CHAPTER 29 - SERIOUSLY...HOW DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOING FOR YOU?

NYA

I look across at Kemi and wink at her. Mel is telling the truth; Lindsay is genuinely happy!

“You are happy about this, Lindsay? You? I don’t believe it!” Michael’s voice is tinged with disbelief and his daughter is nodding in agreement, even though she wasn’t there the first time. “You were frothing at the chops when Brian got pregnant. Why are you so happy now? Supposing it was Brian, would you be Little Miss Sunshine or Little Miss Mary go…”

“I would be happy in either event, Michael. I am moving on from the past and trying repair the damage and hurt I caused. Why not try the same?”

“I haven’t hurt anyone! I have been hurt as you can see and had my feelings disregarded!”

“Your feelings do not matter. The only important people in this equation are Brian, Justin and the kids.” Debs snaps and I give her a quick look. She is starting to get an itchy hand; I know the feeling! She gives me a quick but tight smile...I have never been so happy for the doorbell to ring in my life.

“Gus, go and answer the door!” Michael orders.

“Do not speak to Gus like that!” Mel barks at him.

“What’s the difference between the way that I asked and the way Nya asked?”

“Politeness.” I suggest before turning to Debs. “Can you do the honours please?” She gives me a smile of thanks and goes to answer it.

“Where my grandkids?!” A voice booms out that has me grinning and Gus and Kemi exchange incredulous looks before rushing to the door. Then there is a scream.

“Uncle Earl! Aunt Abi! Are you really here?!” Kendi bellows as she thunders down the stairs. “Oooh Aunt Nya, you are in so much trouble!”

“Who’s Uncle Earl and Aunt Abi?” Lindsay asks confused.

“My folks.”

“Don’t you mean kinfolk? Isn’t that what they call family in downtown Hicksville?” The little snot-brat sneers.

“Who’s the mouth?” Dad demands as he is led into the room.

“That would be Jenny, Uncle Earl.” Gus answers

“Oh, I see.” He replies. “Lovely.”

“Come and meet my mothers, Uncle Earl.” I watch with pride as Gus gently guides him towards Mel and Lindsay and signals that they should stand up. The room goes quiet. “Momma, this is Uncle Earl, Uncle Earl this is my Momma. She’s called Mel.” Mel steps forward and bows her head. “Right in front, Uncle Earl.” He touches Mel’s face, gently nodding and smiling before she steps back and sits down. “And this is my Mom, who’s called Lindsay.” Lindsay looks unsure, but with Mel’s encouragement, she lowers her head and Dad repeats this action, but with a slight frown.

“You are learning to be better to your boy? That’s good.” He declares. “But you and I still need to talk young lady, you hear?”

“Lady?! As if!” Michael scoffs from the sofa.

“Ah, the Mouth’s Mentor?” He questions and this makes Michael scowl.

“Do we get to meet him now?” Jenny demands.

“No. I decide who I want to meet and when.” Dad retorts and then snorts. “So come on show me around.”

“Why was he touching their faces? I don’t understand.” Michael asks and gets the idiot look from almost everyone.

“Because the blind see by touch.” Mom explains, having introduced herself to Lindsay and Mel in the meantime.

“I see where you get it from.” Lindsay says quietly. “You look a lot like her, Nya. Your mother is very beautiful. If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been blind?”

“Almost 38 years.” He replies, settling himself in to the chair

“37, you old buzzard.” Mom corrects him fondly.

“That means you’ve never…” Mel gasps.

“Seen Nya? No, but I saw her mother and everyone says she looks like her. So then I’ve seen her.”

“Brian, for goodness sake!” We all turn to the door when we hear the almost-protesting tones of Justin followed by the snickering of Brian. “No...don’t! Seriously stop...no, stop it! We...we have guests!”

“What the hell are you doing to do your baby-daddy?! Leave him be!” Uncle Earl orders smiling and a slightly contrite, but looking very pleased with himself, Brian comes in chuckling...alone.

“Brian!” Mel giggles and heads outside to check on Justin, while they all look confused.

“He’s ticklish.” He shrugs. “Hey Lindsay, how you doing?”

“Lindsay?! Lindsay?! Brian, do you not see your best friend covered in bruises and a cast here?!”

“No. Ted’s at home and uninjured.” He replies and I have to fight the urge to say burn.

“Te...very funny!” Michael snaps, before sighing and wincing.

“And the award for best actor goes to…” Dad mutters, causing Lindsay to giggle.

“He gets that from you.” Dad says to her.

“Gets what from me?” She asks warily.

“The giggle. But obviously in a very butch and manly way…”

“Gus? Butch? Manly? I doubt it!” Jenny snarks.

“You are a rancorous little rapscallion, aren’t you?”

“Thank you…” She begins and flicks her hair, proudly.

“Jenny, remember termagant-gate? Not a compliment.” Gus advises with a smirk and then looks as contrite as Brian when Mom clears her throat.

“I would get her tested. She gets her feistiness from her Mom, but her stupidity from her Dad!”

“Don’t call me stupid! I am not fucking stupid, you blind old coot!” Michael snarls.

“You are also not her father!” Lindsay snaps back. “You are not even a father figure as she has made it abundantly clear.”

“Momma, do not choose to speak for me! It was a slip of the tongue earlier and…”

“Hush your damn mouth!” Dad barks. “Who the hell do you think you are?! How the hell haven’t you whaled upon her, I don’t know Nya…”

“Whaled on me? What does that mean?”

“Spanked you.” Gus replies.

“Because I would’ve had her arrested for assault! In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she got Uncle Michael beaten up. She most likely knows people! And she’s been gunning for him and me ever since we met, hasn’t she, Uncle Michael?”

By the way his eyes just lit up, a seed has been planted. So Justin is going to have had him beaten up as opposed to doing the beating, is he?

“Jenny...I am more than, and I mean more than, capable of doing my own work, especially when it would involve doing something deeply pleasant to something deeply unpleasant.”

“What does that mean?” She has the same dopy expression on her face that Michael does.

“It means…” Justin’s cool tones interrupts my answer. “If Nya wanted to kick your or your Uncle Michael’s ass, she would have done. She fights her own battles. And speaking of battles, stay over the opposite side of the room, mister!” He glares at Brian.

“Oh you don’t mean that, Spitfire.” He croons. “If they weren’t here, you would be…”

“BRIAN!” “DAD!” “PAPA!” Justin, Gus and the girls shriek.

“Okay, behaving.” He smirks before turning back to Michael. “What happened?”

“Can we discuss this alone? I have a problem.”

“Welcome to our world, Captain Obvious.” Kendi mutters and although Mom does glare, she is smiling.

“Excuse me Kendi, but did you speak disparagingly about my Uncle?” Jenny sneers.

“No, I welcomed him into the world under his politest pseudonym.”

“Okay! Anybody that is under the chronological age of 17, go help Tobias with dinner!” Dad declares. “The grown ups and the fool need to talk!”

As Gus, Kendi and Kemi file out, Jenny remains seated with a determined and smug air.

“Mel...no actually, Lindsay, it’s not against the law to administer moderate discipline if a child has been repeatedly combative. You know, in order to calm her down. I found…” Mom pauses for effect. “...that no girl likes a cauliflower ear, so here’s an idea. Tell her again to leave, and if she doesn’t, then…”

“But…”

“How many times have you followed through, I mean really followed through where she is concerned?” Dad asks.

“She’s going to military school.” Lindsay replies.

“No, what I mean is, how many times have you taken away something and given it back? How many times have you threatened, but never delivered no matter how close to the edge she takes you? And by close, I mean over.” Dad sighs.

“A lot.” Lindsay admits.

“And how about Gus? How many times has he taken you over?”

“Not many.” She replies quietly.

“But I bet you punished him twice as heavily?” His tone is full of understanding and she nods. “Remember, blind man here!”

“Sorry! I mean yes. Yes, I did.”

“Well start now. We want her gone so make her gone.”

“Jenny, you have been asked...no told, to leave. So leave!”

“No! And you can’t…”

“Show them how it’s done!” Dad orders.

The room is silent apart from Jenny’s shouts of protest as Mom hauls her off the sofa and over her shoulder then starts to stride out.

“Put me down, you fucking old bitch! Put me down right now!” She shouts and tries to wriggle out of her grip, but she can’t.

“She needs some good ole fashioned learning! Soap and water to clean out that nasty little mouth!” Mom declares. “Lindsay! Mel! With me, now! Oh, and Debs, maybe you’d like a tip or two?!” All three of them run out after them...and with a quick look at each other, Justin and I swiftly follow.

ABI

“Where is the bathroom?!” I shout and of course, that brings people out of the kitchen.

“Upstairs and on the right!” Kendi replies. “What’s happening?!”

“Toothbrush time!” I declare and take the stairs two at a time. “On the right, you’ve said?”

“Yes, Aunt Abi! No guys, stay down here. You don’t want to see this!”

BATHROOM

I am so glad that I still lift weights. She is still screaming and shouting, but it makes no difference! This girl is going to learn and learn hard! I dump her on the toilet seat and she tries to get back up.

“Set her down!” I order and her mothers look at me. “Set. Her. Down.”

“What do you mean?” Mel, of all people, looks confused.

“Watch.” Lindsay declares and then clamps her hand on Jenny’s shoulder. “Do the other shoulder.”

“Uncle Michael! Help me?!” Jenny screams and starts to kick.

“Do not react to the kicking. Just move out of the way and when you can, secure the legs.”

It takes them a few minutes, but they finally get her to stay still and she looks like an about to pop Mount Vesuvius!

“Now, normally this would be preloaded, I would suggest you have one done from now on.” I hunt through the cabinets and find a sealed toothbrush and open it before lathering it up with soap and handing it to Lindsay. “It has to be you the first time. She knows Mel would do it, but doesn’t think you will. So do it.” After a few seconds hesitation, she takes it from me and I lean closer and whisper in her ear.

“Take it and brush your mouth, including your tongue for a minute…”

“I won’t do it!” Jenny snarls at her.

“Then I will keep adding soap until you do!” It’s quick, but she does look at me for reassurance. “Everything is going to taste of so much soap.”

“Mommy, please don’t do....ummmph!” I am slightly surprised and proud as she pushes the brush into that maw of a mouth.

“Now brush!” She orders and although she grimaces, she does brush but she’s not stupid enough to swallow. I glare at Nya when I realise she‘s filming it and take her phone off her.

“Rinse!” Lindsay orders and I believe stands a few centimetres, baby steps after all, taller.

“I hate you! I hate you so much! You are a fucking horrible…”

“Set her down!” Lindsay orders.

It takes two more turns, but Jenny finally gets that her Mommy is serious. She snivels her way downstairs, bitching about how her food is going to taste of soap.

We’re silent for a while before I look at a slightly shellshocked, Lindsay. “How’d it feel?”

“What?”

“Taking back the power in the relationship? You have, from what I’ve heard, kowtowed to her. Now she knows you won’t anymore.”

“Okay, so it’s not sitting very comfortably right now, but it’s okay.”

“The first time is the hardest.”

“Did you ever have to discipline Nya like that?”

“No.”

“Why did you take her and not Nya?” Lindsay asks.

“I’m not a mother…” Nya begins.

“No, but despite everything she’s thrown at you, you’ve not reacted, why not?”

“Nya wouldn’t have used soap.” Mom replies and we grin at each other.