CHAPTER 10 - COCK...OOPS THAT SHOULD BE COOK OFF

LAFF - THURSDAY MID-MORNING

MICHAEL

I just don’t understand it! The place is still packed to the gills. In fact, if anything, it is even busier!

And on top of that Uncle Vic has acquired a fucking dog! Shit-something or other. When he brought it home, I pointed out that this was my childhood home and I should’ve been consulted. His snarky response of but I bought this home and that makes it mine and I can bring in who I please, really irritated me! Although he does have a point. I didn’t want to say anything else as I am staying there rent free.

“Michael!” Cyril clicking his fingers in my face, brings me back to my reality. I can’t wait to leave here and take over that spot!

“The toilets are backed up again.” He hands me the plunger and I grimace. “Maybe you should speak to Heathan about putting less ass clogging fat in the burgers, hmm? Now off you go and then you can clear the tables up. Actually do that first and then the toilets.”

“When are we going to get someone to replace Niles?”

“When I find a suitable candidate. And his name is Miley, not Niles as you know. Now hurry! We open in an hour.” He retorts.

GLC - SAME TIME

ANNALISE

Brian and I exchanged unimpressed looks. Tannis and Twitface are blathering about making the cook off on Saturday, more family friendly.

“Maybe, appeal more to the families. You know those…”

“Let me stop you there again, Tannis. The whole point of this cook off is to raise money for YEP, not to provide day-care facilities.” I repeat for the fourth time. “You agreed to this being a young teen and adults event and that is what we are sticking to. Now let’s move on to where the tables are going.”

“But Annalise, you aren’t from around here. You don’t…” Tannis swings at simpering and hits sycophantic...I hate sycophantic!

“Where do you think I was brought up?” I ask.

“New York.” She states confidently, earning a sickening look of pride from Twitface.

“Shadyside. Had my sweet 16 on Liberty Avenue. I may travel the country for my philanthropic work, but I haven’t forgotten where I came from. Now about the tables... Brian and I have another meeting to get to.”

She goes red and leads us to the area that she has sectioned off and I sigh. “Obviously, this will be taken down and changed.” I demand.

“Now!” Brian orders, grimacing at the family focused banners, face painting...fucking face painting...stall and it is half the size.

“Pardon?” Twitface blenches.

“And why do we only have half the hall?” He demands.

“For fuck sake!” I explode. “We paid for the whole hall!”

“We were going to have a small event for a council member, who wants to promote her philanthropic side too, but hers is more family focused. Same sex couples with children and...”

“Wasn’t that the fundraiser you approached me for last year?” Brian demands.

“Yes.” She shifts on her feet. “We just thought...I mean, I was approached by a council member, who is going to be here on Saturday to cordon off a little area for an event and since it’s along the lines of…”

“That is a fee based program, as in the parents of the children support it, correct? And it is funded for the next two years? YEP is not run like that. This is for disadvantaged youth, not children who already have access to the education system, a roof over their head with a warm place to sleep and caring parents. Have you seen the YEP building?” She shakes her head. “It’s not just somewhere for them to get out of the cold. It is a school, a counselling and medical service and a live-in facility.” Brian explains like he is talking to a goal post. It is obvious he does not like the GLC trolls and thinks very little of their collective intelligence.

“I see, but if you could…”

“No. Give me my money back and we will go elsewhere!” I almost shout as this twat and twit have worked my last nerve.

“Ah there’s no need for that!” She rushes out.

“Then we are in agreement that Saturday is for my event and your buddy will have to find somewhere else to put a pep in their step?!” She nods blushing. “Is there anything scheduled between now and Saturday?”

“No, there is…” She winces as she realises what I am going to be asking of her.

“Then you can lock it up and give us the keys...after you have taken this crap out, of course. We will decorate it ourselves.”

“Yes, of course.” She mutters and then goes to fetch some staff to remove the offending items. Within an hour, it is cleared and we have the blank canvas we need.

YEP, SHADYSIDE - SAME TIME

TEACHER’S LOUNGE

BRANDON

I really like what she’s done with the place. I was surprised when she called me to ask if I would like to work with her considering we only met once, at a charity event, being hosted by my then boyfriend. What a dick he turned out to be!

“Brandon Jurgenson speaking.” I answer my phone without looking at the caller id, and there is silence, I look at the display and frown. “Who is this?”

“You mean you’ve not saved my name and number?” A slightly familiar voice drawls. “I hope you at least remember what I look like, even if I will be wearing clothes and my hands won’t be covered in chalk dust…”

“Ah Mr Bruckner. Good afternoon…” I settle back in my seat. “...are you phoning to say that you did indeed cheat on the last climb and we go Dutch.”

“Nope. I didn’t cheat; you lost fair and square. Reason for the call is to tell you that Liberty has had to change the booking to half seven.”

“Oh okay. I shall see you in there, Mr Cheater.” I smile.

“Later, Mr Bad Loser.”

LIBERTY FINE DINING

BEN

Oh dear God! He looks good in that suit! I clear my throat quietly and wait for him to saunter my way.

“Mr Cheater.” He laughs and indicates the beer and I nod. “This looks great. Has it been open long?”

“Had a soft opening last week.” We clink bottles and he frowns.

“What’s on the other side?” He peers intently over my shoulder.

“Diner, that’s open 24/7. This is just the evening, Thursday through Saturday. Justin calls the menu Trashy but Classy.”

“Oh I like the sound of that…” He snickers.

“But it’s the chef special that is to die for. Duck confit Reuben. With string fries...oh my.”

“And that gets served which side?” He grabs the menu.

“Both, and I have already put in an order for it.  He doesn’t make too man…”

“Excuse me, can I order the duck confit Reuben please?” He interrupts me and I have to laugh.

“Of course, sir and you are very lucky. You got the last one.” Miles laughs.

“Great! Now what do you want for a starter?” He asks. “Are you going for the cliché and say oysters?”

“No, but they are very good. Shall we go for the grilled Caesar salad to share?”

“Perfect.”

“Gentlemen…” Vic grins at me. “Your table is ready.” He leads us to a semi private table and waggles his eyebrows at me.

“Subtle.” I mutter and feel a slight heat to my face.

“Yeah, like a brick.” Brandon smirks. “So, come on tell me about yourself.”

“Well as you know I’m an excellent wall climber…”

KINNETIC - FRIDAY MORNING

BRIAN’S OFFICE

BRIAN

Lindsay is trailing in my wake. She turned up this morning with that look. She wants something. I wait for her to take a seat and begin her spiel.

“Brian, it’s about Annalise. I can’t believe this, but I…”

“No.” I interrupt and she looks bewildered. “If you are going to ask me for her number, the answer is no. She’s a business contact and I don’t give out numbers without their permission.”

“I’ve known her since childhood and…”

“Really?” I stare at her, remembering the conversation between Norm and me after the dog walking. “As a matter of interest, why do you want her number?”

“Like I said, I’ve known her since childhood. My parents and her parents were close and I wanted to find out how her father is.”

“Her father is fine. Apparently, it wasn’t as bad as they thought. Now if you can excuse me, I have a meeting with Emmy in 10 minutes.”

“But Brian…”

“No. And Emmy won’t let you have it either. They’ve bonded.” I smile sweetly. “Besides, they haven’t moved so you can just pop round and see them. Can’t you?”

She stands up swiftly and sighs. “Yes, I may well do that. But I didn’t want to be unannounced. May I use your en-suite?”

I wave her away just as Emmy comes in with Princess Daisy. She really is kinda cute. “Break room, Emmy.” I order as he tends to get a bit distracted with her there.

“Fine!” He grumbles, standing up again. “But we will be discussing YEP in Shadyside and the recipe you want immediately! Saturday at the GLC is going to be fun! Can’t believe Annalise has got so many A-Gays and blue bloods out for this! Won’t be long!”

As he sweeps back out again, Lindsay comes out smoothing down her hair. “Well, I’ll see you later Brian. Have a good day.” She smiles.

“Yes, I do believe I will be seeing you on Saturday.” I mutter at her retreating back.

Ten minutes later, a frowning Emmy comes back in. “She had that smile…”

“Lindsay?” He nods. “Yeah, she was in here trying to get a number for Annalise, but you inadvertently told her where she was going to be this weekend. So no doubt, she will turn up there.”

“Like I said, Saturday is going to be fun!” He chuckles.

GLC - SATURDAY MID MORNING

JUSTIN

Well so far so good; the turnout is fantastic! She certainly knows some people. Oh fucking hell! I tense up as I see the two people I never want to see ever again! What the fuck are my so-called parents doing here?! I look around for Molly, but she’s on the other side and I would pick today of all fucking days to come without Hero!

I take a couple of breaths, but my hands are so clammy and I feel cold and sweaty. I know I am about to have a panic attack.

“Not here, not now!” I mutter to myself. “Just breathe, just breathe!” I try to think of my breathing exercises, but my mind has gone blank. All I can think about is how they were and now they’re gladhanding and smiling. Dad has spotted me and I try not to shrink back.

“What is it?” I hear Brian’s voice and immediately turn to him. “You look like you are freaking out. What’s happened?”

“My p-par-parents...here!” I manage to gasp out and feel myself starting to shake.

“Okay, look at me. Just look at me, nobody else.”

BRIAN

His eyes are filled with tears. I brush his cheek and give him a small smile. “In for the count of 8, okay?” He nods. “Okay, on my count, 1, 2, 3…you can hold my hand if you want...5, 6, 7 and 8.”

“S-sorry for sw-sweat.” He snatches his hand away and quickly wipes it before taking my hand again.

“In again…” I order gently. “And out.” For the next few minutes, we just concentrate on his breathing. Slowly he begins to regain some colour and the trembling is easing a bit. “Now swallow.” I wiggle my eyebrows and he snorts. “I like a man that swallows...so swallow.”

“Ne-need water.” He mutters and I signal Bucky, who then nods. “Oh god...They’re fighting, aren’t they? I can hear them!” He starts to shake again, but then takes the water and inhales it instead of taking the sips I was going to suggest.

“Am I getting rid of the two people Molly is talking to?” Bucky asks and we both nod.

A few minutes later, a mortified Annalise comes over. “Oh Justin, I am so sorry! How are you doing? Do you need to go to the office for a few minutes?”

“Please.” He says weakly and I virtually carry him out. But before we even get to the office, he stops walking. “Brian, stop. I can do this.” His voice is somewhat stronger and I wait for his next move.

“But we just want to talk to them!” The woman cries. “Molly, please!”

“You’ve been asked to leave, so leave!” Bucky growls.

“Justin! Oh Justin, please…” The woman shouts at us.

He swallows hard and shakes his head. “I don’t ever want to see you two again. You abandoned me when I needed you most. But it’s the way you treated Molly that I will never forgive you for. You have no...children!  Now...fu-fuck off!

“You will not speak to your mother like that, Boy!” The man yells, starting to advance but is stopped with one hand in his chest by Bucky.

“Yo-you’re right, I’m not speaking to my mother; I’m speaking to a woman I u-used to know and th-the same goes for you!”

“You have been asked to fuck off and you will, either under your own steam or by my foot in your ass!” Bucky growls and after a moment’s hesitation, he starts to leave before he pauses.

“We did what we thought was right!” The man said. “The scandal was…”

“He said fuck off! Bucky is telling you to fuck off and now I’m telling you!” I start to walk towards them, but he tightens his grip on my hand. “I will be advising Justin and Molly to get restraining orders against you. Expect the papers by the end of the week!”

“Justin! You wouldn’t!”

“Yes, I would! Now go!” He shouts. I try not to wince as his nails dig into my hand. Bucky follows them out and Molly comes rushing towards us. Instead of distressed, she looks...proud.

“Well done! You did it! You finally said what you needed to say!” She beams at him and pulls him into a fierce hug.

I smile as Justin rubs ruefully at the half moon indentations on my palm. “You’ve got quite a grip there. So has that been a long time coming? What you said to them?” He nods. “How’s it feel?”

“Freeing. I’ve finally closed that chapter on my life. Now let me get cleaned up and make some money!” He grins...it’s small, but it’s there!

LINDSAY

It took some white lying, but I got out of the other fundraiser so I could attend this one. Like Emmett said, the A-Gays and bluebloods are here in droves.

“Lindsay, do you know who that is?!” Norman gasps as he looks at Dusty and the well built man she’s talking to.

“No idea.” I reply.

“That’s Drew Boyd. The Ironman. I would love to meet him. Do you think you could introduce me?”

“No, it wouldn’t do. Celebrities don’t like to be interrupted at these kinds of events. Maybe wait until…” I stop and stare as Dusty turns around. “She’s judging?!” I gasp.

“Who is?”

“Dusty is judging the cook-off food! Her of all people! If anyone, it should be me...excuse me, Norman!”

I walk over as calmly as I can and paste on a winning smile. “Dusty, good morning. How are you?”

“Oh hi Lindsay, fine just fine. You looking forward to the tasting after we judge them?”

“Oh no, I couldn’t have such calorie ladened fare. Some of us want to watch our figures. May I be introduced?” I say as I eye her ugly sack shaped dress.

“Uh...oh of course, Lindsay Fukowski, this is Drew Boyd. Drew Boyd this is…”

“Lindsay Peterson-Fukowski, nice to meet you, Mr Boyd. I understand you’re an Ironman. What brings you to this event?”

“I’m one of the judges, favour for a very dear friend. Actually, can you excuse me? I have just spotted him and need to have a quick word.”

“Of course.” As he walks away, I turn swiftly back to Dusty. “You kept this quiet?”

“What?” She replied, sipping her water.

“The fact that you are a judge on this. I would…”

“You were on the other fundraiser, at your own insistence. So don’t play the woman scorned, and that passive aggressive comment, is not the way to get me to hand it over. Now excuse me. I have to speak with the rest of my fellow judges. You may know them, Emmett Honeycutt and Vic Grassi.”

She leaves me standing alone and smarting. It’s not like her usual dumpy, frumpy self to be that observant.

“Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen the judging of the cook off challenge will commence!” Annalise calls out and for the next hour, they taste and confer and I seethe with resentment as picture after picture is taken! Finally, the winners are announced. I barely pay attention, I am so incensed. But then I hear laughter and look up the stage to find Brian standing there, looking smug and Norman is shaking his head and laughing.

“What happened?” I demand.

“Brian won a prize, for best dessert…”

“How fortuitous.” I drawl.

“It was a blind tasting so nobody knew who cooked what.” He retorts.

“...sorry Mr Kinney can you repeat the name of your winning dish please? I don’t think I quite heard it right.” A voice calls out once the laughter dies down.

“Of course. They’re called Stud Spunk Cupcakes, I made them all by my widdle self. They have a rich and delicious mix of chocolate, stout and Irish cream...the cream was made fresh by me this morning!” He smirks and there is more laughter. I take a furtive look at Annalise and she doesn’t look as mortified as I feel. In fact, she’s laughing the hardest. “So what’s the prize then?” He asks.

“A cooking lesson by the chef of Liberty Fine Dining” Dusty answers and Brian turns to Justin.

“Really? And what would we be cooking?” He asks.

“Anything you want that’s on this list?” Justin replies as he hands him a brochure.

“Chicken, I have always wanted to be able to cook a good roast chicken.” He replies.

“Okay, come on then. Let’s get started!” Justin declares and I look confused.

“He gets the lesson now…” Dusty smirks. “Now as a committee member, you are required to help.”

“Help with what?” I don’t like the way she’s looking at me.

“Help to distribute the remains of the food to the kids in the rec room.”

“But I’m not here in that capacity.” I bristle.

“You are if you don’t want me to tell anyone that Gus and Edna-Fanny aren’t really sick.” She smiles.

“They are sick. They both…”

“Are talking to Norm. Kids seem to have amazing powers of recovery these days, don’t they? Now come along, let’s go.”

JUSTIN

Of all the people to win, it had to be Brian. I am so glad he chose chicken, I love roasting a bird. As we stand the bird on its rear end, he looks at me and snickers. “What’s so funny?” I ask as I take out some string and cut it into appropriate lengths.

“What’s what you’re about to do called?” He asks as he takes a pat of butter in his hand and adds it to the bowl of herbs and fresh garlic.

“Trussing.” I reply as I bring its legs together. “Always truss so that it’s tight to the body so it cooks evenly, you don’t want its legs splayed out and…”

“Oh I don’t know. Being splayed out can be fun, but the trussing is intriguing. It reminds me of Kinbaku…”

“What’s that?” I ask just watching his fingers mix the butter and herbs carefully.

“Japanese art of tying someone up in thin ropes. Personally I would use silk, in intricate patterns…”

I swallow hard and go back to trussing, wishing I never asked! “Oh, okay. So if you c-could rub the butter mix over the chicken…”

“Sure, slide it over here. Do I just slap it on, you know like lube, or should I massage it into the skin? I do like to lube my meat.” I am just mesmerised as he rubs the bird inside and out and a part of me wants to be that chicken so bad! “Justin? Justin? Where do I stick this?” He holds out an onion.

“You need to peel it and then stick it inside the chicken.” I reply, wishing he would behave as Ben can clearly hear him and is finding my embarrassment amusing.

“Cut up or whole like a ball gag?” He blinks at me.

“Like a ball...I mean whole!” I swiftly correct myself and watch him slowly slide the onion inside. “Now can you wash your hands and we will start on the side dishes! And before you ask, no we are not doing carrots!”

“Pity. I am very good at peeling and carrots have a great mouth feel.” He smirks and follows me to the sink and I try and think of anything but that or poultry porn!

NORMAN

I have just spoken to Emmy and they have raised a lot of money for YEP. I enjoyed helping with the food and could’ve wept when I saw some of the kids that were there. A couple were immediately admitted as they were so banged up. Gus and Effy are back from walking Shiitake and pushing Princess Daisy. Now, they’ve got to walk Moonshine and Blue. As I come out of the rec room, I am furious, for talking to Gus are Lindsay’s parents!

“Lindsay!” I call out sharply and she shakes her head as she is talking to someone, presumably, important. There is always the other way to get her attention. “Lindth!” I hiss louder and she is immediately over.

“What is it?!” She snarks.

“Recognise anyone here?” I ask.

“Apart from the great and the good of society? What are you getting at? I have to go back to…”

“Gus is talking to his grandparents. They either have changed their tune or is this a place to be seen?”

“Oh my God. I am going to kill him! He must have done this deliberately!” She whispers harshly and scans the room.

“Who must have?”

“Brian!” She stalks over to him. I quickly follow and get to her just as she taps Brian hard on the shoulder. “How could you?” She demands quietly.

“How could I what?” He asks, crunching on a carrot that seems to render Justin mute and glassy eyed.

“Invite my parents!” She fumes. “That is such a betrayal of…”

“I didn’t invite your godawful parents. They are the last people I would expect to see here. I don’t know if you remember the last thing I said to them, so let me remind you...I wouldn’t piss on you in a forest fire. They and my parents weren’t impressed.”

“Lindsay, Brian didn’t invite your parents; my parents did.” Annalise interrupts and Brian does little to hide his smug look. “They’ve actually contributed about $2000. Is there an issue between you and them?”

“Nothing that can’t be smoothed over.” She stammers.

“Where are they any...oh fuck no!” Brian snaps and immediately heads to Gus.

BRIAN

“Gus, can you go and check on Effy for me please?”

“Uh okay, dad. These people were asking for directions to….” Gus starts to say, but I shake my head.

“It’s okay, Sonny Boy I know exactly where to send them. Go make sure that Effy is not giving Moonshine meatballs.”

I wait until all three of us are alone for realisation to dawn. “Yeah, you’ve been talking to your grandson! And you have a granddaughter in case you were wondering what Lindsay had.”

Nancy goes pale and Ronald narrows his eyes at me. “Let’s not cause a scene.” He whispers.

“Fuck off then and there won’t be one.” I growl back just as quietly and they turn to leave. “I will stand your donation, take it back. We don’t accept money from homophobes!”

“This is a charitable foundation. It has nothing to do with being...like that!” Nancy whispers fiercely.

“You know that Annalise is gay, right?” I sneer and she flinches. “Ah, you didn’t. You just saw the name and the cache it could bring you.”

“Ah Nancy, Ronald how sad that you’re going so soon.” The woman’s voice is cold. “I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Leda, Annalise’s girlfriend, and as he has so rightly pointed out, you are leaving and taking your donation with you!”

“But…” Ronald stammers.

“Out of my baby’s premises!” She hisses.

They scurry away before she can advance further and then turns to me. “You’re Brian Kinney, nice to meet you.” She extends her hand.

“Leda.” I repeat and then gape at her. “As in Mel’s best friend, who Mel chose over…”

“Yeah. That one!” She laughs. “Now do you happen to know where my oh so gorgeous girlfriend is right now?”

“Let me take you over. I am not missing this reunion for the world!” I lead her over and Justin looks up in concern. “Tell you later. In the meantime, everyone this is Leda. She’s Annalise’s girlfriend. This is Justin, Bucky - also known as Ben - and Norman, Lindsay’s husband.”

“Hus…” This time she gapes at me and I nod.

“And here comes the lady of the hour.” I can’t help the smirk. “Keep your back to me.” I whisper and she nods, chuckling.

“Brian, about earlier…” She pauses, admiring the back of Leda. “Who’s that?” She asks me.

“Oh, where are my manners?” I drawl and tap Leda on the shoulder. “Lindsay, this is…”

“Leda!” She gasps and steps back so quick she stands on Norman’s toe, causing him to yelp.

“Watch it, Lindth! You’re not ath light ath you think!” He grumbles, hobbling away.

“Hi Lindth, interesting shortening of your name there. How have you...baby!” She squeals and rushes past us.

“You! You are in so much trouble!” Annalise giggles. “I am going to beat you black and very Blue. But before that, come here!” She growls and pulls her into a fierce, judging by the grinding, panty wetting kiss…I thought it was hot; lord alone knows what Lindth thought!

“Yeah. I think Annalise may have missed her girlfriend. What do you think, Lindth?” I smirk.