MEL

I sat frozen on Alex’s couch. I knew Lindsay constantly made selfish decisions, but while she was talking I thought about our life.

“Telling me what’s going on in your head helps.” Alex said, concerned.

“For a minute I almost fell for Lindsay’s tears. Only, it started me thinking about our past and seeing it differently.” I tell him.

“What were your thoughts?” He asked.

“For the most part, I ignored the things that were glaringly obvious. The way she would say little things to gauge how Brian or I reacted to them. Little digs, but they were constant, and instead of starting a fight, I blamed it on everyone but her. Only now, I’ve started to see our friendship with Justin differently. I was happy when Brian’s name was no longer brought up in every conversation, but now I see that even though Lindsay loved Brian more than a gay woman should, she loved the life Justin led more.” I tell him.

“What makes you think that?” He asks.

“I remember when Justin got in the crash. It was more me being scared to death he was gone. Now thinking back on it, Lindsay was more upset about the fact that when he came back, he told her he was doing a favor for the military, not working on his next show. She ranted about him wasting his time on things that did nothing for his career. I remember thinking it was strange, because if anything, people were hearing more about him than they had before. She was happy enough that he and Brian stayed together at first, until Justin wanted to be a father, not an artist. It’s strange, because when Brian and Justin were having problems, Lindsay and I were doing fine. When they were happy, she was practically cheering me on when I was bitching about Brian to Justin.” I tell him.

“She didn’t make you say the things you did, even though she might have found a way to get you to do it, you were still in control of what you said.” He tells me.

“I know, and for my words, I take full blame. It’s just, with what Brian told us today, I’m worried that Lindsay is involved in shit that will affect Gus. She can’t see past what she wants, to see that our son needs us to be better than we are. What happens to Gus if Lindsay is involved in something that hurts a man Gus sees as his father? Why can’t she see losing him would be worse than whatever she thinks her little plan will accomplish. I’m worried about what Michael’s doing too, because it will affect Jenny. Jenny knows he’ll never be the greatest father, but she deserves a father who at least wants her, for her.” I tell him.

Alex was beaming at me, and with everything else going on it felt good to see he thought something I was saying was right. 

“What?” I asked.

“When we started together, it was more about you and how you felt. I like that you’re changing your priorities to the kids, that’s all. I do agree that Jenny and Gus hearing bad things from you, about their fathers, wasn’t the right way to go. They need you to be there when it hurts and to help them through it, which you’re starting to see on your own. It’s something I like about you, you took what we talked about and applied it in hopes of helping your children.” He tells me.

I couldn’t believe a few words of praise turned on the waterworks, but it had been so long since I heard much. He handed me a tissue, sitting next to me and letting me lean on him.

“Mel, one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship is losing who you are to please your partner. It happens because we want to be loved and don’t realize love shouldn’t mean having to become someone you don’t even recognize. If you met Brian without Lindsay, what would the Mel before Lindsay have thought?” He asks.

“I’d have likely tried to drink him under the table and tried to out trick him. I would have… liked him.” I said, knowing it was true.

“Tell me in your words why you didn’t.” He tells me.

“I knew Lindsay loved him more, and how do I compete with a man? That was always in the back of my mind. I think he would have at least tried if I hadn’t pretty much reacted like a bitch when Lindsay introduced us. After that, I needed to keep him at a distance, because he was everything I missed about my life after settling down with Lindsay. I don’t regret it, because I have Gus and Jenny, but now I see I gave up too much.” I tell him.

“You chose to give it up. It’s something you need to see, everything happens because we make choices. If Lindsay does something that hurts Gus or Jenny, it’s her choice, and no longer your job to try to clean it up. If Michael ends up where he truly needs to be with this crazy idea of his, he made those choices and your job is making sure Jenny has someone to talk to, vent to, or anything else she needs to do.” He tells me.

“It scares me that Michael would use a baby, even if it’s not my business. What happens to the baby? I know if it ends up being Brian’s then Brian will do what it takes to protect him the way he protects everyone he loves, but what if it isn’t?” I tell him.

“Michael is trying to have Brian’s baby?” He asks, looking alarmed.

“He had papers drawn up that pretty much said the baby was Brian’s. Only, as far as I know the samples that Brian gave are all accounted for. I haven’t checked, but I’m sure the clinic can confirm when a sample was used and if Lindsay isn’t lying again it would have been years ago. Unless Brian donated and none of us knew, there really isn’t anyway it could be Brian’s.” I tell him.

“Brian knows all this?” He asks.

“It’s what he and Justin showed up at the house to find out. They somehow got a copy, or maybe the original of the surrogacy…”

“Don’t tell me anything else. My agreement in treating Justin means I have to report if he does anything illegal.” He tells me.

“Even if it’s me telling you?” I ask.

“I can only report things that pertain to Justin’s activities.” I tell her.

“Why are you reporting anything on Justin?” I ask.

“I really can’t tell you. Just do him a favor and don’t tell me anything that could get him in trouble.” He tells me, making me curious.

“I don’t think Brian is happy with me. I know we’ll never really be friends, but I thought we were at least getting to the point where we’re dealing with each other.” I tell him changing the subject.

“Why do you think there’s a problem?” 

“I overheard Lindsay talking on the phone and she brought up Michael. They shouldn’t even want anything to do with each other, so there isn’t any reason for Lindsay to be talking to him or about him. I didn’t tell Brian about it when I found out, and I could tell he wasn’t happy about it when he left the house. You want to know what really bothers me about it?” I ask. “He let me go on it, and I doubt he’ll ever say anything about it. Only I feel like I lost some of the trust he was starting to give me.”

“He’s never liked to find out things after he should have already known. In this case things are being thrown at him when he barely has the energy to deal with them. Help him by not hiding anything and you’ll regain what you lost.” He tells me.

“I don’t know what to believe, that’s why I didn’t tell him. I didn’t want to believe it.” I admitted.

“Mel, you don’t have to shield Lindsay. If she does something, make her face what she’s doing. It’s what we’ve been doing for you, and I can see it’s helping you.” He tells me.

“If she has anything to do with hurting Justin or helping Michael, there isn’t anything I would do for her.” I promise.

RYAN

Deb was barely able to maintain even a decent mood. The minute she walked in the door she was biting the heads off anyone who dared to smile. I really tried hard to find a redeeming quality about her, but there just wasn’t one. She could single handedly wait all the tables, but while doing it she insulted people or ignored what they ordered telling them they got what she brought. I really had to believe it was that she mixed up orders and didn’t want to admit to it. I finally had enough when she told someone to go somewhere else if they didn’t like the service here.

“Deb, my office.” I ordered her.

“These tables won’t wait themselves, so later.” She snaps.

Kiki took over, turning Deb and marching her to my office. “Do what he says.” Kiki said when she shoved Deb in the chair in front of my desk.

“Look, I’m just having a bad day and there’s a lot on my mind. I’ll do better.” She tells me, for the first time actually worried about her job.

“Talk to me, because I need a reason not to fire you.” I tell her.

“I don’t know what I did so wrong.” She tells me.

“Today or the whole time we’ve worked together?” I ask, since I could probably spend hours on it.

“It’s not about work. It’s just if I say anything then I have to admit I’ve been completely deluded about my son. Maybe she talked him into it.” She tells me.

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.” I tell her.

“Michael might be…”

“You don’t believe he might, otherwise you’d be defending him.” I tell her.

“I heard him talking to a guy, who is the one trying to hire someone to do something to Justin. It sounded like Michael was willing to pay for it.” She says, only I can tell she was trying to believe Michael was innocent.

“Deb, if Michael is paying the money then he’s involved up to his eyeballs. You understand that what he’s doing will put him in prison. All it takes is hiring the wrong person and you go from battery to murder. If we can stop him now, he’s has a better chance in court.” I tell her, wanting to get through to her.

“He doesn’t understand what he’d doing. This isn’t the sweet boy I raised.” She tells me.

“Deb, I don’t think he’s been the boy you raised for a long time. Just what I already know tells me that Michael’s obsession with Brian went beyond the normal unrequited crush.” I tell her.

“Is that what he… Justin told you?” She asks, glaring.

“No, Justin never said a word about him. That’s what everyone that knows you and him told me. A lot of the employees have a problem with your son. One of the things you need to get through your head is that everyone else isn’t as blind as you are about your son. It should tell you something that a lot of the people on Liberty Avenue barely have a good thing to say about him. He isn’t sweet or misunderstood. You can’t see it because you don’t want to. It’s hard on any parent to figure out there’s something wrong with their child, so you aren’t the only one. It’s just, even with the facts you seem to have, you’re still trying to explain it away.” I tell her.

“I need to talk to Carl, but I don’t know if he would talk to me.” She tells me.

“If you need me to I can go with you.” I tell her.

“Why?” She asks, as if she didn’t expect it.

“Because you need a friend and I’m offering to be that.” I tell her, because this was going to devastate her. 

“I don’t understand why.” She tells me.

“Even helping Justin and Brian now, it’s not going to change the past, you do understand that, don’t you? You’ve burned them too many times for them to welcome you with open arms, but maybe it’s time you get a life that you can be happy with. We can start again, with an empty slate.” I tell her.

“How do you do that?” She asks, making me wonder what made her the way she is.

“I believe if you want to be better, you can. Only you have to want it. It’s why we offered so many ways for people to improve their lives. I worried most about you, because somehow your life became about making your son happy, and damn anyone else. Only I can see it bothers you that someone could get hurt, even if you don’t like Justin.” I tell her.

JUSTIN

I woke up later than usual to find Gus and Brian destroying the kitchen, but making Cameron laugh. It felt normal. Daphne was still pouting, but I could tell she just wanted Nick to pay attention to her.

I went to answer the door, and almost slammed it in Carl and Deb’s faces. Ryan managed to stop me.

“Justin, give her a chance to explain.” He tells me.

“Not in my house. I’ll meet you in the back.” I tell them, refusing to let her in.

“I understand, and hope what I tell you helps.” She says, looking at the ground.

“Then understand this, if anything you say blames me or Brian, then I won’t listen. Before you go with them to the backyard you and I need to talk.” I tell her.

Ryan stood there for a second but eventually followed Carl. I knew he could be a softy, but for Deb, it bothered me.

“I know I’ve never given you a reason to like or trust me, but for once I’m not here to blame you or Brian. I don’t want to be here, because then I have to face the mess I created by believing Michael and finding ways to excuse his behavior.” She tells me, but for me it really was too late.

“I never cared about you liking me or approving of me. As long as Brian wanted me, that’s really all I cared about. Only you and your son didn’t want him to be happy. Because then who would be there to clean up Michael’s mess? I know you didn’t want Brian to give Michael what he wanted, but you expected him to live his life serving you and your son. Which he did, regardless of what it did to him or us. That is what I can’t forgive, having my life get fucked over because you guilted Brian constantly. You took what his parents did to a new level of abuse, and because of Brian’s fears of being left, he gave in to you. So regardless of what you say, I don’t want you around me or my family, because he still loves you, and he’s still able to be hurt by you.” I tell her.

“Why didn’t you let Ryan fire me?” She ask, which threw me.

“I didn’t buy the diner with an agenda, but because it was one of the places that Brian could talk about and smile.” I tell her.

“You really love him don’t you?” She asks.

“I’m still here because I know he loves me, he just got lost for a while.’ I tell her.

“No one ever loved me enough to stay.” She tells me.

“Vic did, he just couldn’t stand by you anymore.” Brian tells her.

Deb nodded then turned and went to the back of the house. I turned, letting the past make me wary of Brian’s reaction to what I said to her.

“I agree, we can’t let her be in our lives.” He tells me.

“Thank you.” 

Brian decided not to come outside, saying he really wasn’t ready to talk to her. It made me realize that he knew I would handle whatever she had to say. Nick came with me, and listened to what she had to say. I really didn’t know what to think, Michael, willing to share Brian? I was more concerned about the baby, because until Michael made a move, it was just Deb’s word against Michael’s, and Michael would lie through his teeth, not caring about Deb. Deb left with Ryan as soon as she was done, not asking to see Brian.

“Lindsay probably knows more than she’s telling you.” Carl told me.

“She won’t tell anyone unless she’s cornered.” Nick tells us.

“What does she get out of this? Brian’s done as far as she’s concerned. I can’t figure it out.” I tell them.

“She wants you.” Brian tells me.

“What?” I ask, not getting it.

“You had the life she dreamed of, when you first met she was being invited to anything you were invited to, because people knew you and she were friends. When you stopped, where did that leave her?” Brian tells me.

“Back in the life she had before we met. Even if I started showing again, I wouldn’t be inviting her.” I tell him.

“Lindsay wants to believe you would.” Nick tells me.

“I only invited her because Gus wanted to come.” I tell him.

“Lindsay’s a lot like Deb and Michael, she see things the way she wants to see them. It doesn’t matter what the truth is. Michael took things I said and changed them to mean that one day it would be him. I’m not blaming myself, only telling you what I can see now. I said things like ‘we’d be two old queens together in Palm Springs’, my meaning was that we’d still be friends. How Michael took it was that I saw us in a relationship one day. It’s like Lindsay when she wanted Gus, she saw it as me showing her that if I wasn’t gay, then I’d want her. Only, the reality ruined her fantasy when I didn’t do more than support Gus. Then she met you and there was another fantasy she’d have the chance at through you. She still believes it, because I did what she knew I would do and left you to deal with things while I put Michael first. Think about the way she tried to get you to believe you shared the same kind of problems in your marriages.” He tells me.

“Why help Michael, since she knows that would have me slamming the door in her face?” I ask.

“Michael worked in the past, and recently, anytime we had problems.” He tells me.

“Now that we know most of it, how do we deal with it?” Nick asks.

“I give them a victim.” I tell him.

“Justin.” Brian growled.

“I won’t be alone, but you can’t be there. You remember Daphne’s promise?” I ask Nick.

“Great, they're going to rib me over getting the easy assignment.” Nick jokes.

“You call this easy?” Brian asks.

“I doubt we’ll be running from bullets this time, but then, if Michael had a gun he’d shoot himself. I have to admit he tried, but really, he brought in too many players. Kip will probably wet his pants telling us everything.” I tell him.

“Only if someone makes him.” Brian tells me.

“I think we can arrange that.” Nick tells him, smiling.

“Good God, not Al. Anyone but him. Gus doesn’t need him when he’s still confused.” I joke, but really, Al and Brian tend to turn anyone’s head.

“Al?” Brian asks, sounding jealous.

“Not anything you have to worry about.” I tell him.

“Not a friend/trick?” Brian asks.

“Brian he’s only twenty-one, which would have put him at seventeen when we met.” I tell him.

“I would have gone after you even then.” He tells me.

“I would have probably let you.” I tell him, flirting back.

“Guys, we have work to do.” Nick tells me.

“Yeah, well I think Brian needs a nap first.” I tell him, dragging Brian with me.