“How's this? Better?” Brian asked, curiously.

They were sitting on a bench near the lighthouse, staring off at the sea.

Justin glanced at him, before refocusing on his ice cream. “It's a start. I liked talking about how we met.”

Brian fought a smile, stretching out an arm along the back of the bench, behind Justin, and crossing his legs, angling himself toward his husband. “Yeah. Meeting me was memorable, I bet.”

Justin slid closer, snuggling into the crook of Brian's arm. “Brian, what happened to us?”

“Damned if I know.”

“Sometimes… I regret coming back from New York.”

Brian wrapped his hand around Justin's shoulders, bringing him closer. “Don't say that!”

“But look what happened! We at least talked and met to fuck regularly. Now, we live in the same house, and we barely see each other. Let's not even talk about fucking.”

“I was thinking about this yesterday when I came back from the bar. The old me would probably cringe at what I've become.”

Justin laughed. “The old you would explode from pent-up sexual frustration if more than five hours went by without you fucking something.”

Brian snorted. “Do you suppose we need a schedule?”

“No, what we need is to actually be in the same room when we're both home. For you to actually show you still care for me.” Justin tilted his head to look into Brian's eyes. “This morning, in the shower, I was so surprised when you propositioned me...”

“That's why you refused?”

“It was for the wrong reason!”

“It was for the right reason,” Brian retorted, pulling away and glaring at Justin. “I heard the shower running and decided, why not? I could imagine you in there – naked, wet, sleepy, warm. I had to be in there with you.”

Justin averted his eyes. “When you apologized, then made a move, I thought...”

“Of course, my reputation still precedes me, even with you.”

After a few minutes spent in silence, Justin threw the cornet away in the nearest trashcan.

“Let's go back.”

“Back?” Brian repeated, startled.

“To the cottage. So eager to be done with this holiday?”

“I was truly surprised you'd want to go back home, that's all.” Brian walked a step behind Justin, allowing him to decide which way they'd head back to the main road. There was a path to the left that led right to the road and would bring them out near the shop, or there was the route from the beach that ended close to the cottage.

When Brian saw Justin heading to the left, he caught his hand, pulling him back.

Justin eyed him in amusement, raising an eyebrow.

Brian grinning, taking him toward the beach. “You better take your shoes off,” he commented, toeing off his loafers and carrying them in his free hand.

Justin was too excited by what Brian had proposed to talk. It was one of the most romantic things they'd ever done. Brian initiating a walk along the beach at sunset, with the tide gently lapping at their ankles, was all Justin needed to believe they were going to be okay - even if they were a long way from where he wanted them to be.

oOo

Their happiness didn't last.During breakfast the next day, they went back to square one.

When they'd returned to the cottage the previous night, Brian had gone as far as asking for a movie at the reception desk. They'd settled in together on the couch, watching some sappy movie that bored them so much, it put them to sleep.

Justin was excited they'd slept on the same piece of furniture, never mind the crick in his neck. They showered together again, but he didn't allow Brian to do more than to wash his back, which he reciprocated.Justin wanted them to be ready to take that step. He was afraid to fuck it up by hurrying the pace of their therapy.

Brian suggested they try the breakfast the cottage offered. It went smoothly, and Justin was even enjoying the meal, especially when Brian allowed Justin to feed him a bite of his omelet. Only for Justin's nerves to skyrocket in the next second when Brian's eyes latched onto one of the waiters across the room.

They'd been monogamous for five years. Or so he hoped. He doubted Brian had found the time to go somewhere to get his rocks off. He'd be deeply hurt if that was the truth, considering Brian rarely – close to never – had time for Justin, his husband.

Justin grabbed Brian's chin, jerking at it until their eyes met. “What the fuck, Brian?”

”What? He's hot.”

Justin stormed out of the small restaurant area. He smoked three cigarettes as he picked his way to Dr. Gold's house. All he could do was hope that Brian would follow him eventually.

oOo

Ethan was surprised to see Justin alone on his doorstep.

“Good morning, Justin. Is Brian going to join us?”

“Hey! Who knows?” Justin shrugged, stepping inside.

Ethan led him to the sofa, taking his seat in the stuffed chair across from his patient. “You were happy when you left yesterday. I was proud of the progress you'd made.”

“Well, there's this word… regress.”

“Do you mind if we talk about what happened yesterday after you left?”

A small smile appeared on Justin's face. “We went to the beach. It was really nice. We talked and walked hand in hand along the shore.” He looked away, dropping his gaze. “We even watched a boring movie together last night. Slept on the sofa. We showered together this morning...”

“Did anything happen?” Ethan interjected.

Justin scrubbed at his face, leaving red marks on his white cheeks. “I don't know what to do, doc. I mean. Fuck. I want to kiss Brian and fall in his arms… make everything better, but what if it is too soon?”

“Did you want to kiss him?”

“Fuck yes. I want that all the time.” Justin smiled widely. “And fuck him. I want to feel his arms around me… and I want what we had back.”

“Did he want to kiss you?”

“How should I know? I think so. He kept playing with my hair last night during the movie. It's his move before a makeout session. I guess we both fell asleep before that could happen.”

Ethan nodded, understanding that Justin wanted to move forward with getting back to what he once had with Brian, but that he was afraid. He had yet to understand what scared him.

“And this morning? Why did you come here on your own?”

“Brian stayed for dessert,” Justin said bitterly.

“For breakfast?”

“The waiter was hot.” Justin shrugged.

The sip of water Ethan had taken flew out of his nose. “Excuse me?”

Justin rolled his eyes. “We've always been in an open relationship. Well, in the past few years we've been monogamous… I mean, I hope so. Fuck, I don't know anything anymore!”

“You mean that Brian used to fuck around?” Ethan dropped all professionalism, for the first time unsure if he could actually help them.

“We both fucked around. We shared tricks. But that was before I went to New York. When I came back, it was just us… it was like our honeymoon stage.” Justin smiled wistfully. “Sorry,” he mumbled, pulling the ringing phone out of his pocket. “What?” He barked into it, hinting to Ethan that Brian was on the other end of the line. “At Dr. Gold’s. Where did you think I was?” There was a minute of silence, in which Ethan could hear Brian's loud voice but couldn't discern the words. “Yes,” Justin answered sarcastically. “That's exactly what I'm doing! You know what? Don't even bother coming here!”

Ethan tilted his head toward the ceiling, listening to Justin's side of the argument, because it wasn't a conversation.

“Oh, so it's my fault now that you went after the waiter? … Yes, Brian. Your willpower depends on whether or not we fuck. … You're absolutely right. Why don't you try finding the next fuckable guy and stick your dick in him while you're at it? Since I'm the mean, heartless husband who won't allow you to fuck me? … I don't give a shit that you couldn't go through with it! … Look, finding excuses and apologizing isn't your thing, so stop that shit. I'm at Dr. Gold's. You're wasting the time I have with him.” Justin's eyes blazed with a fire. “That your money paid for, yes. Fuck you!” He hung up, throwing the phone onto the other end of the sofa.

“So I take it, Brian didn't go after dessert, after all?” Ethan asked lightly, trying to soothe Justin.

Justin turned his anger on him. “Now it's my fault! He almost fucked that guy because he can't fuck me! Is he serious? He's the one who landed us in this mess with his crazy schedule! He stopped kissing me! He stopped fucking me! He stopped trying! And now it's ALL my fault!” Justin finished in a loud roar, before hunching over, his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his palms.

“If Brian were here, we could have talked a little more about some of your happy times. Maybe that way, you’d be reminded what brought you together to begin with and that there's something worth fighting for.”

“At the moment, the bad memories are suppressing the good ones,” Justin whispered in a broken voice.

When Ethan saw Justin's shoulders shaking, he picked up some tissues, and went to sit next to him.

Justin took the tissues gratefully, wiping his eyes. “I don't want to let it get to me, but I miss what we once had. I know we can get back there, but… I can't see how.”

“That's what I'm here for,” Ethan said softly, rubbing Justin's shoulders. “If Brian is willing to show you some affection, don't push him away.”

“But what if a quickie in the shower is going to ruin our chances to...”

“Stop overthinking everything. Live in the moment. I have a feeling that's what your entire relationship was based on.”

Justin glanced at Ethan, smiling a little. “You're right.”

“Now, calm down. It's going to be okay.” He pulled Justin closer, allowing him to let out all the anguished tears.

A throat being cleared in the doorway made them jump apart as if burnt. Brian was glaring daggers at Ethan.

“Don't let me interrupt your cozy embrace. I can always leave.”

“Brian!” Justin stood, collecting himself. He swallowed thickly, as he walked to his husband. “I was an idiot to take off like that only because you commented on how hot the waiter was.”

“That's true. You acted like a twat. But I see you found consolation in the good doctor's arms.”

Justin chanced a look over his shoulder at Ethan, before focusing on Brian. “He's trying to help us, Bri. I think I opened a can of worms by telling him about our open relationship.”

“It's a good thing that you've joined us, Brian,” Ethan said loudly, going to his stuffed chair. “Please, take your seat on the sofa. We're going to talk about some of your happiest memories.”