GUS

I sat there chewing on my nail, not really sure what I was supposed to talk about. I didn’t really want to talk about what I said to my dad. It was just that it worried me that I might one day be like him. I wanted to take it further with Luke the other night, but I wasn’t in love with Luke, just reacting to the hormones surging at the possibilities. I wasn’t even absolutely sure which I like best. I kind of wondered if I was like my mom, who couldn’t make up her mind, not that she’d acted on her attraction to men recently. A lot of the reason I wanted to live with Dad and Jus was because I got tired of living with Mama and Mom. Mama especially, because she was eternally pissed off at my Dad.

“Gus, if you’re not ready to talk, it’s okay.” Dr Turner says, interrupting my thoughts.

“I’m just not sure I really have any problems worth a visit. I’m not happy with my parents, but what kid isn’t at some time? My sister is living with our other brother, and for the same reason, but no one seems worried that she might need help too. And okay, my dad screwed up and I might have encouraged Jus to leave him. I really hate Michael, because instead of my dad and Jus having time to work out their problems, now they're dealing with more crap from that corner. I can’t be pissed at everyone, so for now I’m pissed at Mama, because I feel like crap because I’m worried about being like my dad was in his past. I didn’t want to tell Jus, who I know I hurt because I didn’t tell him I could be gay, bi, or whatever. Which I can thank my mom for, because she’s just as indecisive.” I stopped when I realized how much I’d said to the poor woman.

“I think we can safely say you have some things we could possibly talk about.” She tells me, smiling and seeming to hold back a laugh. “Yes, you’re absolutely right that all kids are sometimes unhappy with their parents. But unlike some kids, your reasons are likely because they’ve let you down in some way. If your sister needs help than I would be more than happy to let her see me. Your dad did have Alex explain to me what he did that you see as screwing up. You need to know that why Jus left him had nothing to do with you. As for the Michael part, I’m not up to speed on who that is. I do want to discuss the things that your mama might have said, not realizing how it would affect you. One last thing, your sexuality has nothing to do with any of your parents, as well as how you’ll handle sex when you decide it’s the right time for you.” She amazed me, by the fact that she not only listened, but was actually paying attention to what I said.

“I think I hurt Jus.” I tell her.

“I’m assuming Jus is Justin, your stepfather?” She asks.

“I don’t put the ‘step’ in anything when it comes to Jus.” I tell her.

“Why do you refer to him as ‘Jus’ if you feel that way?” She asks.

“When I first met him when I was a little kid, everyone referred to him as Mr Taylor, but he told me I could just call him Jus. It felt special, it’s something only I call him. To me, it means all the things that saying ‘Dad’ does for me. Why did you want to know?” I ask.

“No real reason, I just like to know the how you view the people in your life. Do you want to talk about your dad and the cancer, or we can talk about your moms? It’s up to you.” She tells me.

“We could just stick to Jus, it would take less time.” I joke, really avoiding the rest of the minefields.

“We could, but I don’t think Justin’s a problem for you.” She tells me.

“I really looked up to my dad, and when he and Jus got together, I thought we would be a family. Only there’s Michael, the guy who acts like my dad belongs to him. I tried to like him, but I don’t get what there is to like about him. Jus ignored him, but it didn’t stop Michael from saying things about him, and my dad didn’t stop him either. Then this last year everything went to shit. My dad was barely home, when he was, he and Jus were fighting, and I didn’t like my dad. It felt wrong, because my dad is really the best dad in the world, well, until Ben died he was. We went from having a great home to a broken one, all because Michael wants what Jus had with my dad.” I tell her.

“From what I was told, they are trying to work out their problems. Do you feel guilty because Justin left your father?”

“I didn’t know what to do anymore. Jus tried not to let us see how unhappy he was, but it wasn’t like he could totally hide it. Then Dad just made it worse. Jus called him one night, asking him if he planned to come home, he made it sound like Jus was selfish when he asked. Dad seemed to think that we should understand that Michael was grieving for Ben, and that that was more important than anything we wanted. It’s why I wouldn’t talk to him when he called the day after my birthday. What if he accused me of the same thing?”

“It’s something we should talk to your Dad about when we meet with him. He explained to me what he did or didn’t do, and he feels a lot of guilt for making you feel the way you do.” She tells me.

“I want us to be like we were, but how do we do that with all the other people who won’t leave us alone to figure things out? My mom and mama split up again, and my sister told me she’ll run away if they make her come home. I’m worried that Michael will somehow convince my Dad that it’s really Jus that caused all the problems. It’s taken everything I could do to make sure Cameron doesn’t get hurt.” I tell her.

“Gus you can’t save everyone until you deal with the things that caused the anxiety you're feeling. Is Jenny safe and happy with your other brother?” She asks.

“Hunter’s really cool, and I know he’ll take care of Jenny. It just has to suck for him, because he’s in college and our bratty sister is there. I know Jus would have let her stay with us, but I didn’t ask because it would be a reason why Michael and Deb could show up. Which they can’t do with Hunter, because he wrote them off and doesn’t talk to either of them anymore. I kind of agree with him, that sometimes there are people in your life that you have to let go of.” I tell her.

“Who do you think you have to let go of?” She asks.

“Mama, and sometimes Mom.” I tell her.

“Would you want your mama or mom to come and possibly discuss why you feel that way?” She asks.

“They wouldn’t care. I mean they do, but when they fight they expect everyone to take a side. It’s something my dad never did, unless it involved Michael.” I tell her.

“Could you explain to me what you mean by your dad never did?” She asks.

“When Mama was fighting with my dad, she would talk crap about him. Only, my dad never said things about her to me. He let me think for myself. Only, it was hard not to listen to the way Mama made my dad’s life sound, and Mom never contradicted her, or even told me, like Jus did, that it wasn’t something that had anything to do with my dad’s parenting of me.” I tell her.

“Which from the everything you’ve said, he did well. I agree with Justin, it’s not something that had to do with how your dad takes care of you. I need to meet with your dad and Justin, do you want to be there?” She asks me.

“Do you think they’ll tell me what they talked about?” I ask.

“If it’s something that affects you directly, then yes they will. They both agreed that you needed to know what was going on with them.” She tells me.

“Then can we only talk about what only directly affects them?” I ask her.

“Gus, anything I tell them, you have to agree that you want them to know. One of the things you avoided was your dad’s cancer, is there a reason you don’t want to talk about it.” She asks.

“In my head, if we don’t talk about it, then it can’t kill him.” I tell her.

“In your father’s case, it’s likely he’ll make a full recovery, and yes there is a chance that he could get cancer again, but anyone can. Talking about it won’t do anything but keep you informed. The reason he needs chemo is to kill any other cells that might have been left behind after the surgery.” She tells me.

“I thought they used it because he still has cancer.” I tell her.

“It’s used for that too, but in this case it’s to prevent any harmful cells from becoming cancerous.” She tells me.

“How do you know that?” I ask.

“My husband had the same thing your father did. I think it’s why Alex thought it would be good for me to be your therapist.” She tells me.

“Is your husband…” I couldn’t say it.

“He’s healthy, and helping me raise my daughter and two sons.” She tells me.

After hearing that, the relief I felt was overwhelming, and when my dad came in with Jus, I ran straight to him and let him wrap his arms around me. He was my safe place, even when he wasn’t there.

MEL

As much as I hate Brian, Michael managed to actually make me hate him more. I couldn’t even blame this shit on Brian. It was me running my mouth that made them believe that they had any kind of power to get Brian away from Justin. I might hate the fucker, but there was no way they were going to get me to hurt Justin and be just like them and Brian. It was also the last straw with my cousin when they showed up at her house, demanding their way in. We ended up having to go back to the house I owned with Lindsay.

I got there first, to find Lindsay sitting behind the computer. As usual, she was looking up things on Justin. I knew she’d been worried about the way Brian’s life took over Justin’s, and how apparently Justin was giving up things. It’s the only time she saw her precious Peter as the asshole I’d been telling her he is.

“What are you doing here?” She asks, not even looking up.

“I got kicked out of my cousin's house because Deb and Michael wouldn’t leave when she asked them to.” I tell her.

“It wasn’t like we couldn’t have shared the house, you know, the way we did the last time. I’m sure we can clean up the attic for you.” She tells me.

“I’m sure you can use Gus’s room, since I pay for the house.” I tell her.

“Let’s be truthful, since you want that. Brian pays for it, and likely Justin.” She really enjoyed using that.

Michael and Deb once again barged in, and for once Lindsay didn’t hide her real feelings about the two of them. It’s something she never let Deb see before; the fact that Lindsay looked down on them.

“Look, I tried to tell you both, even with everything you and Michael could tell a judge, you won’t be the people they put in charge of Brian’s life. You can say whatever you want about Justin, but the people he could bring would only convince a judge that Justin is perfectly capable of acting for his husband.” I tell them, wishing I never brought up that Brian wasn’t competent of making decisions.

“Don’t fucking call Brian that shit’s husband!” Michael says, getting spit in my face as he screamed it.

“‘Husband’ implies that Brian is married, and guess what, it’s to JUSTIN.” Lindsay taunts. Then Michael turns and slaps the shit out of her.

No matter what our problems were, there was no way I could let Michael get away with hurting her. I didn’t think, I just reacted to the way Lindsay fell from the chair. My fist went flying, and so did Michael. Deb, of course found some way for it to be our fault, and then thought I’d let her hand connect, instead I moved, so she ended up falling on Michael. Before I could do anything, Deb was dragging Michael out the door and calling the police. When the police showed up, Deb made it sound like I hit all three of them, and fucking Lindsay didn’t say anything as they arrested me.

I sat in the cell, not calling anyone, just thinking about my life and the things that I didn’t have that Brian did. Justin wouldn’t have sat there not saying anything, no matter how many times Brian fucked up, and whether I like it or not, neither would Brian. I spent my life hating the fact that nothing touches him, and that he got everyone’s love no matter what he did. I thought about what Ted said for the first time, why did I need to put down Brian to be happy? I had all the time in the world to come up with an answer, because in truth, who would I call?

A couple hours later I heard my name and looked up to see Brian standing there shaking his head at me.