Justin woke up groggily, working to pry his eyelids open. The crust that had formed from his crying smarted. He scrubbed at his face, refusing to let another wave of tears overwhelm him.

Taking a shaky breath, he stood on unsteady feet. He realized he hadn't eaten since breakfast the previous day; no wonder he felt faint. Besides, crying drained him of energy.

On his way to the bathroom, his eyes landed on the man sleeping on the couch. His long limbs were dangling over the edge, his head turned at an odd angle, which would probably result in neck pain, his whole posture looking uncomfortable.

“Stubborn asshole,” Justin muttered, going into the bathroom.

He knew, deep down inside his heart, that Brian still loved him, and such small gestures showed it, but he wanted big gestures, grand ones. He wanted his husband back. He wanted the merciless bastard back, the one who had fucked him seven times per day and had still wanted more.

While Justin showered, he tried to remember the good days. They seemed so far away. This life they had now was a nightmare. He would never have imagined they'd go more than a few hours without sex, let alone days, weeks, months...

When a hand touched his back, Justin jumped a foot into the air, nearly slipping on the wet floor of the shower cabin as he landed.

“Holy fuck!” He turned to stare in shock at Brian. “Fuck, Brian.” He waited for his heart to settle.

“Relax,” Brian whispered in his husky morning voice, one Justin had missed hearing. “It's not that kind of shower scene.”

Justin choked out a laugh. “It might as well be, given how mad I am at you.”

Brian caressed the side of Justin's face. “I'm sorry, Sunshine. I was out of line yesterday.” He leaned closer, pressing his cheek to the top of Justin's head. “I promise to be more cooperative today.”

Justin froze, before pulling away to look into Brian's eyes. “You mean...you want to go back to Dr. Gold?”

“Yes. And we can boast about our shower sex.”

“No way!” Justin took a step back, hitting the glass wall. “We're not having sex! That would be all wrong. It would be like going back to square one, back to when we met. You used sex to avoid talking. We need to talk about what brought us to this... point.”

“You're refusing sex?” Brian gaped at him.

“Why so surprised? You avoid it like the plague!”

Brian tilted his head upwards, sighing loudly. “Are we seriously fighting when we could be fucking? I thought this was what you wanted!”

Justin snatched the shower head, rinsing himself before stepping out of the cabin.

While Brian washed, Justin looked through the food from their shopping trip for something to eat. A banana seemed like the only thing he could stomach.

He was getting dressed when Brian stepped out of the bathroom. Naked and dripping wet.

Justin knew him all too well. This was Brian's way of seducing him and avoiding any kind of verbal communication. As much as Justin wanted to cave and fuck until they passed out, they had an appointment that might save their relationship. He hoped that Dr. Gold could help them.

oOo

Ethan stared at his patients, trying to understand what had happened in between their last session and this one. It seemed they had come to some kind of conclusion.

They still sat on opposite ends of the couch, but they were more relaxed, and Brian was more open to talking. His body posture showed he was willing to give it a try, for Justin.

“Okay, can you tell me what happened yesterday after you left?” Ethan inquired.

Justin glanced at Brian, who frowned, keeping his eyes on the floor. Neither was willing to start talking.

“Justin? You were pretty upset. Do you want to share what did you do after you left my office?”

Justin bit his lower lip hard. “I went to the seafront. It calmed me.” He gulped thickly, stealing a look at Brian. “Then I went back to the cottage and cried.”

At that, Brian looked up, meeting Justin's eyes.

Ethan jotted down on his pad that Justin was brutally honest, and his words seemed to affect Brian.

“What about you, Brian? Where did you go?”

“To a bar. When I got back to our room, Justin was already asleep.”

At Brian's confession, Justin snorted.

“Did you talk about what happened yesterday?” Ethan asked.

“Oh, yeah.” Justin rolled his eyes. Ethan was about to congratulate him for the attempt, even though it had clearly failed, considering the way Justin was acting, when Justin added, “Brian tried to fuck me in the shower. It's his way to avoid talking.”

“For your information, I wasn't avoiding talking. I simply wanted to fuck you! Excuse me for finding you so desirable.”

“At this stage, I think it's best you start with baby steps to rebuild your relationship,” Ethan suggested. “Did you have intercourse in the shower?”

“No, we didn't fuck,” Brian spat, rolling his eyes.

“Did you want to?”

“Of course, I wanted to! Why the fuck else would I have initiated it? I wanted to make him feel better. I truly didn't mean to upset Justin so much yesterday.”

“See? Talk avoidance,” Justin pointed out. “Let me fuck you instead of apologizing for what an insensitive ass I've been to you.”

“I said I was sorry!”

“You didn't mean it! You only wanted to get your dick in me. You're always willing to say anything you'd think I want to hear so you'll get your way!”

“Guys!” Ethan stood up. They both turned to him, reminded of his presence. Ethan could only imagine what kind of explosion there would be when they actually reached common ground and finally reunited as a couple - they had so much accumulated tension.

He abandoned his pad, and went to sit between the couple.

“I don't think shouting at each other is going to help. Even though it helps with leveling your testosterone, which you seem to have in abundance, it's not going to help your situation.”

“Yeah, that's the only release we get together,” Justin mumbled.

“Do you kiss often?” Ethan asked, deciding to try a different tactic.

“Every day,” Brian answered without missing a beat, even though he found the question odd.

Justin shook his head. “He means real kissing. Like sucking my tongue and checking my tonsils.”

“Of course we do that,” Brian said vehemently. “Well, not as often as I'd like.”

“God forbid we do it.... it leads to sex… which we don't have time for.”

Ethan tapped his pen against his notepad. “When's the last time you held each other?”

“Why would I do that?” Brian frowned. “We don't cuddle.”

Ethan noticed Justin's fingers curling, turning into fists, aggravated at Brian's answers.

“Do you hold hands?”

“We never have,” Justin admitted in a small voice.

“Exactly. We're not a couple of lesbians.”

“It usually brings comfort and reassures the other half you're there for them, that you care for them,” Ethan explained. He took Justin's hand, making Brian straighten, his eyes narrowing on the doctor's hand holding his husband's. Then he took Brian's hand, making him scowl and try to extract it from the clammy, cold grip.

Ethan stood up after making sure he’d connected Brian and Justin's hands on the couch between them. He could already tell a lot by their reaction when he'd grabbed their hands. Justin had squeezed his, grateful, while Brian had tried to withdraw.

“I want you to hold hands throughout today's session,” he declared.

Brian sat erect, his hand arm stretched awkwardly to his left, his fingers wrapped loosely around Justin's.

Justin sat somewhat relaxed, leaning to his right, his fingers clutching Brian's, craving the contact.

“We're going to talk about a part of your relationship, I'm sure both of you treasure, like all couples.” Ethan smiled, taking back his seat. “You're both going to tell me about how you met, in your own way.”

“We were both there. It's the same story. We saw each other. We liked what we saw...” Brian smirked at Justin. “...a lot. Then we fucked. End of story.”

It was patients like Brian that made Ethan question why he'd abandoned his aspiring career as a professional violinist to become a psychologist. He could be in a concert hall entertaining masses of avid classical music lovers, instead of helping lovers find love again.

“Justin?” He turned to the blond man, who had his eyes shut and a smile on his face.

Hearing his name, Justin's eyes opened and he unleashed that hypnotic blue gaze on Ethan. “Yeah?”

“Care to share your opinion of your first meeting with Brian?”

“He's not too far from the truth,” he said, blushing. “You see, I was really young and naive. It was my first time on Liberty Avenue - that's the center of the gay community in Pittsburgh - and after some creep tried to lure me into an alley, I was about to call my friend to come get me. So there I was, leaning against a lamp post, trying to convince myself to give exploring my sexuation another chance.”

“If you don't mind me interrupting, how old were you?”

Brian groaned. “Please! Don't turn this into some crazy thing. We heard enough of that in the beginning. He was seventeen. I was twenty-eight.”

“Twenty-nine,” Justin whispered, squeezing his hand.

“Whatever.” Brian smiled back at Justin, though.

Maybe the subject would remind them why they fell in love to begin with, Ethan thought. “Okay. So you were under the lamp post, ready to give the next man who approached you a chance.”

“Yes. Then Brian came out of Babylon, the night club near where I was standing. I noticed him from the moment he left the club. He was with three other men, all of them joking and shoving each other. He went to the driver's side of a Jeep, and as he started to climb in, he looked up.”

“That's when I saw him,” Brian added, still smiling, his eyes on Justin. “He was so beautiful. I think it was the E I'd taken, but he looked like an angel under the lamp's glow.”

“And he came to me. He used one of the worst pick-up lines in history, and I fell for it. Next thing I knew, I was in the passenger seat of his Jeep, riding into the unknown with a complete stranger.” Justin grinned at Brian.

“Were you scared?” Ethan asked, pleased to see both his patients smiling.

“No. I trusted him,” Justin said seriously, turning to look at Ethan. “It's odd, I know, but I knew Brian wasn't going to hurt me.”

“And then what happened when you got to Brian's place? Did you fall into bed immediately?”

Justin laughed loudly, and even Brian chuckled.

“It was one crazy night. I mean, it was my first time...everything. I was nervous as fuck. Inside his loft, Brian undressed and presented himself to me. God.” Justin's cheeks pinked as he spoke of his first time with Brian. “Then he kissed me and I almost creamed my jeans. I'd been hard since he’d first spoken to me.”

Ethan noticed Brian's fingers curling tighter around Justin’s.

He wrote 'progress' on his pad.

“Then I had him in bed, ready to fuck his brains out, though his childish responses to everything I asked led me to think he was a virgin.”

“To make our night more interesting, Brian got a call from his lesbian friends that the child he'd helped bring into the world had been born. That's when I admitted I had nowhere to go, because my parents thought I was staying at a friend’s house.”

“And he said he was seventeen, albeit reluctantly.”

“I ended up going with him to the hospital, where I met his friends… his family, really. They're… we're all a big family,” Justin explained.

“That's true. Friends are the family you choose.” Ethan nodded. “How did the family react to meeting Justin?”

“They were used to being shocked by me... though, I had never brought a trick along when I was near the family,” Brian said. “I should have known from that moment that Justin was no trick.”

“Trick?” Ethan repeated, ceasing to write about how open Brian had become.

“I used to fuck around back then.”

“I tamed the beast,” Justin interjected when Ethan was about to voice his concern about the turn the conversation was taking.

“I see. Well, I guess you ended the night in bed at some point.”

“In bed… on the floor… on the couch… over the back of the couch… on the counter… against a pillar...” Brian said, grinning.

Justin returned the grin, eyes locked with Brian's, both transported many years ago.

Ethan stared at them, trying to understand what had happened to them to distance them so much. It was clear they were as in love as on the first day, but life had gotten in between them and their love. He was determined to do everything in his power to help them find that spark that made them want to live, love, and spend time together.