JUSTIN

After Luke went home, Gus asked us to not ask him about it, and ran out the back door with Cameron. Brian watched out the window as Gus played with Cameron. I'd left it alone about Luke because I hated when people pushed me to talk. It worried me that Gus didn't tell me, since he usually talked to me, and maybe it was something he wasn't comfortable with telling me yet. Brian told Gus about Michael, and asked that he stay away from him. Gus shrugged, then said he never wanted Michael near him, so it wouldn't be a problem. Once again Brian's guilt reared it's head. Ted showed up with Blake, asking to talk to Brian and me. Drew and Emmett offered to go, but it wasn't like they wouldn't find out whatever Ted wanted to talk to us about anyway.

"How didn't I see that Gus hated Michael?" Brian asks.

"I didn't see it either, but then Michael really didn't pay attention to Jenny, much less Gus." Emmett admitted.

"I doubt any of you would have seen it. Until Justin and Brian started seeing each other, Michael was careful around Gus. I think Michael was willing to share Brian with Gus, until Gus made the mistake of loving Justin and Cameron, and asking to live with you. After that, anytime Gus was around, Michael acted like he wasn't even in the room." Ted tells them.

"What do you mean? I never saw Michael ignore Gus." Emmett tells him.

"It wasn't like Michael did anything huge, he just let Ben and Hunter do all the talking." Ted tells us.

"I feel like I forced Gus to be around him." Brian tells us.

"The only time Gus was around Michael was when there were family gatherings, which you can't feel guilty about. All of us attended, because it was easier than dealing with what Deb would do if we didn't show up." Emmett tells him.

"Except Justin. Did you know?" Brian asks me.

"No. Gus tends to internalize the way you do. He usually stays quiet, unless it's something that he thinks will hurt other people. In the last year he pretty much didn't hide how he felt about Michael, but I think it was more about how Michael treated Jenny, Cameron, and me. I also tried not to let my dislike of Michael color Gus's mind to what I felt. Just like you guys, I didn't notice any change in his relationship with Gus." I tell him.

"The way Michael treated Gus was the way he treated anyone who took Brian's attention off of him, so I didn't see it as anything but that." Blake tells me.

"How about we talk about why Ted wanted to talk to us. Brian and I can talk to Gus later about it." I tell them.

"I hope you understand that I didn't go see Mel to stir up more shit, but in hopes of straightening out some facts. Only, when I showed at the girls house, Michael and Deb were there, which explained why Mel didn't want me in the house. She started questioning me about you and Justin. I questioned why Michael and Deb were there and instead of answering, she wanted to know why no one knew you and Justin owned Kinnetik together. It wasn't a secret, so I told her the truth, that you and Justin combined everything when you got married. Then Mel started blaming all her problems on Brian, so I gave up and went in the house. They were arguing over Brian's POA and how Justin shouldn't be in charge. Then Michael got pissed at Deb for trying to say he was still grieving for Ben. That's Michael went off, saying he was going to marry Brian and would get rid of anyone who got in his way, and said he would get them out of Brian's life. Lindsay brought up Gus, and Michael pretty much made it clear that Gus shouldn't be Brian's responsibility. He stormed out, but not before he told me that you better call him or else. Deb didn't hear anything, as usual. Lindsay seemed to only be worried about Kinnetik not being Gus's one day. I left after telling them off, but it worried me, what Michael was saying." Ted tells us.

"Deb's a piece of work. What Ted isn't telling you is that she pretty much told Michael that Brian wasn't good enough for him." Blake tells us.

"That's something that always puzzled me, she expects Brian to be at Michael's beck and call, but she doesn't want Michael to get what he wants from Brian." Emmett tells us.

"That's because Brian wouldn't let her rule his house the way she did with Ben and Michael. It's not that he isn't good enough, it's more that Brian is the one person that Michael would tell Deb to go to hell for." I tell them.

"Which he did, while she tried to excuse it for grieving again. Something I doubt Michael ever did, since he seems to think Ben dying was the only thing Ben did right for him." Ted tells us.

"Which Ben only reinforced by putting Brian in charge." Drew tells Brian.

"I don't think that's why Ben did it, although it would seem like that." Blake tells us.

"What?" Brian asks him.

"Blake." Ted says, as if to stop whatever Blake might say.

"I think he thought Justin was the one who could do better. I don't know if Ben wanted Justin, but he didn't like that you were with Justin." Blake tells Brian.

"I never got the feeling he wanted me, just that he was lonely. He never made a pass at me, He seemed puzzled by why I would want Brian. I think it was more that he saw Brian as the person everyone else believed he was." I tell them.

"What do you see?" Brian asked.

"A man who worked his ass off so Gus's life was everything any kid could want. A person who could deal with what people said about him, because he knew who he was and what he was. Like all of us, you have flaws and issues, but in your heart cared about everything to the point where you couldn't let go of a friendship, always hoping that you could find the person you thought was there." I tell him.

ALEX

Carl and I wandered around the house, not seeing anything but what I expected when it came to Michael. Carl didn't looked surprised by it either. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that neither of us were fooled by either of the Novotnys.

"What do you think?" Carl asks.

"Michael tried to change anything that went against what he wants. He wants all the things that Justin got, and in his mind it means erasing anything that shows Justin exists." I tell him.

"Which worries me if he and Justin come face to face." He tells me.

"I'd be worried for Michael, not Justin. Michael doesn't have a clue who he'd be dealing with." I tell him.

"What do you mean?" He asks, probably believing Justin is the person he let's everyone see.

"Justin holds back for the sake of Brian and his children. Michael thinks because Justin took what Michael was doing, that it showed him Justin was weak. Which is Michael's mistake, for underestimating Justin." I tell him.

"I really don't know Justin that well. Deb and I were pretty much over by the time Brian started bringing Justin around." He tells me.

"What do you know about him?" I ask.

"Just that he's an artist, but I'm not much for the art scene." He tells me.

"He's also an award winning photographer. Several years ago he was in a helicopter that was shot down. He survived weeks before he and the team he was with were found." I tell him.

"I heard about it, but didn't realize it was Justin." He tells me.

"Justin likely wouldn't bring it up. I'm only telling you because if Michael does anything to hurt Justin's family, Michael will be the loser. Unlike Brian, Justin saw Michael and Deb for who they are. Brian can see it now, but in the past he only saw them as the family that his biological family never was to him." I tell him.

"Brian always seems to be able to see past the bullshit. It's why I could never wrap my head around Brian and Michael's relationship. No matter what Michael did, they all seem to find a way to almost ignore it." He tells me.

"They were doing what Deb wanted, it's something that the gang did, coming from the families they were born into. Each one didn't get acceptance from their own family, and when they got it from Deb, they didn't see that her acceptance came with conditions. The biggest one was everyone took care of Michael. Which, until they met their partners wouldn't have caused problems for Deb. As each one partnered off, they didn't come running every time Michael needed them." I tell him.

"Except for Brian." He tells me.

"She had Brian the longest, because he resisted the idea of relationships. Which I'm sure Deb was happy about, not just because she wanted him to take care of Michael, but because she didn't want him to ever decide to have one with Michael." I tell him.

"I got the same feeling about her not wanting Brian and Michael to be more than friends. She wasn't happy with Ben at first, but in a way I think she was hoping it would push Michael to want Ben." He tells me.

"Which would work with Michael. Because telling him ‘no' only guarantees he does the opposite." I tell him.

"You study Michael a lot?" He asks.

"You could say I studied the group as a whole. They interested me, seeing the dynamics that played out. It always interested me that they managed to stay friends as long as they did. Like you said, Brian isn't one for putting up with bullshit from anyone, but I don't think people understood one thing about Brian; he hid behind the mask he put on for the world. Brian cared to the point that he'd hurt himself to keep the people he cares about happy. Emmett was the opposite, by showing he cared. Emmett wouldn't be in your face the way Brian was, but try to find way to say something in a way that wouldn't hurt or embarrass someone. Ted let himself blend into the background because he felt safest there, only coming to the front when someone needed him to. The three of them being friends made sense to me, in that they all care about others more than themselves. It was Michael that didn't make a lot of sense to me in the group. He didn't care about anything unless he could use it to show that he did, or to make people see him as someone important. Which is where Brian came in, by being the guy everyone wanted to be or be with. Michael felt important because for years he was the guy Brian would drop anyone or anything to take care of. Unfortunately for Brian, it included Justin." I tell him.

"Why only Justin and not the other guy's partners?" He asks as we leave.

"Because he couldn't use their words against them. Emmett and Ted wanted relationships, where Brian practically shouted he didn't believe in them. He sneered at the idea of having a relationship that was heteronormative, and Michael always knew exactly what to say to Brian to get him to do what he wanted. I think when Brian still married Justin and went on to have a family with him, Michael was determined to do everything he could to split them up. Only, Brian loved Justin enough not to let Michael do it. I think a lot of what Brian did for Michael was only because Brian saw Michael as himself if he ever lost Justin. Only Brian wouldn't use partying to solve his problems anymore, because he had his children to take care of." I tell him.

"He might have believed that he would do what Michael was doing though. It's what almost broke Ben and Michael up from what Deb told me. That Brian was partying Michael's marriage into the ground over some piece of ass." He tells me.

"At that time, Brian was alone, and Gus was in Canada, so what he was doing wouldn't hurt anyone, not even Michael, regardless of how anyone saw it. Michael was thrilled that Brian turned to him. It was the first time in my career I let my personal feelings for someone affect the way I thought." I tell him.

"You had feelings for Brian?" He asks.

"As a friend, although at one time I wouldn't have minded taking it further yes, but it wasn't love that made me want that with Brian, it was other things. No, it was that I honestly didn't like Michael, and being outside the situation, I saw who Michael really was. A spoiled child who manipulated people. He made sure people saw Brian the way he wanted them to see him. Brian might have tricked and forgotten them, but it was Michael who made sure they felt used by Brian, by hunting them down and telling them Brian was a selfish shit who only cares about himself. Which Brian helped by ignoring them afterwards, but in Brian's case it was to keep them from getting closer to him." I tell him.

"He didn't do that with Justin?" I ask.

"No he didn't, but it didn't stop Michael from playing the games he did. Which Brian wouldn't have seen as anything but Michael looking out for him. It's why Michael got away with it for so long, because he knew Brian would believe him, since nothing Michael was saying wasn't something Brian expected." I tell him.

"You aren't worried that Brian will be the one who ends up doing something to Michael?" He asks.

"Brian wouldn't use his fists, unless there was no other way. Justin on the other hand, will use whatever he has to, to get rid of anything that hurts his family. Brian is ‘in your face', Justin comes at you when you least expect it." I tell him.

"You know Justin that well?" He asks.

"I know what I've read in the reports that were sent to me when I agreed to work with him and Brian. What I worry about is the response to the restraining orders." I tell him.

"What do you mean?" He asks, before I get in my car.

"I'm sure you'll find out as soon as you file them." I tell him, getting in and driving off. It was the most I could say without getting my ass in hot water, but Carl needed to know he'd likely have someone at the station wanting to know exactly what this was about.

BRIAN

Justin got a phone call and left the room. I hated when he did that, because in the past, he only did that when he was leaving. It gave me time to talk to Gus about Luke, and why he didn't even tell Justin about it. I needed something to distract me, because if Justin came back and said he was going, I didn't know how to deal with it. He stopped after we committed to each other, but I could tell he missed the life he lived before me. But I didn't feel there was anything I could say after the way I practically ran away from the marriage. There was also something else he said that bothered me; that he gave up things because of me. It's something Lindsay would mention off and on after Justin and I decided to live in Pittsburgh, that Justin gave up his life for mine. Which, after hearing Lindsay say it, Justin told me that he didn't have to give up anything, he chose to be with me. Even hearing it from Justin, it didn't keep the doubts from rearing their heads once in awhile.

"You want to talk about it?" I ask Gus, after Cameron fell asleep with his head in my lap.

"I'm not sure yet. I mean, I sort of like both. Last night was the first time Luke and I did anything." He tells me.

"Do we need to talk about safety?" I ask.

"No, because we didn't do anything other than make out. I'm not ready to do more, shit I'm still a virgin." Gus mumbles.

"There's nothing wrong with waiting." I tell him, wishing Justin was here, because this was not a conversation I ever wanted to have with Gus, or Cameron.

"This is going to sound bad, but I didn't want people to assume that I'd be like you." He tells me, looking down at the floor.

"Gus, I'd never want people to view you the way they did me. What I did, well it wasn't something to be proud of, but at the time I didn't realize it would affect anyone else. Why do you think people would compare you to me?" I ask.

"Most of the time, no one does. It only happens when the guys and I are out on Liberty Avenue and we run into older guys who knew you. I heard a few say they couldn't wait to see if I was anything like you." He tells me.

"I wish I'd lived differently, but I can't change that. I can only tell you not to let anyone tell you who you are. You need to live your life as you want." I tell him.

"It isn't just what people I don't know say, it's what Mama and the others used to say, as if it didn't matter that they made you sound like..." He says, not wanting to say it.

"A whore, slut, or whatever else they could. It's not like I didn't know they were saying it Gus. What they say doesn't bother me, but what you think does." I tell him.

"I guess I don't get how you could do that with just anyone. To me it's something that shouldn't be a game, or something that you do without giving a shit about the person you're with." He tells me, as Justin comes back in the room.

"Can I say something?" Justin asks. "Gus, it's okay to believe sex is something that should be special between you and the person you're with. There's also nothing wrong with enjoying yourself. What your father was doing isn't any different than what most guys do. I wasn't saving myself until I met your father, and it wouldn't be fair of me to judge him for the life he had before me. It bothers me to hear that Mel or whoever else, was telling you about your father's past." Justin tells him.

"It doesn't bother you what Dad did?" He asks.

"No. Because it had nothing to do with me. Just like my past wasn't about him. It was both of us doing what we wanted. Does it bother you to know that my past isn't spotless either?" Justin asks.

"No one talks about you the way they do Dad." He tells me.

"The only difference in the things I did and what your father did, was that my life wasn't open to the public. I didn't stay in one place long enough for anyone to know me. Your Dad lived in one place most of his life, and it means people had time to make judgements that were theirs, and not necessarily true. What he did in his past, isn't the total sum of who he is. Just like, as you grow up what you do and don't do won't define who you are. Who you are is the person you are when no one sees what you're doing." Justin tells him.

"Yet the only thing anyone talks about is what Dad did in the past and was doing with Michael this last year. It's hard to see anything but how little anything, except for Michael, was what Dad cared about." Gus tells him, not looking at me.

"Sonny Boy, we need to talk about it. You seemed to let it go, but it has to still bother you." I tell him.

"Of course it does, but with Mama and Mom pissing me off, I didn't want to be mad at you too. Jus already has enough to deal with, and with you being sick, I needed to be there for you." He tells me.

"I'm going to be okay." I tell Gus.

"How can you be sure, when you didn't do what the doctors wanted and ended up in the hospital? It really pisses me off that you didn't fucking do what you should have to make sure you were okay. Instead you ignored everything to take care of Michael. If you had fucking died, it wouldn't have been about you, because Jus and I would have been the ones dealing with everything like we both have." He tells me, angry, but not shouting, because of Cameron.

"Gus, I'm sorry if I made you feel that way." Justin tells him.

"You didn't." He tells Justin.

"I did. Which I can't change, but I can promise you it won't happen again. I know you don't have any reason to believe me, but I can show you things are different. If you want we can set up appointments with Alex as a family, or you can talk to him alone. I know we have a long way to go before either of you trust me, and I'll do what it takes to earn that back from both of you." I tell them, looking down at Cameron, who didn't know he shouldn't trust me either.

"I didn't care that you weren't there on my birthday. Well I did, but it didn't hurt me as much as it did that you didn't show up for Cameron's." Gus tells me, being the big brother he always has been to his siblings.

"I should have been there for both." I tell him, not excusing any of my actions.

"I don't get it, why did you take off if you believe that?" Gus asks.

"I was being everything everyone told you I was. Justin was here and I didn't think beyond that. I could tell you what I made myself believe, which was that Michael needed me, but in the end, I made the choice to ignore my life." I tell him.

"Don't do it again, because my life isn't better without you." Gus tells me, getting up to take Cameron to bed for his nap.

"Noooo." Cameron mumbles climbing up to wrap his arms around my neck.

"Take him to bed, you need to rest too. Understand something, my life isn't better without you either." Justin tells me, helping me get up.

Cameron cuddled up next to me, as we laid down. I didn't realize how tired I was until I laid down. Justin came in and sat next to me, running his hand over Cameron's head, then I felt his hands on my face.

"We can't solve anything in a day, but I want you to know, I can see the way back." Justin tells me. I fell asleep easily after seeing the promises in his eyes.