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JUSTIN

 

I put Cameron to bed and went to see if Gus was ready to talk to me. When I got back, Gus wouldn’t ask why Brian was in the hospital. It made me wonder what Mel might have told him.  Mel's somewhat truce with Brian deteriorated with the shit he has done this last year. She spent most of her time taking shots at Brian, reminding me of the way Michael did at me. Which wasn’t winning any points with me, because she didn't even think of Gus when she said what she was saying. Then she tried to justify herself by including Michael in her mud slinging. I understood how she felt, but not the way she acted; like Jenny, Gus, and Hunter needed to know her feelings, and examples of why it wasn't a surprise to her. I was disappointed in Lindsay as she sat there, not even stopping Mel.

 

Gus played with Cameron and avoided any conversation that included Brian’s name. He was sitting in the living room watching a movie when I came down.

 

“You aren’t really going to go back to the hospital are you?” Gus asks me.

 

“In the morning I will, your dad needs to rest right now.” I tell him.

 

“Why are you even bothering with him?” He asks.

 

“Gus, what were you told about why your father is in the hospital?” I ask.

 

“That his bullshit got him there. Which, after seeing him drunk as shit, as usual, made sense.” He tells me.

 

“It led to him being there, I'm not going to lie to you, but there's also more going on. After he gets better, he going to be getting treatment for cancer.” I tell him.

 

He shrugged, trying not to look concerned about it, but even with what Brian was doing, Gus still wanted the father who Brian had been until this last year.

 

“He needs us. What he's about to go through is going to be hard, even with us there.” I tell him.

 

“Like we needed him. I think he should get the same support he gave us this last year.” He tells me.

 

“Right now we need to let that go, and remember he wasn't always like this.” I tell him.

 

“So you're gonna forgive him, and he gets away with his shit? The way he does for everyone but you?” He asks.

 

“I haven't forgiven him for anything. Right now, I'm more concerned about him getting better. What happens between him and I after, will be what it is. At this point I don't see a way for us to stay together, but that's my concern. It's not something I want you taking on.” I tell him.

 

“I'll think about it.” He tells me, going up to his room.

 

Even when it seemed like Brian was being an asshole, Gus still knew he cared. It's something that caused problems with Mel, when it wasn’t Brian’s intention. Gus’s car was Brian wanting his son to have a new one, not the second hand one Mel planned to give him while she got a new one for her and Lindsay. Mel took it as Brian throwing it in her face that he could give Gus more than her. All Gus could see was his parents using him in a fight. I ended up having to pull both of them into my office at the house and asking if they intended to ruin Gus’s birthday with their problems with each other. Then I explained to Mel that Brian wanted Gus to have the car he wanted, and to stop seeing everything he did as a slight on her. It was the one problem I had with Mel, if I said it, she'd relent, but Brian seemed to bring out the worst in her. It was something that made holidays a nightmare for Gus and Jenny. Where Brian gave Gus too much, Michael’s crime was not doing anything that Ben or Deb didn’t do for him.

 

It also cemented me as the bad guy when Jenny’s birthday came four months after Ben died. Which started with Hunter staying with me after the funeral. Hunter didn’t understand why all of Ben’s wishes were being ignored and was frustrated that it seemed to be only what Michael wanted that mattered. It didn’t make sense to me that they held it in a church that Ben never went to. I did enjoy it when Deb was told the Catholic church wouldn’t hold the funeral because Ben was gay. Her being a Catholic sort of puzzled me when her belief system condemned everything she ran around preaching to all of Liberty Avenue. Michael, never one to miss a chance to take a shot at me, followed me into the bathroom before the service since it was the first time we were alone without anyone to witness his performance. He let me know his feelings on my showing up uninvited to a family event. I didn’t hold back for the first time.

 

“Get one thing straight, this isn’t about you, but a man who deserved to be mourned for putting up with your brand of love. I’m here because you don’t get to be the only one who needs support, which means I honestly don’t give a fuck that what you want. Go out and make sure you play the grieving husband, because we both know you aren’t.” I tell him.  

 

Michael’s tears started when we heard the door open, and he ran to Brian saying he didn’t know what to do without Ben. Brian looked at the anger in my face that I couldn’t hide and walked out with Michael, not saying anything to me. I came out when I got my anger under control to see Michael and Deb pushing Hunter aside again. Hunter and I hadn’t gotten to know each other because I didn’t attend anything at Deb’s house. When I did see Hunter he was always with Michael and Deb, so I didn’t want to make a point of causing problems by getting to know him.

 

I couldn’t ignore Hunter looking lost at where his place was, so when he walked towards the doors as if to leave, I got up and led him to a seat. I held him as he silently cried for the loss of the father he loved. He rode with me to the cemetery, not even trying to be with Deb and Michael. I almost ended up fighting with Deb when she charged over to Hunter, pissed that he didn’t say anything to honor Ben. Brian dragged her off, telling her to leave it alone. Of course, Brian jumped my shit for not bringing Hunter to Deb’s house, but I hung up, letting my opinion of this farce speak with my silence. Instead Hunter and I went to Mt Washington, walking to the platform that overlooked all of Pittsburgh. Hunter had roses from the funeral that he hadn’t put on Ben’s grave, and pulled the petals, letting them go while honoring Ben the way he thought Ben would have wanted.

 

“He liked you.” Hunter told me, after we stood silently watching the world around us.

 

“I liked him, just didn’t always get him.” I tell him.

 

“I asked him why.” He tells me.

 

“Why what?” I asked.

 

“Why he stayed when it was obvious that Michael wanted Brian. He said Jenny and I made staying bearable, but he stayed because he loved Michael, even when it didn’t make sense. Why stay, even if like me, your life was shortened? Is that what I’m supposed to do, settle for less?” He asked.

 

“Reach for more, not less. Don’t take what Ben did as anything but what Ben wanted. Want things and don’t limit yourself to half a life.” I tell him.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to know you until now.” Hunter tells me.

 

“Don’t be, just know if you need me, I’m here.” I tell him.

 

Hunter stayed with me and told me that Ben helped him get into college, but he didn’t know how to afford it without Ben. I didn’t even ask why Michael wouldn’t help. Instead I called to find out what Hunter needed and was able to tell Hunter that Ben took care of the next four years, apparently by cashing out his retirement for Hunter. It made me respect the man Ben was, because he didn’t leave Hunter to depend on Michael.

 

Mel and Lindsay moved back a couple months before Ben ended up in the hospital, because Mel got a better job here. Mel came to me a week before Jenny’s birthday, pissed that Michael and Deb didn’t think we should celebrate anything since Michael was grieving. It wasn’t Deb asking, but demanding that nothing coming before Michael. Mel just wanted to give Jenny a reason to smile again. It caused all sorts of crap when I agreed to help Mel, which Deb and Michael once again used as me trying to make them look bad in Jenny’s eyes. It made it worse when Jenny wanted to get away from everything for a weekend. I arranged it with Lindsay and Mel so Jenny’s friends could use the beach house my family owned Florida for her party, as my present. Drew paid for the plane fare, after Emmett told him what was going on. Emmett made all the arrangements for the party. Ted and Blake agreed to come because they needed a break from being expected to cater to Michael’s whims. In truth, I really think it was that none of them could see what Michael called grieving as anything but a way to keep Brian with him. Deb rationalized everything Michael did as his missing Ben, and felt it was everyone's duty to pretend the wild parties he was throwing were for that reason. When Michael found out the plans, it became me trying to make him look bad in Jenny’s eyes. Which had Deb arranging a family dinner that didn’t include Blake, Drew, or me, she had no use for Blake or Drew, because like me, they didn’t owe her anything, the way she made sure Brian, Ted, and Emmett felt they did. Brian came home to Drew and Blake waiting with me, telling me to make sure Jenny had a great time. Then packed a bag saying he had a business trip that came up. Which Ted confirmed when Blake asked him about it. Deb and Michael tried to talk to Hunter and tell him he should stay, since Brian couldn’t be with Michael while everyone else forgot about Michael. Hunter hung up and asked if he needed sunscreen. We had the party, and for once Brian didn’t let Deb or Michael keep him from doing something. He showed up the night of the party and gave Jenny an all expense paid trip to New York for a shopping spree.

 

Brian stayed the night, and the last few months disappeared as he became the man I married. He still had business to finish and left, giving me hope that we’d be back to normal soon. It ended when Gus’s birthday came and went without Brian at least showing up. Him missing my birthday didn’t bother me, because Brian never really celebrated his and the plans had been last minute. It was Daphne for some reason wanting to prove her point, which wasn’t something Nick was happy about. Brian called the day after Gus’s birthday, but Gus wasn’t in the mood for Brian’s excuses and hung up. For the first time I didn’t try to smooth things over, because I couldn’t defend Brian.

 

I called my lawyer before I left in the morning with Gus and Cameron coming with me. Gus woke up and said he would come because Cameron might get antsy being there. I let it go because he was trying, even when he wanted to treat Brian the way he felt Brian treated us. My lawyer didn’t say anything when I told her to hold off for now. I let her know what was going on, telling her I wasn’t sure what I was doing yet. She let me know to call when I decided what I was doing, telling me she hoped Brian got better.

 

BRIAN

 

When my door opened, I wanted it to be Justin, but instead it was Nick. Nick and I could get along, but he didn’t hide that he didn’t like how I treated Justin. He sat in the chair next to my bed, not angry, but if I was seeing this right, worried.

 

“For now I’m going to try to help you with the mess you’ve made. Not that Justin should take you back, but to keep him from putting you in the ground. Which he would, and mourn even when everything you did shouldn’t make him miss you.” He tells me.

 

“Am I supposed to sit and take all the abuse everyone thinks I deserve?” I ask.

 

“I would hope for the first time in a year, you’d grow a pair and be the man that I gave a choice to, to stay or leave Justin. It doesn’t mean lying and acting like I like the person you’ve been the last year. You don’t need me showing you that the way you treat Michael is in any way acceptable to me. I’m also going to tell you now, Michael is the one person who will cause you to lose everything if you let him back into your life.” He tells me.

 

“Michael didn’t make me do anything, that’s on me.” I tell him.

 

“I agree with you, but unfortunately Justin doesn’t need to hear you defending Michael, in any way. If you want to save your marriage, it means stopping whatever it is that makes you feel like Deb and Michael have you at their beck and call. You need to find the man you are when it doesn’t involve Deb and Michael, and stop letting them make you become this weak, pathetic son of bitch that throws away his life. It’s not the man I respect for loving my brother.” He tells me.

 

“Then I need you to do something for me.” I tell him.

 

Nick looked at the paperwork and raised a brow at me in question.

 

“Ben’s last laugh, putting me in charge of his family. He made me promise to make sure Michael didn’t lose everything.” I tell him.

 

“Not giving a shit what it would do to you. Brian, don’t try to see what Ben did as his love for Michael, but as his way of giving Michael, what Michael wanted. I liked the guy until now.” He tells me.

 

“He loved Michael... Shit, it’s like I don’t know how to stop automatically making excuses for Michael.” I tell him.

 

“The one thing I understand is loving someone even when I don’t like the things they do. Daphne isn’t perfect, and she gets tunnel vision when it comes to Justin. It doesn’t mean because I love her I go along with whatever she decides is the right thing. I sure as hell wouldn’t sit back and do nothing, knowing my partner wanted someone else more than they wanted me. I doubt he put you in charge because he was worried about Michael’s spending habits. Want to hear the two theories I just thought up?” He asks me.

 

“Why not, it’s not like I have anywhere else I need to be.” I tell him.

 

“Theory one is that he used it to pay you back for him not having all of Michael. Theory two makes me really question Ben’s idea of love; he was making it easier for Michael to need you by his side.” He tells me.

 

“Why question his love?” I asks.

 

“Brian, gay or straight, it doesn’t change what love should mean to the people in love. Staying shouldn’t be something you do because it’s easier, but because what you feel for someone is returned equally.” He tells me.

 

“Ever been told you should shrink heads for a living?” I tell him.

 

“Sure, but it’s not nearly as exciting as my day job. Justin accepted a job. Which normally I wouldn’t tell you about, but he isn’t the only one who can do it, and it’s really just his pain management when it comes to you.” He tells me getting up.

 

“He do it despite me.” I tell him.

 

“Give him a reason to believe you need him, The way he needed you this last year.” He tells me, getting up and leaving me to think about what he said.

 

 

 

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