CHAPTER 17 - TALKING TRASH, OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW

BRANDON

He liked it! He liked something that I cooked!

“So what are we going to call it?” He whispers in my ear before leaning on the counter to watch me cook.

“I don’t know. Spicy eggy bacon avo savoury French Toast is a touch long!” I snicker.

“True. But how about we name it after you?”

“You want to call it the Brandon?”

“No. How about the Alex.”

“The Alex?” I frown. “Why?”

“Because it gives an air of mystery. I can say I really fancy an Alex and nobody but you and I will know what I am talking about.”

“You remembered my middle name.” I say quietly.

“7th April and green. You hate liver, love pork scratchings and bench 195.”

“He started this way…” I mutter.

“But I am not him. And I will never do that to you.”

“205...I bench 205.” I give him a small smile.

“I know, I spotted you, remember?” He replies, heading back to the table smiling.

“Fucker!”

DREW’S MANSION - SAME TIME

DREW

I despair. I seriously despair! I have been waiting for Ems to get ready for the last hour, correction, I have been waiting for Ems to get Daisy ready for the last hour!

“Ems…” I try to keep my voice nice and calm.

“I know, I know but she has to look perfect.” He grins sheepishly.

“We are going to the park for a picnic. She will get dirty, so put the suede jacket back and let her be a dog for a minute, please?” As he slowly takes it off, Daisy give herself a huge shake and wags her tail. “Yes she’s small, but she’s not a toy, she’s a dog.”

“Our dog.” He grins and takes off the diamante collar and puts on the leather one that I bought her. “Much better. Now come along let’s go, we’re wasting valuable picnicking time!”

I swat him on his ass as he sashays past me. “We will finish that later!” I tell him, but when he goes that shade of pink, I take the basket off him and place a call to Norm. An hour later, Effy has Daisy and I carry my man upstairs to finish what I started.

VIC AND MICHAEL’S HOUSE - SUNDAY AFTERNOON

VIC

Michael has been upstairs most of the day, with his Mindless Unfuckable Morons. Apparently according to sources, after we left, they have been at it again! He has been coming up and down the stairs, telling me I can’t interrupt him...as if!

He’s coming down again as the door knocks so he opens it. “Michael.” I hear the dulcet tones of Ted and Michael steps aside in confusion. “Hey Vic, the rest are on their way. Effy is waiting outside with Amy. Shall I take him?”

“Please. Come on, Shiitake!” I call out and he trots out, wagging his tail.

“What is going on?” Michael demands.

“Afternoon all!” Ben calls out as he enters.

“Uncle Vic…”

“Laffoburfa, I barely recognised you without your tutu!” Ben snarks and Ted chortles.

“What are you doing in my house?” He demands.

“Whose house?” I retort.

“Our…”

“My house.” I interrupt. “No Brandon?”

“He’s coming. Got ensnared by Effy. She’s a fan!”

“Of him?! He has girlie boy hair!” Michael snorts.

“And a Bucky, who is hung like a horse!” Brian comes in, grinning. “Not as much as a stallion like myself, but hung nevertheless.”

“My Captain, we…” Heathan calls down and Michael goes red.

“Not now!” He growls.

“But my Captain, you said to…”

“Return to base!” He almost shouts, his face is going purple.

“Yes, my Captain!” He scurries back to the bedroom.

“My Captain?” Brian laughs. “Wow is that what he screams when he’s with you?”

“NO!” He shouts and then storms back upstairs and slams the door hard.

After 10 minutes, everyone is in and the TV is on in the background. “So why are we here again?” Brian asks.

“You remember my friend Madeline Schulman from NYC?”

“Yes.”

“She’s got her Master of Wine dinner coming up, which she has every year.”

“So…” Justin asks, idly channel flicking.

“She wants to have it at LFD.” I wait for him to react and he doesn’t take long.

“What?!” He gasps. “What do you mean LFD?”

“Exactly what I said. This is a very auspicious dinner. The great and the good of wine and food will be there.” I reply. “And you can do it. Just think of them as regular Joes and cook accordingly.”

“But they’re not!” He almost screams and I watch as Brian casually puts his arm over the sofa and stroke the back of his neck. He slowly starts to calm down. “When is it?” He sighs.

I hear a creaking floorboard, which can only mean one thing... we have eavesdropper.

“23rd so two Thursdays time. We would need both sides.” He nods and starts to write things down. “From six, and it would be a reception first, then the dinner. Okay, now enough about that. I have something for you.” I get up and go to the kitchen and come back with the arancini balls.

“Truffled mushroom arancini balls. Instead of risotto rice, we have orzo pasta, Asiago cheese and button mushrooms. But wait for a minute or so they’ve just come out.”

“Oh my god!” Blake gasps, staring at the screen. “Is that…”

We all turn to look at the TV and there in all his inglorious glory is the back end of Michael over a trash bag with his tights ripped displaying his Captain Asshat pants to the world.

“Did you film…” Brian looks at Justin.

“No, I was with you, remember!”

“Oh yes, the hot chocolate.” Brian grins and licks his lips. “Are they cool enough yet?”

“Hot chocolate?” Ben gawps, reaching for a ball. “You drank hot chocolate? What time was this?”

“This morning, about two. Why?” Justin looks around in confusion.

“It’s a carb.” Ted says slowly.

“And…”

“He doesn’t do carbs after seven or drink hot chocolate at all ever.” Blake finishes.

“Really? He had two mugs.”

“Two?!” Ems gasps.

“Yes, I wasn’t exactly happy…” Justin begins.

“Why no...ah, the second mug was yours?” Ben laughs and Justin nods. “So why not just go downstairs and make another one.”

“Yes Justin, exactly why didn’t you go downstairs and make another one?” Brian drawls as Justin starts to go deep pink.

“Ah I see. He worked it off.” Brandon chuckles.

“I hate to bring the mood down, but what was he doing?” Ted asks. “What are we watching anyway?”

“YouTube channel. Oh, this is so good!” Justin groans as he finishes it. “Dumping rubbish outside of LFD.”

“Dumping...what the fuck for?” Ben growls, getting up and taking the stairs two at a time. “Get your fucking captain out here now!” He yells, presumably at the eavesdropper. “Oh never mind. I’ll get him myself!” We hear footsteps and the door bangs open and then there are muffled voices before Ben comes down dragging a struggling and objecting Michael with him. He throws him into the spare seat. “Explain your fucking self!” He yells and pushes Michael back down.

“I don’t have to explain myself to the likes of you!” He sneers and folds his arms but wisely remaining seated.

“Fine, then you can explain it to the cops, can’t you?!” Ben pulls out his phone and starts to dial, but Michael just rolls his eyes. “Yes police please, I wish to report illegal dumping that took place on Liberty Avenue this morning.” For five minutes, there is silence but his friends have now joined us...well they are hovering by the stairs, having been pinned there by one look from Ben and Drew. “Yes, it was outside the Liberty Fin...oh you saw that. Yes, we have the perpetrators here. Well at least one of them, who flashed his underpants! Yes, the address is…”

Michael slowly crosses his legs and affects boredom. “So what time are the cops getting here?”

“In about 30 minutes.” Ben replies.

“Of course, they are. Well until they arrive, I shall be in my room waiting nervously, of course!” He gets up and we’re all a little surprised when Ben steps aside to let him pass, with a snort of derision; noticeably out of arm’s reach, he heads back upstairs and his MUMs follow.

“I’m surprised he wasn’t fooled.” Blake rolls his eyes. “Worth a try though.”

“What was?” Ben frowns, reaching for another ball and savouring it before sharing with Brandon.

“The fake cop call.”

“It wasn’t. They are on their way.” He replies, wiping a stray piece of pasta off of Brandon’s lip that causes him to look like a deer in headlights.

“Can you show me how to make this?” Justin asks, looking puppy eyed at Brian, who has taken the last one. With a roll of his eyes, he hands half over earning a beaming smile.

“So are we going to talk menus for this shindig?” Ems is already pulling out his pad and settles on the floor between Drew’s legs.

“Tomato tarte Tatin with mozzarella no burrata.” Justin joins him on the floor, leaving Brian somewhat bereft as he was leaning against him. With a nod at Ted, he moves to allow Brian to set next to Drew and immediately he shuffles Justin into the same position as Ems...nobody says a word.

“Oh yes, that sounds good! But let’s talk nibbles first…”

Half an hour later, the nibbles list is done and we are on starters when the door knocks. I go to answer it and true to his word there are two police officers outside. “Is there a Benjamin Bruckner here?”

“Yes officers, come in. That’s him there.” I point to Ben.

“Good afternoon, sir. I believe you placed a call about illegal dumping, saying you have information on it?”

“Yes the perpetrators are upstairs. Would you like me to get them?”

“Please. Do you happen to know who owns the premises?”

“I do.” Justin pipes up.

“Oh, then do you want to press charges against the alleged perpetrators?”

“Absolutely.” He says after I nod.

“Oh, for fuck sake! Would you stop with this shit?!” Michael shouts.

“Uh what…?”  

“He thought Mr Bruckner was joking.” Drew explains.

“Ah I see, one moment please.” He heads upstairs and five minutes later, a smug looking Ben saunters down the stairs. “They are just getting their coats and shoes on. Justin, you will have to go with them.”

“Excuse me, sir…” The other officer interjects. “Do you have footage at all? It will go a long way to…”

“Yes. It’s monitored 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” Justin replies and there is a gasp.

We turn, as a now very much less cocky, Michael is brought downstairs with his equally stunned friends. “But my Captain, I’m going to get…”

“Sssh!” Michael hisses at him. “We are exercising our right to silence.”

“Praise Jesus!” Ems declares.

“Come along gentlemen, let’s go.”

“Wait! Uncle Vic, aren’t you coming?” Michael demands.

“No and by the way, when you come back, we need to discuss living arrangements.”

GLC - AN HOUR LATER

DUSTY

I smile approvingly at the notice and, as per usual, nod my agreement at Annalise. She is such a charmer, but kind with it. “So all businesses in Pittsburgh or just the Liberty Avenue area?”

“All you can get to put this up but not Liberty Avenue, not yet. You tackle one end of the directory and I’ll tackle the other?”

I nod and for the next four hours, we cold call hundreds of businesses, but not by ourselves. What started as the two of us, ended up with twelve of us. Odette called some of the kids from YEP to make some calls. Then Leda arrived and with the cache of Annalise’s name we made great progress.

“What about the businesses on Liberty Avenue? I don’t understand why we haven’t called them.” Tannis asks, her voice slightly hoarse.

“We’re going to go see them.” Annalise explains after she inhaled a glass of water. “Much more effective.”

“Speaking of effective, have you heard anything more from the Christian Lesbians?” I ask and Tannis grimaces before shaking her head.

“Oh, thank fuck!” I exclaim.

“Christian Lesbians?” Leda echoes.

“Yes. Apparently, they are opening a chapter in town and wanted to let us know their intentions.” I sigh.

“Which were?” Leda prompts.

“Showing the Christian side of being a lesbian, but all women are welcome. This is a secular society. No judgements, no foul just good Christian values juxtaposed with the sexuality that is entirely free for each woman to explore.”

“What a bunch of bullshit!” Tabitha, one of the YEP residents snorts. “There is no side to being a lesbian; you are either one or you’re not. And if you also like cock then you’re bisexual. Which I suspect most of whoever the fuck they are most probably are.”

“Why would you say that?” I ask. “About them, I mean.”

“There was a chapter like this in my hometown, before I came out. I thought that there was something wrong with me liking pussy so went to them for guidance. Turned out to be group of women, who once a week met up to fuck.”

“What?!” I gasp.

“Yep.” She giggles. “I lost my cherry there, third week in. Most of them were married, but within a society that wouldn’t approve of their proclivities. So they dressed it up as a Christian group et voila.”

“Hid behind a veneer of respectability.” Annalise shakes her head. “I can’t stand people who hide who they are, like it’s something dirty. Ugh.”

“So what happened, with the chapter I mean?” Tannis asks.

“Got exposed. Springboro is a small town with an even smaller mentality. One of their husband’s decided to surprise his wife at the bake...meaning bonk...sale and that was that.”

“Good evening, ladies!” Lindsay’s voice cuts through like a laser, silencing the room. “What are we doing?”

“Talking. We’ve just finished doing what we needed to do.”

“Which was and why wasn’t I called to help?” She demands.

“Cold calling businesses for the swap-meet.” Annalise replies, standing up. “But since you’re here, you’ve saved us a trip to your place.”

“Meaning?” She smiles brightly. “Oh Odette and Tabitha, so glad you are here. I want to speak to you both about being interns in my emporium. I can approach them now, can’t I?

“Yes of course, but they are already taken.” I point out and watch her stiffen. “In fact all of the YEP residents have internships.”

“All of them…” She trails off, looking a cross between constipated and incredulous. “So what are you doing, Odette, that you can’t serve in my emporium as we agreed?”

“We agreed nothing. I am going to be running the YEP Soup and Drop. Well I will be when it opens and if she’s in agreement, I want Tabs to help me. I mean, if that’s okay with Annalise; I know you had her earmarked for another project.”

“Oh fuck yeah, absolutely!” Tabitha declares before turning to Annalise. “Please can I do that instead, I mean?”

“Oh fuck yeah, absolutely!” Annalise laughs and Lindsay clutches her bag tightly.

“The YEP what and what?” Lindsay demands.

“Annalise has taken what used to be LAFF and changed it to a drop in centre and soup, but really food, kitchen. She has put me in charge of it.”

“But I need help!” She snaps.

“Too easy!” Leda snickers, earning herself a glare.

“Um Lindsay, may I ask a question? Why do you feel your little emporium requires two interns?” I know I am needling her, but I can’t help it!

“One for stocktaking and one for servicing the customers, of course!” She replies through clenched teeth.

“So what are you going to be doing while they are doing that?” Leda asks. “From what Norm has told me, you don’t get that busy. And when you did have staff, it was only one person. Why now that the workers are free, do you suddenly need two?”

“Norman doesn't know as much about my business as he thinks.” She retorts. “Now I have to…”

“Lindsay, you need to take this please.” Annalise calls out and hands her the poster.

“What’s this?”

“What it says on the tin. It’s a town swap-meet. We’re getting as many people to raid their wardrobes and…” I trail off and stare at her. Specifically, what she is wearing. “Where did you get that from?”

“What from?”

“The dress. I have seen that before, but can’t remember where.”

“Ah, you most probably saw it in some fashion magazine, it’s YSL.” She preens. “Albeit last season and…”

“Thought I recognised it.” I smile.

“Sorry, I’m so late!” A woman comes in breathlessly and both Tannis and my face falls.

“Everyone, this is Melinda Banks and having yet again been cast out in the cold; effective immediately, I tender my resignation from the board of the GLC. I am going to be working with Melinda on her board. I hope that this doesn’t cause any unpleasantness and Annalise, I still require two interns and…”

“Oh my god Leda! Leda, is that you?!” Melinda suddenly screams.

“Fuck my life, Melinda! What the fuck are you doing in this burgh?” She leaps up and sweeps her into her arms.

“Uh excuse me Melinda, but I was…” Lindsay attempts to interrupt.

“Yes, one minute.”  She waves away her words. “Lindsay, why don’t you go to the car and wait with the others? I need to speak to my wayward stepsister!”

“Stepsister?” Lindsay echoes.

.

“Briefly by marriage. So why are you here?”

“The love of my life. Melinda meet Annalise, Annalise meet my sister from another mister, Melinda.”

“Nice to meet you. She’s talked a lot about you.” Annalise greets her warmly. “Let me introduce you to…”

“We’ve already met.” I intone darkly.

“Ah yes, about that. I’m sorry.” Melinda sighs. “They tend to get a bit frothy and quite frankly up their own asses when it comes to opening up another chapter. I was so mortified when they started to spout their rhetoric! I like being the chairwoman of the board, but they don’t actually let me do anything. The moment we get in a room, they stampede over me.” She sits down heavily. “To be honest, I am getting a bit sick and tired of it.”

“What do you actually want to do with regards to helping woman and young teens?”

“To make them feel safe. My late husband was a minister. I just want to help to be kind and considerate, but they become rabid when faced with anyone that…”

“You’re on and we accept, Lindsay!” Tannis declares.

“What?” They both say at the same time.

“We have a vacancy on the board now that we have accepted Lindsay’s resignation. So you can fill it, if you want?”

“Seriously!” She squeals.

“Wait a min…” Lindsay starts to splutter.

“Let me just go and tell them! Be right back! Come on, Lindsay. You need to leave since you are no longer part of the GLC. This is so exciting!”

We hold in our laughter as a flummoxed and silent Lindsay follows her out.

“That didn’t work out at all like she planned, did it?” Odette snickers.

“Nope.” Tannis chortles. “Indeed, it did not!”

VIC AND MICHAEL’S HOUSE - MONDAY EVENING

LOUNGE

MICHAEL

I am waiting for Uncle Vic to come home. To say I am furious is an understatement! That interloper pressed charges and I got an overnight stay and a fine, well we all did. I think I managed to win them back on my side with the sabotaging of that fancy dinner idea. They now really hate the blonde asshole and Fuck-Boy-Bucky! I hear the door open and his shit-dog comes trotting in.

“You’re finally home.” I pout.

“As are you. It’s time to talk.”

“Good, I’m glad you agree. I really think…”

“Stop fucking with where I work or find somewhere else to plan your nefarious, but bound to fail, plots. Those are your options. Let me know what you decide in the morning. Good night.”