Cameron nodded off the minute we hit the bed. He laid on my chest the way he did anytime we were in a room together. I fell asleep easily, surrounded by Justin’s scent and Cameron’s breathing. When I woke up, Cameron was sprawled out on top of me, and I didn’t want to move. For the first time since the night I came home drunk as shit, I felt like Justin and I weren’t over. As much as I wanted to forget everything and start over, we’d be ignoring the reasons we had problems together.

Justin came in with another shake, handing it to me before sitting next to me in bed. He pulled Cameron between us as he continued to nap.

“When we were first together, one of the things that I liked was that we didn’t need to fill in the silence surrounding us. It was different for me, silence instead of listening to everyone’s complaints. The entire time I spent with Deb or the guys, silence was uncomfortable, and they would just say shit when everyone started getting uncomfortable. With you, we didn’t need words, we could spend a whole evening watching TV or reading and it was enough for us. I learned to hate the silence when it became your way of dealing with anything you didn’t like.” I tell him.

“The only thing I can say was it became my way of not screaming out the way I really felt. I also didn’t think it would do any good, I would scream and Michael and Deb would scream louder, while you stood in the middle.” He tells me.

“It was the way I felt when Mel or Lindsay came to visit.” I tell him.

“It’s why I didn’t say anything when you stayed out late. I once asked Mel why she couldn’t find a way to get along with you for Gus’s sake.” He tells me.

“What was her answer?” I ask.

“That shit doesn’t stick to you. No matter what you did, you got everything you wanted. It was mostly her whining about the things she never accomplished, and using you to make herself feel better. In her mind, you might have been rich, but at least her job helped people. Men and women fell for you, but no one would want to keep you because in the end you weren’t worth keeping, while she had meaningful relationships with people. Over time it was like she was trying to make herself the better person in Lindsay and Gus’s eyes by tearing you down.” He tells me.

“I always thought you liked her.” I tell him.

“I didn’t hate her when I first met them, but over time didn’t like the way Gus had to listen to Mel say shit about his father. I didn’t know you, but Gus made it sound like you were a good father to him, and I could see he didn’t like or understand the things Mel said. When we got together, I tried to help by dealing with Mel for you, because you never said anything in front of Gus about her.” He tells me.

“I never will, she can play that game alone.” I tell him.

“I’m sorry about Daphne.” He tells me.

“I wish I could say everything was fine with me where she’s concerned, but the same way you need time, I can’t just forget the way she jumped on the bandwagon with the Mel.” I tell him.

“In time she and I will get back to the way we were, but I think she needs to see that there are boundaries she shouldn’t cross in our lives. It’s something she and I never ran into before. Nick hasn’t been thrilled with the way she was acting either.” He tells me.

“I wasn’t helping the situation.” I tell him.

“I wasn’t either when I let people into our home who seem to drive you out of it.” He tells me.

“Justin, none of what I did was your fault. It was me, thinking that you’d endure, the same way you had before, and it was me who was listening when Michael said things about you. Not even trying to find out if any of it was true. I wanted to believe that Michael wasn’t purposely trying to ruin our marriage. When Ben died, I fell back into the role Deb used me for since I was fourteen. In a way, she conditioned all of us to put Michael first.” I tell him.

“It’s why I worry that she’ll find a way back into your head.” He tells me.

“They offered therapy as part of chemo. I turned it down initially, but it might be something we both need.” I tell him.

“I’m willing, because even now, I don’t know where we go from here.” He tells me, holding out his hand.

MEL

Lindsay sat there crying after Gus hung up on her. She went to the kitchen, saying I shouldn’t have pissed off Justin. She didn’t get that I was pissed that Gus chose to stay around his asshole father. How does Brian always get away with the shit he does? I wanted Justin to open his eyes, but no, he lets Brian come back every fucking time. When we met Justin, for the first time our house didn’t revolve around Brian. Gus found someone worth looking up to, and I was relieved to hear Justin’s name instead of Brian’s, a man who could do nothing wrong in my wife and son’s eyes. Justin took an interest in both the kids, and gave them a better role model than the two shits we picked to father our children.

To this day, I regret that we decided on Michael and Brian, because even with Michael barely paying attention, Brian was around once again, making me look like the bad guy. He’d show up with things both of the kids asked for, but I had told them they couldn’t have. Brian was rubbing my nose it in that he could easily afford things that were beyond our reach. The selfish piece of shit was the hero, while I looked like the wicked witch for say no. With Michael, it was easier, because after the newness of being a father wore off, he only occasionally showed up, and even when he did, he acted like he didn’t want to be there. I wanted the children to be Lindsay’s and mine, not share them. I was fine with Brian at first, because he wasn’t interested the whole time Lindsay was pregnant. Only, after Gus was born, the fucker changed his mind and got in the middle of my family, my whole life really.

At first Ted was on my side concerning Brian, but then started acting like Brian was a goddamn hero because he gave him a job. Our friendship changed to the point that Ted would get on my ass for saying shit about Brian, when at one time he said the same shit.

I tried to tell Lindsay not to introduce Justin to Brian. Justin didn’t need the shit Brian brings with him. I laughed my ass off, thinking Justin saw through Brian Kinney when he turned down a date with the Slut of Liberty Avenue. Only Brian took it as a challenge, and got Lindsay to help him find out everything he could about Justin. For years they had this revolving door relationship that I was sure Justin would eventually slam the door shut on, because Brian was no one’s prize. I endured the wedding, acting like I was happy, but all I saw was once again Brian taking away someone else who was my friend. I was surprised Lindsay didn’t use her usual passive aggressive bullshit to get Brian to stop the wedding, but she stood there as if she was happy that all her fantasies about Brian were ending.

I popped champagne when Justin finally decided to send the divorce papers, only to overhear that he stalled the fucker. Then I come home to find out Justin was trying to encourage Gus to talk to the asshole. I was furious, Gus was finally seeing Brian for who he was, only to have Justin undoing and excusing the shit Brian did. I couldn’t understand why Justin wasn’t leaving Brian to deal with the shit he did. I know I shouldn’t have said what I said about Justin, since he’s taken care of Gus while Brian forgot everything but Michael. I was just angry and didn’t think.

“Mel?” Lindsay says.

“What?” I ask, not knowing what she wanted.

“Deb wants to talk to you.” She held out the phone.

“Why the fuck does she want to talk to me?” I ask.

“I don’t know, but talk to her so she doesn’t come here.” She whispers, handing me the phone.

When I put it to my ear, it was obvious Deb heard us. “If I want to come over and see my granddaughter, I will.” Deb tells me.

“You want to see Jenny?” I ask, since Deb really hasn’t bothered to since we moved back.

“No, but I want you to tell Brian I want to talk to him.” She orders me.

“Then fucking call him.” I tell her.

“We have, but the phone goes straight to voicemail and they aren’t at their house. Michael’s been there waiting for Brian to get home.” She tells me.

“He’s waiting at Justin’s house?” I ask.

“The house belongs to Brian.” She corrects me.

“Not the one Justin bought to get away from the asshole.” I tell her.

“Which is where?” She asks.

“Brian didn’t tell you and Michael? Imagine that.” I tell her.

“Cut the shit, we’re worried about Brian. Justin won’t take care of him the way we can.” She tells me.

I snorted, because well, Deb’s brand of taking care of anyone but Michael doesn’t recommend her. Shit, thinking back to the way she lorded over Vic everything she did for him, well I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, not even the asshole.

“We need to talk to Brian, Ted had someone deliver paperwork to Michael, which I’m sure HE convinced Brian to do.” She tells me.

“What paperwork?” I ask.

“I don’t know, it looked liked something to do with the money Ben left for Michael. Brian was in charge of it, so Michael wouldn’t screw it up.” She tells me.

“I can look at it if you want me to. This way I can set up the payments for Jenny through him, instead of Brian giving it to Lindsay for him.” I tell her.

“You should bring Jenny too, it would get Michael to come here instead of sitting at Brian’s house. Plus Jenny should be here for Michael, to show him support. He’s been upset that Justin threw us out.” She tells me, hanging up.

Sure, why not let Michael use Jenny for sympathy, it’s like Deb only sees us all for that reason. Of course I couldn’t bring Jenny, since she went to her friends house, mad at me for yelling at Gus. I turn to grab my coat and Lindsay stood there wringing her hands, again.

“What now?” I ask her.

“Nothing, what did Deb want?” She asks.

“From what it sounds like, Deb wants free legal advice about the money Ben left for Michael. We both know if Michael gets it he will just screw up. At least we won’t have to go through Brian for the money Michael and Ben agreed to pay to help us out. It would help if Michael would sign everything instead of running off.” I tell her.

“Where is he?” She asks.

“Apparently at the wrong house. And as pissed as I am, there’s no way I’m going to be the one who tells Michael that Justin moved Brian into his house.” I tell her.

LINDSAY

I collapsed into a chair, she was going to find out what I’d been doing. I had picked up the other phone, only to hear that Brian was going to hand Michael the money Ben knew Michael would blow if he was in charge of it. Ben came to me when we moved back, when he started to get sick, saying he was putting things in order. I suggested to him that he should put someone in charge of the money because Michael wasn’t responsible. I never meant him to choose Brian, but for some reason he did. The first time I asked Brian for money, he asked why I didn’t go to Michael, and I used the excuse that Michael was only paying us enough for small things. Brian being Brian, just sent what we once got from him for Gus. Which stopped when Gus moved in with them. Michael and Ben didn’t give us as much as Brian did. It’s not like I can depend on Michael not to tell Mel, just to cause trouble between us.

After Mel left, I couldn’t sit here. I needed to get Michael to keep his mouth shut. He answered the door at Brian’s as if he lived there, which I’m sure he wishes he did.

“What do you want?” He asked, going into the living room, which looked like a hurricane hit it. There were magazines everywhere and food all over the place. On the stairs, it looked like he started packing the house, or maybe bringing his things here.

“How long have you been here?” I ask.

“I came after the shit kicked me out at the hospital. I guess Brian is still at the hospital.” He says, turning the channel on the TV.

“He got out yesterday.” I tell him.

“Where the hell is he?” He asks.

“With Justin, but that’s not why I need to talk to you.” I tell him.

“Where does Justin live now? I want to send him a present for saving me the trouble of getting him to leave.” He smirks.

“Michael, I need you to listen to me. Brian isn’t doing anything but trying to get Justin to back off on the divorce. Which means he’s not planning to let you fuck it up.” I tell him.

“It doesn’t matter, Brian still has to talk to me. It’s why I convinced Ben to put Brian in charge of everything.” He tells me.

“Is that why Ben did it?” I ask, distracted by something I didn’t know.

“Of course. Brian was always supposed to take care of me when Ben died. He’s just trying to figure out a way to leave the whore without losing half of everything.” He tells me.

“Brian told you that?” I ask.

“He didn’t need to, he mentioned one night that he should have gotten a prenup.” He tells me.

I kept to myself that it was likely because Justin came into the marriage with just as much, if not more than Brian. Michael didn’t want to believe Justin was anything but a gold digging whore.

“Mel and Deb talked, and it sounds like Brian wants to sign over the responsibility back to you. Which is why I need to talk to you. Mel doesn’t know that Brian was helping us with Jenny. I need you to let Mel believe it was you.” I tell him.

“No problem, I don’t need her on my ass for money. Hopefully I’ll remember when she asks.” He threatens me.

“Why wouldn’t you? It would at least keep your mother from finding out you haven’t been sending us a dime for Jenny.” I threaten him back.

“Like I care what Ma thinks, but we could make it easier on both of us. All you have to tell me where he took Brian.” He tells me.

“Michael, even if I did, they aren’t going to invite you in. Right now, Mel and I aren’t even welcome, because Mel wanted Gus to stay away from Brian.” I tell him.

“Then I guess you and Mel are in for one hell of a fight when I call her.” He tells me, smugly.

I wrote down the address and threw it crumbled at him. Pissed at myself for being stupid enough to think I could reason with him.

“By the way, be happy with what Brian gave you, since it was probably more than Ben and I agreed to pay you. Jenny can call me when she needs something, so I can show her what a great father I am, and not the shit Mel tells her.” He smirks.