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BRIAN

 

We got to the suite we were staying in tonight. Cameron was watching TV with his head on Drew’s lap. When I first came home, this would have killed me, but now I see the longing in Drew’s eyes for what I have. Emmett came out of the bathroom, and tilted his head to the bedroom, which, after Justin’s little performance tonight, wasn’t how I pictured spending the evening. 

 

Emmett closed the door and sat down in one of the chairs, waiting for us. I wasn’t sure what this was about.

 

“I wanted to ask you guys something.” 

 

“Go ahead, I need to clean up, but I can hear you from the bathroom.” Justin tells him, leaving the door open. I got it, wanting to wash off the stench of assholes near him.

 

“What are you guys going to do if the baby isn’t yours?” Emmett asked.

 

“I’m not sure yet, we might not be able to do anything. Agreements like the one Michael signed are pretty hard to break. I will break it how ever I have to if it’s mine, but otherwise I don’t honestly know what to do.” I tell him.

 

“I’m just worried, because if there is a baby, what happens to it if it isn’t yours?” Emmett asks.

 

“Why are you asking?” Justin came out, getting a shirt out of the closet.

 

“Drew and I want a baby. If it isn’t Brian’s then we’d like to try to see if we could get the baby. I know we could do what you guys did and avoid this mess, but neither of us care who the parents are, just that we could offer the baby a great life.” He tells us.

 

“Emmett, not only would you have to get Michael to agree, but you’d have to get the surrogate to agree. Which most likely will happen, because they aren’t having a baby because they want one. I have a feeling that we’re dealing with Lindsay double crossing Michael, because of what Kip told us tonight.” I tell him.

 

“Brian, do you still have POA over Michael?” Justin asks, and proves once again he’s always one step ahead of things.

 

“Yes. But it only works if Michael is proven unable to make decisions.” I tell him.

 

“It also works if we can prove diminished capacity. Which I’m sure Alex would agree with, since you have proof that Michael attempted to - or at least wanted you to believe he would - kill himself, three times in the past year. Then, if we prove he planned pretty much all of this, no agency could legally hand a baby over to him.” Justin tells us.

 

“If he went through an agency. The paperwork looks like it was privately done with just the surrogate.” Emmett tells us, looking guilty.

 

“It looked like what we signed, but I didn’t see an agency listed.” Justin tells me.

 

“Emmett, it would be easier to find another way.” I tell him.

 

“I know, but all I can think is, this baby, if it isn’t lucky enough to be yours, needs us. I know it sounds strange, but it’s just how I feel.” He tells us.

 

“What does Drew think?” I ask.

 

“He said he’d do what we had to if it’s what I want.” He tells me.

 

“When we know, we’ll help, but don’t expect it to be easy.” I tell him.

 

AL

 

I knew I should have just gone to my room, but I wanted to know Gus was okay. He was staying in a room next to his fathers, the connecting door closed and locked, which I checked, swearing it was just making sure the room was secure. He was laying on the bed pretending to be interested in the movie playing on the TV, and I was pretending that I was just here to kill time. 

 

“How did it go with your therapist?” I asked, giving up and sitting on the other bed.

 

“She told me to leave if it’s more than I can handle, but figured out that I would do it anyway.” He tells me, turning over to face me.

 

“I don’t know if I could do it, but then, my mom’s nothing like what yours sounds like.” I tell him.

 

“What’s yours like?” He asks, actually interested.

 

I laid down and faced him. “She loves us, me and my sister. Showed up at everything, making sure that everyone knew she was proud of everything we did. I never even worried when I told her that I might bring home a son-in-law or daughter-in-law, just that the person would love me.” 

 

“What about your dad, how did he feel?” He asks.

 

“He just told me to make sure the guy or girl was as good to me as my mother was to him. His brother was gay, so it was easy on him to accept my choices in life too. He actually knows Justin, only because he’s been to parties the team threw when we finished jobs, and they get along, probably because he loves Justin’s work and that it kept me safe.” I tell him.

 

“How?” Gus asks, making me realize I might have said too much.

 

“Gus, there are things we can’t tell people, and trust me, I would tell you. Justin could, maybe, since I’m sure you wouldn’t tell anyone, but he would have to give me permission for me to say anything.” I tell him, hating that he now knew that Justin kept things from him too.

 

“Give me a minute okay?” He tells me, going to the connecting door and through it. 

 

I sat there, wondering if I was about to get my ass kicked because I forgot myself, talking to him. Justin came in with Gus, sitting in the chair in the room. Brian stood at the door, shaking his head at me, since I was supposed to be in my room, likely. Gus sat on his bed, so maybe I’d live a little longer.

 

“Do you want to hear it from me? It won’t be everything, but enough for you to understand.” Justin asks him.

 

“Would it be okay if Al told me?” He asks, getting Justin to smile at me, saying my mom was going to have more reasons to badger my ass.

 

“You can’t give him specifics, that takes going over my head, but you can stick to basics. Gus wouldn’t tell anyone, which I’ve always known, but I didn’t want him to be scared every time I was gone when he was younger. Is that understood?” Justin tells me.

 

“Yes. But wouldn’t you rather be here to make sure I don’t screw up since I seem to around him?” I ask, might as well get it out there because I don’t see just leaving and forgetting Gus Kinney.

 

“Nope, I get it.” Justin tells me, looking at Brian as he walks to the door.

 

“Gus, remember everything we ever talked about.” Brian tells him, which he seems to understand even if I didn’t. Then locked the door before he closed it.

 

“So talk.” Gus tells me, getting comfortable.

 

“He locked it.” I said, dumbfounded.

 

“He knows I won’t do anything unless I’m ready, so yeah, he locked it. Now talk.” He orders me.

 

“Justin helped us by giving us layouts to places, because people didn’t suspect anything, since he had reasons to be where he was. I used to think he got the easy shit, but he did it without anyone being able to help him if he got caught. That’s really all of it, without getting into specifics.” I tell him.

 

“Like when he was in that helicopter?” He asks.

 

“Before my time, but yes. They picked him up, for reasons I don’t know, and were actually just flying him back so he could come home. They used the excuse that he wanted pictures of a place that only the military could go, after it happened. From what I do know, it should have been easy, but something happened, something that had nothing to do with him. Which is more than I should tell you.” I tell him.

 

“I barely slept for the whole time. No one could tell me anything.” Gus tell me.

 

“In those cases, unless you’re family, they can’t.” I tell him.

 

“Jus called me before anyone knew he was okay. So he must have thought I was family even then.” He tells me, smiling.

 

“I want to know you are going to be okay when you talk to your mother.” I tell him.

 

“Why?” He asks.

 

“Because I stopped too.” I tell him.

 

“Can you stay here tonight? I’m not ready, but I’d like you to be here. No, I’m not okay, but I don’t have a choice if I want to protect the baby.” He tells me.

 

“Gus, maybe it’s not a good idea.” I tell him.

 

“I don’t mean you have to do anything, just be here. I know it seems like I’m pushing when we just met but there’s just something about you.” Gus tells me, and of course I get up and lay down next to him.

 

“We keep it G-rated.” I tell him, laughing when Brian opens the locked door.

 

“Cameron wanted to sleep here.” Brian smirks.

 

“Gussy, Dada said you missed me lots.” Cameron came in climbing up on the bed.

 

“Yes he does sonny boy.” Brian really didn’t have to enjoy this.

 

“It’s cool Dad, we aren’t doing anything unless we know it’s what we want.” Gus really had to tell him.

 

“Mel called your mom and told her she had to be over at four to pick up her things. Take your jeep to school so you can get to the house in time. Nick told me to tell Al that he was on deck to get you there and back.” Brian tells us, closing the door.

 

Cameron got in the middle of us and that helped cool things down, but watching him and Cameron made me see what a future with Gus would be like. 

 

“Gussy loves me best, just don’t tell Jenny okay?” Cameron says, turning his big blue eyes on me.

 

“I won’t, but I’m starting to think they all love you best, kid.” I tell Cameron, kissing his head.

 

“Time to sleep, Gussy has a lot to do.” Gus tells Cameron, getting up and turning off the light, before going to the bathroom.

 

Cameron dropped in seconds, which left me awake wondering what the hell I was doing. Gus came out, but walked to my side of the bed. I didn’t stop him when he kissed me, since I wanted it. It made the shit I did tonight disappear, and it was the thing my relationships always lacked. How did I end up wanting a kid in high school?

 

“Who knows, when there aren’t any other distractions, we’ll have time to figure it out.” Gus tells me, making me groan that I said it out loud.

 

GUS

 

Luke and I were good, he told me he just wanted to see if it was a crush or not. While it was fun, he said he didn’t feel what he thought he would either. I worried a lot about it, only because of the things that my Dad is still dealing with, with Michael. I stopped worrying when he saw Al standing there waiting for me with my Jeep. Luke never looked at me like that, but then I'd never looked at anyone the way I looked at Al. I didn’t care that he drove, because they wanted someone with me all the time, but it sort of pissed me off when both girls and guys were staring at him. Luke told me if I ever decided to give him up, to let him have his number. Decking your best friend started to sound good.

 

When we were driving to the house I stopped thinking about anything but that I was about to set up my mom. We got there half an hour early and I didn’t want to go in yet. Al sat next to me, drumming the steering wheel.

 

“You don’t have to do this, it’s really more than anyone should have to do.” He tells me.

 

“I’m not risking my life, it’s not like what you and Nick do.” I tell him, knowing that if we decide to be more, my life would be spent like Aunt Daphne’s.

 

“We’re hard to kill Gus, it happens, but not often. What you’re doing makes my job look easy. Don’t ever minimize the loss of faith in someone you love, it’s not something I ever want to feel.” He tells me.

 

“You really need to stop being perfect, you know.” I tell him.

 

“I’m far from it, Gus, but if you want to think that I won’t stop you. Now it’s time to do this or leave.” He tells me.

 

“Doing it. And please don’t take it personally if I don’t want to talk about it when it’s over.” I tell him.

 

“I won’t, but don’t hold it in either.” He tells me.

 

“I won’t.” I promise him.

 

I left Al with Hunter, who handed Al a book and told him to quiz him, so he aces his test tomorrow. Hunter looked at me, and my brother was there, which was all I needed to do this, even with Al here. Jenny was sitting in her room, without a clue because I didn’t want her to know until we had to tell her. It made me realize it was what my Dad and Justin were hoping to do for me. 

 

Mom showed up ten minutes later. Seeing me she smiled, and I got up and followed her to the room. I didn’t comment that it was once Justin and my dad’s room, ignoring it the way Mama ignored it. 

 

“Can you believe they’re throwing me out?” She says, opening a suitcase.

 

“Mom, you brought the guy who tried to say Dad did something wrong, so yes I can believe it. Where are you going? I’ve been worried because you haven’t called in days.” I tell her, and I was worried, since I didn’t know where she was.

 

“I ran into an old friend… I needed a friendly face, so I called someone from my past. I was hoping to introduce you to Sam, we are going to try, now that Mel isn’t even willing to try. I’ve never been good at being alone, you know.” She tells me.

 

“Isn’t he the guy you cheated on Mama with?” I asked, since she told me about him before.

 

“It was a mistake then, but now it feels different. He has all these plans and they sound exciting.” She tells me.

 

“Mom they know you helped Michael. I’m worried about the baby. You know Michael shouldn’t have a baby, look at what he’s like with Jenny. I won’t let my brother or sister deal with what Jenny had to, it hurt her.” I tell her.

 

“Lambskin, I wouldn’t do that to you. You have to know even though what I did was stupid, I wouldn’t ever let something touch you or Jenny.” She tells me, sitting next to me.

 

“Why does Michael think it’s Dad’s?” I ask her.

 

“Because it was the only way to make him leave you and Jenny alone.” She tells me, as if it makes her a hero in this.

 

“Dad and Mama wouldn’t have let that happen. Regardless of what you think Dad having another kid affects me. What could Michael really do to either me or Jenny, Mom? The truth, because so far I’m not hearing it.” .

 

“It’s going to sound worse than it was. I wanted Justin to see his career wasn’t going to wait forever for him. Gus, you have to understand that your father was never cut out for the kind of life that he promised Justin, so I wanted to make it easier for Justin to see how his life was going to be, staying with your dad. I found a guy that he showed more interest in than usual, and wanted to test your dad, for Justin’s sake. After what happened last year, Justin deserved to see the truth about his marriage. Only he got greedy and told Michael what I planned, and I didn’t want to hurt Mel, you, or Jenny, because it wasn’t something you'd understand. I tried to hide what I did, but he went to Michael. Michael only agreed when I told him I’d get him what he wanted, which was mine to do with what I wanted anyway, not that I wanted to give it to Michael. It’s why I told Jen, so it wouldn’t be worse than it is.” She tells me, as if she was somehow the savior.

 

“Mom, who’s kid is it?” I ask.

 

“Not your father’s. Can’t that be enough?” She asks.

 

“Who?” I ask again, because I just need to know.

 

“I had Sam donate, we put it under your dad’s name. The girl we paid made sure not to mix it up. See, I didn’t do anything that would hurt you, your dad, or Justin, Lambskin.” She tells me, as if that was all that mattered to her. 

 

“Just a baby who didn’t ask for it. Great job Mom.” I tell her, not hiding my anger.

 

“Honey, Sam could care less about the baby, or any of his other kids, so it’s not like Michael could do worse than Sam.” 

Was she for real?

 

“Tell that to Jenny or Hunter, see if they think neglect in any form works. Jesus, don’t you even care that you helped him make a baby and left it in the hands of someone who is willing to pay people to possibly kill the guy you claim you were trying to help?” I ask.

 

“What do you mean by that?” She asks, actually seeming concerned, about what, I don’t know.

 

“Michael and Kip were trying to get Jus bashed. That wasn't a joke or rumor, that was what they planned. Jus wasn’t going to be running off with you, since they were planning on hurting him.” I tell her.

 

“Oh God Lambskin, they promised me to do what I wanted. It was only going to be Kip showing Justin the truth about your dad, I wouldn’t have agreed to anything else.” She tells me.

 

“What you did agree to was bad enough. Good luck, since Michael probably planned to put the blame on you. Not that I don’t feel like you deserve it, since you started this whole thing. I don’t know who’s worse anymore, you or Michael.” I tell her, getting up and following Dr Turner’s advice. Leaving when I could no longer handle what I heard.

 

“Lambskin, please, I need you to understand.” She says following me.

 

“No. You need to pack and leave this house.” Mama tells her, holding me when I need it. “Gus go, it’s my turn. Baby I’m so sorry.” She tells me, making me look at her.

 

“I still have you and my fathers, so I’m good.” Telling her the truth and lying at the same time.

 

I walk down the stairs, glad this was no longer the house I lived in, past Hunter who I knew would help if I need him too and straight out the front door, where Al was waiting to get me out of here.

 

“Can we just drive for a while? Not talk, just drive?” I ask him.

 

“Whatever you need me to do, but is it okay if I call your dads first?” He asks.

 

“Tell them it isn’t his.” I tell him, looking at the yard where Cameron used to run around.

 

“Gus, look at me.” 

 

I looked, even though I knew I was about to lose it. 

 

“It doesn’t change you, just her. She’s lost the best thing in her life, and it’s going to hurt, but you have so many people who will be there to help you.” He tells me.

 

“I know, thanks.” I tell him, opening my door, just wanting to leave.

 

Al got in and started the car after calling my dads, and he drove until I asked to go home. He stopped me before I went to my dads. “I’m one of them, even if it’s just as your friend.” He tells me.

 

“I already knew, and it helps.” I tell him, kissing him before going to my dad, who was waiting to do what he did all my life, love me. I looked at Al, and thought I’d never be like my mom, because I wanted to love someone the way Al described. I wanted to love Al that way one day.

 

“She might make shitty decisions, but she helped give me you and for that nothing else matters.” Dad tells me.

 

“She gave me you too, you know.” I whispered, not caring that I sounded like Cameron right now.


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