CHAPTER SEVEN: SELF-SABOTAGE Part 2
MIRANDA
So here is the thing about the nuisance that is Lindsay Peterson… she is persistent. I can give her that and I will. It takes a special kind of pest to keep scheming to get her way. What I can’t give her credit for is being successful for more than the minutes it took her to dream up her elaborate plots, which are always laden with holes, and never well-thought out contingency plans. Case in point, her plans to derail Brian and Justin’s relationship.
Upon meeting Justin after his decision to tell Lindsay’s lecherous toad to metaphorically kiss his ass, he and I had drinks at a local hotspot after one of his shows. We were feeling each other out, but I knew he was testing me for my temperament especially. The funny thing about Justin is that he can work with just about anyone. He’s just that good and he’s at the point where people are clamoring for his attention. But he also likes to build productive relationships; ones that are based on trusting the people around him. He told me that he’d learned that from watching and studying Brian.
The one constant since the two of them met, which Brian considers the MVP of Brian Kinney’s world, isn’t two best friends as they think they are, it’s actually Cynthia. She’s been in Brian’s corner since day one, good or bad, beautiful or downright ugly, and it’s the type of relationship Justin wanted to have within his own work. But what also amazed me was hearing of the formerly contentious relationship between Brian and Ted. To look at them, one would never know that it was an association mired in jealousy and contempt. But all that changed during one of the most troubling times of Ted’s life. The thing that surprised me the most was that the same person he thought was against him, is the only one who was able to give him the opportunity of a lifetime. Sure Brian needed the help, but he trusted Ted. So much so that he’d offered the man a chance to take his former career in a new direction, and the decision has been paying off for both of them in spades.
So here we are with the dumbness that is Lindsay Peterson. She is trying to use her looks to cut the line, not realizing that she isn’t going to attract any one of these young hopefuls standing who have been standing in line for hours. I laugh as she tries one of the older hopefuls, too and gets told off for her efforts. Ironically, I’m sitting at the judges’ table alongside the other agents who will be judging the competition. Like me, they are just as amused.
“Miranda, isn’t that your guy’s agent?” Sean David asks me. He’s representing five of the professional artists in the competition.
“More like her parents’ mistake. Lindsay Peterson will always be the tragic heroine in her own tale. She just doesn’t know when to stop.”
“True, but you have to admit that it’s fun to watch her crash and burn.”
“It was funny the first hundred times. Now I just wonder if she’s a masochist,” I say as I watch her literally get manhandled to the end of the line by another contestant. “Guess Libby Masterson is not willing for the poor man’s Vanna White to buy a clue. I wonder where her sidekick is.”
As if on cue, Melanie arrives damn near in tears and overrun by the hiccups. “Mir… anda… you aren’t going… to believe who I just saw trekking up the street dragging three black trash bags and clutching that tacky cardboard cutout of Captain Astro in the direction of Kinnetik.”
“He’s not really…”
“Yes, he is. I suppose he’ll go there looking for sympathy. Ben called and said that he’s finally gotten rid of his dead weight.”
“Unfortunately, it looks like we’re about to inherit some of our own.” I point to the end of the line, where Lindsay is standing, still fuming that her ploy to skip ahead didn’t work.
“Oh Christ! She can’t be serious!”
“Unfortunately for all of us, she is.”
“Just because she teaches Art History doesn’t mean that her art will become history!”
“Calm down, Mel. She’ll certainly make history, probably just not the way she wants to. Let’s just see what she’ll come up with.”
She gasps at me. “You can’t be serious!”
“I am. The thing that Lindsay is not ready for is that there will be a time limit in each of the categories. If she can do something presentable within the time frame given, she’ll make it through to the next round. If not, then she can go away, at least knowing that she failed honorably since she tried.”
“You mean that she embarrassed herself,” Mel mutters. “What happens if she makes it through, which I highly doubt, but what happens then?”
“She has to make it through three more rounds. Today is just the first day.”
“Why not just let her through so that she can get it through her hard head once and for all that there is no way on God’s green and purple earth that she would have ever made it as an artist?”
Before I can respond, I look over to see a few of the other judges nodding their heads. Sean says, “Miranda, you know as well as the rest of us that sometimes you just have to let people learn the hard way. She looks like a hard learner. Besides, if she doesn’t make it to the big show, she’ll swear that you had something to do with that.”
“Not her lack of talent?” I ask, looking at Mel for confirmation.
She shakes her head. “No. Lindsay lives for the victim mentality, same as Michael. In her mind, she’s the cat’s meow, instead of dog shit smeared on a cracker…”
“Mel!”
“I’m not saying her as a person, although there are some differences of opinion on that score, too. But dog shit on a cracker is more artful than she has ever been, even if she can’t see it. No, someone like Lindsay has to be embarrassed on a large scale for her to realize that maybe her method of attention-seeking might not have been to her best advantage.”
“Why did you stay with her so long if you feel that way about her? The contempt is pouring off of you, Mel.”
She sighs. “Love can be blind, but it is certainly not dumb. Only the people who fall into it are. I overlooked a lot so that I could say that I wasn’t alone, but a person can only take so much. Taking Gus and Jenny away from her except for supervised visitation was the best thing I could have done for my children. It wasn’t just about her fucking everything -male or female- that moved; it was the fact that she was doing so while she was supposed to have the children.”
“What do you mean? She arranged for a sitter, didn’t she?”
“Yes, she did so she could work, but that wasn’t the case. However, it was the other neglectful things she was doing: taking from the household accounts so much that some nights I didn’t have enough to feed the kids; using Gus’ trust fund as her personal piggy bank until Brian and I put a stop to that; but the kicker was her leaving both of the kids in the museum after she’d forgotten that she brought them there. She was too busy fucking the curator and his wife downstairs where the cataloging is done, that when she was finished, she’d forgotten to at least collect the kids. It was a good thing that one of the other patrons, who just happened to be the principal at Gus’ school, called me instead of the police and child services.
"When we arrived home, Lindsay still wasn’t home, nor was she out looking for the kids. Instead she was out shopping for another ‘party’ her boss said that she just must attend. No, I didn’t just take the kids from Lindsay because of her extracurricular activities. There was a lot more to that story, but my mother had always warned me that no one can turn a whore into a housewife. Sadly, I tried, even if I didn’t know I was doing it at the time.”
“Hey.” I nudge her. “You going to be okay?”
Mel shakes herself and then smiles at me. “Absolutely! Besides, whatever my introspection on the subject of Lindsay Peterson is, Leda more than takes my mind off of it.”
“Are you two going to try again?”
“It’s too soon to tell, but I’ve decided to take a page out of Brian and Justin’s books. I’m going to ride the wave as long as it lasts.”
“Don’t you mean ride Leda?”
“Yeah, that too,” She smiles wide as the woman in question comes upon us.
“My ears are burning, Sugar Lips. That can only mean one thing…” she places a gentle kiss to Mel’s neck from behind while Mel blushes. I never thought I would ever see that!
“Well, you always were an interesting topic.”
“And it looks like you’re about to become one again,” I say, as I watch Lindsay ask the person behind her to hold her place in line.
As she heads over to us, I can almost swear I see flames shooting out of her eyes and smoke billowing from her ears. Her already too-thin lips are set in an even firmer line and have a downward bend to them. She kind of reminds me of Skeeter from the Muppets right now. The only thing missing is the Don King-esque hairdo, but perhaps I’ll get lucky and see that. I have a feeling that if she messes with Mel or Leda, they’ll make that perfect coif look like she stuck her fingers in a light socket. And why I am I praying to God, who I haven’t prayed to in years, for that to happen? Bad Miranda!
“Melanie, this is highly inappropriate,” she says, looking disapprovingly at the pair who are still hugged up.
“Not sure what you mean, Lindsay.”
“I mean… I mean you standing here with this Harley-riding tartlet while our marriage just ended! That’s what I mean!” she screeches, drawing all attention to her.
“Got news for you, Ms. Peterson. Our marriage- or should I call it your windfall of unlimited funds- ended the day you spread your legs for someone other than me. I was just in denial, which I happily got over. What’s your excuse?”
“Mel…”
“That’s Ms. Marcus to you. Only my friends and close relations call me Mel”
“Mel,” Lindsay sighs, despairingly. “After all we’ve been to each other, you can treat me like this?” She tries for the little girl lost look and sound, which is failing miserably. Apparently she forgot what a bitch she was to everyone when she first arrived and is going for the ‘sympathy’ look.
She reaches for Melanie, who is quickly removed beyond her reach by Leda. “Not so fast, Loosy Goosy. I doubt Melanie wants your taint on her. You should go back over to the line before you lose your place, not that you have any business there in the first place.”
“Excuse me, Leda. But this is between me and my wife, so butt out!” she yells, but quickly composes herself. “Melanie, I would appreciate it if you would control your harlot long enough for us to have a civil conversation.”
“She doesn’t need to control me, Loosy. I’m perfectly capable of controlling myself, unlike you. Besides, you don’t have a wife, or did you forget? Now me on the other hand, I have a very hot young thang and she knows it. There’s no need for me to go looking elsewhere now that she’s back where she’s always belonged. What have you got? Oh that’s right! You have Michael. Talk about a match born of Beelzebub.”
I can’t help it… I laugh! “I’m sorry…”
“You should be!” Lindsay reprimands me.
“No, you should be, since he’ll probably be asking to stay with you now that he’s been kicked out. But wait a moment, though. Where are you staying? Last I heard, you spent the night at his former house last night. You need an address to sign up for the competition, you know.”
“Don’t worry about where Michael and I are staying. Brian will be happy to arrange us a place to stay since both of our wayward spouses have ousted us unfairly.” Now Mel and Leda join in with me, laughing. “Just what the hell is so funny?!”
“Careful, Lindsay. Your WASP mask is slipping again,” I warn her. “But to answer your question, if you think that Brian and Justin are going to put either one of you up in a place to stay, you’re even more delusional than he is.”
“I don’t care what you say. No way will Brian let his two best friends be homeless. He owes us!”
Melanie bristles at Lindsay. “He doesn’t owe you shit! In fact, no one does unless it’s a kick to the ass, the same way you have been kicking us in ours for years. You and Michael deserve each other! Such entitled jackasses, the both of you. When the hell are you going to grow up and learn to take care of yourselves?!”
“Calm down, Sugar Lips,” Leda says, as she pulls Mel’s body tightly against her own. Lindsay’s eyes flair at the endearment, and the sight, but the two of them ignore her. “She’s always going to be stuck in her own world. I mean, look at where she’s standing. She’s at a competition she’s sorely underqualified for, whereas you… well, you’re going into practice for yourself. You have a new house, and what does she have? Her twin brother from another mother- I'd sure as hell be a bitter bitch, too. But neither one of their mothers want the little orphan PITAs, so if anything they deserve our pity. All monkeys, babies, and fools do. Lindsay dear, which one are you trying to be today?”
I laugh again as she turns on her heel and marches over to the line. Once again, she is pushed towards the back but this time, it’s by the people who have come after her. Ah, it’s going to be an interesting day!