CHAPTER 29 - PICK YOUR BATTLES AND PATHS WISELY

JUSTIN

I catch his smirk and jab him in his side. “You hungry?” I smile up at him but he looks pensive as he checks his phone, which beeped at the same time as I asked the question. “What’s she done now?”

“Not her. This time, it is Michael…” He starts to chuckle. “Apparently, he got wasted after Abs of Steel and was hungover and butt naked when he came down for coffee.”

“Ugh.” I shudder. “Now I am not hungry!”

“Me neither.” He grimaces. “Hang on, untie your robe and open it.”

“Why?” I ask, but doing it anyway.

“Want to replace that image with a beautiful one.” He replies, leering down at me and licking his lips. “Much better, though, keep it open just in case.”

“Hey, what about me?” I point out. “I have to have my mind soothed as well.”

He frowns before dropping his hand into my lap. “Want me to continue to tell you what Mikey did next?”

“Yes.” I murmur as his long fingers brushes against the inside of my thigh, in concentric and hypnotic circles...

“Okay.” He moves his fingers slowly...in the same spot. “So he came downstairs but, unfortunately for him, Uncle Vic had company in the very unimpressed and bitchily amused forms of Kiki, Molly and Eric. You know he fancies Eric, right?”

“Eric is straight and even if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t be interested in Michael.” I mutter, squirming under such an innocent touch.

“Apparently, he turned his back on him and felt nauseous when he saw him in all of his glory.”

“Hmm.” I mumble and rest against him. “Brian…”

“Higher, lower or…” He asks, his voice low and as hypnotic as his touch.  “Hot chocolate with a Curly Wurly stirrer?”

“A what?” I whisper.

“A Curly Wurly. It’s a bar of chocolate…” I look up. “...well it’s not, it’s a braided bar of caramel covered in thick, decadent milk chocolate.” I can actually feel my eyes light up and my mouth start to water as caramel covered with milk chocolate is my most favourite bar in the world! I have never heard of this idea of heaven. “I happen to have bought a box when I was surfing the net for a collar for Moon…” I whimper and lick my lips. “There’s a couple in the fridge, if you want to eat a bar now or can you wait for…” I hear him howling with laughter as I run to the kitchen!

LINDSAY AND NORMAN’S HOUSE - SATURDAY MORNING

LINDSAY

I glare at my guests. “I would offer you a cup of coffee, but right now you aren’t…”

“Molly and Emmy packed baskets.” Vic interrupts. “Shall I be mother?”

“I would rather you didn’t have all your dogs in my house.” I sniff pointedly.

Leda narrows her eyes at me. “There is no all. There is only one dog in the house, and it’s not covered in fur. Though, I can’t vouch for your…”

“Majority are gay men in the room...no!” Drew interrupts her and their tittering rankles. “So on a scale of one to wow, how explosive do you reckon their reunion was?”

“On a Kocky Scale or a Brian Scale?” Ben questions with a smirk.

“What’s the difference?” Brandon frowns. “I didn’t think Kocky did repeats.”

“Ah, but he does, doesn’t he Bucky?” Emmett smiles at him and I just stare incredulously. “I have to admit that if it wasn’t for my Drewsie and the need to walk, I would go back again.”

“Glad you put me before the need to walk.” Drew smiles at Emmett. “You know, you’ve never told me about that.”

“What do you want to know?”

As much as I am loathed to listen, I am dying to hear this!

“Everything.”

“Excuse me, I would rather not…”

“Okay, for the semi-lesbian’s delicate nature and the fact that we are in her house, we will not discuss our night. But rest assured, I will tell you later.”

What?! Now he decides to behave like a southern gentlemen and remember his fucking manners?! How frustrating!

“I have no such qualms. But then again, mine is a Brian repeat story. He’s a very tender and gentle lover. Well he was to me because all the time, he was sober. Not sure what he’s like when he is hammered, horny and would fuck a dead tree with mouldy mushrooms inside…” He looks at me when he says that. “...and he would wait for you to come first. He has awesome control and this slow-slow-faster-faster-slow thrust thing that…”

“And here they cum...I mean come. You and Justin should swap anecdotes.” Leda laughs.

“As a matter of interest, Leda, why are you here in my house?” I growl.

“To make sure that one of my favourite little dudes gets out of a place where he doesn’t want to be.”

“Are you telling me that I am too much for these strong men?” I scoff.

“No, I am your guarantee that these strong men don’t give you the bitch slapping you deserve for treating Gus and Effy in the manner you have for the last few months. Actually, in Gus’s case it’s been months and but years in Effy’s. Best be nice to me.” She sneers.

The front door opens and I hear Effy shouting her hellos and then Brian comes in without her in his arms as is usual. “Where…” I begin.

“Wow, how fucked off did I sound?” He looks round the room.

“Very.” Buck...Ben replies and then gets up to kiss him hello on the lips and Brandon doesn’t react. “You holding?”

“Yeah.” He sighs before turning to look at Vic. “Will you stay?” He nods. “Okay, everyone who isn’t Lindsay go and help Gus. And Leda can you send Norm in?”

With a nod from her, they file out in silence. “What is…” I begin.

“Shut up and, for once in your life, do so immediately!” He commands. “We’re waiting for Norm.”

“Hey Brian, sorry but Gus and I got into a healthy debate about the Wii games…”

“Which ones do you want and I’ll get them for you…”

“No, I can…”

“Norm, you are allowing our boy to be removed from a toxic environment because you love him that much. So make a list and send it to me.” He holds his hands up in surrender and sits down; then Brian turns to me with that glare, inwardly I roll my eyes. “Lindsay, what the hell is wrong with you? He’s half a Kinney and it takes a lot for us to feel so much pain that we cry. Why...why would you hurt your children like that?”

“Brian…” I begin, my tone conciliatory. “We were…”

“You patronising virago!” His voice gets louder and his tone colder. “There is no we here. This is you! It is always you! You...first, last and always as far as you are concerned. This is not a recent personality trait, as you have always been mercenary and brutal. With Effy, I can see where your jealousy comes from, but Gus…”

“Jealousy? Why would I be jealous of…”

“My princess? Before I answer that, let me tell you something about the way you said that...I wanted to come back that very second and give you a slap! You said it like you hated her. And because of your jealousy, I guess there is an element of that. So, to answer your question, you are jealous of Effy because she’s everything you want to be, but are too lazy to put in the effort! When she grows up, she’s going to be a beautiful...”

“Of course she will be. I’m…”

“Will be?!” He snaps.

“Brian…” Ben puts his hand on his arm. “...hold.” Brian stops talking and concentrates on Ben. “Breathe. Talk.”

“She is beautiful now. What I was going to say before you jumped in and made it all about the appearance, was she is going to be a beautifully rounded adult. Which has nothing to do with you but everything to do with Norm.”

“Me?” Norman says in surprise. He’s not the only one!

“Yes, you. You spend time undoing the shitcrap that she does and building Effy up, and you do the same with Gus. I am and will always be eternally grateful for that.”

“I’m only doing what a good father, hell a good parent, would do. And you are a good father, Brian, despite the assertions of some people when they ain’t getting their own way.”

“Thank you.” He says as he turns back to me. “So here’s what’s going to happen today. We are going to leave you in the morass of your own making. Gus and Effy are coming with us, as in Norm, Justin, Ben and I, to the lofts to get him settled. Then, after that, what we do has fuck all to do with you. Bye Lindsay.”

I have never felt such white hot anger in my life; even angrier than when I was with Effy. This highhandedness stops and it stops the only way I know how! Attack and attack hard. “Gus is not yours! In the eyes of the law, he is not yours. You’re not even named on the birth certificate!”  

“Oh I knew that, had known it for years. Which is why I had my name added, with the help of Norm, about seven or was it eight years ago. We took Gus to be paternity tested so naturally, he’s mine…” All four of them laugh. “...and my name was added. You need to contact Vital Statistics for your copy of it because there is no way in fuck, I am taking that off the wall! So what are you going to do now? Bring up my past abuse?  See, this is what Ben is here for. To stop me from reacting to anything you throw at me. I have absolutely nothing to lose by defending myself, Lindsay...you on the other hand have everything. But you know the value of nothing unless, as Effy says, it’s monetary.”

“Norman, how could you?!” I scream and then fly at him and crack him across the face.

“Fuck, Lindsay! What the hell are you doing?!” Vic roars at me and immediately checks on Norman, who unsurprisingly for a man of his girth, didn’t flinch!

“That’s what you get for interfering in something that has absolutely nothing, nothing, you fat fucking cunt, to do with you! And as for you, Brian, you think that you have won this round? Well, you haven’t! I shall...”

“Shut the fuck up right now!” I turn around at the sound of Effy’s voice, and then yelp as her foot connects hard with my knee! “How fucking dare you hit my Daddio! Get out! Get the fuck out, you...you...malodorous cuntstain!” She glares at me. “I SAID GET OUT! YOU LIKE YOUR HAIR, DON’T YOU?!”

“Effy, do you need some help?” Leda’s ice cold voice and stare has me backing against the sofa.

“No, Aunt Leda, I got this! This bitch I can remove with one hand tied behind my back!”

“I would leave before she proves that point.” Leda sneers. “And I don’t think she means just the room.”

“Oh, and by the way, Lindsay...and I am only telling you this because I want you to ruminate on the right thing when you go to bed tonight...Emmy and Brian, never, but Kocky and I only the one night...but more than once!”

EFFY

I watch her scurry out the room. “Scuttle, scuttle away you flat assed ugly as a roach, bully!” I scream at her back. “Stay here tonight and you will have to sleep with one eye open because a locked door won’t be…!”

“Princess!” Uncle Brian stands in front of me. “Stop.”

“She hit my Daddio.”

“I know and you handled her very well, but you need to calm down now.”

“Effy, I am fine, just shocked...and very proud of you. Although, I think you may be staying up too much during poker nights!” Daddio laughs and then winces.

“Let me get some ice.” I tell him.

“No!” They all shout and then laugh. “I’ll get the ice.” Uncle Vic heads to the kitchen chuckling.

“Kocky, I think we should publish a book and call it Insults from one Princess to Her Mother. Not sure what I love best... dowager’s vagina or malodorous cuntstain?”

“Both have their high merits, but for pure inventiveness...ugly as a roach shades it for me.” He kneels in front of me and smiles gently. “You calmer now?” I nod and smile back. He looks up at Leda. “Can you take her for a walk just in case Lindsay is arrogant enough…”

“Not a problem. Come on, your Princessness. Let’s go to the dog park and you can teach me more insults.”

“Leda!” Daddio laughs and presents his slapped cheek and I frown. “Ice will help, but a kiss from my heroine will help more.”

“With pleasure.” I pucker up and then follow Aunt Leda out. My dumbass Mother sadly used common sense and stayed out of sight!

SOUP AND DROP - AFTERNOON

MICHAEL

“You are kidding me?! Oh I wish I had been there to see that! So then what happened? Uh-huh, really she did! Good on her; it’s about time someone did that! Of course, I will tell her! Thanks for letting me know. Oh yes, definitely telling those two as well!” T-Bitch hangs up, laughing.

“What’s so funny?” I ask.

“Oh something Vic just told me.” She smirks at me. “Something small, but very funny. Ah, Odette, there you are! You have got to hear this!” I immediately start to head in the opposite direction. “Oh, Michael, wait please! Have a seat, this won’t take long to retell…”

“No, thank you! I have no wish to be humiliated by you, during your no doubt, overblown retelling of my clothing mishap. Yes, I got drunk and was majorly hanging! But I have a more than average size penis, thank you, and I’ve had no fucking complaints! Uncle Vic had no fucking right to tell you about that, and you had no fucking right to start to repeat it! I have the right to walk around bare assed naked in my own home if I want! Uncle Vic should’ve had his menu meeting somewhere else!”

“Thank you for oversharing Michael, but I was not going to talk about that. I was going to talk about the exploits of Princess Effy Defenders of Daddios Everywhere!”

Not a sound comes out of my mouth, but you could fry a burger on my face! I swiftly turn heel and walk towards the back of the building, but not before I hear someone laughing.

“I am taking the rest of the afternoon off!” I shout over my shoulder.

“Oh please, let him do that girls! Maybe he can take the time to book a waxing appointment...seems he’s missed a few!” I turn to the voice and find a giggling, Molly.

“Oh look, if it isn’t Eric’s girlfriend...” I sneer.

“Yes, it is. Thank for you for finally acknowledging the truth of the matter.” O-Bitch snaps. “I suggest you go on your unpaid leave while you still have a job to come back to!”

APARTMENT ABOVE CHIQUE BOUTIQUE - SATURDAY EVENING

LOUNGE

LINDSAY

I check the bruise on my knee and sip the 2nd glass of wine. I contemplate what happened today and then chuckle. Brian will soon get bored of playing Doting Daddy and Gus will be back at home in no time. Effy will apologise for her sewer rat mouth and violence, and Norman and his corpulent girth will accept my grovelling apology as quite frankly, nobody else will want him!

My phone ringing cements my belief and I take my time to answer it. “Lindsay Fukowski Peterson...oh hello, Catherine. Yet another row with Norman. No, I’m in the apartment above my boutique. I’m not sure this is repairable. The vicious words he said to me...I just can’t...no I’m fine. It’s just so upsetting, I don’t think we can come back from this…” I weep and then smile as she invites me round for dinner.

GUS’S LOFT

BEDROOM

BRIAN

I watch my Sonny Boy get himself comfortable, and for the first time in months, he looks at peace, really at peace. My mind’s made up. He is never going back there!

“So Sonny Boy, since this is going to be your junior bachelor pad, how do you think we should decorate it further?”

“I can have anything I want?”

“Define anything?” I say warily.

“I want a pet.”

“Please tell me you want a dog?” He shakes his head.

“Fuck, you want a cat, don’t you?” I sigh as he nods and I sit next to him. “Do you have a picture of it?” He nods enthusiastically and opens his iPad and I just drop my head.

“Fine. But keep it down here; my loft is a pussy free zone!”