.

“I still tire easily, other than that, I'm mostly back to normal. Are you going to answer my question?” He asks. 

“We have some problems, and you left for work before we could work it out.” I tell him, not telling him that I pretty much told him I wasn’t going to wait around.

“I get the feeling Daphne didn’t like you much. Nick told me to ignore my best friend, and talk to you. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.” He tells me. 

“I was tired of you not telling me anything. I knew your life the public knows, but as your partner I think I should have known everything you don't share. When you left, we… I, started an argument, because you told me it wasn’t likely you could call while you were gone. When I pushed you about it you just kept telling me you couldn’t answer me, and being the asshole that I can be, I took it as you were hiding something.” I tell him. 

“It comes with what I do. If we'd been more than two guys dating, then I could tell you. What I do isn't something that you tell everyone. If I didn't tell you, it wouldn’t have been because I didn’t love you, but because it's something you didn't need to know.” He tells me. 

“If you had died, was that something I didn't need to know?” I ask, trying not to let my anger show.

“No, not if we broke up. Why would you want to know if we weren’t together?” He asks me, getting up and walking outside.

Following him, I wasn’t sure whether coming here was a good idea. He was closing himself off again. I remembered what Daphne said, that he wouldn't stay where he wasn’t wanted, and it wasn't like I was giving him anything to make him think I wanted him.

“I did things that to this day no one ever knows, to find out everything I could about you.” I tell him. 

“Why?” He asks. 

“You told me no, not something anyone ever did. Then my son was practically Justin this and Justin that. When Lindsay told me I was going to meet you, I wasn’t planning on liking the person my son worshipped. Only, you made it hard for me to ignore you. It wasn’t just what you looked like, not that I didn’t find you attractive. It was in the way you didn’t care about fame, but that people saw more than you. You could still see the good in what you were seeing.” I tell him. 

“It's easy to get blinded by the atrocities. I couldn’t have continued if I only saw that. It's soul destroying. I need to show people that there's a way back. I don't want kids like Gus growing up believing only that the world is going to crap. Which is what he hears on the news. It's something I find funny, they report a plane crashing but don't mention how many landed that day. It's why I take pictures of the devastation and pair them with the beauty of life beginning again. I want to show my children that there's more, if we reach for it.” He tells me. 

“You never said you wanted children.” I tell him. 

“Then you were right, I was hiding things from you.” He tells me. 

“I probably gave you the impression I didn’t want a life that included them.” I tell him. 

“I couldn’t tell you, since I don't remember.” He tells me. 

I stayed with Justin for a couple of weeks, telling him about us. One morning he was sitting in a chair across from the bed I was sleeping in, thinking hard about something. It was something I didn't tell him, because it wasn’t something I was proud of. 

“You fucked one of my friends.” He tells me. 

“I didn’t like the way he acted, like he was more to you then I was. I think it's called jealousy, but since I've never felt it before I didn’t recognize it.” I tell him. 

“It's not something I like either. Especially when I put up with guys throwing themselves at you. And you agreed to an open relationship. I had to listen as your friend made sure I knew about you tricking, and I handled my jealousy, by not lashing out at you.” He tells me. 

“You’re remembering?” I ask. 

“It started yesterday when Michael called half a dozen times. For some reason I remember him.” He says rolling his eyes.

“What do you think of what you remembered?” I ask, hoping he isn't about to throw me out.

“There was something about you that made me want to stay with you. When I left the last time, I planned to come back, after telling everyone I was done. I planned to come back without a life you couldn’t know about. Sorry about being late.” He tells me, climbing in the bed.

We stayed together this time. He got to know Ted and Emmett, but was still resistant to anything that included Michael. When holidays rolled around, he went to see his mother and Daphne, instead of spending time at Deb's. I knew he wanted to avoid the drama at Deb's house. Which happened regularly when he came with me to dinner, so he stopped coming. He wasn’t trying to cause trouble the last time he came, but he didn’t realize that Deb lied to Michael. 

Michael was boasting that his father was the kind of man Gus should look up to. When Justin asked what his father did, not to challenge Michael, but generally interested. Michael didn’t seem to know and put Deb in the hot seat. She fumbled her way through a heroic deed that never happened, naming some battle that was never in a history book. Then she berated Justin for not believing in her fiction. Justin got up kissed me and hugged Gus, before telling Deb thank you for the dinner and her love of weaving stories. I followed him out the door, pissed that he couldn’t leave it alone.

“I'm sorry, you expect the truth from me, but her making up shit so Michael can pretend his father was a hero is okay with you. You're a fucking hypocrite, but then we all know, for Michael you'll compromise your principles.” He tells me, pissed.

“He's not like you, in his world there has to be a hero. While you go off being a hero.” I tell him. 

“I'm not a hero, what I do makes sure that the guys who fight for us come home to their families. If anyone is a hero, they are, for defending this country in real battles, not that bullshit Deb tells Michael so he can sleep better than if he knew the truth. If you expect me to sit through her trying to belittle me for not pretending everything she says is truth, then you can come here alone.” He tells me.

“Fuck you. I wanted to propose tonight in front of my friends.” I tell him.

“Why, when they obviously don't think we should be together?” He tells me. 

“It doesn’t matter what they think, I love you. That’s all that should matter.” I tell him, still pissed at him for calling Deb on her crap. 

“It don't want to say yes while you're still pissed at me.” He tells me, kissing me before leaving.

I went back in, feeling like an asshole for taking Deb's side on this. Justin wasn’t saying anything that all of us hadn’t thought when she made up shit to keep Michael happy. Gus asked if he could go with Justin and took off after my nod.“I came here tonight to ask Justin to marry me. I wanted him to see that my friends were able to show us the support you've shown to Blake, Drew, and Ben, but it was wrong on my part to think you could welcome him.” I tell them, walking out, not willing to listen to them. 

It took a couple days before they each came to me, apologizing for their lukewarm reception to Justin. Emmett, on the other hand, went to Justin and offered his friendship. It made Blake show up and get to know Justin, which had Ted jokingly getting on his knees to apologize for anything Justin felt he did. Michael claimed to be happy for us, but Justin didn’t offer a way for them to try to be friends. Deb told me if someone like Justin was who I thought would make me happy, then she'd accept my decision. It was the best I could expect, because him not liking her son was the real problem.

We got married in a small ceremony with just Gus and the girls there. Justin told me that as much as he liked most of my friends, he didn’t want his wedding turning into something Michael would ruin. Which was the first time he asked me anything concerning Michael which was not to let Michael be my best man. It pissed Michael off, he asked what was next, that Justin demand that I cut Michael out of my life. As always, I told him no one would stop me from being friends with him. He tried to tell me that he should be there while I was making the biggest mistake of my life. He said it like a joke. Instead of calling him on it, I let it go, but told him that he wasn't coming.

For years everything was almost perfect for us. We had our ups and downs, but nothing anyone else didn’t. Justin never brought up children again, but it stayed in the back of my mind. I finally brought it up, telling him we should get started on it. Justin agreed and we found a surrogate to have Cameron with. Cameron was mini Justin from the minute he was born. Just like with Gus, I fell under his spell the minute I held him. I got to see the things I missed with Gus. I used to wonder why Lindsay would call me to tell me every little thing Gus did, and now understood why she did. 

Emmett threw a party to celebrate Cameron coming home, inviting everyone. Michael and Ben showed up with Hunter. Emmett wasn't happy that Michael would talk about Hunter whenever anyone paid attention to Cameron. I was only seeing it as Michael being proud of his son, and wanting to share it. I told Emmett to stop trying to cause drama, which Justin heard. He took Cameron into the kitchen without saying a word. Silence was Justin’s way of dealing with Michael, and my way of knowing I fucked up in his eyes.

Gus wanted to live with us after Cameron turned one. He asked Justin and me to come to Canada so he could talk to us and his moms together. We got there and Gus explained that he wanted to be a big brother to Cameron like he'd been for Jenny. It wasn’t his only reason, the other was he felt like he barely got to be with his Dads. Mel only agreed because she and Lindsay trusted Justin. It hurt to hear, but Justin remembered birthdays and was there to remind me when I needed to be at something for Gus. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be there, but there were times when I was busy with a campaign and simply forgot. With Gus around, Justin became involved with him and Cameron, and didn’t mind when I went out with Michael. He said it gave me a break instead of leaving work to the demands of the kids. 

It wasn’t until the night Ben passed away that I started in a long line of mistakes that led to the papers I'm now holding. He didn’t waste any time. He wants a divorce, and after thinking about the past year, no one would blame him. He signed over everything we owned together to me, only wanting sole custody of Cameron. Justin had a fortune of his own, so giving me back everything we jointly owned wouldn’t matter to him.

I tore up the papers, understanding it didn’t change that he wanted a divorce. He could want one, but he wasn't getting one without a fight, but first I needed to stop letting Michael and Deb pull me away from my family. Which is my fault for losing my balls when it came to the two of them.